Pre-School And Social Interactions

I think expecting a 3-year-old to ask to permission from other 3-year-olds to join their play is a little ridiculous! Sounds like his teacher is being a little lazy because part of her job is to help teach these things, isn't it??Sorry, I just had to say that...

I think that sounds like pretty normal behavior, but everyone has room for improvement, right?

Its hard to help him with some of these when there are not other kids to practice them at home with.

I guess I would talk to him about manners and it being good manners to 1)Ask if you can play with other people and 2)Let other people play with you and your toys if they ask.

If you are at a playground or with other kids, remind him. If you notice him (or another child) doing sharing/playing together nicely, comment on it. "I saw you let the other boy play with your car. That was generous." or "that boy was being a good friend because he shared with you"

Talk about how being a good friend means that you share and take turns.

I dont think you need to worry too much about it. He hasnt been there that long and just needs to learn. He will learn too, from watching the other kids.

Wow, what surprises me is she said he needs to ask permission to join, that's the opposite at my preschool. My son started last year, he had just turned 4, but in Texas you have to be 5 before September 1st to start Kindergarten, well, his birthday is Sept 11th so he's in preschool this year too. My son was a little asocial and had a little speech delay. The teacher said they never make the kids do anything and when they are ready they can join the group, they don't have to ask. This made me feel good too, I know he's very shy and I think when you force someone to do something it makes it harder for them to feel comfortable doing it. I think if he had to ask to join, he'd be sitting out a lot.

Some things that do come to mind that could maybe help at home, is if you or daddy are doing something, the other parent could tell your son, let's ask mom if she needs some help? or that looks fun, let's asked daddy if we can join him? Then when he's playing with a toy, say, that toy looks like a lot of fun, can mommy play with it for a minute. Then if he does let you play, just play with it for a moment, then say, here, do you want to play with it again? Maybe buy a bottle of juice he likes and you, and say, do you want to share this drink with me, then pour it into two cups. Something like that, or share with your husband, so he can see you too sharing.

It's really hard for kids to share at that age. Just take baby steps. He'll catch on, don't worry, he sounds like he's doing just fine.

It's REALLY hard to learn to share. Two and three-year-olds are at the point where they are just learning to do this, and although you can reinforce this at home, you can't offer him the social network to give him practice. That's the teacher's job. It's also much tougher to learn than the ABC's. Your son (and all the other kids) will be learning this for the rest of their lives. I am glad the teacher has told you about this. I'm also pretty certain she's informed other parents of the same thing with their own kids, so I wouldn't feel singled out. It's a VERY common issue.

Now, that said, you can reinforce sharing and interactions by role-play. Try setting up a bunch of stuffed animals on the floor, with yourself in the group, and make it a game of his asking if he can play, if he can use a certain truck, etc. It may be that if you are playing with him, when he wants a toy you have, you've simply given it to him (I know I would). Perhaps this would be a good time to have him ask for it. And help him figure out what to do if you say no. (Once you figure out that last part, let me know! My 7-yr-old still has issues! LOL).

He sounds fine to me! It's good he joins social situations... too many kids are the opposite and get their feelings hurt out of extreme shyness and having a hard time making friends. (which was me as a child!)

As for sharing and how to be less abrupt, just take him to the park or play dates or library toddler time and guide him in these social interactions. Practice with him at home while playing a game or with his blocks or cars. Really, he is only two and has been in preschool one month. These things take time to learn.

I think she was just passing on information with things to work on.

I am noticing a lot of parents seem to think when a teacher notices and tells them these things, the teacher is judging. She is just informing.. You do want to know her observations? Especially compared to the rest of the class?

This is going to continue all the way through High School, so just take it as information.

And yes, children this age, do begin learning how to say, May I play with you Or Would you like to play with us.. This will be very useful when they begin school. Some children that have never been in daycare, preschool, do not have these skills ans are a little behind on their social skills.

Practice sharing at home. May I play with that red truck that you are holding? If he says yes, say "thank you".

If he is building blocks, Can I play with you and the blocks?

In the bathtub, may I play with the bucket? Can we take turns pouring the water?

I wanted to play with that puzzle too, when you finish, can I play with it?

The other thing is if he is around other children, if he wants to play with the toy another child has give him the words to ask to share or to play with the toy when the other child is finished.

Share your snacks, ask if he will share his snacks. Make sure he sees you and dad sharing.. use the words, pleas and thank you with each interaction.. It will feel forced and redundant, but this will sink into your sons vocabulary.

These behaviors have to be taught, especially if he does not have siblings or playmates at home. He will catch on.

He sounds fine. Isn't preschool for learning all this stuff? Shouldn't she be teaching acceptance, and friendliness to the other kids? Why should he have to ask to join, especially if he's new? Isn't part of preschool learning how to act around & interact with our peers? The whole thing is weird to me. Why she is addressing any of this with you doesn't make sense to me, honestly. If she kept addressing these very normal things with me, I might reconsider sending him there.

So basically they are expecting them to act like 4 or 5 year olds, even though they are 3? Really? The egotistical stage lasts till 4.

Are you kidding me? This sounds like a perfectly normal 3 year old! I think that is great that he is asserting himself! My son was so shy he let the other kids walk all over him and that was a problem with the pre-school staff where my son was going. Good for your son!

To help my daughter (only child) learn to share, I would bring sidewalk chalk to the park. Since there is a lot of chalk in a pack, it's easier to share when everyone can play with it. For us, it was a good first step into sharing.
Good luck. Lot's of good advice posted too. I agree with the rest of the moms....the teacher expects a 3 year old to ask to play?

Really? I've never heard of requesting a 3 year old to ASK to join in social/play situations. I'm fairly certain that the answer would be "no" at this age since that's probably the favorite word of a preschool aged child. I think the focus should be on the other children to accept him into their groups if there is an issue when he joins in.
The sharing issue is typical and you can easily reinforce at home. When you're playing with him don't let him take the toy that you're playing with just because he wants it. Tell him that you are playing with it right now and he needs to be nice and share. Play with it for a short/reasonable amount of time and then hand it over to him and tell him that it's his turn now. I had to do that with my son because I realized he had no experience in sharing since he doesn't have a lot of playmates his age and when I played with him, I certainly didn't care what train I played with. =) I increased the time of "my turn" each time because kids don't give up their toys as easily as Mommy. Now, when someone takes something from him or if he wants something that they're playing with he politely says "be nice and share." ha ha!

OMG he is simply being his age.
He is only 3.
3 year olds or any kid, does this.

NO kid, at this age, is an expert at social interactions.

We do role play at home to emphasize the correct behavior and words to say in different situations. For instance, we'll talk about a situation or tell a story about kids playing this really fun game and he wants to come and play. What should he do next? Give him the tools to succeed. Give him words to use and have him practice telling them to you. Then take a toy or game and act it out for him to practice the words. Give him different scenarios, the children let him join the game and also what he should do if the children say no, they don't want him to play with them. This can happen. Preparing him for those situations will help him to succeed and become confident in social situations. If they say no, it does not mean they don't like your son but are already fully engaged in the game or may have too many people already. He can then find another game or group to play with. Maybe next time he can join that group. Make sure you cover all the basis with him. Pretending and acting out scenes a re great ways to get children to understand what might happen and how to react next time. You can even make it a little silly.
These social understandings don't come naturally to children, assist him the best you can. Lay it out for him. You can also have play dates and watch him play, recommend sharing toys or comment how nicely his friend shared toys with him. Sharing is a constant learning process. Once you think it is resolved, out come new toys and new passions. Every kid wants to be the first.....never left behind. Stories on sharing help as well.

Good luck!