Potty Training Nightmare - Syracuse,NY

The best thing you can do is back off and wait til SHE is ready. YOU are ready but none of that matters because you cannot control her bladder and bowels. You can keep pushing the point and make it frustrating and unenjoyable for everyone involved, having accidents and holding pee and poop...or you can relax and wait until she is ready and have minimal accidents and less stress for all involved.

(FWIW, when my son started showing interest we bought the videos and the chairs and the sticker charts blah blah blah...he was interested in everything BUT peeing in the potty. It was a power struggle and a nightmare so we just dropped it. Literally one day he came to us and said he wasn't going to pee or poop in his pants anymore and he didn't. We have had literally ONE accident since.)

She's not ready---this couldn't be more clear. Put her back in diapers and try again in a couple months.

stop and try again in a few months....she's not ready....don't make this a battle of wills, you will have PLENTY of time for that with other issues

I finally got better at potty training when I learned how to relax about it. Let your daughter be the leader. Forcing potty training can be detrimental in so many ways. Tell her that you know she will learn how to do it and she can do it when she's ready. Leave the potty out if she wants to sit on it for hours let her. She is getting acquainted with the idea that doesn't necessarily mean she is ready to do it. As you back off and watch her she will give you clues as to what will encourage her to want to do it. Make it fun something that I did with my kids is take them in with me when I did it and talk about it. Talk about how cool it is that mommy can use the potty all by herself and this is how I do it. If there not interested no big deal it's planting an idea. Try again later. When she is ready you can take it at whatever pace she wants too. Give her lots of choices, this gives kids a sence of control in there own life very important. Let her choose do you want to wear a diaper today and practice on the potty a couple times, or do you want to wear underwear and practice on the potty a couple times. You could even start with one time a day. First thing in the morning or lunch time, or bed time practice. There are so many different philosophies but you know your child. It took me a long time to learn what would encourage my son, but I finally did and he had much more success. Another thing I would say it that it's very important not to show your frustration over it she will feel your tension and it will be more difficult. Lastly there is no requirement that she has to learn it by a certain time or age. We all learn different things at our own pace. With my kids there was a fine balance between giving them choices and there are certain times that you just need to practice. OK one more thing that I learned from Doctor Phil, that has helped my kids. After they have been able to do it for a bit when they have accidents you have them sit on the potty for ten minutes directly after this is not a punishment it is an association. That time there directly after will associate in there brain that that is were the pee and poop go. So when they have an accident you can say something like oops that goes in here and take them to sit on the potty for 10 minutes. Good luck. I know it can be very frustrating, but do your best to relax the more you do the more comfortable she will feel and be able to do it.

I agree with GW, don't force it now...try again maybe in December... Maybe she wants the toddler seat on the regular toilet? What we did with my son is this: The first time he pooped on the toilet (with the toddler seat attachment), actually was almost about to take place in his diaper. But when we saw from his face he was about to do a poop, or starting a poop, we scooped him up, took him to bathroom, told him something like "we're going to use the toilet now, see, look." pulled his pants down, and plopped him on the toilet, super fast. He didn't resist, he just sort of acted uncomfortable, but he was willing. As soon as the poop went down into the bowl, we said yay! Showed our happiness and pride. This would not have worked if he resisted, we would not have forced him to sit on the bowl.

Have you tried a rewards system? Than may help because it will giver her some incentive to sit there and actually go...check out more details here:

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/potty+training?utm_c...

I agree with GW. Although she may be ready, she needs to do it on her terms. This is one of those things that we cannot make them do. Leave the potty out if you want, ask her once in awhile, but don't make a big deal about it. When she wants to, she will.

You didn't say how old she is. But, it doesn't sound like she is ready. Leave the potty out. The fact that she is starting to be interested is great, but don't push her. If she keeps holding it, she is going to start getting UTIs and see the potty training as negative. Give her some more time, but I would start her on a routine. Have her sit on the potty several times a day at the same time. Only have her sit for a short time, if she goes praise her...If not, take her off. It is more to get her in the habit, not to make her go at this point.

I was sooo pulling my hair out over my son's potty-training saga. After what felt like months of stressing about it, I took the advice of others and just...let it go. I highly recommend the same tactic. If your daughter understands the mechanics of the process (how to pull down the pants, sit on the potty, etc.) then she IS potty trained, it's simply an emotional readiness issue. In a nutshell, my husband and I discovered this wisdom: If the child is ready, the process is easy and low-stress. If the child is not ready, it will be stressful and difficult for everyone! I agree with the poster who stated that just because YOU are ready to have her out of diapers, does not mean that SHE is ready. During some quiet time with your daughter, just tell her, "I've decided not to ask you anymore about using the potty. I know you know how to do it, and it is completely up to you when you are going to give up diapers." And then, even more importantly, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! It will take the tension out of the whole situation. She WILL get there, have no fear, and you will be telling one of your friends "I can't believe it, she just decided she was going to go, and she did!" And just so you know, my son was 100% potty trained at 3 years 8 months, which yes, is somewhat late, but he was ready and we didn't have to go through the whole drama with the "pooing but not peeing in the potty," or the "using a pullup at night" thing. We waited, he was ready, it took a minor investment of time to sit with him while he sat on the toilet. Basically, what I'm saying is that if it is indeed a "potty training nighmare" as your post is titled, it is a nightmare of your own creation and hence, you can STOP the nightmare. Best of luck!

Hi N....
How hold is your daughter is my first question? I have had an in home daycare for 15 years... if she's two she still has some time....let her keep trying the potty and even letting see you go potty! When your done with the potty use her favorite candy/snack as your reward!...but she can't get any until she does like mommy! No matter what,...swhe can't get any until she does it! I have alwaays used a seat on a regular potty... it is sooo much easier not to have to transfer to a big potty. If you get a seat... let it be her special seat... buy it together and get some stickers she can put on it! Along with the potty get a special soap holder.. a kitty..a pumpkin... agaain something she picks out. BUT she can only use these things if she goes on the potty! It's takes lots of time with some kids another thing in her juice in the am try alittle prune juice.. it will keep her from :holding it".... and you may find her pooping close to the same time every day. good luck!

Didn't read all your responses, but I like Jackie's idea. We had a "potty chart". I made about 8 spaces per day (made it on the computer and printed it). Put pics of his favorite characters on it. If you search the internet for reward chart and a characters name you'll be able to find them. Whenever he tried and actually went, we put a sticker in a box for that day. He got to pick which sticker (had a bunch of different types) and which box to put it in on the right day. If he got so many stickers per day (you can decide how many is appropriate) he got a prize - something very small. I didn't make this into a gift giving extravaganza. Good luck. It will happen.

How old is she? If she is three or older, get rid of the diapers completely.
Make it non-negotiable. Panties only. However, if she is 2 - 2 1/2 she
just might not be ready..

Take a break for a few weeks or months...then go back to it again. Sounds like maybe she is interested in the potty itself, as an item in her environment, but not ready for potty training just yet. There is no sense in wasting hours sitting on the potty and making it a battle of the wills.

You can not push the issue and let her just explore and move at her own pace. Just guide and support her and give her choices. She will eventually go on the potty.

Put the diaper back on and don't talk about it at all til the new year.

completely agree with everyone else. as my ped says, it will happen- no one goes off to college in diapers! it is easy to get stressed as a parent but imagine how the kids feel. very confusing and sometimes scary to them. then they pick up on our frustration and it goes downhill from there. i trained 3 and each one was different. when the time is right, just try different things and you will find what works for that kid. and the most important thing- don't listen to those moms that brag to you that their kid was out of diapers by 18 months and it was sooo easy. not helping the cause!! ps: i found summer was the best time bec sometimes it involves them running in the yard wearing his big sisters underwear and theres less to clean up! haha

when my daughter was 2 we started potty training. we gave her candy when she went on the potty and that was the only time she ever got candy. i have also heard that you should make them sit in their wet underwear and pants so they feel how uncomftorble it feels. try putting her on the potty every 15 min or so. she will learn. try not to use diapers at all during the day. pull ups worked well for us to. good luck.

Don't know how old she is, but sounds like she's not ready. Kids are naturally interested in potties but that doesn't mean she is ready to use one. I waited until my kids were 3 to start training them (luckily, they went to a preschool that allowed diapers so I had no rush). At 3, it took 2 of my kids about 3 hours to be trained. They might have had one accident and then they were trained. My third child (the younger of my twins by 23 minutes) could not get the hang of it even at age 3. After 2 or 3 days, I just stopped and waited another 4 months and then tried it again. Interestingly, when we tried again, he said to me "if I wear big boy underwear, will I still be your baby?" Once I assured him he would always be my baby, he was trained in a minute!

How old is she? It sounds to me like she's NOT ready. Put the potty away fro awhile & try later.

I agree with the other Moms on stopping for now and ltter he know when she is ready. I would also reccomend Elmo's Potty Time DVD.

My daughter, who is NOT fully trained yet, goes potty all the time and is starting to talk about wearing underwear. She knows she can't until she uses the potty all the time...

If you don't NEED her trained (ie for a day care or along those lines) don't rush it. It is so much easier if she wants to do it too.

Good luck!!

I don't know how old your daughter is but my advise is don't stress or push the issue. She sounds like she's really not ready. My daughter showed interest and then like yours... nothing. But one weekend she decided it was time and that was it (and she only had one accident). She was a little over 3 years old at the time. My neice was the same way - she actually would bring the potty into the living room and use it as a chair! It sounds like you're doing the right things... letting her sit on the potty and practicing with undies. Relax and it will happen naturally.