Won't Poop in the Potty

We're having the same issue with my 3 yr old son. He knows when he needs to go, but there's just something about pooping in the potty that he doesn't like. I've tried talking to him about it, but he can't explain what bothers him. I got so tired of the messes and laundry (and frustration) that I have him ask for a pull-up if he needs to poop. He has to sit on the potty and get his pee out, then he can have a pull-up for his poop. He stays in the bathroom to do his business, and then we go thru the whole ritual of dumping, wiping, flushing, washing hands, and he gets right back into underpants again. We haven't had a poop accident in underpants since we started this. It isn't a perfect solution, but it works for now.

I still have one that squats on the toilet (feet on the seat). maybe just letting her choose this more natural position will do it for her. (none of my other three ever did anything except sit 'the normal way,' so ... who knows!)

Well, as I learned with my two, there are three things you can't make a child do, sleep, eat, and poop on cue...(sigh). I think you should back off and make it a non issue. I know this probably makes you want to throw up your hands and run out of the room, but every thing comes at its on time.

And I say this as a mother of a son who was not trained until 4 1/2 years...(sigh). And I had a younger daughter that was trained before he was. The thing that finally did it was his preschool teacher said to me in front of him that she didn't change diapers in class. And all the other kids were potty trained. Well, my son was trained over night.

I would never, ever make my toddler clean up dirty diapers!! That is mom's job. Have patience and she will be trained.

my 2 1/2 year old girl is the same way.. only she will hold it and just not go. so, we've been back in diapers. i will be interested to hear what moms have to tell you. i do know in really bad circumstances there are actually "poop psychologists"!!!

A way to possibly tell if it's a control issue is to completely ignore the poop issue. No special adjustments such as telling her to tell you so that you can put a diaper on her. Tho that might help. When she makes a mess, clean it up without any sort of emotion. Act as if pooping in toilet is not important to you.

I think that telling mama that she needs to poop and doing it in her diaper could be a developmental issue or even a security issue. She/he may feel more secure with a diaper on. She may poop because she relaxes knowing that there is a diaper on. She may have learned how to hold it but not how to let it go.

One reason that some toddlers/preschoolers won't use a toilet is that they're afraid that part of them is being flushed away. This would seem to me to possibly be a fear because poop has shape and substance and it came out of their body.

Waving "bye bye" along with an explanation on their level that it's good for poop to go bye bye. This won't work for some kids. Using a potty chair could help with this too if Mom doesn't put the poop in the toilet and flush it in the child's presence.

How long has your daughter been using the toilet for pee? Being able to poop in the toilet comes much later for some children.

If this were happening with me and my child I'd try not paying any attention to when and where she poops for a few weeks. I think, that if you don't make a big deal of pooping she will be trained by August. I wonder if you've connected going to preschool with pooping in the toilet? That would be a natural way to try to encourage her. However, she may be anxious about going and thus not want to poop in the toilet. Her anxiety may not be obvious. She may even be enthusiastiv about going at the same time she is anxious about it.

K....

We just went through this business at our house. My daughter will be 3 next week. She had a lot of success with #1, but was not into pooping at all in the potty. I had read a lot that it seems to be a few weeks or months after the kiddo starts doing #1 routinely before the #2 seems to start happening. I was really pushing her to poo in the potty, candy, stickers, etc, to no avail. So, I backed off completely, asked her to please tell me to put a diaper on her if she had needed to go poo. It worked. Only a couple weeks went by of asking for a diaper before she did it all by herself in the potty. I think it was all about power...she didn't want it to be about me, she wanted to do it by herself. We did discuss what she would earn (in her case, a chocolate ice cream cone with sprinkles) and posted a picture of it by her potty, but that was it. I didn't push it anymore. I would suggest taking the pressure off completely for awhile, don't stress about it, and see what happens. When she's good and ready, it will happen. Good Luck!

I have a3 year old daughter and has not piped in the potty but no problem peeing in the poty. She has major constipation issues and now her preschool says she can't be in the 3 year old class!! I'm livid!!!! Help?! Is this legal?

K.,

Your little girl sounds like my then 4 year old son. He'd pee no problem, but we could NOT get him to poop. Condensed version of the advice I got from this site that worked for me:
1) made him clean his own messes in the bath tub with the coldest water I could get out of the faucet (he hated it).

2) I made a calendar and bought stickers. He'd get a sticker if he could go the whole day accident free (nights were secondary). Once he went 10 days consecutive accident free he got to ride on the ferry near our house and get some ice cream on the other side.

3) Had a talk with him one night at dinner about going potty and if there was anything that scared him about going. From that I learned that we had monsters in out toilet that wanted to get him/his poop (think splashing). So, after dinner we gave him a step and I showed him how to climb up and squat on the seat so he could see below him and tell those "monsters" to go away (never had an accident in his pants after this one).

Hope this helps, if you want the full 60 or so replies I got I'd be happy to send them to you.

Melissa

I just went through this with my son. He would poop in his underwear and tell me that he had an accident. Yes, it gets tiring to keep cleaning the underwear, but just be patient. I wanted to go back to diapers/training pants desprately, but my husband talked me out of it. We have came this far...don't go back. He still has his accidents at times, but he's fine now. I don't know what it is that makes them not want to poop in the toilet. You can't force them either. It's one of the few things that we as parents cannot control in our child's life. We too did a sticker chart for about three months straight - I did slack this last month. I would tell him that it's ok that he had an accident (even though I know he knew he was pooping in his drawers), and that mommy will clean him up (same as daddy). And question him if he knows where the poop goes. He would reply in the toilet and I would tell him that's right and that maybe next time he could try pooping in the toilet. He would normally say "Oh". What a response, but hey go with his flow and not yours. Good luck - it's very frustrating, but it will end.

i live in gaston also and i have a potty training dvd. its great! you can barrow it, if youd like.

A.

I know one thing that worked for my husband, his siblings, and his nephew was to make the child clean up the mess - they have to dump the poop away, help wipe their bottom off (you do the afterwards to make sure its really clean), etc..

The yuckiness apparently helps with "motivation"..

try making her clean up mess....
also stay home for a week playing mostly in back yard and no diaper no underwear ...with potty right there. Watch her and if you see signs that she is starting to go pick her up and put her on potty. If any poop gets in potty have a MAJOR celebration.

Good luck.

Hi K.,
I can understand where you are coming from... not pooping in the potty is frustrating. My son, who turned 4, last month has only recently started pooping in his potty. He won't poop in the big potty he'll only poop in his little potty in his room.
He used to ask for a diaper anytime he wanted to poop. Eventually I got tired of this game and we just ran out of diapers.
Since all kids are different, Here are some things you can try....
try to make your daughter clean herself off after she poops in her pants. put her in the tub and tell her you will help, but that it's her poop and that she needs to be responsible for cleaning up her messes. i tried this one but it backfired because when I put my son in the tub, he just wanted to play in the water and he wouldn't help me clean him... and it turned into a fun thing to do... when you do make sure you act completely unfazed by the fact that she went poop in her panties again.
or you can see if she is interested in asking for a diaper or pull up when she makes poop. it may be that she's just not ready to sit on the potty to poop, it is a different feeling. and then try again to use potty for poop again a few months down the line. my son was pretty predictable about when he makes poop, he always wants to be alone in his room... even now his little potty is in his room, and he repeats the same basic behavior that he did when he was using a diaper. one day i hope to convince him to go in the big toilet, but for now i have to settle for a small victory.
good luck,
T.

I had the same problem with my girl except that she did start to hold to poop till they became hard and uncomfertable. My best advice is just remember something my dad, an elementary school principle said "Nobody goes to kindergarten in diapers." I know it is frustrating, but the best thing you can do is be paitient and keep encouraging her to use the potty without pressuring her. One thing that helped for us was anytime she was farty we asked her to just try to poop for a few minutes on the potty. She might just not be reading her bodies clues that she needs to poop until it is too late, and as my hubby says "farts are like carelessness, poop waiting to happen" (only he uses more vulger language)

Have her help clean out her underpants. Once she sees how "fun" it is to clean up, it may put it into a different perspective for her. I would also watch her and try to catch her before or as she goes and rush her to the potty. Don't expect her to get there on her own, since it sounds like she isn't.