Potty Training Nightmare.... - Wingate,IN

ugh.. what a pickle.. My son and first baby was potty trained AFTER his little sister ( she's 18 mo. younger ) With her, all we had to do was say " it's time to forgo the nappys and start going in the potty." she was like " oh THATS what i'm supposed to do" Dane was a bit MORE strong willed, mostly due to the fact that when he was at age he saw that evil movie " look who'se talking too" and the toilet turned into some demon from hell,, so he was so scared.. even when Liv. started potty training he freaked b/c the peepee monster was going to bite her butt off... Yup.. BAD move on our part.. By the time babies #3 and #4 came about the two oldest were old enough to help with the nappy changes and got sick of helping mommy.. they trained the two younger ones..
My friend has a 4 1/2 yr. old who refused to potty train until last month.. It took Aunt A., ( me ) taking him out to target so he could pick his own training seat. He chose the kind you stick over the regular toilet seat. NO problem after that... You may want to try this.. If they pick it out ( keep repeating the reason WHY you're going potty shopping ) it could work for yours too... Who cares if she picks out a race car one or something boyish,, something you may think too grown/babyfied.. bottom line is that it's her taking charge of this and she may want to relate this with taking charge of her potty time.
had to edit this one when I remembered which one he picked out... it was a pink flowery one.. Once my friend saw it she was all against it.. He said "no mommy watch me" he took it in the bathroom and sat and did what he needed to do. She isn't so against flowers for her little man.. HAhahahaha

This is a hard one, here is my suggestion. 1-truly let it be. take on last day and say, we are not going to do this till you are ready, till then you wear diapers. then let it go. 2-if she is smart...you take away things she would like since she is not going potty. You say... I know you like to...whatever here "do ballett" "eat chocolate" etc, but only big girls get to do that, and big girls go on the potty. When you decide you want to go on the potty, then you will get to.... This puts in her hands. Actions bring consequences for all things and she can choose to do this...as she has chosen to not do it in the past. your choice is to now not allow extra things. That might give her some incentive. You already know the bribing and shaming does not work..they only dig their heals in more. So put on a "I really don't care attitude" and see what happens. It may take a few weeks, but I bet you see a change.

I would still give her sometime, I know a few little girls that didn't potty train until they were 4!!!

You can also try (don't push)to tell her about kindergarten and explain that she needs to go pee-pee on the potty before she can start school. You can also try putting her into a dance class and use the same thing telling her she has use the potty to be able to go to the class.

Hope this helps a little
A.

I know you said you tried stickers, but have you tried a sticker chart? This worked AMAZINGLY with my daughter. It is a chart and you label one row "pee" and the other row you label "poop". Each time the child goes one or the other, they get to pick out the sticker and place it next to the appropriate row (if they do both they get to do 2 stickers). You put the chart directly next to the toilet that the child will be using the most. Not only did I let my daughter pick and place the sticker on the chart, but she also got an M&M or a Hershey kiss each time she went. It really works because they can actually see the progress that they are making by looking at the chart and seeing all the stickers. Another thing you can do to really get her excited about the process is to take her with you to the store to actually pick out the stickers you will be using on the chart...BUT make sure she understands those are only stickers for the potty chart, and she can only get them if she goes to the potty. DO NOT give them to her for a reward for anything other than the potty. Hope that all makes sense. :) Feel free to ask me if you have any questions. My cousin had the same issue with her little girl, and I told her about the potty chart. She said it worked instantly with her little girl. Good luck!

Here is an example:

The Potty Chart

Pee :) :) :)

Poop :)

My son "magically woke up" after a year of every person that took care of him consitantly taking him to the bathroom every 2 hours. He did not "wake up" until after we showed him all his best friends at school went potty in the potty and not in their pants, that sometimes they have accidents and that's ok but most times they go in the potty. We also told him if he didn't go in the potty he was going to have to go back to the baby room because kids that don't pee in the potty aren't allowed in the big kids room. He "woke up" after that conversation...and started going regularly with few accidents (like one a month or so). Potty training takes devotion and patiences. You can't punish for accidents because that makes them afraid to go at all. Talk to her in a calm environment outside of the bathroom setting, and find out why she won't go in the potty. Have grandma or someone else that she talks to often talk to her if it helps you from getting frusterated. (That's what I did). We found out so much this way. It's stressful, but stick with it, be consistant and hang in there. It will happen!

M.,

I am totally with you. My 3.5 daughter is just now starting to get it. And we tried EVERYTHING. My question to you is; if you are working full-time, what is her child-care provider doing to help this situation?

What finally turned it around for us is TV and DVD tickets. We had tried NO TV at all without a ticket (about six months ago) but she just shrugged it off and played with tinker toys. Arrgh! Backfire! But this second time around, it seemed to do the trick. If she tinkles on the potty, she gets a ticket for one tv show. If she poops, she gets to watch a DVD. And we went to the retail shop and bought a new-to-her Madeline movie to give her some incentive. So she began to take me seriously when we started that. Once she began to pay attention to her body enough go on the potty, I praised her like mad and told her how smart she was. And that is what is doing it.

My suggestion is to let her know next weekend - or the weekend after that - that you're going to have NO PANTS weekend. And remind her throughout the week periodically that it's coming. I would allow her to have very loose shorts on so she could play outside if she wants but inside, nothing. Keep a little potty nearby where she's playing. Make it your mission that weekend to get her used to listening to her body. Don't get angry when she has an accident, cause she will. I would even involve your littlest girl to join in so that it's a game for both of the girls. Have a grab bag of small candy or small toys that they can dip their hands in and choose from when they go. Make it a party weekend for the both of them. But put diapers back on your little girl because she IS still a baby, and let your daughter know why.
When your big girl does go, remind her how out of this world intelligent she is. That you knew she could do it.

Right now, she's using this as some form of controll over you. You want her to do it, so she's not going to do it. Take the controll over from her. Make it fun, active, even a running game for one solid weekend and see what happens.

Good luck to you all!

J.

Hi M.:

It sounds like you are very frustrated and that is certainly understandable. Children this age can be very stubborn. It is their way of investigating -- "how much can I affect the world around me?" This is normal.

My suggestions to you are:

1. Try to find some patience and remember -- ALL children eventually learn to use the potty :)

2. I know it is difficult when you only have a few hours every evening to work with your daughter, but make a decision to just DO it. Set a stack of panties and a stack of pants/skirts on the bathroom counter and resign yourself to the idea that there WILL be "accidents", and then just take it from there. If you just say, "Okay, no more diapers. You are going to wear big-girl panties from now on" and then stick to it, but don't make a huge issue out of it, I think she will get the message.

Once she has to wear wet pants a few times (uncomfortable), she will probably just choose to go to the potty herself. And I wouldn't worry about her "holding it". If you just ignore the fact that she is holding it, and leave the decision up to her, I think she will lose interest in being stubborn. She may be WANTING to get a reaction from you in this way.

Also, when she DOES use the potty, praise her a LOT!! Tell her what a big girl she is. Call Grandma, or Auntie, or Daddy, or ANYONE and make a big deal of it. When she has an accident, just be very matter-of-fact about it -- don't shame her or get angry or anything. Just say, "Oh dear. We didn't make it to the potty, did we? That's okay. Next time will be better!"

Just remember -- if she is just being stubborn, then by reacting with anger or frustration, you are feeding into it. If she just hasn't got the idea yet, then wet pants a few times may be just the incentive she needs.

Above all, remind her how much you love her -- no matter WHAT she does. Lots of praise for success and support for failures is always important, too.

Good luck and enjoy your daughter! :)

L. R