If you've read my questions before you know I do not approve of my SIL lifestyle. I know its not mine to approve but Gosh! She's single and 3 weeks away from the birth of her 2nd child. She's unemployed by choice and it seems like everyone just wants to help her stay this way. She miscarried 4 times before conceiving so she was definitely trying to get pregnant. Now she expects nothing but handouts. She thinks everyone will do everything for her at the drop of a hat, and they do, except me. I'm sorry, I'm not going to reward her with being immature and selfish.
If she learns she has to do it by herself I think she would stop with the selfishness and immaturity. Quit giving her handouts!!!!
You may see this as jealousy and that's your opinion. But come on, don't expect me to bend over backwards for her. She expects me for her sons bday party tomorrow to haul a trailer full od kids, buy hay @6.50/bale for them to sit on and buy him an extravagant gift. Mind you she hasn't come out of pocket for anything. I paid fully for his bday last year because in 4 years he's never had one and I though it was unfair to him. If she learns she has Ro it by herself I think she will straighten up and act right.
Her child doesn't need hay bales or extravagant gifts, so I would not enable that. He needs a loving aunt who will give him some one on one attention.
She will never learn to do it herself b/c everyone, and I'm assuming the gov't as well keeps paying her way. So, all you can do is sigh because you can't force other's not to play into her game with handouts.
Oh, I sure don't see it as jealousy. I am so sick and tired of people like this. I'm sure you're a good auntie to her son.
You're right. Let her take care of herself and her children. You can love her and your nieces and nephews without catering to her lifestyle.
I think you are right but as long as anyone gives her anything, she'll still sit there expecting the world to be handed to her on a silver platter.
Some people never out grow this, and some people have enablers that will enable until the enabler dies of old age.
Best thing for you to do is look for opportunities to move far away from the whole mess and not be a part of any of it.
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You are doing what needs to be done - good for you!
Maybe one day the others will learn from you - or she will be like many others and continue to milk her current system or the next one, and next one ....
I don't get why she expects you to pay for the party??? You did last year as a gift, but enough is enough. Tell her honestly that you can't shell out any money for the party and you are sorry she is in this position. Then tell her if she wants to know how to get out of the mess she is in, she can call you for some guidance. I think more or less she needs a good role model. If you are up to the job, it would serve her kids really well---I don't care about her as much as the kids---they will suffer if no one intervenes. Have anyone in the family talked about an intervention?? If not, now is a good time.... GL
M
What a loser! I would show up with a gift for her son and I would explain in no uncertain terms that I wasn't a bank or Santa Claus and that last year you just wanted to do something nice for your nephew since she couldn't get it together to do it for her own son. Tell her if she wants wagons, tractors, hay bales or whatever to get a job -it's certainly not your place to provide it for her son. Personally I would have a hard time being in the same room with her!
Oh wow, you and I should compare notes. Give, give and give but not a thank you or any kind of help on their part. You don't need to be around this individual. I finally pushed away from the relatives, mainly because of SIL. She makes everyone feel sorry for her and her kids such as never having enough money, they free load off everyone, and takes advantage of everyone around her to help her with housework, cooking and cleaning. If you can, definitely distance yourself from her and sorry to say even the niece/nephew for a while, because no matter what SIL will be around always. Take a break from all of this.
I have one of these people in my family. Good grief!! She runs through people and church organizations like water...gimme gimme gimme...poor little me and think of my poor poor children (that she totally planned and got pregnant with on purpose every time!!)
I have cut her off...we do not speak or see each other at all...she knows not to call me. I can be civil at family gatherings, but that is it.
And other family members have started doing the same...well give her less...and then there are other family members who slam us for not being Christian or charitable or loving her no matter what...
I don't feed her anymore...and I don't play in the drama...I am out of it. I do feel sorry for her kids, but I will not expose my children to hers.
You're completely right. But if you're the only one, I don't know if it'll have an impact that will change her.
IF you can handle the fallout of standing firm and cutting her off from FINANCIAL support, you know, be a sister, but not a bank, that's fine. You can take her kid to the park for his birthday and hit costco or the dollar store and get $20 worth of snacks and drinks. The kid will have fun with his friends, you'll be the nice aunt, she can't say you didn't do anything. Love is more important than money to him.
You teach people how to treat you. I would look for another way to show your nephew that he's important to you and you care without covering for his mother's inability to take care of him or plan the parties she can afford. My parties growing up were a cake, some balloons, and a few friends to sleep over. Nothing fancy. I think only ONCE was the cake from a bakery.
Her expectations aside, put a stop to it before it becomes "tomorrow she..." When the plans started being laid, and you started to get involved was the time to say you weren't going to help with that. You do what you can afford and want to do and let her deal with it.
