Preschooler Masturbating.

This is usually a sign of stress in small children. Yes see a counselor to find out if he is stressed and why he is stressed.

I think it may be time for you to see someone.

Also, it might be time to flat out tell him "No!". It's gotten to a point where it's a disobedience issue. You've told him what to do and what not to do and he has refused to do as he's been told, time to discipline.

Good luck.

is he blatantly disobedient about other things too?
if so, you simply have a discipline problem. fix the bigger issue, and the masturbation will stop being a problem.
if he's generally compliant but only disregards you over touching himself, you may need a specialist.
i certainly wouldn't tell him scary lies. you don't want to scar his psyche, you want him to listen to you. that won't happen if you are untruthful with him.
khairete
S.

I would in a loud and shocking voice, state:

"Hands out of your pants NOW! Right now. Stop it. You will not touch yourself with your hands (or on chairs in restaurants) in front of us. No, no and no."

You'll have to be firm and consistent. Do not look the other way, ever, when he starts playing with himself. Remind him constantly. I think you're going to have to add a little shock therapy to your approach to get him to snap out of his good feeling space and learn otherwise.

And he's 4? He's old enough to reason and understand your simple commands and reasons. Like, "Look son, I know it feels good. It's partly why you're here (JK)....but you will not do that in front of anyone, ever. "

And stop using the word please...please stop please. There is no please in this dialogue. This is you being mom and he listens because you are mom and know what is best and always will. Period.

Sorry, but if my son were even beginning to put his hands in his pants in a restaurant, I'd have him out of there so fast his head would spin.

Lara, you must give your son his boundaries and enforce them strictly. Any masturbation outside the bedroom is an instant offense. What are his "currency" items? (what he lives for)TV? Legos? A special toy? Video games? Those go away for each offense, immediately. No extra warnings, just "I see you didn't go in your room, it's time to put X away for today/tomorrow."

When he does it outside of his room, do not even talk to him. Just take him to his room, ASAP. Firm voice: "You do this in here. You may not do it out there." If you are out and about, the fun ends immediately if he starts touching himself. Back in the car and home. My suggestion is don't take him to anything you really need to spend significant money on. Marda's suggestion of just getting everything in containers to go is right. The trick is to leave immediately. If physically removing him from public doesn't deter him, then you do take toys/treats/special privileges away.

I was a nanny for a boy who often touched himself when we were reading stories before naptime. I would warn him once: 'That's something you do in private, so you can stop now and we can read, or I am leaving." And quite a few times, he would ignore me and I left. No naptimes stories? "The time for stories is done. Take your rest and I'll talk to you later." I add this so that you know how to handle those times when he may start touching himself while you are in his 'approved' space.

This is beyond the normal range. It's time you have him seen by a professional. He may need some counseling and some behavior therapy to help him stop doing this.

I don't mean to be rude. But i have to express my opinion.

As the mother of a 10 year old boy with a bazillion boy play dates at my house for the last 8 years, this sounds on no way normal to me.
Time to involve a professional.
Good luck.

honestly I'd punnish my 4 year old (now 6 year old) if she did that in public or in front of people. he can follow rules at 4. If you say no desert if you do that out today will he stop or does he have no control of himself. if he;'s able to stop for a reward I;'d punnish him if he kept at it during times you';ve told him not to. Not for the act but for not listening and doing it in public
He;s old enough to listen and be aware of himself unless there is some disorder that a doctor needs ot eveluate
Did you talk to the doctor about it"?

I would definitely suggest seeing a professional to rule out any stress or etc.. Anytime a person or animal etc does any particular act in a obsessive compulsive manner it’s never healthy and there is usually an underlying reason for it.

Gah,.. I REALLY struggle with this whole "masturbation is a natural thing and if you want to touch your pee pee please do it in your room." talk. I've read a lot of these masturbation posts on here and maybe I'm alone on this whole subject, but kids should be interested in things like kick ball or board games, riding their bike, drawing, sword fighting, creating, imagining, playing with dolls, etc! They should be so busy in "play land" that masturbation is the farthest thing from their brains. I know we all know masturbation is normal, but is that conversation at this young of an age really normal to have with a young child? When I grew up, that would have NEVER been said. We learned how to be polite and proper - like someone said below - the boys weren’t allowed to walk around grabbing their junk and the girls were taught to cross their legs etc. I personally feel that at this young of age it should be discouraged and is the perfect time to use a distraction technique such as “Instead of doing that, let’s do this!” For me there’s a fine line between letting your child know its "okay" if their caught doing it or ask about it etc, vs. actually being a enabler in allowing/encouraging unhealthy behaviors. Am I crazy? I can’t seriously be the only one that thinks this? I've read some posters write on here about how they have their children schedule "alone time" to do such activities -that just strikes such a wrong cord in my M. brain, and seems like it would cause more “damage” to a child in the long run then letting them just figure it out in the private world of themselves. I seriously can’t tell you enough how GLAD I am that I did not ever have that conversation with my parents! I just feel like a kid needs to be focused more on being a kid and doing "kid" things, seriously, get them involved in baseball or something other than masturbation for god sakes! What kind of TV is he exposed to? Maybe make sure the things they or you are watching on TV are appropriate - and I don't just mean you, I mean people in general.

Also? Don't feel bad for your thoughts on wanting to tell him it will fall off or get broken, I TOTALLY get it and wouldn't put the thoughts or words *GASP* passed myself if I were in your same predicament. I could pretty much bet money that my husband would say them if he thought he needed to *GASP*. But that’s the type of relationship we have with our kids. We don’t beat around the bush, we don’t make excuses, and we don’t always do the right thing the first time. What we do right, is show them that we care and try to figure our way through this mess of a world together and to me that’s what matters most. Don’t let this behavior go unchecked, he needs you now. Hang in there & good luck.

I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this, but this is not usually normal for such a young child. I have worked in the social work field for many years with children and families and if you child is always having to do it than I think something else is going on and would strongly encourage you to talk with a dr or counselor. Or maybe it is nothing, but as you stated it is becoming a problem and you need assistance. Please don't yell him, make it a discipline, control issue or tell him it will fall off by no means until you have talked with a professional. If you can maybe you tell him you will leave the public place to go home to his room if needed, but if something else is going on than even that may not work.

That is not normal at all. Yes they will try but I would not tell him to go do it in the other room. That's telling him it's ok to do. I would tell him to stop doing it. And if he dosn't I would talk to his dr to take him to a councilor and see if they can help you. Touching is normal to an extent but all the time like that NO!!!!

I agree with some of the other posters that this little boy is getting A LOT of everyone's attention by doing what he is doing. I wonder as well as others about it being a discipline problem not really a masturbation issue. He has found what pushes your buttons and he pushes them.

I would sit him down matter of factly and say in a very calm and nonjudgmental way - you may masturbate in your room and in your room only. When you choose to masturbate anywhere else XYZ will happen. Then when it happens, calmly do whatever the punishment was. you can use a carrot or a stick - Does he go to bed early that night, do you clean out his room of toys and only once he has been publicly masturbation free for a week does he get something back, etc. Or does he get a star for every day he is publicly masturbation free and after 7 stars in a row he gets a little token or treat.

I'm sure you are a great mom and this is very difficult - hang in there.

You should talk to your pediatrician about this. Now i am not saying there is something wrong with him, but this is pretty unusual. It is normal for toddlers to "explore", but to have the constant urge "to take care of himself" may be a sign that something isn't right.

Who are the parents again?

If you have told him it is only for private places have you tried punishing him when he does it in public? Take away his video games or favorite toy for a time when he does it in public, and remind him that it is fine to do, but only when he is alone.

Does he also do it at preschool?

When he does it at home do you make him stop and go to his room?

Do consequence like not having dessert work when you are at a restaurant?

Maybe letting him take a favorite toy when out in public and them warning him that it will be taken away if he doesn't follow the rules?

My youngest son loves his pants buddy too. I think it's normal but you need to constantly reinforce the privacy issue. I don't think there's any need for a specialist.