Dear All,
I need a reality check.
My son is in what is considered to be a good preschool in our area. Over the past few months I have noticed an increase in children's aggressive behavior toward one another (hitting, pushing and so forth)...during drop off. And there has been little teacher attention/discipline to these indidents. i have talked to the teachers.
There was a bloody incident a few weeks ago when one girl pushed a boy off a toy car...
I feel little has changed since the incident. There is a parents teacher meeting of all parents next week as everyone has noticed the increase in agression.. I sense the teachers will try to put the burden on the parents as they are still not disciplining.
Today was a culmination of sorts. One boy hit my son five times with a block to his chest. No one did anything. I was there. I did not want to, but I stopped it and told the boy to use his words not hit....OK. The third boy there (also around 4) says, "He hit because we do not want help (from my son)..." In essence the child justified hitting at a very sophisticated level. So I feel the children are not only learning hitting goes unnoticed, but that hitting is OK ....
In the past, I have seen one child strangle another. Two boys push together another boy. One boy throw a tody in another boys face....and more. all undisciplined.
I need a reality check here and would like your constructive input as I decide to stay or to go to another preschool.
as an aside, my son's friends are each and everyone one of them going through stressful times. one started hitting and biting his mom. another peeing in his pants....
Thank you. Jilly
Thank you already for your responses. As an aside, I think a big factor is the lack of experience of the teachers. This is their first placement. Second, I just spoke to one of the teachers (a planned phone meeting before I wrote) and had a good conversation. I shared what I wrote, including I feel they are not looking to how they are contributing to the current climate. To her credit she listened and thanked me.... I feel in sum: They perhaps have goodwill, but not the experience to put a stop.
In addition....we have a parents-teachers meeting this Tuesday....
If I were you I would get my kids out of that preschool and away from that group of kids. I really do not see it changing. Sometimes you just get a bad bunch and then they feed off of one another. And the reputaiton of a school is quite subjective so I wouldn't put much stock in that . Clearly you are not having the same experience there.
All those little scenarios point to a lack of supervision. I would say gross lack of supervision, but I'm guessing we don't know the whole story. It could be a combo of that and lack of experience with the teachers.
I used to work with horrendously abused children and they didn't act like this...only when they thought they weren't being supervised.
I would go to another preschool.
like, yesterday.
I personally would pull my child from this school if you've met with the teachers and seen no improvements. Of course there is only so much teachers can do, but your child's safety is in their hands while you're not there, and so they need to at least be receptive to changing the way they do things. It doesn't sound like they are.
The first thought I had when I read your question and SWH - I wonder if she's a first time mom?
Kids misbehave. And those teachers deal with hundreds of 4 year olds. You've dealt with one. Should you complain about a lack of supervision at drop off and pick up? Sure. But all the rest is unnecessary.
If the school is not taking this seriously, then I would definitely go to another school.
This just doesn't seem like typical behavior. I have never seen this type of behavior on such a large scale at any school any of my children attended, especially in preschool!
And you are right - I bet they do try to put it off on the parents. The less they have to do to collect their paychecks, the happier they are.
The reality is that this is not a good preschool. The teachers don't know how to handle the problem or don't care. You need to get the heck out now ahead of the mass exodus that SHOULD follow.
After you have another place secured for your son, tell your friends that you are pulling him.
It actually would not be good for all the kids to move to the same daycare. They have learned to bite and hit (biting at this age is really bad news and is totally behavioral - not like 16 month olds) and all of them descending on one new preschool will be hard on the new preschool to manage.
Please throw in the towel, now, Jilly!
Dawn
Find a new preschool. Not taking immediate corrective action to reverse this trend is unacceptable. The teachers are not accepting responsibility for their lack of discipline, which is directly contributing to the increase in aggressive behavior. Get your son out of there!
Why is your son in this preschool? Take him out, demand a refund of your money.
Well, I do agree that preschool classrooms can be prone to these types of behaviors b/c 3-4 y/os are prone to these types of behavior. I wouldn't be alarmed so much at the actions of the kids, as much as the lack of response from the staff. Generally I would advise that you sit back and let the teachers do their job after speaking with them, but I feel like in this case maybe it is time to move on. As someone else mentioned, it's possible that this group of kids is just a "bad bunch" meaning not that they are bad kids, but perhaps just don't gel well as a unit. During my teaching years, I've seen more than one class of kids that feeds off of each other in negative ways and unless the class is split up, it's hard to fix the major issues.
If you feel like you can feasibly find a new place, I'd check a few out and see what you think. Make sure to visit them and see classes in action before deciding which is best. Good luck.
Change preschools.
my friend said the 3-4 year old rooms in daycares were always like this and then when they went to the next level it calmed down a lot. If they are not disciplining and you don't like how the school is then I'd say switch
I remember your previous post very well. The parent-teacher meeting hasn't taken place yet, then? I would be clear with the director, beforehand, that the meeting is important to whether your child stays or goes. Not threatening her with departure, exactly, but lettting her know that you have seen a tremendous increase in this behavior. I assume what you document above was in the classroom? Or was it outside with other parents there and the parents (not the teachers) were expected to step in and did not?
Either way, it sounds as if your son's classmates lack maturity enough even for preschool; the parents are not disciplining; and the teachers as you note are inexperienced and don't intervene. I'd start looking elsewhere and pointedly would ask directors and teachers at other schools what interventions and disciplines they use for these kinds of things. Yes, little kids this age can be very rough, but this situation sounds excessive. Why put up with it in the name of "kids will be kids"?
PULL HIM OUT OF THERE! I would have a serious talk with the director and report the business.
At least school is almost over for this semester. Thankfully he may have different teachers next year. I think the school administration should be made aware of the struggles and have a presence at the parent meeting next week. Kids should be safe at school and not be having this kind of treatment.
I can say that in our Pre-K classes the teachers are hands on and are always on top of everything. There are very few incidents that happen while they are being watched at play.
I would find a new school.
I would take it to the director and let them know hey I have talked to the teacher and I feel nothing has changed and tell them what you have seen yourself. If they don't do anything about it or not seem to care I would take him out right away.
Good luck and God Bless!
Lots of questions here, the first being What can YOU do to support the teachers and correct this probelem??
How many children are in the class? how many adults in the class? Are all the adults equally certified? What process is there for drop off? What are the teachers doing while this is happening? What do you want them to be doing? Have you observed during the actual preschool "day"? is it crazy at story time, is it wild at snack?? Is art time insane???
I will go back and read your previous posts to try to get a better handle on the situation.
In my opinon If the doors to preschool open at 9 am and there are 15 kids hanging up back packs and greeting teachers, and then there are four moms standing in the middle of the room chatting about the new nail technician down at Magic Manicure, and 8 siblings between the ages of 6 mo and 2.5 yrs running all over, and 3 more mom's monopolizing the teachers because lil Janie's fingerpaint paper that came home really wasn't her best work and could the teachers agree to give her more time and more paint next time so that she can better fulfill her artistic needs. and oh My Johnny has been waking up a 4 am and i know it has nothing to do with the fact that i had him up until 10 pm at his big brothers baseball game where he ran around for 2 hrs and drank 24 oz of coca cola, but would you please talk to the other kids and tell them that Johnny doesn't apprecate them looking at him. and I need to pick Maisy up right in the middle of class because i want to take her to mcdonalds for some one on one time, because i've been very busy at the gym and hairsalon lately and haven't really spent much time with her.
The best drop offs are where the parent, hugs the child and leaves, wile the kid gets engaged in an activity and the teachers are free to supervise.
Perhaps you can suggest that playdough or free coloring are out so the kids are busy but sitting. and ask that parent conferences of any length take place outside of school hours.
I'll also throw out that disciplining while the parent is in the room can be very very touchy, If my child is in the room with me, I expect that i will be watching him and disciplining he, I wouldn't leave it up to the teacher.
Also, chances are you have no idea if some of these kids are special needs and the teacher addressing it AT that moment would cause a total freak out. Not that they shouldn't be disciplined but ... I"m just saying there may be more to it than you realize.
If you can identify which children in particular are being the most aggressive you could try addressing it with the director and possibly having those children removed.
like i said i'll go back an research your posts. but to me supporting the teacher always seems like first best choice.
edited-- ok i have gone back and i see there are 18 kids and 2/3 teachers. Also alot of what you are concerned about seems to be taking place outside. Is that were drop off occurs? Is it possible to bring your child later right before circle time starts?
If this is an actual preschool, i think there are solutions, if this is a daycare that you or the organization it'self is referring to as a preschool ( ie More than 3 hrs per day usually 3 days a week) then i would leave.
Last question, In my area true preschools (3 hrs per day 3 days a week) run from sept to the end of may. Is this an issue because you are re enrolling for next year or is this an issue because it is a year round program?
Please let us know what happens at your meeting. I'm sure the teachers aren't happy to go into work each day and have to deal with these sorts of incidents, so i'm sure they want a solution as much as you do. Just curious, do you know how much they are paid? and what each of their certification is??
Hi Jilly
I would consider asking for a refund due to the active violence... and nothing truly being done about it. Then I would begin to look into other schools.. This school simply isn't worth your time and money. Also, your son's safety should come first. I would be out of there.
I think you and the other parents need to bring it up at the meeting. The teachers should be stepping in at some point to not allow this behavior. If I were there I would be the one to open my mouth directly to the teachers in the class. The teachers and parents should be working together no matter who is having troubles at home.
If it doesn't change I would find another preschool.
