Why Is My 2 Year Old the Only One Who Has Problems Sharing??

Updated on November 28, 2011
S.S. asks from Los Angeles, CA
9 answers

So I volunteer at the 2-year old class at church and I noticed that out of about 7 or 8 kids, my 2.5 year old is the only one to have problems sharing. My son loves cars - like lives and breathes it type of love. When we go to church, he makes a beeline for the little toy cars they have and has a hard time sharing them with the other little boys. If another boy takes it, he starts crying like crazy - not like an angry cry but a really lost, heartbroken cry. Plus he has a hard time putting them down for snack time or for the other activities that are going on like arts & crafts. I notice the other kids are not like this. Is my son the odd one out here or is this normal for his age? Any ideas on what I can do to improve this situation? Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone. I know it's normal but it just FEELS like my son is the only one b/c all the other little kids are like angels freely giving their toys to each other. lol. Thanks for the reassurance.

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

Just remember one thing: You only get a snapshot of those other children once a week for a very, very brief time. You have no idea how they behave at home, in daycare, at parties, or other times when they might be feeling tired, stressed, hungry, or are having an off day. No one has a perfectly behaved angel 100% of the time.

There isn't any child that has mastered sharing at 2 years old. I don't know many adults that have mastered sharing. :-)

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

Perfectly normal. In fact, they aren't able to see past their own ego and needs until 4.

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X.O.

answers from Chicago on

Believe me, he's NOT the only 2 yr old that has a hard time sharing.

Every other week a bunch of moms and I meet up with our kids--ranging from newborn - 5 yrs old. It is a constant chorus of "MINE" "He took my toy!" "SHARE JACOB!" "I WAS USING THAT!"

Maybe to help him you can let him bring his own favorite toy car along with, and teach him to put it in his pocket for snack & activity time, and that he DOESN'T have to share them with other kids. Not everything needs to be shared--I don't share my hot coffee with my kids, nor do I share my jewelry with them. Kids need to learn when sharing is and is not appropriate, and I believe it is fine for some things to be off limits to other kids.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Nope, not true. My husband still has trouble sharing. Hopefully your son he will grow out of it. I have no hope for the inner child in my husband.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

At home, begin practicing, "trade you", "you play for 3 minutes and then I will play with the toy for 3 minutes".

Give him a 2 minute warning. "In 2 Minutes we will snack will start in a little while so he has 2 minutes to play and put the car away. "

Same with crafts, "in 2 minutes, you will need to put the cars away, so we can get ready for crafts."

Make sure you let him know that we all share. It is nice to share.

When you are sharing speak it through. "I want to share this to with you. Please share your toy with me. " "I am going to trade dad the newspaper for the remote.. " "Thank you for sharing, thank you for trading.".

It will feel strange to voice all of these transactions, but it will help him visually and verbally to understand that he will have his chance and he will get the toys back again.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Your son is NOT unusual.
At this age stage... they do NOT have 'socialization' mastered yet. They don't even have emotions fully developed yet. They don't even know... the words or vocabulary for how they feel. Nor the communication skills to convey or communicate that. It is taught.
From 2 years old, I taught my kids the 'words' for their feelings and frustrations. As they get older, they get more articulate about it. With guidance.

At this age, they don't even have the ability to analyze social situations, nor accurately.
Emotions and the actions of it... are still very abstract to them. At this age... and even older.

Don't make your son feel bad or 'naughty' about it.
Kids this age are also very territorial... and even at 3 and 4 years old.

Your son, is NOT 'odd.'
He is 2.
He is his age.
At this age, they still do "parallel play" too. NOT interactive play.

He will evolve, as he evolves and develops.
And as you guide him.
But if 'expectations' are not in line with a child nor their age... then, that is when frustration and stress occurs, for both child and parent.

Role-play with him. But don't expect an instant comprehension about it.
It takes, practice. All of childhood.

Do not... feel self-conscious about your son, and him doing that compared to what other kids are or are not doing.
It is not about what others think about him.
He is his age.
He is fine.
Just nurture him.
He is so young, to be astute in skills with social interactions.
Kids learn, like a rock collecting moss.

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A.K.

answers from Houston on

Oh yeah. He is the ONLY 2 year old who has trouble sharing. He is, really.
Oh come on, lol

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Kids of all ages have a difficult time sharing, some more than others, but your son is not unique in this.

Children need a lot of support in taking turns (which is 'sharing' at this age)
What I do with my toddler and preschool groups:
* A child who has a toy can use it as long as they like; it works better at this age for them to decide to move on to another toy on their own
* For children who are verbal, you can give them language "I want to use the car when you are done" (I don't have them ask "may I please" which is more polite simply because it gives the other child an opportunity to say 'no' back...we assume that when they are done, it won't be a problem)
*For children who aren't verbal, model this language by 'asking' for the nonverbal child.
*I then give the child waiting for the toy some other choices which might be similar. "Brendan is still using the car. You can choose the truck or the train." or "I see he's still using that. Let's go find that story about the car. Do you want to be the car?" (these are other invitations that acknowledge his interest)
*You can have your son tell the cars "goodbye" or "I'll play with you again next time". For snacks, perhaps he could put them into a basket on a shelf or drape a cloth or scarf over what he's playing with. (this will be appropriate in some situations and may not work in others. In our preschool, a draped scarf meant "work in progress" and was respected as such)

Just out of curiosity, what happens when other kids take toys away from him? I'm hoping the kids are getting help in making sure taken toys are given back, otherwise having objects taken away can become more distressing to a child.

Otherwise, sounds like your son is pretty typical of a lot of little ones-- he likes what he likes.:)

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

It's just a personality thing. My son also had a very hard time sharing at that age...he had a harder time than all his little friends it seemed. It took him longer to really learn how to share well. I think he was finally great at it by age 5! He's just more intense. My daughter is the opposite...I can tell her from across the room to share and she will hand the other kid the toy. She then runs and finds something else to play with...no tears and hysterics! Anyway - just keep showing your son how to share and making sure he does it. I would tell my son, we have to take turns. And I'd set a time limit for that particular toy. He always had such a hard time. Often I had to physically pry his fingers off a toy to make him share. Poor guy!

Updated

It's just a personality thing. My son also had a very hard time sharing at that age...he had a harder time than all his little friends it seemed. It took him longer to really learn how to share well. I think he was finally great at it by age 5! He's just more intense. My daughter is the opposite...I can tell her from across the room to share and she will hand the other kid the toy. She then runs and finds something else to play with...no tears and hysterics! Anyway - just keep showing your son how to share and making sure he does it. I would tell my son, we have to take turns. And I'd set a time limit for that particular toy. He always had such a hard time. Often I had to physically pry his fingers off a toy to make him share. Poor guy!

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