Pregnant and Needing Advice Badly

All of that worrying is too stressful for one prerson to handle alone. Stress itself can lead to other physical issues. Your pregnancy is a reality and you should be honest with your boyfriend. This is something that you should go through with him. Even if he is stressed, at least you will go through it together. My children are 11 months apart and I too had a bad first pregnancy and he was born prematurely. Just let him know...ultimately you will feel better mentally. Physically, you will need the help! Best of luck!

Dear K., First of all, congratulations! A baby is a miracle, even when the gift is given at an inopportune time. Make sure you see your OBGYN early so they can help with any possible risk factors you may have. Just because you did with your son, things may not be the same with this one. When it comes down to it, you have a baby on the way... end of story. Everyone else can deal with it .. or not! I wish you all the best. Things have a way of working themselves out. Saying a prayer wouldn't hurt about now. Remember, you will think back one day and laugh at this. We all do. Don't forget to discuss birth control methods with your OBGYN after you deliver. Mirena IUDs are really popular right now and will prevent pregnancy up to 5 years if you leave it in - just FYI. Best wishes and God bless. L.

I have a friend who is a single mom of 4 boys under 10 and 3 of them are triplets!! I'm a firm believer in God does not give you anything that you cannot handle.

Every pregnancy is different. You may have a text book one this time around! If not, you WILL get through it. One year from now it will just be a memory. 18 years from now you will have two high schoolers to help you around the house ;-)

Pull out that inner strength, toots. It's in there!!

I wish you the very best. Please keep us posted. (And start planning what you are going to use for birth control when this one is born! LOL)

Hugs to you,

K.

First let me tell you a little bit about my family....I had my first son at 22 I was newly married, I found out I was pregnant again when my son was 8 months old. I was a little scared a worried how to take care of 2 babies. When my sons were 2 years old and 9 months I found out I was pregnant again! This time I was so freaked out, I actually thought of having an abortion. I was concerned how we could do it financially and emotionally. I felt like I was giving my boys all I had. Well I found out I was having a girl and my whole attitude changed about the pregnancy. I was scared to tell my family - I was afraid to be judged. Now my kids are 6, 5, and 3 and I wouldn't change anything. I couldn't imagine my life without any one of my kids.

I would talk to your doctor regarding your sickness during pregnancy, I'm sure they will watch you closely to see if it will reoccur.

Good Luck!
Sam - Mothter of 3

Well 1st things 1st, if your bf doesn't want any more kids, give him the number of a uralogist and tell him to go get snipped! It takes two to make a baby, so he's wrong if he tries to make it out like getting pregnant this second time is your fault.
As far as getting sick during the pregnancy or the health of the baby, much better questions for your doctor. You can hold off on some of the financial burden by breastfeeding. I imagine you already have a ton of baby gear, so that's good.
If you're nervous about telling family, wait until you enter your second trimester - it'll give you more time to deal with the pregnancy too. Of course if you're throwing up multiple times a day, it might be obvious what has happened :-)

Honey.... You need a lot of support right now. If you can't get it from your family, boyfriend or church, ask your gynocologist for a referral to either a support group or a therapist (hopefully your insurance will cover). You are in need of making many decisions but first and foremost is how you are going to deal with this pregnancy. It is not my job to preach to you and I don't claim to have all the answers (I too had a surprise pregnancy) but you've got to get your "ducks in a row" now..... Don't wait. Get help and allow others to help you as you move ahead with yours and your children's lives. God bless you!

Hi K.,
I had a 7 month old son also when I got pregnant too, I had a girl I was young, yes I was married but we struggeled, we made it through, she is the best. I am on this site because my son is now 29 and he is having his first child with his awsome wife, I hope the best for you. I have to think you already know this new baby will be with you for the rest of your life. Its what I know I have and its somthing you will have too! Hang in there you will be glad you did! P.S. your boyfriend (Husband) and SON will be too. Take care.. Love D. Ketchen

Hi K.,

My sons are 10 months (that's right, 10 months!) apart! Both were early (My oldest was 4 weeks early, my youngest 6 weeks early). So I understand! Did I mention I'm a single parent?

While I wouldn't reccomend having babies so close together, it can be a good thing.

My boys are 8 and 7 years old now, and they are so cool! They are good boys, they play together (and fight of course). I love them to pieces and I'm thrilled they are so close now. It's when they are babies it's challenging, but I love them so much it's worth it!

It's scary, and it will not be easy, and there will be days where you will want to run away and never go back. BUT, you just have to build a support network around you (family, friends, etc.) to be there for you when you need them. You need to let your boyfriend know soon.

Marriage is not necessarily the answer either. If you are not both 100% ready to marry, or if you marry for the wrong reasons, that could potentially backfire. Your family might be upset at first when you tell them, but they will get over it - what choice do they have?

My little one was early and spent time in the NICU, but no two pregnancies are alike. My first was flawless, and he just came early for no good reason, relatively uncomplicated, no time in the NICU. My second, was Complication City, and spent time in the NICU, but he eventually came home and is as active and healthy as his brother.

The bottom line, buckle up for the roller coaster ride of your life, there will be ups, there will be downs, but it is what it is, and in hindsight, it won't be that bad, even if it looks scary now!

Good luck to you and keep us posted!!!

Hi K.
I wish I had some good advice for you but I really don't! I am pregnant with my second too, I am 13 weeks and my son just turned 11 months this weeks, so they will be about 17 months apart and yes I am terrified too! But at the same time I am very excited, I know it will by really hard in the beginning but eventually it will be perfect, they will have each other to play with and I can get this whole pregnancy thing over with. I was very sick with the first one, nothing like what you went through, but when I found out I was prego this time I was worried because I still have to chase after my very active son. I have been drained and tired, but each day is a little easier and I know I will get through it somehow! Hang in there, it will be okay!

Hi K.,

I to a point can feel for you. I have a 17 month old son and I am 20 weeks pregnant. I was terrified about having another one especially 2 in diapers! I knew my husband only wanted one child so I was very nervous to tell him. Turned out I was more upset then he was! He said it will all work out and we will be a happy little family. Finally once I got to about 13 weeks I was actually feeling better about having another & was and still am getting excited about a newborn and a sibling for my son. Financially I know it is going to be hard but I also know we will make it and we will just have to watch our pennies better. I just found out we are having another boy and naming him Liam and know I really feel "good, happy" about this baby too.
As far as the HELLP syndrome I did not go through it myself but I know 2 woman who did. The good news is that because you found out with your first that you have it they will watch you much closer with this baby and chances are you won't be "as sick" I am not going to say you won't be sick but it shouldn't be as bad. My niece was born 6+ weeks early and was in the NICU for a long time, but my nephew was only 3 weeks early because they had better control of the syndrome with him and he was a healthy 7+ pounder and never had to go to the NICU!!! So hopefully this will be a better pregnancy and birth experience for the both of you. Try not to worry so much it is not good for your baby or your 7 month old son as well!
I hope I helped! Feel free to e-mail me anytime. Good luck!

To have one child is a blessing. To have two is an even greater blessing. Consider yourself very lucky. So many people have so much difficulty getting to where you are.

Also, I believe in fate, in God's will. Every child born was destined to be born for some reason, for some good purpose. I had my hands full and was exhausted with two small girls. And then I was suddenly pregnant with a third - a boy. He's 18 months now and I couldn't be happier.

Gently remind your BF of these things and hopefully things will turn out for the best for you.

And please for your health and your baby's health see a doctor as soon as possible.

Take heart and be brave. I wish you and your family the best.

Wow, that's a lot on your plate. My advice would be to let people know as soon as possible so that you can get the proper care you and your unborn baby might need. Although you are not married, it sounds as though your bf is still supportive and he will need to know sooner than later that you are pregnant...good luck!

Wow! You really have a lot going on! I think it is great that you are reaching out to other moms for support. I hope you get some helpful responses.

There are a lot of physical and emotional issues here. You have a baby, and you are probably exhausted alongn with being excited. You have lots of hormonal fluctuations from being pregnant, being sick, giving birth, and being pregnant again. So try to go easy on yourself a little.

You may not get sick this time - every pregnancy is different. And one preemie doesn't mean that there will be another one. There also is a wonderful product you can take to help nourish the baby as well as give yourself the nutrition you need. The worrying is something you have to try to control - not good for you or the baby.

Contraception is the responsibility of both people, so if you are pregnant again so soon, your BF is certainly half responsible, so hopefully he will acknowledge that and not be upset like it is all your fault. I understand that you cannot push marriage - but you have enough going on as it is! Is he a loving dad? I'll be that, once he sees this new baby, he will be great!

Have your family members welcomed your son? Do they love him and help care for him, or is it all about your not being married? If the first, one would hope that they will also welcome and love a second baby - They've already crossed the bridge of an "out of wedlock" child so maybe the second one won't be as much of a shock or as much of an issue. If, on the other hand, they are extremely critical and judgmental, then you will need to keep some distance so that you are not subjected to hurtful things right now. You cannot control them - you can only control your reaction. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. That was a real eye-opener for me - I always used to worry about criticism and it took me many years to realize that I was allowing others to make me feel bad about myself. It was as much my fault as theirs - so I changed my outlook and realized that, if I like me, then that's plenty. And you know what? I STILL have a family who loves me, and friends who do too!

Surround yourself with many loving and caring friends, and create an extended "family" of those who truly value you. Get into a playgroup, a mothers' network, anything. Now that the weather is so nice, take your son to the parks and other places where he (and you!) can socialize and meet others. This will help create a network of friends to help you and for you to talk with.

As for dealing with a newborn and a 16 month old, you have plenty of time before you have to worry about that. Lots of moms do it - it's not easy, but it's not easy having 2 that are really far apart in age either. A friend of mine has a 3 year old and a 12 year old - try finding something they can both do together! It's tough. Your children will be so close in so many ways, and it will be a blessing.

Try to take one thing at a time, everything in stages, so that you don't fill up your brain with endless worries - there are a lot of things you can't do anything about. Try to do something nice for yourself every day, and revel in the joy of your baby. Think of all the great things that are in store for you.

Good luck, and stay in touch with Mamasource!

I think the first thing I would recomend is to calm down. I know its easier said than done but worrying more can only give you and you unborn child AND your 16 m/o more stress than any of you need. The stress alone can make you sick.

I understand your conflict but your family is your family and if they truly love you - they will accept this child the same as they did your son. You come from a good family and although you have not gone the "conventional" route.... you still have children that should be welcomed as the blessings they are no matter how they got here.

As for your boyfriend - you truly wont know until you tell him. This is something he should also have thoughts and opinions on and I bet his response will surprise you.
If he loves you, provides for you and your child - is marriage really an immediate issue? You say money is tight.... so it seems that would be on the back burner so to speak anyways.
As for your health an dyour unborn childs..... it should be a huge concern but you definately need to speak with your OB and go from there. What are the chances of the exact same thing happening? I dont know all that you went through (and it souhnds like a lot) but there are places that can help you out, fuel assitance- childcare assistance, etc.
I guess what I am saying is - I think you will feel better once you atleast tell your boyfriend. Even if you do not get the response you are looking for - atleast you wont be keepig this a secret.

K.
You need to tell your bf. If he didn't want anymore children then he should of thought of that when you guys were getting busy. He needs to remember it takes two to tango. You also have to get medical help as soon as possible for you and that baby. Re: your family, Yes these days there are so many, sometimes too many woman having babies without being married. If you want to get married and so doesn't your bf, for now, just get married from the justice of the peace. Later, when you have the time and money then you can have a big wedding. I hope this helps. But if you need someone to talk to I'm just an email away.

You need to turn this situation over to God. He formed those babies in your womb, and He knew the number of hairs on their heads before they were even conceived. He will look out for you and your babies. Do you have close friends who will support you and lift you up when you need a little help? It is my hope that your children's father will decide that he needs to be a man, and step up and marry you. Start praying over those babies, if you don't already, read God's Word, go to church, align yourself with some good, Godly people who will provide a good example for raising your children. If your boyfriend won't go with you, go anyway. God bless you and good luck!

You've gotten a lot of good advice already. I have just a few thoughts to add.

Your health--I'm not familiar with HELLP syndrome but I know my sister-in-law had pre-eclampsia with their first son. She was in a coma for a day or two but came out of it fine with no lasting effects. Their second pregnancy, which would have scared me to death, came off without a hitch. So, as many have said, each pregnancy is unique. Check with your OB to see what s/he has to say about the health risks and chances for a second pregnancy.

Two children close together--What is ideal? Who knows really? My parents had 5 kids in 6 years back in the 50s and me...five years later. There are pros and cons to ANY kind of spacing. The close ones provide ready friendship; the further ones provide an opportunity to be more individual. Fortunately, you sound like you're young so you will have reserves us older moms have long lost!

Not being married and pregnant--only you and your BF can decide what works best for you. If you want to be married, that's something you can try to spell out to your BF as one woman mentioned, depending on whether it's your priority right now or not. If one or both of you don't want to get pregnant again, that's something to solve together after you've talked about this pregnancy. But make sure you talk about it before this baby is born so you're prepared the next time around. There are lots of choices out there--for one, the other, or both of you!

As an aside, before you think about marriage, is he a loving and supportive partner? Is he a loving and supportive father? Can you envision your life with him 5-10-15-... years down the road? Can he envision the same with you? Are you ready to be a parent of two whether or not he is part of the picture? These are questions that might be helpful to ask yourself.

I have a niece who got pregnant at 17 and married the guy even though he was getting someone else pregnant at the same time. By the time their second baby came along, roughly 15 months later, he and his family were talking her into giving the baby up for adoption. She didn't want to consider abortion and things were already rocky with the relationship.

To make a long story short, her parents adopted the 2nd baby, she eventually divorced the father, and she is moving on in life at the age of 26. The two babies are now 6 and almost 8 and live nearby. The girls love each other and know they're sisters, even if they also know they have different moms because of the adoption.

I bring up this example to say marriage isn't everything. It's the right person that counts...call me a romantic, but I really believe it. I've known some couples who have had a 1-3 kids first and later had the wedding. They were the perfect match for each other and the children added a delightful addition to the wedding. Others who got married first, sometimes ended up in nasty divorces or were lucky enough to be the right match. A little soul-searching goes a long way when it comes to deciding whether or not to marry, let alone have kids with this person. Meanwhile, some delightful young children are brought into this world, regardless of whether or not the parents stay together.

Religious family--I grew up as a preacher's kid, where the church was a big part of my family's life, and yet I also know things sometimes come out of order these days. In my book, "family" loves and supports each other even if they disagree with the methods, or order, sometimes. (They can also piss you off and disappoint you but hopefully they still stay connected.) Marriage, children, family, religion--It comes down to more of how you feel and what it means to you and your relationship with God. God is much more forgiving than us mere mortals!

Talking to your BF--notice I have this last? He is definitely part of the picture and I hope part of your support during this time. You both created this baby together and may need to work more together than you ever have in the past with two young ones and a tight budget. But if you have taken the time to sit back, maybe light a candle, and think about the joys and concerns about this situation, you'll be better prepared to talk with him.

I hope this pregnancy becomes more of a joy than a concern in the months to come. Best of luck with making this reality a reality to everyone else! We're always here if you need more support. Meanwhile, I like what one person said. Make sure you have someone to hug in person during this time as well! Good luck!

I love the advice of all the women have given. There are many resources for single moms. I do believe for religous reasons that you should marry, but only if the both of you beleive in the constitute of marriage and promise each other to do your absolute %200 to make it last forever. Then - do your absolute %250 to make it last forever.
I just have one more small but significant piece of advice. If you are using protection now, please use more. It takes a while - mentally, physically, & emoionally to recover from these wonderful surprises. GOOD LUCK - from another single mom

Hi K., I read the other responses and agree with them all that you need to tell your boyfriend asap and talk to your doctor. I can't do this alone!

I really wanted to tell you that my two middle boys (I have four) are 16 months apart. It is a scary thought to think of them so close together, but it is wonderful, I wouldn't have it any other way. They are now 4 1/2 and 3, and are the best of friends. They have their moments when they torment each other but most of the time they play so well. I love to watch them together, I can't imagine one without the other!!

I hope that everything works out well for you!!!

Just tell them... Any person that is going to talk down to you or have a problem with a child is not worth your time. I am a mother of a 2 month old and a 16 month old. I know exactly where you are coming from and I wish I could talk to you in person and let you see my two children to let you know.. People are going to be mean, people are going to as I say, run there mouth on the issue.. All that matters is.. you love your child and want them. The issue with the boyfriend not wanting anymore children.. I can relate to that one too. My boyfriend and father of my children has 3 children to previous relationships. I want to remind you, he was involved in the creation of your children and if he really didnt want anymore children he should have had a vascetomy. It's not healthy for you to be under this stress, especially if you say you have complications with your pregnancies. Please take a deep breathe and relax... as for the religious aspect in your life... GOD LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN... tell your family that he would never descriminate against a child just for being born out of wedlock.

K., I agree with the others about your stress. God saw fit for you to have #2 so soon, it won't be more then you can handle. I had a very difficult first pregnancy which resulted in the baby coming 8 weeks early and spending 5 weeks in the nicu only to return 3 weeks after she was released for RSV. Terrible stressful and always in the back of my mind when #2 came along. Amazingly, she was only 2 weeks early and healthy as a horse!! They are all so different, from conception on!! Try to enjoy the blessing God has given you in Both of your babies. You oldest doesn't know any other mother then you, so you are super-Mom to him, no matter how much or little you do. Cut things down as much as you can so you can rest. Don't allow other opinion to make you feel obligated to do anything. Good luck and God bless!

Not sure of what your chances are of getting the syndrome back but I would contact your dr right away. Also, as far as being married, don't let that be your concern. With the divorce rate being so high I would wait. My husband and I got married when my son was 14 months old. We eloped and then months later had a party. You need to tell your BF that your pregnant, of course this is a surprise? Not sure how far along you are but you need to get this sorted out, especially if you are endanger too.

Hi K.,
You certainly have a lot going on, and I'm going to try to offer some help in some of the areas you mentioned. I know a number of people who have had children within one year of each other--I've heard them refer to their kids as "Irish twins" and "Chinese twins"--don't know why, but they do. They have said that they just basically raised them together, like they were the same age. I also have a very good friend who started trying to have her 2nd when the first was 6 months. She finally succeeded and her two are 19 months apart. Yes, it was difficult, but she leaned on the support of family and very close friends--and she is a believer--so she was able to make it through quite successfully. They recently welcomed #3 into their family, as well. Having two so close in age is doable! You CAN do this. You will love them both, and they will try your patience to ends you didn't know existed, but you will be so successful and overjoyed at the wondrous miracles you have performed.

As far as getting ill, my first pregnancy was a dream. I loved every single minute of it. I read all of the books that itemized all of the unpleasant side-effects that women experience and I literally pitied them! Then it was my turn with #2. I was so sick for the first 20 weeks. You name the symptom, I had it--and many of them, I still do. Acne? Never had it before--even in puberty--here it is 15 months later, and I still break out. Why I am saying this is that you never know what each pregnancy will bring. My first daughter had a miserable first 6 months. I often said that if I had her 6 months with the second's pregnancy, I don't know if I ever would have had #2. But I probably would have--I'm just stubborn that way. My OB told me that just as pediatricians say that no two children are the same, he says that no two pregnancies are the same.

You need to decide how to tell your BF. He needs to know and you need to have a plan. Hopefully, if you approach him with what you have already worked out and what you need help with figuring out, he will be more positive in his reaction--if you are worried about that reaction.

I agree with both you and your family--you should be married. But if it is a matter of forcing the subject vs your children having a father in their lives, there's no question, you need to have their father in their lives. When addressing your family with this, perhaps you should start out by acknowledging their feelings in this area. Then go on with, but right now I need your unconditional support. They saw what happened with #1, and you need to know that they are available to get you through this. Your babies, their health, and well-being are the utmost of importance in this situation.

This part is so much easier for me to say than for you to do, but you need to relax and try not to worry. Get organized and address the problem areas. I would be willing to bet that once you do, you will feel a lot less worried and be able to enjoy your pregnancy more. The more you worry, the more stressed you will be--it is so important for you to be rested and to keep your own health up to ensure that you have done everything that you can to sustain a healthy pregnancy.

Good luck. It sounds like you really need someone to be a good, close, trusted friend. Someone that you can tell things to--similar to what you have here, but an actual live human being that you can hug, when needed. My prayers are with you. Please keep me updated.

Well, I'm not sure I can say anything to take all of your worries away, but I can tell you this. When we become Moms, we also receive super-powers. I know this sounds corny, but I truly believe that the moment I became a Mother, I could then accomplish anything and overcome anything.
We had a very similar situation in the sense that our second son was quite a surprise...I also found out I was pregnant with him when my first baby was only 6 months old. They are now 3 1/2 and almost 5. I think it's the best thing that could have happened. They are best friends.
There is no sense in hiding it because everyone will find out and not be happy that you hid it. Tell everyone the news, let them know you are excited and tell them that you want their support. Then, you guys should find a method to avoid having children until you are both ready again.
Good luck!
raelynn
www.kidzcomfort.com

K.,
Please for your sake and your baby's sake, try to relax. Take this one step at a time, and things will work themselves out. First and foremost, you need to discuss this with your b/f, as he is part of this pregnancy also. You need to think positively, and that will help. How did your family react to your having your son without being married? Have you considered getting married by a Notary, (also known as a Justice of the Peace). That might make things a bit better for you both, and you can have a reception later on when money allows. If you have faith, remember that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, even if we think it is too much. Having a 16 month old and a newborn will not be easy, but then, having children isn't always easy under the best of conditions. I do wish you well, and I am confident that things will be o.k. with you and your family. Just remember..Positive Thoughts..and do tell your b/f. And if you have someone else that you feel comfortable sharing this wonderful news, please do so..Wish I could be there for you in person. Good Luck and best wishes for all of you..

Nothing ever seems to go the way we planned it, does it? I am currently pregnant with a "surprise" baby (he's actually 6 days past due date). We were not married and this really bothered me. When I told my BF, he told me that marriage is a dumb convention that society forces on us, etc. I took the time to explain to him why it was important to me and why it might be important to our unborn son when he is old enough to understand things. He really got it and we eloped with a justice of the peace behind town hall two weeks ago. It was a far cry from my dream wedding, but it meant a lot to me. The license and the justice of the peace anly cost $100 combined which we could afford. Maybe if you can tell your guy in a non-confrontational way why it's important to you and your children, he'll understand. If not, don't harp on it, make the best of what you've got.
You have time to get your stuff together, take advantage of it. Finance wise, being unmarried may help you: explore your resources for help, get on WIC and state health care, find out where the food pantries are in your area, look into local churches, find the local health organizations. You have a summer full of yard sales ahead of you to stock up on kids clothes, toys, etc. Scour the thrift stores. Of course breast feeding is much more economical. If you have access to a washer and dryer, cloth diapers can also save you a lot of money over time- especially if you can get the covers gently used.
Get yourself to a social worker, one works out of my OB/GYN's office and insurance covers it. She can refer you to all kinds of help, both financial and emotional. There are probably mom's support groups in your area, free kids play groups, nutritional counseling... all kinds of good stuff. Also look into La Leche League if you are Breast Feeding or want to. #1-800-la leche is the number, they'll tell you who's in your area. The meetings are once a month, kids are welcome, and it's a great way to meet local supportive moms.
When things don't go the way I planned, I eventually figure out that they ended up better than I could have imagined. Most of all, hang in there. Stay positive. Pray. Reach out for help wherever you can get it. Best wishes!

I would understand your fears with the medical aspect of things since you went through so much during your last pregnancy, but if you have a great OB/GYN, then he or she should closely monitor you this time due to your history. As far as you being afraid to tell anyone else - it might be scary at first, but you have to remember that you need to go with your heart and realize that even if it wasn't PLANNED, you should do what YOU want to do for YOUR family. Could you live with yourself if you decided on the alternative?? You should ask yourself that question... although I'm sure you have already and you know the answer... which might be why you are looking for "back up" reassurance from us? I think it's normal for you to have fears and reservations about the medical implications and the fact that the two babies will be born so close together in time. Heck, I'd be freaking out too! But the sheer fact that you are excited deep down... that ought to tell you that there is no alternative for your family unless a doctor says so for your own health. Good luck! Be strong.

Hi K.,

I also had HELLP Sydrome. You need to tell someone for the simple fact that you are now a high risk pregnancy. The chances of you having HELLP again are high. The doctors need to monitor you and baby. Please for the sake of you and the child that you are now carrying get prenatal care immediately.

I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but your boyfriend will have to deal with it. You and he both knew how babies were made and took that chance when you did not use protection.

Please see a doctor. HELLP can show up earlier with each progressive pregnancy. I almost died from it. I had a 20 month old and newborn twins. You will make it. It will be hard, but you will do it. Maybe you can find the group MOPS in your area (mother support group).

Hi, K.. Please try to relax. Staying calm will help you stay out of the hospital and keep you, your son & the baby healthier.

My 2 children are 14 1/2 months apart, and it is not as difficult as you are expecting. Our pediatrician said that it's easier having the second before the first is 18 months, because they don't understand jealousy yet. So try not to worry too much about that. It sounds like you have a close bond with your son (as I do with mine). You just have to make him feel good about the baby and involve him (after the baby is born, you will see him looking for her & trying to "help"). The best feeling in the world is seeing my now 6-month old daughter smiling/laughing with my 20 month old son.

As far as telling your boyfriend - it can't be a complete surprise to him... you play, you pay. He must know that you two had unprotected sex, right? If I were in your shoes, I would say "remember that night when we weren't careful..." (It takes two to tango. You didn't get pregnant by fooling around by yourself). He will understand. It may not be easy for him to swallow, but I'm sure he'll get past it.

And, although this is easier said than done- don't worry about what others think. I know it's your family, but I'm sure they love and accept your son with open arms, and they will do the same for this baby. People talk and judge regardless of what is going on in life. If you are happy, they have no reason to be unhappy. And if the wedding talk comes up, find an answer to end the subject, such as "I really don't want to get married while pregnant. And since I'm pregnant now, I'd rather get married later, when my children could be a part of this important day of my life".

Just remember, what matters is you have a beautiful baby growing inside of you and you need to stay calm & healthy so the baby will be born a healthy baby. And remember, life is what you make of it. Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes. Keep your chin up & be the proud, loving mama that you are.

K., try not to stress out over what family and friends will think. Your focus should be on your child, yourself, your BF and the new little bundle of joy. I don't know how long you've been with your BF but maybe your concerns about not being married are something you need to discuss with him. Communication is the key to a good relationship. Good luck and good health!