Hello ladies. I have a 3-yr old girl who has not yet been potty trained. It's a long story, we wanted to do it last summer but my husband who works from home and used to watch her didn't have the patience to follow her around and clean after she had accidents, and I worked really long hours. Now, since I just had another baby 7 wks ago, I thought it'd be the perfect time to potty train. So I tried right after the other baby was born. I thought timing was perfect. We were home, wouldn't be going out. I took of her diaper and put on regular underwear. However, my girl refused to sit on the potty (either the small potty or the big potty with the inserts we bought for them). She'd pee in her undies and then come and ask me to change them (she very quickly realized that I'd change her underwear right after she peed in it and she'd be dry again). We spoke to the pediatrician and she suggested we put the potty training on hold for a few weeks so that she can adjust to the new baby, so we did. Last week, I tried reintroducing the issue again. She (again) refused to sit on the big potty. So I took out the small potty that plays music, and bought a bunch of M&Ms for treats (her favorite candy). After 3 days of looking at it, she finally sat on the potty. BUT she sat on it for an hour and held the pee in, and I could see her struggle, finally she let go some of it. I got so excited I praised her and gave her a whole little bag of M&Ms only to realize a few minutes later than most of the pee ended up on the carpet in the next room. I should have known better....I didn't make a big deal about it, just told her to try to go on the potty next time she feels like going. Since then, she again refuses to sit on the potty and when I tell her about the M&Ms, she tells me she doesn't want them and to eat them myself. Serious. Now, I think she's ready. Every time she pees she tells me "I'm peeing" and every time she poops she tells me she pooped and to change her diaper. She tells me the poop is bothering her and she asks to be changed, and the same thing when she pees. I need to have her potty trained by September because the pre-K I want to put her in requires it. What do I do?
Hello ladies. I want to thank you all for your wonderful advice and update you on our progress. After reading all your responses, I decided last week to give the potty training another try. So last week on Wednesday (8 days ago), I took of Elizabeth's diaper around 3 pm and told her to tell me when she needs to go potty. I took off all the area rugs in areas where she plays and figured she'll pee all over. By 10 pm, she hasn't peed or pooped, held it in all that time. Finally, around 10, she brought me a diaper and said "put it on." I said "no, you're too big for diapers, not getting one again." I thought she'd pee in her underwear --- WRONG --- a minute later, she pulled down her undies, sat down on the potty and peed about a pint :o) I couldn't believe it. The next day, we went straight to underwear ( from a night diaper) and had no accidents all day. I put the potty next to her wherever she was, stayed home all day and asked her every ten minutes if she needed to go. It was amazing, pee and poop in the potty. The next day, we had two accidents though ( a pee and a poop in the underwear), but I played it like it was ok, next time I know she'd go on the potty etc. and it worked, we only had the accidents in the morning. The next day, the same thing, two accidents again. However, that day, which was a Friday, I took her to Walmart and bought her M&Ms (her favorite candy) and told her if she'd go on the potty, she get M&Ms. We also bought her favorite icecream (Skinny Cows) for when she pooped. It worked. Oh, and I also made sure she picked her own underwear from the drawer, which she thought was a lot of fun, and we would empty the potty together to the big toilet, flush the toilet, then rinse out the potty, wash hands with some soap, try them, and then she'd give me a big "five" and go get a litle bowl to get her M&Ms. Since last saturday, we haven't had any accidents, and now we're at a point where I don't even have to ask her if she has to go, she will either tell me "mommy, it feels" and I'll tell her to go or she'll just pull down her undies without even telling me and then come to me (for ex, if I'm in another room) and tell me "look, I just did it." and she'll show me her pee or poop. She's so proud of herself too. I also by now have cut back on the M&Ms and she forgot about the Skinny Cows, but she does pick her underwear every morning (we went shopping a few days ago and picked up some Minnie and Tinker Bell and Dora designs) which she thinks is a lot of fun, and whenever we go out, the potty goes in the back of our jeep, so we don't use any pull ups or diapers anymore. The other day, we were at a playground and she told me she had to go. I took the potty out of the car, put in on the floor, and she peed right in it. :o) I can't believe how easy it was. Now, the next goal is to get her to sit on the big potty (with the insert on it), but I will give her a few weeks before I push for that. Again, thank you all for your wondeful advice and guidance!!!
Put her in panties and tell her she needs to use the potty. The next time she wets or poops dont rush to change her. Let her stay that way a bit. She will get the idea. They learn fast. She'll start asking to use the potty.
We put the little potty in the living room in front of the tv. My son was able to watch his favorite show while he waited for the pee to come out. It really helped him learn to relax and let himself pee (just a thought since you said she's been holding it in. He wold be watching his show and then all of a sudden look up at me and say, "Mommy, I peed!" He was always totally surprised it had happened. After a couple of days he really recognized the feeling and everything.
I would start be setting a timer for 20 minutes (after a day or so you can increase it to 30 minutes). Every time it dings say, "It's time to sit on the potty." After she goes, then reset the timer. It will be a little while before she's ready to tell you when she needs to go. For now, just keep telling her that it's time to go.
You could try letting her go bottomless. Some kids do not enjoy peeing while naked, so they are more inclined to use the potty.
She'll get it. Try not to stress.
The other moms have given some great advice! I have to agree, now isn't the perfect time to potty train your daughter, it's usually recommended you wait a few months after a new baby arrives before trying.
That said, with your schedule for Pre-K I understand your dilemma. You need to stay cool if you don't want to change her entrance date or school, but need to get in gear and start from scratch. If your daughter senses ANY pressure she'll continue to resist so back off a week or so and start off with a new approach. (I actually did this with my little guy and it's working.) And summer is really an ideal time to train, so hopefully this will work in your favor : )
Plan to stay home a week or so to really give this your best effort. Place her potty in a central area to all the activity in your home, preferably on tile rather than carpet, and make sure she'll be comfortable there. My guy wants it in his bedroom for now, he resisted the bathroom (too big) and living room (too much activity) and that's fine. Allow her to see you use the bathroom, I think this is helping my little guy. Keep her bare from the waist down, no panties, so she can go when she needs to.
Get rid of her diapers and pull-ups (they feel like diapers so there's no incentive not to go in them) and use slightly loose cloth training pants with plastic pants over them for when she needs to be covered so she will feel the wetness and poop next to her skin, diapers whick the wet away. (You'll save on diapers and can use these again when you train your next child.) I would save the panties a few weeks until she's using the potty mostly rather than going on herself.
Since M&M's don't work for her figure out what will. My guy has gotten to the point this week where he will just about pee on command, then stand to see my or whoever's around reaction, which is loudly clapping and praising him and telling him what a great job he did. Sometimes he asks for a star sticker (we got the book "Big Boys Use the Potty" on Amazon.com which came with stickers and a chart, they also sell a girl's version) and he wears it on his shirt for a bit, but not all the time so he's getting satisfaction from the praise. But pooping has been only twice on the potty a week ago and he tells me "No poop on the potty." So while I initially resisted using candy as a reward (I read somewhere an expert said we should never offer food as a reward, just stickers, a toy or trip to a favorite place, etc.) I caved yesterday and told him that if he poops in the potty he will get a candy, and his eyes lit up and he said, "Canny!" I now have a bag of Dum Dum pops that I plan to use... So talk with your daughter and see what makes her face light up, then try that as a reward.
I found an article that outlines how to potty train for preschool in the summer that you'll hopefully find helpful, here's the link:
http://www.memphisparent.com/article/prepare-preschool-now
Hang in there : )
Seven weeks after a new baby arrives in the home is not the ideal time for potty training. Adjusting to this new sib is a major process. Many kids regress even if they're already trained. I'd postpone potty training for another month.
In the meantime, set the little potty up in the bathroom or in front of the TV. When you go into the bathroom, take her with you and let her sit on her potty while you sit on the big one. Don't talk about going potty. Just allow her to get used to sitting and to be aware that peeing in the toilet is natural. Have some toys/books for her to look at.
One of my friends did this and her daughter who was 4 and needed to be potty trained for day care was dry in less than a week. She learned by example without being pushed to do something. Her body was ready and she was able to decide for herself that this was the way to go.
I understand your frustration! I have a 4.5 year old son who has an agenda all of his own - control issues. He started showing signs of readiness about 2-2.5...at daycare he'd go when they reminded him but at home would refuse - kicking and screaming - to even go into the bathroom. He got better and months later would go w/out even being asked at daycare but at home would refuse - would even wet/soil himself and not even care - would sit in it and be fine if we let him. We tried sticker charts, cheering (wildly), even scolding - didn't matter - he didn't really care. So, we let it be and noticed when we didn't mention it at all he'd start going on his own. Shortly after we had another child. Everything went back to as if he didn't even know what a toilet was (he was 3 then). We were understanding realizing it was typical of having a new sibling that this would happen. A few weeks later he got back into the groove (at daycare - yes, he went to daycare due to issues he has staying on schedule and his teachers suggested we keep him in daycare to stay on his routine) however at home he'd pee/soil himself constantly......to be honest, at 4.5 at home he still has issues; however what has been successful is finding his 'currency' which he LOVES Chuck E Cheese and Monkey Joe's....we draw 10 boxes on our blackboard - everytime he poops in the potty we mark a box off - when they are filled we go to either place he chooses. The key is finding what truly is exciting to your child and using that.......please however take my advice with a grain of salt as we still have rough potty days here!!!!!!! best of luck!
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We had lots of trouble with our daughter as well. What finally worked for us was to use a reward that she had never had before (for us, it was Oreo cookies). That worked better than rewarding her with her favorite treat. Plus, I think it did help for her to know that she to start using the potty by a specific date or she wouldn't be able to go to preschool which, for my child, was something she was really excited about - if that's not the case for your child, then perhaps plan a trip to somewhere she's never been but would love to go to, and say you'll cancel the trip if she's not potty-trained? I'm not talking an airplane trip, but somewhere like Sesame Place or the Bronx Zoo. Good luck, and try not to stress!! It WILL happen eventually!
My daughter was 3 and a half and refused to go on the potty chair. She would hold it and want a diaper and then would go in the diaper. So I knew she could hold it. Finally I refused to give her a diaper and told her she could pee all over the house she wasn't getting another diaper. She went right over to her potty and went.
Obviously, it was a war of wills at that point. And yours is a different situation. I have found a sticker chart to work better than candy. My second child the candy did work for a bit, but the sticker chart worked better. I let her pick out stickers she liked and she picked a toy or something she really wanted to like go to the kids museum and she would earn stickers towards that. And when she got all her stickers she got the toy or trip to museum. We also did that with pooping. And then moved on to behavior stuff later.
Good luck. It's tougher when it becomes a war of wills. I think the key is to make it like something big girls do. I know that having a baby around might make it even harder. She wants that attention and she's getting it by having accidents.
But every child is different and may react to different things. For some it may be m&ms. for others sticker charts. Be strong. You'll find that thing. Someone once said you never see high schoolers in diapers do you? She'll get it.
Bonnie,
Leave it. She has to make the connection herself of body message then her reaction to it by getting on the potty. I disagree totally with charts/treats etc for going on the potty. No one praises me when I make it there 'in time'! No other adult in society gets that either.
She's smart. She's also learning. And telling her what to learn and how to apprehend it might be not just confusing, but a difference of wills.
Leave her in a diaper. At one point, my son refused to take off the underwear before the diaper - and with obvious results - and when I put the diaper back on him after removing the underwear, I could see the gears working. I didn't have to say anything, I didn't have to do anything. He learned it himself. (he pretty much potty trained himself. it started with some pees, zero poo, then he made the connection for the elimination part of it, then he got MAD at me in March when I put a night diaper on him. It was the last time!)
She 'knows' but she doesn't "know". She's learning. She's gotta figure it out for herself, and you may not help by telling her. Each time I told my son to 'go try' he said 'I don't have to' (not have ot try, but not have to pee!) It wasn't until MUCH LATEr I could help him make that connection. If we are going to the playground, there are NO potties. You can tell your body to TRY. If nothing happens, that's okay! And I kept it simple like that).
Good luck,
M.
I am going thru the exact same thing. Can't wait to read the answers!
I used the timer set for 20 min too. For the first couple days, I would set it for 40 minutes if she went pee in the potty and 20 minutes if she did not. Potty training is extremely time-intensive and all-consuming in the beginning, and you must be consistent. My daughter also watched hours more tv during those few days--we put her little potty in front of the tv so she would be motivated to just sit there and relax. Try to act relaxed yourself, because if she senses that you are stressed out about it, then it can become a power struggle between you two. Don't punish her or get worked up about "accidents", because she can use the negative attention to her advantage to get more attention from you during this time at home with a newborn baby. Also, no more diapers or pull-ups except for overnight and naps; change her into cotton training pants as soon as she wakes up. Just put lots of towels on your floors and expect to clean up a lot of messes for a few days. Or, put a pull-up on TOP of her thick potty training panties so she can still feel the wetness on her cotton panties. After a few days, if you stay at home and stay consistent, then she should basically "get it" after 2-3 days (she is not going to want to feel wet every hour for 3 days)... but expect the entire process to take several weeks and months longer before accidents become rare. Also, I didn't want to use food treats, and I happened to stumble upon a bag of balloons when we started the process. Every time our daughter was successful in the potty, she got a balloon. After a few days, she was so proud of the fact that our living room was covered in balloons! Good luck. It sounds like your daughter is ready but just needs the few intensive days of "potty boot camp." I personally feel like getting your kid potty trained is as big an accomplishment as getting your baby to sleep through the night, so expect it to be very challenging for both of you... but rest assured that no matter what, it will happen!!
Don't forget that her telling you that she needs to go potty is one of the last steps of the process. For now, and probably for a while, YOU have to tell her to go. Good luck!
