Having Trouble with Potty Training - Papillion,NE

The more you fight with her the less she will want to do it. Its one of the things they can control and they can be very stubborn. You should discuss the wiping situation with her daycare. If they are not wiping her properly and she is getting sore she really won't want to try the training or be wiped if she keeps getting rashes. The timeouts probably won't work as it will start a battle and she will most definately win. She maybe just isn't really ready yet. All kids are ready at different ages. Maybe you should back off for awhile and then try again later.

I was having the same frustrations. My daughter is almost 3 and she also is a very smart little girl so she knew that she wasn't supposed to be going to the bathroom in her underwear or pull ups. I eventually after much frustration on a weekend put her in her underwear and everytime she would have an accident it was highly uncomfortable because the underwear dont' pull the pee away from her body. If you don't want her peeing all over everything get the little plastic underwear to go over her regular underwear. Have you tried letting her go shopping and pick out her very own big girl underwear? That is what I also did with my daughter and she hasn't had an accident since.

Read: 'Raising your Spirited Child'. 15% of all of children are smarter than we are - which is why they cannot be "reasoned" with and are called "spirited". Spirited, smart children need tactically smart parents. This book will save your life. You are fighting with someone who knows exactly what her rights are and where your power ends (your power ends when you begin to fight). Read the book NOW! You will not regret this one Ann.

Smart girls are always up for a good fight. What she needs is an internal (intellectual) reason to potty train rather than an external reason: Your Anger or Her Ability to stay in her day-care.

Get her the books: 'Once upon a potty' and 'Everybody Poops'. Stop arguing with her and fighting... it is just making things worse for everyone involved.

In the end, what you really want is a cooperative and fun relationship with your daughter. The promise of Raising your Spirited Child is just this. You will go back to loving each other ALL the time - not just when she is doing everything right.

The potty training will take care of itself over time, however, you won't know how long it will take to heal the wounds of all the fighting you have been through thus far. I'm afraid you will have to let go of your timelines Ann. Kids potty train on their schedule, not yours.

Hi Ann, as a mother of a little girl with bathroom problems, some day's it feels like the end of the world. I had to take my daughter to a specialist because she REFUSED to poop. I'm talking like, she would sit on anything to keeping from comming out. Her feet were always sore from sitting on her heel. Anyway, the specialist said don't disapline that behavior. It can become a need of attention. He said when a child won't go to the bathroom, it is usually because something tramatic has happend to them. He said your thoughts of tramatic and a 3 year old's thoughts of tramatic are extreamly different. It could be that she isn't getting wiped properly at daycare, and it is causing her not to go to the bathroom at all, because she feels uncomfortable. If the poop isn't getting cleaned out, her thought? "my bottom hurts after I go, so I just won't go". And that's logical for a 3 year old. Only give rewards for the good behavior that you want her to do, and pay no attention to the behavior that you don't want/

Dear Ann,
We struggled with the same thing with our now 4 year old. The advice that works best for us was to let her do it when she is ready. I used the sticker chart and a special treat bag. What i did was went to the dollar store and got things she would just love. Put them in the bag on top of the fridge and every 5 star stickers she got on the chart she could pick a "special treat", this worked wonders. After i explained to her how it would work she couldn't wait to get those special treats. I made the charts on the computer and only used 1 and she was completely trained. But don't stress if this doesn't work for you, kids are all so different.

Hi, my name is T. I am 23 married and have two little boys 8, and 3, my 3 year old did very well with potty training, because we used an egg timer we would set the egg timer for 1 hr. each time the timer would go off we would set him on the potty until he went pretty soon (about two weeks)after we started the timer deal he would hear it go off and say potty time and be very excited to go. He knew it meant it was time for him to do something, like he had an important appointment that he just couldn't miss. It only took about two months with the timer and he really knew when its time to go go to the bathroom. Also you could let your child set the timer each time so they know it is for them it is there important thing they need to do for the day and instead of candy or stickers make a little jar that you could put a nickel in for each pee and a dime for each poo, my son loves getting paid like grown-ups, just a suggestion. I hope atleast some of this will help you. T.

My daughter wasn't trained until she was 3 1/2. We sent her to preschool and she saw the other kids doing it, so she wanted to too. At daycare do they make her try to go when the other kids do? I have always heard that they are going to train themselves in a way and with my daughter it was true. She didn't go until she was ready to herself. I probably wouldn't put your daughter in a time out because she will think of going potty in a negative way. Maybe try stickers, pennies, candy, etc. when she does go for a reward. It is frustrating - I thought we would be in diapers forever. Hang in there. It will happen.

With my daughter, we had to use the threat of not being able to go to preschool to get her potty-trained two weeks before school started. She was 4 1/2. With my youngest, I decided that I wasn't going to go through that again. First I bought the pull-ups that get cold when he pees, so that it wouldn't be so comfortable for him. Then we got him "big boy underpants" and plastic pants to contain the accidents, and I just told him sorry, I wasn't going to buy any more diapers. It's still not consistent, but at least he no longer prefers going in his pants.

I am starting to believe the whole "kids will train when they are ready" thing is just a ploy by the diaper companies to keep us buying their product. It is not natural for any young to be as comfortable in their own refuse as we make our children these days, and I'm afraid we are doing them a disservice to teach them it is okay to begin with.

Ann-
I know what you're going thru. When my daughter was about 2 1/2 she did the same thing. She knew she should go to the toilet to got potty but wouldnt make it in time. I started working w/ her....taking her 30 minutes or so after she drank or ate...that lasted for about a week...then she lost interest all together!! She would scream at me when I would take her to the bathroom. Finally I just took the advice from my sister and aunt...."Dont push her...She'll do it when she's ready!" I realize you dont have time to do that....so here's what I did when she finally had interest again (which was a couple months after she turned 3yrs) I started a sticker calendar for her. I sat her down and explained to her how it was going to work. Every time she went potty in the toilet, she could put a sticker up for that day (buy small stickers) Start out small, so if she made it 2 days in a row w/out an accident she could pick a reward(a cookie, piece of candy, etc) Then when she got a little more consistent, I would up the reward for her. Then shoot for 3 or 4 days in a row, with a little better rewards..The big prize was if she made it the whole week...she could choose to go to the park, go get ice cream, something like that. (going to the park worked for her because she REALLY enjoys that) I couldnt believe how much just that little incentive worked for her!
Good luck!

First of all, many children will do well for a length of time 1 or 2 weeks but then all of a sudden will revert back. Some thing to think about is to purchase the training pants with plastic over them where if she wets she will feel it more and possibility not like the feeling in which I would not rush to change her right away. I do think that a day care that is making it rule that she may not be allowed to attend if they are not potty trained by 3 is ridiculous. One other idea would be to have her pick out some new underwear and tell her that they are super special and can not get wet. As far as the rash put diaper rash medication on for a while to help repel the moisture on the skin this will help tremedously. She will get it.... I have never seen a teenager in diapers. Try to not make such a big deal of it or take off a week and just focus on a time schedule every hour or so she goes to the potty and reads a book (keep her interest on the potty this way) Best of Luck you will be fine

Good Morning . I do not have any advice for you I just wanted to let you know that I also have a very opinionated 2 year old who is doing the same things she went potty for a week than stopped and wants nothing to do with it she'll sit there than ask for a sticker or treat but will not go. She talks about it and understnds the concept but just does not want to do it. I firgured all I can do is keep asking her if she wants to go and not make too big of a deal about it and she will go at some point my friend's son and my neice both went about a week before they tunred 3 and from then on did it perfectly. Good Luck you are not alone

Don't have much advice on this since I'm in the same boat as you are. My daughter will also be 3 in June. She has her good days and her bad days. We try and reward her everytime she goes potty AND has a dry pull-up. She's been trying much harder now. We give her stickers and M&Ms. It's reasuring to know that they'll eventually "get it." Many Blessings!

If she is strong willed, I would back off for awhile. The more you push her the more she'll resist (I know this from experience training a very spirited and defiant boy and from seeking professional medical advice on this issue). If she isn't trained by your daycare's cut off date I would seriously consider changing to a daycare with more flexible rules. I think it is crazy that daycares kick out kids for this, although I understand their limitations. Parents have enough stresses. Good luck.

Hi Ann,

A week of using the potty is really not that long. But I can totally empathize. I was sooooo ready for my first daughter to be potty trained since I had two in diapers. I have done a lot of reading on this topic trying to get through this. One thing that I found out is that it is absolutely normal that potty training is not something that they learn and then you are done. Setbacks and reverting back to non-use are actually pretty normal. It is just very hard to take as a parent because we are so ready to be done with diapers. Here are a couple of things that I did to get my daughter back to using the potty when she stopped using it MONTHS after being potty trained.
1. At first I put her in pullups, but found that she had no incentive to use the potty in those. I kept her in panties so that it became more inconvenient for her if she wet herself.
2. I would make her stop whatever she was doing and go sit on the potty every quarter hour until she went on her own without having an accident.
3. I rewarded using the potty with m&m's. (a favorite treat of hers - I know my sister used tic tacs w/her boys) One candy for pee-pee, 2 for poo-poo. She got to the point where she stopped asking for her reward, so don't worry about creating a life time addiction to anything!

It is hard to follow through on these b/c it is inconvenient to do, BUT it is also inconvenient for your kid - who wants to be interrupted every 15 minutes?! So it will encourage them to get back on the potty faster. Also, I found I didn't even have to do it for half a day before she would just go on her own rather than deal with the 15 minute schedule and having to change wet clothes all the time.

I hope this helps! Grace and peace be with you!

Since, your daughter has "some" experience with potty training ... it's best to wean her from the pull-ups quickly. She is recieving mixed messages. As young as she is, she knows that she is allowed to go potty in the pull-ups and will continue that venue, and will refuse the toilet. Send her to day care with several changes of clothes and underwear, after you have done a week at home without pull-ups. Buy a tub of flushables wipes for her to use at daycare and home - let her pick out the package. Maybe it will be a less struggle to wipe. Inform daycare of the steps you are taking to help her with potty training and hopefully they will be accommodating to the process. And most importantly, make sure she's comfortable with being potty trained. There's a different age, stage, and technique for each child. Find one that fits her personality. It's a kid thing.

I had the same thing happen with my son when he was 2 1/2. He was going great for a week and then I had my appendix out, nobody took him for a few days, and it was back to square one. I backed off for about a month and then had a serious talk with him about if he pooped in the toilet, I wouldn't have to use wipes and it would be a lot better. He started doing it and within 2 weeks he was potty trained.

Give it a rest. Don't even talk about it. Let off the pressure and try again fresh and new in a month. My son would say things like, "I don't want to go to preschool" when I said he needed to learn before school. I knew then that he felt stress about it.

Have you tried using underwear intead of pullups? Many children potty train different in underware than they do in pullups. I knew one child at a daycare that I worked for that would go in her pull up all the time, but in underware she wouldn't. Go figure.

I know from experience that it's easier to say than hear, but the best thing to do is let your daughter take the lead. I'd drop it all together for a while...don't even mention it. And then after a month or so, you could ask her if she's interested. I didn't have the stress of a daycare deadline, but I imagine that makes this more difficult for you to wait...but it's the best thing to do in the long run. I wish you the best!