Daycare/Before & After School Care Worker Yelling at a Toddler

You know? She could have been doing voices to distract the kids and not expecting someone to walk in. I always did stuff like that when I read stories.

Talk to the director. Or better yet talk to the teacher. She's the one that needs to explain what you walked in on.

What you should have done is gone straight to the director and let him/her know. While I can understand the occasional "had it" moment, you don't know if others have complained or what.

How the director responds is a good indicator of the overall feel of the place. If they get defensive, I think that's an issue.

In these situations I find talking to the director to be most beneficial. I talk in a matter of fact way about what I saw and heard, including any gut reaction or perception I had in that moment. I always emphasize the well-being of all of the children as my focus.

The situation you describe is similar to a situation which recently took place at our center. We have had a crop of young, inexperienced/low experience teachers join the staff. I felt one of the staff "snapped" at the kids with a critical tone and I felt the body language of the child in question reinforced my perception. I thought on the whole the employee looked stressed and frustrated. I did not say anything in the moment to the employee. I did however make a general comment to the employee and the kids gathered along the lines of "gee it is the end of a long day; won't we all be glad for to go home." I wanted to diffuse any bad energy as it were. The next morning I spoke with the director. I said the employee may not have meant to snap but my perception was negative. Moreover the reaction of the children nearby was negative based on their body language. I offered that I could be off base but I stuck by what we say and how we act can be misinterpreted. The staff should be more sensitive to the differences between intent and perception. My perception was her actions were aggressive, frustrated, and negative. My discussion with the director was well received and I noticed our center took immediate action with all of their staff via a training session. Toddlers are a tough age but our expectations for the caregivers should remain high nonetheless. There are tools to help the staff do their jobs more effectively. Not everyone is good with toddlers regardless of training. The director should be more than capable of handling this matter effectively.

I think a lot of parents have been in your situation.

Having worked in daycare/preschools, I can tell you from an employees perspective-- I probably wouldn't want to continue to work with someone who behaved that way. I will also say that you don't know what happened beforehand... you don't know what that child's behavior was like two minutes before you came in.

So, if it were me-- talk to the director, and let them speak to the teacher about this. It may be that this person really doesn't have a strong background in early childhood education or child care. I worked with many, many people who started childcare-- including myself-- with zero education on the subject. Some of us decided to pursue it and found ways of learning and growing to become good caregivers and teachers-----and toddlers require far more adult self-regulation (yes, the adult regulating their own emotions) and social skills from their teachers-- it's a tough age to work with.

It may be that this employee needs some guidance and mentoring. Or they may need to be fired. :) Only the director can make those decisions-- saying something is the first, right step when we see odd behavior. Good luck.

One of my daughters was picking up her 3 yr old and watched as the teacher lined them up at the play area. One of the children wasn't lining up fast enough so the teacher said very loudly, 'If you can't follow directions then you go to the back of the line; as she grabbed him by the arm and walked him to the back of the line. My daughter was upset thinking about an adult talking like that to a little child. She spoke to the director when she got to the doorway and it hasn't happened again.

Speak up. The teacher may have just had an off day but you want to make sure that they know that a parent saw and that's not ok. Next time it could be your child at the receiving end of that behavior. Its no ok.

I don't know about your school, but our preschool had cameras in every room and parents were allowed to come in any time and observe the classroom over the monitors (or in class if they preferred, but the monitors allowed us to observe without the teachers knowing). I would suggest observing a few more times to see if this is the norm or if you just caught her in an off moment.

hard to say, really. it was one moment of time, observed without any context whatsoever. it could be a running joke between this teacher and that kid. it could be a clumsy attempt at humor. it could be a very kindly person who happens to have a big ol' voice.

or it could be someone who shouldn't be working with kids.

i know this much, if we fired every teacher and every daycare worker who did something that offended one parent's sensibilities, we'd all have to scramble because there would be no sane professional who would take on these jobs. we have GOT to get a bit more rational about understanding that a) kids don't break if the adults who care for them have occasional bad moments b) the best child care and teaching professionals have bad moments c) so do you d) kids so fragile that an occasional raised voice will damage their psyches are not the norm and e) very few professional daycares will 'target' anyone's child over a question.

that being said, if your gut says that this place is not safe for your child, then move her. but be sensible and non-alarmist about it. wherever she ends up, she could encounter a loud voice, a semi-nasty taunt, or an adult having a bad moment.
khairete
S.

I think yes you should talk to the director. Preschool teachers need to be loving, firm and cheerful. Not disrespectful, mean and taunting. That is awful. Obviously working with preschool kids is not that lady's calling in life.

I think you need to tell the director. Maybe it was just a bad moment, but I think it's worth checking in. Also, I think I might occasionally make a few other unexpected arrivals, like early pickup one day if possible, to see the general atmosphere in the room.

We oftentimes don't know what is going on. Perhaps the parents requested or placed some importance on using the spoon. who knows? If you feel your own child is suffering from some sort of trauma from this, I would forget it. I have worked in many situations where we assume something is wrong and find out later there was something I didn't know related to it.

It's so hard to come up with something to say in a shocking moment like this, isn't it? If I were totally unchecked and completely clear-headed, I might try to come up with something like, "Having a bad day, are we?" and look right at her. I really would have marched in to the director (no matter who else was in there) and said, "Miss Cindy needs some immediate help in the classroom."

If that didn't happen - and I can understand why your thoughts were racing and you were trying to process it all - I think you do need to go in and tell the director what you heard and saw. Don't hold back because you think your daughter will be a target. I think the one child who would not be subjected to this teacher's impatience and temper is your child. However, I think it's perfectly fine to say to the director that you you were shocked and also that you hesitated for just that reason. Say that you'd like HER to be in the classroom observing and providing immediate consultation and intervention with the teacher. Get the director to inform you of the approved techniques for redirection of a preschooler who is not doing what she should (sitting still, using a spoon, waiting her turn, ripping up papers, hitting....whatever). Ask what the steps would be (although not what she is going to say and not what is on the teacher's record - those are personnel issues and not your business, by law). You should not intervene with the teacher unless there is an immediate safety concern, although the "Having a bad day?" comment would straighten her up and stop the behavior. But I do think the "deer in the headlights" look was because she was out of control, knew it, and knew that you knew it. Ask the director to investigate and then tell you what she is doing to remediate the situation. Again, that doesn't involve being privy to the director/teacher meeting or any disciplinary actions, but you are entitled to be reassured that your daughter is safe.

Holding back on giving the staff "what for" is a good idea. Staff supervision is the director's job.

If you aren't convinced that it's being handled, you can of course report it to whatever the licensing agency is in your state. But I'd work through channels first.

talk to the teacher herself - you don't know what preceded that incident - perhaps she had told this kid every day to use his spoon, done hand over hand with him to guide him and then that day she did that and he started using his spoon so she walked away only to see him immediately put down the spoon and use his hands so she did the teaching again, and he did the hand again as soon as she walked away and so she did teaching again, she walked away, he switched to hands and since it was now 4 times in the last two minutes she kinda lost it - you don't know... she also may be pms'ing majorly, just broken up with her boyfriend and had a parent die last week and is just not in the mood today but can't afford to not work cause she doesn't get paid time off, or she has had literally a crappy morning with 2 kids having blow out poops, one barfing on her and 4 others who sneezed right in her face.... we are all human, please remember that

This exact thing happened when I came into MY son's classroom. These children were 13 months to 24 months. She was doing the same thing to him because he was CRYING. He was 15 months old and CRYING and she was in front of his face yelling "STOP CRYING!". I was so upset that it made ME cry. I went right into the director's office and told her what was going on.

I found another daycare for my son because the director wasn't willing to make a change. My other son was still at the daycare (I loved that daycare) but I would NOT have let him be with that teacher. However, in 6 months, the director fired that teacher because she continued the behavior and she was also ugly to the other teachers. That's when I brought my son back.

The director apologized to me later on for not having the courage to let go of this woman when she did. She lost other kids because of parents hearing that woman's remarks to the kids.

I urge you to start looking for another center. Talk to the director. Tell her what happened. There is NO excuse for treating toddlers this way. Don't accept it. You're paying A LOT for daycare.

Please keep in mind that this was one time. You witnessed her say something loud one time. This may or may not be the norm. We all have bad days, and it's not fair to expect daycare/preschool/school employees to never have bad days.

Also, it is possible that she was trying to be silly. At least, if you just read your quote and don't really know what tone of voice she used, it's very possible to imagine her being silly and trying to get the boy to smile and try again.

All that being said ...

My youngest had a teacher (I'll call her Mary) who did yell and say things to the kids in anger. This was in the 4' & 5's room (the classroom just before "school age"). Mary was a very nice woman, but she did get impatient with the kids. I could see myself feeling just like she did ... that's why I work with college students and not in a daycare! I probably should have said something to the director, but I didn't. One day I brought my son, and the director was subbing until the other teacher arrived (guess she was coming in a little late that day). You would think Mary would be a little more aware of her behavior with the director there. Nope! So I left the room with a little smile on my face knowing that there was no longer a need for me to talk to the director. Either Mary's behavior would improve, or Mary would no longer be in that room.

Mary's behavior did improve, but she was only at that job a few more weeks.

Honestly, I still think Mary is a wonderful person. She's just not meant to be working in a daycare center.

If you really think it's a problem, talk to the director. Just let him/her know what you saw and what your concerns are. Then let him/her handle it. It might have been a one time thing, it might be something that can be corrected, it could be a real problem. But let the director handle it.

This is very hard to judge without having witnessed it. Only you can really know what the tone sounded like. I want to think it's possible she was trying to say it playfully? I don't know. If your gut really feels she was being mean/hateful, then I suppose you have to decide whether to either A. Say something, or B. find a new childcare place. Or both.....Sorry you're in this situation. A very tough question.

Hon you really don't want to know what happens in daycare centers, you'd be floored. This is not to say they're all horrible, but the workers are over worked and tired and want all the kids to fall in line. I worked at one for a couple days, I say a couple days because I couldn't take any more than that. I cried for days for the babies and little ones.

If you don't have to have your daughter at one, then don't. If you have to have child care for her you may want to consider finding a person that will love her and give her what she really needs. Day cares are basically baby wolves raising baby wolves. Sorry.

If you saw that, just think about what happens when you're not there. I'd just find something better. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I don't like it. It would give me the willies. You caught her completely off-guard at a random time, so the chance that it just so happened to be at the ONLY moment she did that are slim. Sounds like she's an angry jerk who speaks snidely to kids when no one is watching. She wasn't disciplining him if he was just sitting there eating...not sure what I would do but your gut is probably not wrong. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing what to do in the moment. It doesn't matter. Do whatever you see fit whenever you feel like it. I'd pull my kid if I could. I wouldn't like an environment where someone is unchecked and tolerated with this type of behavior.