Preschooler Potty Training Nightmare!!!

I have a Childcare in my home and have potty trained about a dozen children, I always ask the parents for underware. I never use pull ups because they are basically diapers. I also tell them that big girls and boys go on the potty, now we have a trampoline in my back yard and only big kids are allowed on it not babies. So this is an insentive for them. So find something that big kids do, like go to friends houses, or whatever you think she may enjoy when she is finally a big kid.
Is she talking about school and riding the bus? Let her know that only big kids can do that.

My son was 3 and a half by the time he was potty trained. He turned 5 in January and has just recently stopped having accidents daily, though he cannot stay dry at night. I just decided one day enough was enough, bought some more underwear, put him in underwear instead of pull-ups and he was trained in a week. But like I said he had accidents all the time. So I don't really have too much advice for you. I would take away the pullups and make her wear underwear. Don't punish her for accidents but I agree with having her take care of things herself if she wets. We do that in my preschool class with one of our 3 year olds and it seems to work. Also reminding her to go every hour or half hour might help. I also agree you should talk to you pediatrician as almost four is quite late for a girl to not be trained and there may be a physical reason for it. Also punishment is really not recommended for potty training - the only time i ever punished for an "accident" is when he REFUSED to go when told, even though we could tell he had to go, was shaking his legs and dancing around. I hated it but I would actually have to threaten him with a spanking if he didn't go. He still needs to be reminded frequently. He also has a sensory processing disorder whihc might have something to do wiht it though.

I'm in your boat! I may end up just putting undies on my son and letting him pee himself. Also, I told him they aren't making diapers for him anymore..If they aren't willing and ready to train, they won't do it, so you are sort of at their mercy.. My son can and has used the potty, he chooses not to.. I totally believe it's a control thing.. it's one thing in their life they have control over..

I wanted to suggest that you get the "Potty Power" video (we found a copy through the library)for her because it helped us. It explains the whole process in a fun silly way and my little boy loved to watch it. Also it talks about the difference between babies and big kids and we would talk about how Molly was the baby because she slept in a crib and wore diapers but Ryan is a big kid and big kids use the potty. One benefit I wasn't expecting is that after Molly watched it too she wanted to use the potty like Ryan, lol. Try to be matter of fact about it, I even stopped asking if he had to go potty and soon Ryan just did it on his own. There were lots of accidents to clean up and I will admit that it was a horrible time but just hang in there, she will get it eventually. Good luck!

I'm sorry but I really have to disagree with the feedback given here so far. It's a control issue yes- whether or not they can yet control their muscles not whether or not they can control you! Some children, for various reasons, just don't have the muscle control or just don't pick up on the clues that it's time to go. Punishing them or forcing them is just unfair & harsh. I'd suggest you start with having her seen by your pedi- rule out UTIs which can be asymptomatic but be a contributing factor in accidents. Once that is ruled out or treated if there is one present, talk to her about what it feels like to her when she needs to go. She may just not get yet that these sensations mean it's time to go. I'd switch to a cloth diaper or training pant, as pull-ups and diapers are so absorbant they keep a child from being able to tell they have gone.

I am only responding, because I'd like to see what people say. I have an intelligent, active 3.3 year old, who also "refuses" to be potty trained. I too have tried everything. I am looking forward to when it is summer and he can just go naked in the backyard! Hope you don't mind the intrusion on your question! :)

Boy, it takes patience, doesn't it? My son will be 4 in June and has only started using the potty in the last few months. He wouldn't poop in it until last month. He still has semi-frequent accidents and needs a pull-up overnight. I had tried lots of different things too, but it wasn't until I laid off of the issue that he decided one day to use the toilet on his own. Seeing his cousin (who is a few months older but smaller in size) use the bathroom with ease helped, too, I believe. Maybe your 2 year old will "peer pressure" your 4 year old to go ahead and try it out! I know diapers are expensive, but maybe if you give it a little more time and ignore the bathroom issue for a while, she'll decide to use it on her own. (that's actually wha the doc. told me to do).
Gooduck!

When I was working and my Daycare provider was having a difficult time potty training my 3 year old son she would make him change his own pants when he soiled them. He was potty trained in a couple of weeks after doing this. This may sound harsh, however when it come to potty training it definitely is a control issue, so give them the control to clean it up. good luck!

Hi there. I know exactly how you feel. I have a little girl who will be 4 in July and a 2 year old son. My daughter has only been trained for about a month now. We tried EVERYTHING....rewards, toys, bribes, big girl everything, every kind of underwear imaginable and it just did not faze her. Then, one day, her friend ( who has been trained since 2) came over and sat on our potty. My daughter suddenly took off her pullup, went into her drawer and put on underwear. She has been trained ever since. She still has a hard time with #2, but even goes through the night dry. It seemed like when I finally gave up and stopped talking about it, she did it on her own. Good luck!

I know what your going tho and its a witch if you know what i mean i have him peeing in the potty but he wont poop in it i dont know what worse with potty training boys or girls

Hi K.-
I truly agree with the no punishing during training. Also, the bigger deal you make out of the situation, the more reluctant children will be to train. I currently have my 3 y.o. in pull-ups and he usually will only go to the potty when we are out somewhere (i know...strange!) I frequently tell him "let's go potty". If he resists in any way, I let it go and just remind him if he needs to go, let me know and he can go on the potty. I think he will do it when he's ready. I am going to try regular underwear on the days he is not in school and see how that goes. You could speak with her pediatrician and see if he/she has anything to input. Good luck.

HOney I have had some of the same problem with my 3 yr old. she was doing good and than just stopped. I have just put her in undies and let her go. I keep telling her that she need to go try and if she wets or dirties than she will either get a spanking or have to sit in the naughty corner. She is now understanding after about a week of being punished for it she goes all the time