Preparing Kids That I'll Be Gone for 2 Weeks

N.:

A four year old can understand a lot of things. Tell her the truth.

Mommy is going to a Dr and i will be away for two weeks. Daddy will be bringing you to see me on this date. We will talk every day on the phone (if that's a promise you can keep).

Your son - keep it as simple as possible, much like for your daughter.

In the meantime - if they can tell you are sick - if that's the case - then reassure them that when they see you next that you will be on the road to recovery! YAHOO!

I hope things go well for you.

Best regards,

Cheryl

I don't see getting into it with your children. They don't understand extanded time at all and it will only upset them. You taking about will make it seem long even though it's only 2weeks will make it seem like forever. So i think i would only tell them you will be gone a few days and they will stay at home with daddy. Tell them you need to see the doctor so he can fix you and in the mean time you will be spending time with daddy. He will bring you to visit from time to time. If you go to long into it they will understand you worry and will worry also. The amount of time since they don't understand will be the basis of worry for them.

My husband went away for 4mo. when my daughter was 2yrs old and strangely enough she didn't notice. I mean she did she talked about it but i just said he had to go away for a while. She was happy with that answer. We didn't have any notice when he left he just disappeared. I was shocked as to how well she took it. My husband was hurt saying she wasn't bonded to him but that wasn't it. She trusted us and knew if there was something to worry about we would have said something. Now that she's 6yrs old she doesn't seem to remember at all. Good luck

Good idea about recording yourself reading them stories. Also, leave little messages on pretty sticky notes all over for your 4-year-old to find, in places that will be nice surprises for her -- like in her sock drawer, under her pillow, inside her shoes, inside a favorite book. You can leave the first few before you go, then have your husband place others so she finds one or two each day. (And he may have to help her find them later.) If she likes jokes or a certain comic strip etc., clip the strip and leave it for her, or write down jokes on some notes. My daughter loved this when she was 5 and I unexpectedly had to be gone for a week. It gives the child something upbeat to look forward to each day, and the hunt for the note becomes a game. Good luck with your treatment!

Spend as much time with them as you can. Tell them Mommy has to go away for a bit, but when she comes back, she'll feel a lot better. Meanwhile, we're going to enjoy every minute we have. And, wherever I am, I love you and will be checking up on you. That's probably all a 4-year-old can understand right now. They will pick up on your tone that you are not afraid and they should not be either. As for preparing the household, you might want to make meals and freeze them, inviting your 4-year-old to help. Try to keep the household routine as normal as possible, even while you are away. If you read bedtime stories, maybe you can tape record yourself reading a few of their favorite stories? Plan to call them at certain times in the day? Let them know that if you don't call, it's because the doctor is asking you to take a nap. They should understand that, as you have implemented naptime at home, I'm sure. I don't know if they will have Grandma around, but maybe having a consistent adult during this time might help, too. I had surgery when my daughter was 3, and we had my parents stay while my husband ran back and forth to hospital. My parents reminded the children not to grab me or lay on me when I got home and I was surprised that my 3-year-old was able to show care and concern at such a young age. My 8 yr old son would read to me and they understood when I needed sleep. Take care.

You've had some great suggestions - spending extra time, talking about it calmly with them, recording stories. I love the idea that they open or get something from you every day.

One thing I'd say is that little ones have no sense of time, so I would suggest creating a way for them to "see" the time left until Mommy gets home. You could draw a special calendar and have them cross off each day. Or have a shoe box with an envelope or package for each day. They open one thing every day and they can see the time/envelopes disappear. That will help them understand that it's not forever, and help them focus on the fun part - your homecoming. I think there are probably some good kid books about a family member going to the hospital that might be helpful to read before and while you're gone.

The only thing that I might suggest you shy away from is the phone calls. They may go great, or it might just make you or them too sad. Talking to someone far away by phone can be comforting or it can make the separation too real.

But you know your kids best, so whatever you decide will be just right for them.

My first advice would be for you to RELAX. You are not abandoning them, their Dad will be there for them and with them. They may be upset for a bit, but my experience has been at those ages, they may ask where you are, but unless they are completely attached to you and have NEVER spent any time with Dad, they won't notice much. Your worrying about it will only delay your recovery! You can leave them post-its, or you can just calll them at bedtime if you are up to it. I have a feeling that this is more of a concern of yours and they will not remeber it the next month. I hope that everything works out ok with your procedure.

Try fixing them something special from you that they can have each day you are gone. It doesn't have to be expensive or even purchased-a poem about them, a picture you have drawn for them, a card, their favorite food that you make-prepped ahead of time and frozen so dad can reheat it. Another thing that might help is if you read them a bedtime story each night-if you don't have phone access record yourself doing so and have your husband play it for them. You could even record them video messages for each day.

N.,

I agree with the other post. Spend as much with them as you can and tell them that you will be away for two weeks and emphasize that you are coming back. Also, don't underestimate your 21 month old. They understand very well that mommy has to go away. Call them as often as you can while away and they will be fine.