Pregnant..... Unsure What to Say to Children.

Well since you have so many maybe you could not tell them, and just see if they notice another baby in the house? ;)

In the end, they'll love their new sibling. :)

Aaaaw, don't worry Mom, it'll work out! You're just a little overwhelmed at the moment.

Maybe you can let them vote for what the new baby's name will be?

Congrats and strength to you!

:)

There is no way to explain this to your kids in a way that won't make them feel like their feelings have no value. You promised them family time, they said they feel like their family is too big yet you just went and made another one. I know it is just an innocent baby but you have pretty much said we don't care how our large effects you, we like making babies, it makes us happy and only what makes us happy matters. That may not be your intent but that is how your kids are going to feel.

The younger kids may have the same feelings as the older ones, that you are already spread too thin. They are just not old enough yet to figure out you have control over that like the older ones do so they haven't said anything.

I guess I am saying there is no way to sugar coat this. You kids are going to be unhappy so I guess just tell them and let them adjust. Just don't lie to them and say everything is going to be the same because they know it isn't, ya know?

I agree whole heartedly with Jo W. They are going to be unhappy and feel that their feelings don't count. They already told you how they felt and here comes another one! I think they're valid in feeling like what they want or how they feel doesn't matter to you. And there is no way you can tell them anything about how things won't change much with a new baby - they've been through it numerous times and they KNOW how much things will change. They also know that your statement that you are going to spend more family time is now null and void. Yes, you probably will stay home more when the baby is born, but you will be giving your attention to the baby so it won't be the "family time" they thought it was going to be.

Yes, they are going to be mad; may very well resent the baby. Those are their feelings and I believe they are justified. You'll just have to learn to deal. You can insist that they still respect the family, but you can't insist that they change their feelings.

Good luck!

just tell them... you cant beat around the bush.. if your finacially stable it should be an issue. but maybe for your sanity after this baby maybe have a tubal. please dont take it wrong im not tryying to be rude but you do have a large family

First of all, congrats on the new baby! You will figure it out, and it will take effort on the part of you and your husband, but you can help your older kids through it.

I read some of your other posts and saw that you have a 7000 sf home, so I know space is not a concern. Do you rely on the income from your dance teaching to survive? If not, I would cease that until you have more free time for it. If you DO rely on it, are there areas of your life that you can cut back on so that you don't have to do it so much? It is a wonderful thing to be able to teach, but at the same time, when your children are begging for your attention, their time needs to be your top priority.

Promise is a promise. And you pretty much negated it.

And this is why kids learn to NOT trust their parents.

They'll be mad...and who can blame them? Moving them, trip and false promises equals unhappy kidlets. And I'm not trying to be harsh but all the wishful thinking in the world won't make you having a new baby "change as little as possible".

Suck it up. Life is full of things we can't change. You're children will adjust accordingly.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Hey, you guys are thrilled -- the kids will live.

"Explain to them that little will change?" That's not true, but it will be good. Don't worry about them, they will be fine. When they have their families they can do it their way. Meanwhile, you and dad get to have it your way.

Spend more time with them if you feel they need it. You should do that no matter how many kids you have. It's nice that you are concerned about their feelings, but there are way worse things in life than a move, school changes, and a trip to Germany (that's a good thing, IMO).

Don't overprotect your kids, mom! Studies have shown that some adversity during childhood is actually good for people, and makes them more competent and happier adults.

It's all good! Tell your kids, "Hey guys, guess what, I know you think our family is too large but, you're going to have another sister or brother!" Congrats on your baby, and don't worry.

Be prepared for the older ones to be unhappy. Tell them you don't expect them to be overjoyed right away, but they need to get used to the fact that they're getting a new brother/sister. It will take a while, and you should really try to focus on getting that extra one on one time with each of the kids, before the baby comes!

Congratulations!

Promises were broken? The kids won't trust their parents? Are you serious people? I think those comments alone are silly. When did we, as parents, give up control of the house to our children?

Your kids had to move? Big deal. Happens all the time. Granny is sick and a trip to Germany has been planned? Are you canceling the trip? I don't see where you aren't going to be spending time with the kids.

Really, lets get some perspective here. You are the parent, they are the kids. You are the boss not them. I didn't realize we had to ask permission of our children to have additional children. I'm sorry they will be unhappy but guess what? THAT IS LIFE. They will get over it.

I would just tell them and not worry too much about their reaction. It's not like you can go backward. From what I have been told about big familys is one more usually does not make a lot more difference. Congrats!!!

Good luck and God Bless!

Congratulations on your new baby! I am the youngest one of 6 girls and my husband is one of 10 (6 boys and 4 girls). I am so close with my sisters. They are my best friends. I am especially close to my oldest sister who always made it clear when we were growing up that we would have more money if Mom and Dad didn't have so many kids! As adults now (I am 41 and she is 53), I want to say, "So which ones of us would you not want to have????"

Anyway, babies are a joy and the older ones will come around...maybe not right away but eventually. At 11 they can't know what it all means. They see that they could have more or get more attention if there were fewer kids but that just isn't how it is meant to be. There are plenty of only children who have to do without.

Instead of seeing the changes and the trip to Germany as burdensome, maybe start talking about these things differently...use different adjectives around the kids to change everyone's perspective. For example, use words like "exciting," "trying something new," "variety is the spice of life." Help them see that the changes were for their benefit. As for the trip to Germany, though for a sad reason, maybe you can make the trip fun by adding a side trip/adventure to the Black Forest or some other cool place in Germany. My kids would die for a trip to Europe.

Next, try letting each kid pick a family field trip...one may choose hiking and everyone goes whether they like it or not because the next one gets to choose the next adventure...say, ice skating. Maybe let each child pick once a month...spread it out and it doesn't have to be expensive but just something to let them know that you are interested in what they are interested in; that just because there are many of you, each one is loved as if there were only that one. Maybe you and your husband can take one out on a special night to a movie or to McDonalds to just listen to that one child.

Good luck and God bless!!!
Z.

Just tell them matter-of-factly. It's not up to your kids how many children you have. I believe kids deserve to have some input in the family to a certain extent, but not deciding how many kids is enough. Don't act sad about it or disappointed. Stay positive, and they will too.

I think you'll be able to keep your promise of staying home more and having more family time, because nothing ties you down to the house like a newborn.

If you really feel done after this one comes, then perhaps a permanent form of birth control should be considered.

You might want to take into consideration that this may send your kids a larger message about family planning. I don't think kids should make decisions like how many big the family should be, but after talking to them about family size, saying you respect their wishes and then "oops", getting pregnant again, doesn't really tell them that they can have the ability to plan their own families. I'm not judging you, just saying if I was a rebellious teenager, I'd be throwing that right back at my parents.

Just a thought.

Tell them that you and DH are excited about this baby. Tell the older ones that they may take the time they need to process the new info, but that there will be a new family member and that you expect the same respect for the family as always. I would look for ways to stay home more, offer them stability and those things that you promised. Maybe sit with the older kids and find out their top desires and how that might be incorporated into a family of 9.

Be honest and expect some backlash because promises have been broken therefore their trust in you and your hubby is broken. You have some relationship repair to do with the 6 children you have. Please listen to them, validate their feelings and communicate with them. They will feel betrayed because life is turning upside down again.

Adjustments will have to be made by everyone. Work with the children to rebuild trust. I certainly hope you are financially stable enough for another child.

Best wishes.

My stepson was an only child for my husband and his 1st wife. He LONGED for a sibling, specifically a brother. He even wrote a paper about it in elementary school. Just after his 12th birthday, my husband and I had a son so now he has a 3 yo brother. He is always saying, "Why exactly did you guys have him?" The point is, kids always want what they can't have...it's human nature. When your older children are 35 and all of the siblings are grown and they are surrounded every holiday with neices, nephews, cousins, brothers, sisters, grandparents, parents, etc. they will realize how extraordinarily fortunate they are! I would give my eye teeth to have that (see, you always want what you can't have, human nature - LOL)! As for timing on telling them, I would wait as long as you can. If you can hold out just awhile maybe life will feel a little more settled. Either way, greet this news with joy as you are carrying new life which should always be celebrated!

HI, Dancer:

1) There seems to be a number of expectations placed on your children.
2) There seems to be a number of expectations placed on yourself.
3) Something has to give. (Maybe the trip to Germany has to be cancelled).
4) The family decision of keeping the number of births to 6 was disregarded.
5) How do you make amends for the disregard for the family's request?
6) It is not about excitement, it is about respect.
7) How to handle this dilemma is to have a circle dialogue with a mediator.
8) A basic trust has been broken.

Good luck.
D.

tell your child that said your family is too large that it is not up to them ! nobody asked their opinion! whoever heard of a child saying such things, i my day the kid would have gotten a bar of soap in their mouth ! ok, now, i know i need to translate this into new age parenting speak.. tell the child that"gee, let me guess, you think we should have stopped after YOU, dont you ?""did you ever think that your older sibling MIGHT say the same thing ?", pause for five seconds while the child stops and ponders EXACTLY what you mean, then go on about your business, your pregnancy, your business.
K. h.

When I worked at a juvenile detention center, there was a client there who drew and wrote poetry. I was having a bad week and he could tell. He drew me a picture of a broken down city with a house left in ashes. At the corner of the picture was a burnt rose bush with one red rose left unharmed. He said this rose represented me and that even though "my world" was is ruin, I was that rose.

....so is your baby

Nanc

Wait until it's abundantly clear-and congratulations!

Do you have 5 or 6 kids?