Pregnancy Afer a Miscarriage

Updated on October 23, 2012
A.L. asks from Downers Grove, IL
16 answers

Hi Moms,
Need a little support here. Last year around this same exact time I found out I was pregnanat. There was some bleeding, the doc did some tests but everything was okay. A few weeks later I had a sharp shooting pain and the next day there was no heartbeat. Needless to say I was devastated. My doctor recommended cytotec instead of a D&C. I tried twice and it didn't work so ended up with a D&C anyway. The whole process was horrible. It took me almost a year to even start thinking about getting pregnanat again.
And pregnanat I am. Around the time I was supposed to start my period, I got my regular cramps and waited. Nothing happened so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Instead of it being a happy time, I burst into trears. The cramping terrified me. I called the doctor and was told it was normal and to monitor and if it's mild and no bleeding it's normal. Called the next day freaking out again so they had me come in for a blood test and if my levels are high enough they'll do an ultrasound next week. In the meantime I'm a mess. Every time I have cramps I freeze. Every time I have to use the bathroom I pray that there's no blood. Then when there are no cramps, I'm terrified that if there are no more symptoms somethign must have happened. I was just reading bunch of research and saw that if you get pregnanat within 6 months of miscarrying, you have a higher chance of a healthy pregnancy. Strike one. I'm 36 years old. Strike two. I did not think I was pregnanat and had a migraine last weekend so took an imitrex. Strike three. I am so increadibly terrified of having another miscarriage, I can't focus on anything. My poor 3 year old keeps asking me if I'm okay and what he can do to make me happy. I feel like I can't talk to my husband about it, because he's just happy that I'm pregnant. I'm 4w4d pregnanat and I don't know how I'm going to make it til 13 weeks.

What can I do next?

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

I remember when I had my miscarriage it was horrible. No words to describe the awful feeling of loss and failure... etc. You get that. However, it did teach me that I am NOT in control, and you have to learn to let go and trust it will all be ok. Enjoy your 3 year old and try to relax - I know it's hard. My good friend told me her mom told her that she had a miscarriage the pregnancy before she was born. Her mom told her that if it weren't for that SHE wouldn't be here, and what a loss that would be. Try to remember you aren't in control. Be thankful for what you have and that you are pregnant again. Be gentle to yourself and trust it WILL all work out!!!!

5 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Just share your worries with your Husband.
You are fearful... this happens after a miscarriage.
I had a miscarriage once and the D&C. My Doc said to wait 3 months before trying to conceive again... your body has to heal etc.
I did get pregnant again... I worried, I shared that with my Husband, it was worrisome for him too but he tried not to show it because... he was trying to keep my mind "happy" and didn't wish for me to worry again etc.
But he felt the same as me.

I was older than you when all this happened.
As I said I got pregnant again, and now have a 6 year old boy.
The pregnancy was fine and normal and my son was healthy.

I understand how you feel... but I assume you are going to your prenatal exams, and the Doctor is monitoring you.

Keep hydrated too and drink water. And try not to exert yourself too much... pamper yourself... and let your Husband know. Let him pamper you too.

4 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hon...please relax, OK?

Getting yourself stressed out and upset is not going to do anything except, well, get you stressed out and upset.

I understand what you're feeling.

I miscarried three times before I had my son--at 39. I got pregnant VERY easily--right away each time we decided to "try". For me, it was staying pregnant that was the issue. When I miscarried--I had NO cramps, felt fine, then some light bleeding. And no heartbeat.

I'll tell you this much. You can read all of the statistics you want, and you know what? You're YOU and this is YOUR situation.
If this pregnancy is meant to be--it will be! If not, there is NOTHING you can do or NOT do to change the course of what will happen. Babies are TOUGH.

Love your daughter, love your husband, take care of yourself--eat well, get your rest, and if you're a believer, put this matter firmly into God's hands.

All the best.

4 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I found out fairly early on that my first pregnancy wasn't viable. I lost that baby on vacation. I couldn't bear to rent that house again. When I got pregnant again, I had a subchorionic hemorrhage but didn't know what it was. I was terrified. So I went to the OB's office expecting the same and no, there was little DD and her fluttery little heart. I burst into tears. I think I cried more then than when she was born. The hemorrhage resolved itself and obviously I have DD.

I suggest that you tell DH and you also tell him that while he may be happy, you aren't there yet. You need him to be strong and supportive because right now is a very tenuous time and you are scared. I think if you let him in so he can support you, you will feel better. Your 3 yr old is picking up that something is worrying Momma, so let DH carry some of your worry.

And stay off WebMD. That's worst case scenario stuff. Pregnant women worry enough without the internet. My DH's ex dropped acid while pregnant with SS and he turned out OK.

Best of luck to you.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from Fargo on

First of all you need to calm down and take a deep breath. There is nothing you can do to cause or prevent a miscarriage. Let that be reassuring to you. I've been in your shoes, i know exactly what you are feeling. I had 2 more babies after my miscarriage. You being upset doesn't help you, your 3 year old and most of that precious baby you are making. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Chicago on

Oh, I know exactly how you feel! I'm so sorry! Does it help to know your chances of having two miscarriages in a row are low? I used to avoid my husband. You know, because sex causes pregnancy and pregnancy causes miscarriage. And then I was scared every month both that I would be pregnant and also that I wouldn't.

Try to rest and hug and cuddle on your little one! Hugs and prayers to you!

2 moms found this helpful

S.A.

answers from Chicago on

I have never experienced a miscarriage, but I do know that cramping during early pregnancy is normal. I had early cramping with all three of my pregnancies starting around the time my period should have been due. It continued for a few weeks and then stopped.

Try to take it easy. Stress and worry are not good for pregnancy. Practice deep breathing when you feel anxious. Think positive thoughts.

2 moms found this helpful

K.J.

answers from New Orleans on

I was scared about having another miscarriage. I had my first child and about 2 months later I found out I was pregnant again. Almost 8 weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. It took awhile to heal. A few months later after the miscarriage i found out i was pregnant again(it wasn't planned) and of course i was so scared about having a miscarriage again. When I went it for a checkup everything was good with the baby. I was scared and worried about something happening to the baby i was carry the whole pregnancy. I had a beautiful baby. When i was pregnant with my 3rd child I had the same thoughts about miscarriage. He turned out ok,no problems. I know when someone ususally suffers from a miscarriage it hard to relax and stop worrying about the all "what ifs?". But sometimes "we" do have to stop worrying. It will make it worst!! I know google is the worst thing. I know i had a lympo node(under my armpit) and google it and sitting at the computer crying b/c i thought i had cancer;turn to find out it was from shaving that cause it. If you believe in God put your trust into him. Stop worrying and think about the "good stuff".

2 moms found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Boston on

How are your HCG's and progesterone? That is good info to help you get to 6 weeks.

1 mom found this helpful
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K..

answers from Phoenix on

I am sorry for what you've been through.

It sounds like you're having crippling anxiety and what should be a happy occasion is anything but, for you and I don't blame you one bit. However, you are more likely to cause issues by all of this unnecessary stress you're putting on yourself. Please relax & take it day by day. Remember that worrying & stressing only makes things worse, and will not change the outcome.

If you your DH doesn't know how to handle you, then I would suggest maybe talking to a 3rd party to work out your fears. The anxiety isn't productive and it isn't healthy for you, your baby to be, and your family.

I can also recommend the book, or movie "The Secret", which is about the power of positive thinking, the Law of Attraction, and many other ways to change your way of thinking. It's great & has gotten me through a near divorce & being jobless & broke. You have to be open & ready to let the negative, sad, and anxious tendencies go. If you go to church, then that is a great place for you to be/go, as well.

Also, please, PLEASE stop researching on the internet. That is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself.

Your 3 year old needs his mom to be happy, and not be burdened by what's going on in your head.

Good luck & take it easy.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.T.

answers from Phoenix on

You're freaking out! Yes, it was rough for you last year and I'm so sorry for what you went through. Now is a new year, a new pregnancy, everything is different. We women can easily freak out about so many things. Try to calm down, focus on the bright positive side of things every day. This is a waiting game for many more weeks! Do things to focus on other things and get your mind off it, like special outings with your older child, get togethers with other couples and girlfriends, go see a movie! By all means talk to your husband and your friends and family about your fears, get it off your chest and then move on to positive things. If you let yourself stay in the negative and staying fearful, staying depressed and victimized then you are going to suffer for far too long! If you need to put parameters on your sadness and worry it might help, like journal for 20 minutes in the morning and move on with the rest of your day leaving your freak out feelings in your journal on your nightsatnd until tomorrow. You have to do something to snap out of it to carry on your day, I always tried to psyche myself out saying babies thrive in happy bellies, get my butt out of the house and be productive and be happy to be pregnant! Yes I called my Doctor all the time when something felt wierd, there were extra trips to their office just to check things, but I tried super hard to not freak out until they told me something was truly wrong. Hang in there, it's rough sometimes, but you can control your emotions in how they affect you if you work on it. Best wishes, crossing my fingers for you!

1 mom found this helpful

L.P.

answers from Tyler on

I went through a lot of the same feelings you are experiencing when I was pregnant with my 2nd following a miscarraige (at 12 weeks). My older dgtr was only 3 at the time, too! I dreaded going to the bathroom, just knew there would be blood every time. I will tell you that the further along I got in the pregnancy,the less stress I felt about losing her. But, like other mamas have said, you need to try to relax and just let that baby have a cozy home in your womb for now!! 36 is not too old, and your dr knows just the right level of meical care you need. I will always consider the little life that was not meant to be, but now that my 2nd baby is a beautiful teenager with the best heart and most caring spirit of almost anyone I know...I realize that she is the puzzle piece that makes our family whole. Embrace this new life inside you and try not to worry so much!

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C.C.

answers from Chicago on

I know exactly your going thru emotionally. I had 2 m/c trying for my second and when i finally got pregnant again at 41 I was terrified I was going to lose it again. I even spotted early on which I hadnt experienced with my first so I was freaked out even more. I know its hard to do but the only advice I have is to try and focus your attention on your 3 yo and husband. Try and get your mind off of worring about it. Do everything your supposed to do physically and emotionally to take care of that little baby to be and the rest in really in Gods hands. Best of luck to you!!!

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C.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

I know how you feel, after I had a miscarriage I freaked out the next time I was pregnant with my daughter. Now I'm pregnant again and still have those fears and the what if's. But they're slowly going away now that i'm 10 weeks along and have heard the heartbeat twice!

First, being 36 does not mean you're gonna have a miscarriage. My sister just had her 4th healthy baby last May and she's 36. Second, if you only took imitrex once I'm sure it's not gonna harm the baby. I also had mild cramping shortly after conceiving for a few good days so that's normal. And lastly, the only thing you can do is go for an ultrasound as soon as the heartbeat is able to be seen/heard.

My husband and I went to a private office and paid the $30 just to ease our minds. I was 7 weeks 1 day and we saw and heard the heartbeat it was such a relief! Once a heartbeat is detected the chances of miscarriage are greatly reduced. So hang in there and try to relax (i know easier said than done) and just understand that if it's meant to be, it will be. There's nothing you can solve by worrying and freaking out. Good luck!!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Oh hon. I know exactly what you are going through. Reading your note was like reading my diary. It's been 7 yrs and I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was a nervous wreck my whole 3rd pregnancy. Just waiting. Just knowing that in the next 3 seconds my world would crash again. I would've been at the dr. everyday getting and ultrasound, just to make sure, if they'd let me.

What my doctor told me was that there was nothing I did or didn't do that caused the miscarriage.

Sending healing prayers for a healthy pregnancy. Just remember to try and enjoy some of the perks of the pregnancy. :)

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Girl - you need to take a deep breath - let it out slowly and take a deep breath again.

I understand your pain, frustration and freaking out. But FREAKING OUT is NOT going to help you. I have lost 3 babies - 14 weeks, 22 weeks and 12 weeks, two of which were in ONE YEAR.

The more terrified you are - the higher your stress levels and the harder you are making this on yourself. Focus on your son. There is NOTHING you can do. Your body is in charge.

I understand your anxiety. I really do. The only thing I can tell you is to breathe.

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