Hi moms,
What would you do here?
DS will be 3 in June, and has totally abandoned potty training. We were doing pretty well, and then one day, out of the blue, he refused to do it on the potty. He actually pee'd in our floor vent, and then on one of his toys. I stopped cold and put him back in diapers after that. That was about a month ago. (**no other behavioral changes, he's not sick, etc...I've looked everywhere for other red flags that it might be something else.)
I'm trying to ease back into it, but he still won't go. He laughs and runs away if I tell him it's time to try. Bribery doesn't work, he's not movtivated by sticker charts or candy. He didn't think the Cheerios in the bowl game was fun.... I know forcing the issue is futile, so I'm not trying anyother other than encouragement with him.
I have an opportunity to send him to preschool in September, but they want the kids to be independent in the bathroom. Should I wait a year, hoping that he's fully trained next year? He could really benefit from some classroom structure. But I worry about having to go pick him up if he has an accident (which will be inevitable), or him being left in a soiled diaper all day.
Thougths?
Just tell him he can't go to big boy school if he can't go in the potty. Most preschools won't take them if they aren't potty trained (with exceptions to accidents)
My son started and he was still in pull-ups. It was a REQUIREMENT that they be potty trained, but since we were working with him it was okay...and he got it 2 months later. He is 6 now and has only had 1 accident in 3 years. I think it helps to be around other kids who are doing it. I'd send him :).
Real academic preschools (not daycares that call themselves a preschool) REQUIRE kids to be potty trained. Keep working on it--you still have 3 months until school starts. If he's not ready, maybe he can start second semester.
While not ideal, I sent my then 3 year old daughter to preschool in a pull up for the first few months until she got it. She had bowel movements pretty much the same time everyday, so I signed her up for the time frame after she would go poop. She never had a poopy accident in class, and I don't know if the teachers even knew she was in a pull up because they never said anything.
Wait a year, if you really want him to be in a structured environment for part of the day then go to a day care where he can be in a pullup vs a school environment where he can not.
I would either go the daycare route or look for another type of program for him. My DD also abandoned potty training and for a while just screamed at the sight of her potty. It became a control thing - I wanted her to potty and she wanted control, so I backed off. I still get her to sit on the potty regularly, but she won't *use* it, so we are not trained yet, either. Next fall my DD will be a young 4 so I think it'll be fine. In the meantime she does playgroup, story time and Sunday School so she gets to do things and also has to listen to other people and I am not always there with her. It is not unusual for a child to not be fully trained til somewhere in the 3rd year.
If you feel your son could benefit from preschool, I would definitely find a preschool program. However, putting pressure on him (and yourself) be potty trained in time for this preschool to start September could make the training go even worse. I think I would search high and low for a preschool that will take children who are not potty trained They are rare, but they are out there. (I think some Gymboree Play and Music locations offer preschool without the potty requirement.) After a year at that preschool, you can always change schools for the following year when he's in the clear!
My middle guy started the year of school off, not potty trained. He wasnt fully trained until January. so, if you have a school/ teacher that is willing to handle a kiddo in pull-ups...go for it. she will see her friends using potty and that may be the ticket winner for her!!
A lot of things can change between May and September. I'd sign him up in hopes that he'd be potty trained. You can always back out if he's not, right?
do not plan on that daycare taking him. They've stated their policy & you need to comply. I would hate for your child to be removed from their roster due to bathroom issues.....it would affect him terribly.
Find another facility for him which will take him regardless of his potty-training status. & honestly, if he chose to pee on the floor vent & on his toys, then he's ready.....he has control. The fact that he's laughing & running away from you.....is empowering him even further! Don't give him a choice, don't let him run the show.....Peace.
If he's ready for school, you can look for a preschool that also offers daycare. They can put him in the room with kids his age who aren't trained or who are still learning. The daycare room will be very similar to preschool. Once he's trained, he can move up to the official preschool room. He'll get the same benefit of preschool, without the time pressure to get him trained.
I'd sign him up anyway. Don't give the toilet training issue too much attention right now, if any. Get some pull ups this fall if he hasn't transitioned back to going in the toilet over the summer. It sounds like using the bathroom has become a control issue for him right now. Let it be HIS decision when he wants to go back to using the toilet. A few playdates with some other kids who use the bathroom (while he is being changed), plus being around a whole classroom full of kids using the bathroom when preschool starts using kids just may inspire him to want to be like his peers. Good luck!
