Toddler - Two Weeks Without Mommy and Daddy

When I traveled in the past and left my two young children
behind, I made a book for each of them. Each page
represented a day of the trip, describing what I might be
doing and had a special message for them for every day. It
helped them to connect with me even though I wasn't there
with them.

A pshycologist told me that you should leave your child one night per year of their age. So, three nights for a year year old.

When my husband and I travel, our children stay with my mother. We call at least once a day and leave one small present for the children to open each day.

Hi H.! The year before last, my DH was playing in a band that got booked in several countries in Europe for a 2-week period. Our DD was 3 1/2 and spent 1 week with my in-laws and 1 week with my parents.

One thing I did was to go and get cheap little goodies and toys for her - theoretically, to give her a little something from Mama and Daddy every day.

Little books, paints, crayons/coloring books, toys/kid jewelry....things that would help her to remember that we loved and missed her but also to help keep her occupied (which also helps the caregiver)! I put everything into one big bag and told the grandparents to pull out one thing each day and to let her know that it was from us.

We also called her every day while we were gone -- I know, the phone bill was outrageous!! But it was so worth it to hear our little one's voice while WE were feeling homesick for missing her. And it helped things to not seem so "final" - like, Where have they gone?! They're never coming back! We were able to chat with her and talk a little about what we were doing, and of course how much we missed her. I do not regret one penny that we spent on those international calls. NOT ONE.

Oh, p.s. I packed a picture of DH and me in DD's suitcase so that she would have it to look at whenever she wanted, too!

This may sound strange but what has worked with us which is not speaking directly with our children when we are out of town. My husband and I take vacations without our children once a year if it is where we can. We call regularly to make sure our kids are okay and find out what they are doing but if we talk directly to them they get homesick. My niece stays with us for a week over the summer and she is the same way. If she talks to her mom or dad then she gets a little sad but otherwise she is fine. A child as young as yours won't grasp the length of time you are gone which will may make it easier. Good luck and have a great vacation!

Be sure to take a pillow...maybe yours with a pillow case that you or hubby has slept on....your smell will sooth....! Spray the "blankie" w/your perfume or something that will be a fimilar smell to them. Don't forget their favorite toys,etc..start preparing now...make a book or story about an "adventure" & write out your plans & the happy ending of coming home to her....read it every nite until you leave... Your very lucky to have someone who will "fill in " for you! It will be a good trip for everyone....! Record her favorite stories or just a conversation to her on a mini recorder to send with her. Good luck!

Hi i have had similar worries about leaving my children. The best thing we have been able to do for them is make a schedule. Give your toddler things to look forward to ie plan with the cousin a day at the zoo or the park, this way the toddler is not focusing on you being gone but instead the fun she is going to have. If she still seems reluctant for you to be gone, one thing we have done for our daughter when her daddy is gone for long periods is make a calendar for her to keep with her. That she can, with help from the cousin, cross off each day so she can try to visualize your return. She is a little young to completely understand time yet but seeing it on paper will really help her! Hope this helps!!!

Hi H.,
When my oldest son was a baby and I left him with my mother in law for a few hours he would not sleep until I came home. I was concered I would never be able to leave him. Then I was told the next time I leave him put something by his crib that had my smell on it. From then on when I left one of my babies somewhere I would leave the gown I wore the night before and they sleep thinking I was there. I left them with a friend for a couple of days when the youngest was 3 years old, she put my gown next to him at night and he slept all night. It worked for both of my boys, even when they were toddlers. Good Luck and have a wonderful trip! C.

Try leaving a photo album with pictures of you and your husband with your daughter. When my daughter and I were away from my husband for two weeks, we scheduled daily calls so that my DD could speak with her Daddy. Of course my daughter is only 19 mo. Hope that helps some, and have a good time on your trip!

H.,
How wonderful - take the trip - never turn something like that down. However, I will tell you that I think you need to be prepared for a perhaps "cold shoulder" when you come home. When I left my 1st child for the first time - just a weekend - she was with my mom and when we came back she acted like she didn't know who we were (although she couldn't take her eyes off us). She was being coy and after an hour or two was excited we were home and back to herself. Similarly, I have left mine since with my mom for a few days (I have 3 now) and get similar responses. I am now prepared for it. At the time, being my first, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I never imagined she would "brush me off" - she was only 2 yrs!

Just be prepared - it might happen and it might not. It should not affect your decision to go. You deserve to do for you too!
B.

My mom traveled a great deal when we were younger and any time she was out of town, there was an envelope for each of us to open from her for each day she was gone---we usually opened them in the mornings. The envelope would have a short note to be read to us and also a little gift/surprise that she called "happies from mom"---stickers, colored pencils, tickets to the amusement park (if she had already planned for our caregiver to take us), candy, etc...
Having all the envelopes helped us to track when Mom was coming home instead of using a calendar and the envelopes.

first off all I would make a chart of the days you will be gone so that your child can count down the days until you will be home. Second let her take some of her fav things if they will be staying at your cousin home. 3- if they is something specail coming up like the circus that they would enjoy wait you are gone, that way she will have something to look forward too. And lastly e-mail or call her dayly if possable. Also have a great time enjoying your time with your hubby knowing that you left your blessing in good hands.

i think your child will deal with it better than you think she will... but here's an idea buy a small calendar with her favorite character on it you can find em at almost any walmart. and have your cousin help her mark off the days until you will be back so in case she does ask when is my mom coming back she has something to look at instead of someone just saying you'll be back soon

H.
It is good to get away just to the two of you to regroup as a couple. If she is in good hands trust that she will be okay. But somethings that you can do is leave a picture of you and dad with her and a voice tape of you two that you tape of her favorite bedtime story or a favorite song that you sing to her. Hope this might help. You two have funny.
T. K.

When I had to leave my toddler (just with Daddy) for a few days I made sure she had one of my t-shirts (that I'd worn and not washed) to sleep in - that way she had my scent all around her. I also had prepared letters for her for each day I was gone (which Daddy slipped in with the daily mail) ... it gave her something tangible (besides a daily phone call) to look forward to and hang on to.

If you read to your daughter at night and own a camcorder, this is something that the deployed U.S. troops do for their children. Record yourself reading three or so different books so that they can be played for her on a laptop or even the recorder itself at bedtime! Hope it helps!

I left my 13 month old for 2 weeks with her Dad and grandparents so I could go to Europe on a concert tour with a college choir I was in. I felt horrible and selfish, but it worked out fine, I was more miserable than she was. She is almost 6 now, and doesn't remember, but I do. I had a great time though and going on a 5 country European singing tour was a once in a lifetime thing for me.

I went on vacation for a week when my twins were 3 (last summer)they stayed with their grandparents (both sets, they live very close and traded off a few days each) and they had a blast. They didn't want to come back home with my husband and I cause grandparents were way more fun than us. lol

If you trust the care giver, they should be fine. Just make sure she has all the emergency contact info, Dr, your #s, etc. and knows her likes and dislikes in the food department. The first couple of days may be rough after that if she's like my kids she won't want to go home with you when you get back. :)

One thing you could do to ease a seperation like this is to leave a picture of yourself and your husband with your child. Just take a picture of you two and cover it with laminating paper so it won't get torn. Give it to your daughter and tell her that whenever she misses you she just needs to kiss the picture. She can take the picture with her anywhere, even to bed. We did this with our daughter who was hesitant about starting pre-school and it worked like a charm. Her teacher let her leave the picture in her cubby.

Hey H.....just a thought here....is it really your daughter and cousin that it's going to be hard on or is it you that it's going to be hard on.....it's perfectly natural but still.....just a question....

I would make sure that she is busy with fun activities while you are gone.. i would also suggest that at bed time you and daddy call your child and do your regular routine on the phone. also a picture of the both of you might also help..favorite stuffed animal etc...good luck

Your daughter will be just fine. If she has a toy or blanket she sleeps with be certain to pack it. I always feel a little guilty about going on trips without the kids also but it is GREAT for you!!!! And when you return you'll be back in the home routine quickly.

I would say if at all possible for your cousin to come to your home to keep you daughter. That way she is in her home with her bed and toys. Call her and talk to her and you might even pick up some post cards and drop one in a mail box for her to get. I know my kids have always loved to get mail. You could even take pictures of you and your husband on the trip and email them to your cousin so she can share them with your daughter. Be sure to pick up some extra special happies to bring home.
Have fun she will be fine and will be glad when you return.
M.

Hi H.,
I have a suggestion-I am trying to learn to be organized and I do the FlyLady thing. In her "Control Journal" they have a section about a "family Yellowpages" in this area they have any pertinant phone numbers-including Dr, playmates, and Poison Control- numbers You may have already compiled to have in one place, print out a copy for her.
Include at the top of the page: HER ADDRESS, in case she has to call 911-if she is upset she might have to think about it.
Also, put in this list a set of her usual routines and foods she likes (she likes Bananas for snack in the morning, or whatever). Also, if you have a regular meal plan at home-include stuff like Monday is "Crock-Pot" night, Tuesday is Spegetti, etc...
Also, if you want to do this, tell your cousin that it's not a criticism of how SHE does things, just some idea of what your daughter is used to-she won't have any issues with her until after the first few days and if she Knows your child's routine/favortie foods and what she is used to eating, if you have special nights for things, she will be better prepared.

For your daughter, give her a picture of you and your husband and if you have anything you can record your voices on, do it-tell her whatever (We Love You, Miss you etc...) then if she misses you, your cousin can show her the pic and play the recording of you and her Daddy.

This is what I came up with, Hope it helps!
C.

My daughter was a little older the first time she was away but some of what we did still might help. I had a calendar where she could keep track of the days, I gave her a necklace that we went through a little ceremony with where I put all my love into it and put it on her and she then decided she wanted me to have a necklace from her so we did the same so I could have a piece of her so I wouldn't be lonely or afraid. Then I made a CD of me singing lullabys to her and also reading a couple of her favorite books onto the CD so I was still reading to her every night like we usually do. Beyond that just make sure she has her favorite stuffed animal or blanket (or both) prepare favorite foods, make sure your cousin is aware of routines, etc. to make sure as little else changes as possible besides you being gone. Something we did later not that my daughter is older is we got the web cams and we talk with her on our desktop and I have my laptop w/ webcam no matter where I go. It will be fine, try to relax as our children pick up on our apprehension. This is going to be fun for everyone! Good luck!

leave a picture of mommy and daddy. also read her favorite stories and tape them. one for each night if possible