Potty Training Standstill

Hi Glenna,

Get the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day" by Drs. Azrin and Foxx. Read the book and follow the method -- it works!

I have no boys of my own I have daughters. It is my understanding that boys take a little longer to toilet train but what about letting him go when his dad goes so he can see that look daddy need is going to use the toilet.

Maybe if was interacting with other kids maybe he would have an interest especially when he sees other boys his age going to the bathroom.

You might want to try the potty training DVD offered for free at Huggies.com. It supposed to be kid-friendly and mommy-helpful with lots of tips on how to successfully make the transition from pull-up trainer pants to the potty. I ordered mine a couple of months ago even though my son isn't quite ready because I figured any and all help I could get would be a plus. Give it a try...it's free; what do you got to lose? Good luck and hang in there!! :)

It sounds like he isn't ready to be potty trained. Kids have to be ready in ALL areas - physically, socially and emotionally... and many kids, esepcially boys, aren't there until after their third birthday. You can't FORCE a kid to be potty trained, and the more you back off and LET it happen instead of trying to MAKE it happen the more success you'll have. Just let him go bottomless in the house and when he has to be dressed use a diaper, it will happen soon, I promise! Have you ever seen a kindergartner in diapers??? Just take a deep breath and remember that you son has only been on this earth for three short years ;)

Sounds like he's not quite ready yet. It takes boys longer but when they're ready, it doesn't take that long. I'd wait until after you have your baby in April to try again because they regress a bit on whatever major thing they've learned, especially potty training. Also, he'll see the baby in diapers and not want to have them himself. He'll want to be the big boy (and you emphasize that as well). It's also easier when the weather is warmer to train because then they don't have to deal with pants and getting them down in time; he can be around the house in training pants. It's okay at this time to go back to diapers; it'll ease your mind, especially with a new baby on the way. When you try again, don't go back to them. Good luck! I have three kids BTW.

Back up... He is apparently not ready and has no interest. Buy some diapers and some really cool Bob the Builder underwear and put him back into diapers (forget the pull-ups, waste of money). Show him where the new underwear is and tell him that when he is ready to use the potty all of the time then he can choose to wear them. I'm sure that you have some potty books... read those periodically and also point out opportunities of other kids using the potty (See, your friend David is going to use the potty now. He must be wearing his cool underpants!) and also when you and daddy are using the potty. He will choose when he is ready. At that point, it will take 5 minutes and he will be potty trained!

I feel your pain. It took me 1 year to potty tain my twins!!! In the end what worked for me was to take them potty every 30 min, then after he is doing good move it to an hour, then 1 30 ...then if he is doing well just reminding him every now and then. Also start now whenever you are in public take him potty so he gets comfortable going in public. I let my girls go naked (at home) because they did better also. Keep at it and know that so many parents go through this but one day it will just click and he'll be done.
PS he is not too young, before dispoable diapers kids were potty tained at 18 months! (mine were 34 months potty trained, started at 2 and still in Pull-ups at night) Just saying keep it up!

Glenna,

I so totally understand your plight. As a "potty training" teacher in a large day care for close to a decade, and a mom of 3, I can assure you that he WILL learn. I have yet to see a kindergartner in diapers! +=)
First off, boys just aren't ready till they are at LEAST 3. So honestly, just stop everything for a few months. He has "hit and miss" syndrome because his brain is "hit and miss" about the potty. He is just not physically ready yet. For a first born boy I almost never even started training until 3 (more often then not 3 1/2!) It has nothing to do with you as a parent, or him as a child, only his basic physical and mental development. When he gets to the stage of being able to carry out 10 - 15 step directions AND stays dry for at least an hour (preferably and hour and a half) THEN he is ready to try again.
Be patient, and loving, and do NOT let it become a power struggle ~ he will win! (I honestly have a friend with an 11 YO girl that fell into that trap and she STILL to this day poops in her pants to "get back" at her mom!)
You'll just "know" when he's ready, just like all the other milestones he's gone through... Give it time and under NO circumstances should you EVER do the "teach him who's boss method"!!!!!! I know first hand exactly how damaging that is.

Good luck!
H.

Hi Glenna,
My kids are 11 and 12 now, (boy and a girl, boy is older) and neither one of them were fully potty trained until they were
over 3. i know that you would probably like to have one out of diapers before #2 comes along, but I had 2 in diapers and it was not that big of a deal. My advice would be to put it on hold, and wait until your son is at least 3 years old and try again. My experience was that it was much better when you had a free weekend when it was warm and they could run around naked. Good luck to you! J.

Wow, I'm surprised you started so soon. I have 7 year old twin boys who showed NO interest in potty training. When they were 3 1/2 they started part time preschool where they didn't NEED to be potty trained-which was great. I know a lot of schools that require it, so parents are pushed into training even when their kids aren't ready. I thought being around kids their age who were using the potty would sway them, but it didn't. I believe in the Wait til they're ready approach. One of my sons, who is a little more of a people pleaser, showed some interest at 4 1/4 and we knew he was ready so we did it in a weekend. Took the diapers away, got some cool underwear, and lots of "I know you can do it". His body was ready and he was fully trained in 3 days. We didn't do pull-ups at all, or bribing or carry around the potty seat every where we went and he never had an accident-I'm serious. My other son is a little more stubborn, so it took a couple more months, but we did the same thing with him and got the same results. Have you considered that his body isn't ready and trying again at 3 1/2?

He is telling you in no uncertain terms that he isn't ready!!! Listen to him. You started training him WAY too young. Boys normally potty train between the ages of 3 and 4. If you wait until they are ready, potty training is the easiest thing in the world. Takes a few days. As the mom of four boys I know this to be a fact. I don't know why you started potty training him so crazy-early, but give it a rest! Wait three months and see if he is ready. If not, wait three more months. And so on. Hopefully the past 7 months will not cause any lasting damage.

You've probably received a million responses by now. Just in case you haven't.....I KNOW it's hard. It sounds like (after the fact), that maybe potty training was started before he was actually ready. That happened with my first child ( a boy). I scrapped it for awhile, and then came back to it. In this case with your family, since he is successful when he is bottomless, I'd keep that up for a lot longer, and praise him of course like crazy when successful ( but try not to get frustrated with mistakes). Then gradually put on loose underwear and finally loose, elasticized shorts.

I've been surprised with the number of typical developing kids ( especially boys), who really don't even start potty training until their 3 years. That magic "2" which I had heard about when I was younger has disappeared.

Wrong as it may be, I asked my son (when he was 3 yrs 3 mos) if he wanted to go to Magic Mountain. He said "yes" and then I told him "too bad, they don't allow diapers there". A week later, bye bye diapers......not even one accident from then on.

I had started training him when he was 2-1/2 and I was pregnant with the second baby. All was going well until I couldn't find a sitter to work with me on potty training. Once the new baby came, my older son got jealous of all the attention his little brother got and totally regressed. I didn't push it until I just broke down and bribed him.

Good luck!

I went through this with my 9 year old. It took him a year or so to fully get the hang of the potty.

Firstly, he's 9 yrs now and doesn't wear diapers or soil himself --- so for you it will get better.

Pull-ups are a god send - we used them for the entire time he was "training" until finally -- the pullup was dry.

Motivation - tough one, sometimes the "big boy" speech worked, sometimes not. Sticker charts, small $1 store prizes, even just giving him a sticker to wear when he went potty worked.

dont panic, he is ok but probably just not ready to potty train yet. i always said i would rather just change a diaper then the mess from all the accidents. i have 3 kids and none of them were fully potty trained before 3. it can be a power struggle but it sounds like he isnt ready. with my last one, she would go on the potty at daycare but had accidents at home. finally i decided she could do it and we used the last few pulls we had at night and when they were gone she didnt want anymore. granted we didnt go anywhere for any length of time for about a week but it work. so it will happen he wont go to school in diapers but maybe he isnt quite ready yet. good luck and hang in there.

my daughter is 19 months old and does the same thing. i began the introduction of the potty at 18 months. she does good if i keep a close eye on her. she doesnt tell me when she has to go yet but but when she goes in her potty she will tell me i peed or i did it. so she knows that she can do it and know what it is to go. she gets upset about 50% of the time if she wets her pants and i catch her. (i dont get mad that she wets but i do tell her that it is nasty and gross to pee our pants and that she needs to use the potty). i give my daughter after dinner mints when she goes potty (because they dont have a lot of sugar and it was the only think that she would take as a treat). we have slowed down on using the potty because she isnt showing as much intrest and is fighting to use it. i also (usually) keep her in panties while at home and only use a pull up for when she sleeps or we leave the house. i dont reccamend putting him back in diapers but maybe use a pull up or the thick training underwear. if hes not showing intrest maybe hold off for a month he will get it. oh if you have him sitting on the potty and hes bored with that maybe (if hes tall enough) you can show him to stand and teach him to aim (toss like 5 cherrios in the toilet and tell him to sink them). i hope this is helpful good luck!

Our daughter will turn 3 in a couple of weeks and we've introduced potty training since she turned 2. She seemed to be ready at times, but scared to release in the toilet, so we backed off at times. We recently communicated to her that big girls go to the toilet and once she is ready she can start school with others her age. This really seemed to motivate her, so we started again at the beginning of this month and never went back to diapers. It took much praise and patience when accidents happened. Having a washer and dryer, along with a steam cleaner helped with keeping our sanity. We kept her in undies all day and she knew where her change in undies were at and changed herself immediately. This was a big sign that we were not going back to diapers. She is on her third week of potty training. At first she was very scared of flushing the toilet, but when she overcame her fear, she was thrilled with excitement and we were thrilled with her. We must take her potty chair everywhere we go and she asks to pee often. She is now becoming familiar with the big toilet and now prefers to sit on that. She empty's her toilet in the big toilet and gets upset with any help. She wants to be very independent in all events of potty training. Changing self, wiping self, and cleaning up after her self. It took so much praise for her big girl accomplishments. There are no rewards now, but for the first week we offered a little candy. Don't give up, as it takes so much patience. When an accident occurs, help him out graciously:) Best of luck!

I wouldn't worry or push this too hard. Our pediatrician said that the average boy potty trains at 3 1/2! It sounds like you are pushing him to this before he's ready for it. I'd suggest getting the book "Everybody Poops" and read it with him. My son loved it. I wouldn't make a big deal out of his mishaps with going to the bathroom, but celebrate when he wants to try going on the potty and has success! When he's ready it will just click and he'll start asking to go! If he's having multiple accidents a day, I would suggest putting him back into a pull-up until he is showing more signs of readiness. He is probably dealing with some embarassment if he keeps messing himself in his underpants. That's the last thing you want to do for him. I would also suggest your read the book "Potty Trainign in One Day." It has a great section on determining if your child is truly ready. You may be surprised at what you find after reading that section! He's probably just not there yet.

Best of luck to you as I know it can be a very trying time! We prematurely tried to potty train our son and realized he wasn't truly ready yet as we had though, so we waited three months and tried again. Then he was ready and wanted to proceed with the process.

My son is 27 months old and we tried at 24 months, and he just wasn't ready. Didn't display ALL or most of the triggers. He holds his pee almost all night, and will say 'diaper change' when he's too wet for his comfort but, as far as going to the potty on his own...not ready. I had to struggle with explaining this to his Dad (don't live together) who was trying to potty train him when he had him!!

I have done a ton of research on-line, and found that most kids need a consistent plan, recognition adn to be ready. But, unless they are ready it can be a battle, and really should peeing in the toilet be a point of contension with a toddler?

My friend waiting until her son was displaying all the signs, and he little dude was potty trained at 37 months old, and it took just three weeks!

Be patient, he'll get it...just let him do it at his pace.

stick with it mom, being consitent is a must, when he gets up in the moring he goes to potty chair, then after breakfest potty chair, after lunch potty chair, anytime he has something to drink with in 15 to 30 minutes sit him on the pootty chair, give him a book to look at, run the sink water, let him stick his fingers in water, after dinner potty chair, then before bed time, praise praise praise just for sitting, if he goes praise praise praise, you have to stick with the schedule, if you dont you will start all over again..

After 23 years experience of Potty Training...(I'm a successfull child care provider in Irvine) I has been my experience that I would not even attempt potty training on a boy before he is three. (I have had about three boys trained prior to three..but they took the iniaitive.

Boys are much slower than girls...and all you will do is make yourself crazy. As a respected professor and Pediatrician once told me...if you do nothing..it will happen. It's just biological! In the he most underdeveloped countrys in the world...children will take care of it themselves.

SO my advice is to not stress. Back off...if possible put him in an environment where others are potty trained. Modeling behaviour is the way to go. They want to do what others are doing. Perhaps put him in a half day programs a few mornings a week.
Hope this helps!

I sooooo feel your pain! My son is now 3.5 and we've been potty training him since he turned 2! It was hit and miss with pee from the get go. He would poop in the potty most of the time on his own. Then when he turned 3, something clicked and he got it.

I think him being in preschool 3 mornings a week and being around other kids who were also potty training and the potty schedule they have at school helped tremendously. He still has a pee pee accident about once a day or every other day. But now it's because he is too busy doing an activity and doesn't want to stop to pee. So we are still working on it.

The biggest thing I have learned with all this is, don't stress about it. The best piece of advice my pediatrician gave me when my DD was born 1.5 years ago is, "Most kids will walk and talk by age 2 and most kids will potty train by age 5". It may not happen at the pace we want it to, but eventually our kids "get it" and get passed every developmental stage with ease.

So I try not to stress about the potty training with my son....but I still get upset when I have to wash yet another set of bedding or wet pants :(.

Hopefully my DD will be easier to potty train. At 18 months she already tells me that she went poo poo and points to her butt right after she does it. Such a prissy girl she is. From Day 1 she never liked being in a poopy diaper and will cry until someone changes her :).

So keep at the potty training. If you are feeling to stressed out by it, take a break for a couple of days and put him back in Pullups. The worst thing that can happen is your son starts to feel your stress and starts to get negative feelings about going to the potty because of it.

Good Luck!

Aloha,

Okay you may get a lot advice from people so here are two tips from a mother of three!
You can do one of two things-
First if you are serious about potty training, and you think your son is ready, (personally it doesn't sound like it) then go only with underwear, or none when you are home, set a timer for every ten minutes, and only show positive praise even if he pees on the ground even give him some kind of a treat! Make him feel special!!!
2cd tip I had to do this with my first daughter, go back to diapers only diapers! and be done with the potty training all together, and when he is ready he will let you know. Try this it is really hard, but try not to force it, because if he is not ready I have heard and agree it can mess him up for years to come. My daughter tested us for at least a year, when I finally gave in and didn't worry about it anymore she basically potty trained herself, and this was the advice that was given to me! Have a blessed day!
Aloha
J.

The child has to be ready. One of my kids brought me a diaper after she had wet the one she was in. That told me she was ready. The second one didn't care. My spouse noticed that he wanted a two-wheeler bike like his older sister. So my spouse made a deal with him (he was almost four!), if you are potty trained you can get a bike like your sister. Well, three days later he was completely dry during the day, used the potty, and was night dry within a week. Motivation! He got his little two wheeler bike with the training wheels of course. My third child was able to use pullups and he pretty much trained himself before he was three. He did not like wet diapers. We used pullups at night for a few months, just in case, but by his third birthday he was ready for preschool with no problems. Each child is different. GIrls are faster than boys. Average age for me was about age three. Good luck. My suggestion is to find out what he really REALLY wants more than anything in the world and then make a deal. Also try the pullups. I wish they had them for my first two kids!

Leave him alone, he's not ready. Also, the older ones always digress a little when the younger one comes along. My daughter was over four before she was completely potty trained and she was an only child until recently. I know how hard it is to wait but be patient, he'll come around.