My oldest daughter will be three on the third of April and we are still struggling with potty traiing. She is doing well at the baby-sitters or with my mom or MIL, hardly ever has an accident. But in the last few weeks at home, she just doesn't want to cooperate. I will take her to the bathroom or she will tell me she has to go but she won't go. Then just a few minutes later she will have an accident. Once the accidents start she'll do it several times in a row! I don't think that she has a bladder infection or anything like that because as I said, she does fine away from me. I am beginning to think that it is just an attention getter. She thinks its funny that she's had an accident. Even if I get upset with her about it, she just laughs. She has an almost 14 month old sister, who really requires a lot of attention right now (okay- always requires a lot of attention!), so I am pretty certain that is a big part of the problem. I would like to hear some suggestions on how to react to these "accidents" and what I can possibly do to make it stop!
Well I am looking forward to see what this weekend will bring, as that is when we seem to have the most problems with potty training. I want to thank all the mothers that offered helpful advice and encouragement. I know that this is just going to take some time to work itself out. Cold showers and making her clean it up are just not my style, so I will try to remain patient as long as it takes her to master it!
As for the mother that read my question about potty training and took it as an opportunity to suggest that I am a divorced/single mother who dumps her children on family members and baby sitters at every opportunity, if one took a moment to read my profile, one would know that is simply not the case.
the less of a deal you make this situation, the quicker it will end. Add some repercussions to it, then it'll end even quicker.
Once I know that a child is fully potty trained, then they are responsible for all cleanup. This is not cruel, it simply teaches responsiblity. And when I say cleanup, I mean mopping - scrubbing the toilet - & all. This is done with my assistance. If it happens more than once in a day, then privileges are removed.
This is definitely a behavior issue, since potty training is training a behavior. To be honest, the simple solution is to PAY MORE ATTENTION TO HER. It sounds like you really don't spend much time at all what with her having a sitter, your mother, and your MIL all providing regular childcare. And as much as the little one might need a lot of your time, she will have to be ignored some to allow your 3 year old your full attention.
You don't say whether you work or are married or not, but in my experience, small children whose parents work or are divorced are often desperate for more attention because kids would prefer to be in the company of both of their parents for all of their waking hours. If you can find a way to work less or not at all and (if divorced) spend more time together with the kids and their father, you will find all of their behavior will improve. Good luck!
The best reaction is NO reaction to the accidents. Quietly (no speaking) and with no visible disappointment or anger (very matter-of-fact attitude) clean up the mess.
Be very positive and reward successes.
Be consistent about this, and it will turn around in no time.
If your daughter does well with baby sitters and MIL and your mom then you know she is potty trained and doing this to see if you are 'boss' and take time to notice her or if she is boss and baby sister is #1. I would take the time to do whatever you feel is needed but be firm so she knows you care but it's not a joke. Tell her often how proud you are of how well she does the other places and how much of a help she is to you by being so much bigger now, etc., etc. Praise works wonders and time spent with her will too. Talk to her about when she was a baby, 14 months old, and how nice that age is but how great to have a big sister, big daughter too, etc. She obviously feels like she needs more of your time and attention. I would guess in a few days it will be over.
She seems to need your attention. Maybe setting aside some time every day to play a game or do something just for her would bring your relationship back in line. It doesn't take much, as long as you show your genuine interest in connecting with her. Just doing this, keeping things positive, without conditions, could help her to want to cooperate for your attention, instead of going against you to get attention.
As far as reacting to the accidents, she might respond better if you kept 'low key' and 'matter of fact' about it. I know you may be frustrated, but if she seems you react emotionally, she might keep doing it just for the affect.
I am not at the point of potty training yet with my own daughter (and only have one child), so I cannot relate there. But I just wanted to offer some words of encouragement...I did not read this to be a matter of you not providing care for your daughter. Some women are blessed to not have to work, some simply choose not to work, and some do work outside the home. And I feel you are blessed to have help from a mother and a MIL. I also read that you have a great husband who helps lots in the home. My guess is (as I said, I only have one child) that it takes some time to adapt when you have an addition to the family. I have only been a mother for half the time you have been (looked at your profile), but I know that we learn new things everday, and while this seems so tough right now, in a few months (maybe just a few weeks or days) this will be a vaque memory.
Will be praying for you and your family!
I messed around for six months trying to potty train my second son, then founfd the book Toilet Training in Less Than a Day, and it worked, when he was 27 months. When she makes a mess, she needs to clean it up, and put the soiled laundry in the washer. Throw a cold shower in there to really take the fun out of it, and she'll change her ways. It sounds cruel, but I know plenty who swear by it, and I think it's pretty cruel of her to do that to you.
I also have to agree that this is an attention thing. Negitive attention is still attention in their little minds. Don't make a big deal out of it when she has an accident. Just tell her to go clean up the mess and change her clothes and keep doing what you are doing. We had similar problems with our oldest and once I stopped caring, she decided that she didn't like doing the clean up and all the sudden became potty trained. Also be sure to give the attention when she does a good job. I am all for small rewards, M&Ms or stickers work well, but they only work for so long. Your praise for doing it right will mean more to her.
