My daughter will turn 3 in August. We've had a potty available for awhile but for a long time she showed little interest in it, and I left it mostly alone. Wet/dirty diapers didn't bother her either.
Suddenly about two weeks ago out of the blue she insists that she wear underwear. I went ahead and put her in some to see what would happen. For the next few days she wanted to only wear underwear during the day, would sit on the potty frequently, but mostly had accidents with 2 successful potty trips in four days. We have also gone bare-bottomed for periods of time too.
After the first day or so being wet bothered her. Being dirty seems hit or miss, sometimes it bothers her and other times she still doesn't seem to care.
Today she had an accident in the morning, then was dry for 8 hours, and then had another accident.
She is very insistent on wearing underwear though at times will contently have nothing on. She is willing to sit on the potty (though some days she's very into it and other days just a little bit), and will ask to sit on it when she doesn't need to go. She also does sit on the potty on her own after she's had an accident. She's starting doing a lot of roll play with some of her toy characters with the potty as well, so I know that she's starting to get the concept. She is starting, I think, to recognize the signs/feelings for when she needs to pee. She tends to come running to me in a panic in the beginning saying, "Mommy I need to go to potty." But when we get there nothing happens. I think because she is tensing up. So then we go back to playing and this cycle happens a few times. Finally she'll come running to me demanding to have something on her or pants on her. It's like she knows she needs to go but wants something to go in instead of the potty. I don't think she has a fear of the potty but maybe a fear of going in the potty. I don't know.
We have a sticker reward chart in place that she is motivated by.
Part of me feels like if she is mostly just having accidents in her underwear is it detrimental to the potty training process to let her wear them and have failure after failure. On the other hand she is very determined to wear them and I don't want to undermine her attempts. And I do see progress in the last two weeks of being willing to sit on the potty, caring that she is wet, and starting to recognize when she needs to pee. With every change I give her the choice of pull-ups, underwear, or nothing. I'm trying to keep this all in her control and at her pace. However, I am starting to get frustrated with in being clear as day to both of us that she needs to go but instead she has the accident in her underwear. I just want this to be a positive experience for her that builds her self-confidence and doesn't deflate it.
Any advice/suggestions?
Once you go to undies I would not switch back, it is like saying "I don't think you can do this". Just keep at it and she will get the hang of it.
Your attitude couldn't be better, C.. Your daughter is so close to figuring it all out. Failures won't feel so difficult if you can keep it light: "Oh, let's go clean you up. You can try again next time!" She probably still hasn't quite figured out dimensions of the urge, especially if she's preoccupied with other interests, so try not to assume that she's deliberately ignoring the impulse.
If you notice she's having a "not interested" day, you might give her the choice of having a diaper or paying attention or getting interested again. It might be motivational.
Another thing that sometimes helps kids when they tense up and can't actually pee is to play with water, have a bowl or tub that she can dabble her fingers in, listen to and feel the water, maybe have a rubber ducky that can take in water and then "pee" it out again.
One day really soon she'll get it, and accidents will go way down.
I think that what you're doing is great. Frustrating, but great! Let her lead, with some loving guidance from you. Maybe play the "oh, mommy needs to go potty! Better hurry!" game and show her how you hold it until you get there and then say, "Ah!" and then pee in front of her so that she can see that it's relieving.
once they are in undies or trainers, never turn back. She will get it, give her time. There is a lot to learn.
Many say not to do it, but we bribed and it worked really well. My daughter loves sweets so when we initially tried it somewhat worked, but not well since she wasn't fully ready herself. 6 mos later we tried and that didn't work, but one week later my husband told her she could get a sweet if she went potty. everytime she went potty she got a sweet. that's how she got it. she regressed randomly 1 year later. sweets didn't work. she was into coins and filling her piggy bank. she got a coin every time she went potty and lost 2 coins if she had an accident. after 3 weeks of multiple accidents during the day she stopped. Gist is change the reward to something she really is into right now.
another thought is have her choose new panties and when she has an accident talk with her about if she wants these pretty new panties dirty and what to do to keep them clean. that didn't work with mine, but it is another option.
good luck!
I'm so glad you asked this question. The details of your little one's situation--stresses, accidents, and demands for underwear--are exactly the same as my little guy's.
I will say the thing that what has worked best for us is the 'race me to the potty' game. If I'm pretty sure he has to go, I will tell him I have to go and then we will race to the potty. Somehow he ALWAYS wins!! :)
He has the advantage of peeing standing up. I know he has a fear of pooping on the potty. He fears pooping altogether because sometimes his bottom hurts when he does (lots of food intollerances but we haven't identified them all). If you find out ways for help with this, let me know. :)
The ebook at 3daypottytraining.com was awesome-our 2.5 year old really was (pretty much) potty trained in 3 (very focused) days! All positive too! Totally worth it. Best wishes to you-she'll be so proud when she can keep those undies dry!
There are quite a few potty books out there for younger kids. I can't remember any of them now for the life of me! Lol! Maybe you could pick up a few and reward her with reading one of them each time she tries to go. My sister kept M&M's on her counter in the kitchen and each time her kids "tried" they could have 1. If they actually "went" then they got 3! It definitely motivated them to "go" more than "try"!
We used a kitchen timer, and called it the potty clock. We introduced it to our girls, set it for 30 minutes, and when the timer rang, we exclaimed "its potty time" and went and sat on the pot. Once finished, whether they went or not, we left the bathroom and reset the clock for 30 minutes. Repeated this every 30 minutes, all day long, for about a week, and then it taperred off and my girls were trained by the two week mark and we didn't need the clock.
Get some Gerber training pants covers to put over her underwear so you aren't cleaning up messes all day. Then check if your library has the DVD "1-Day Potty Training" (or something like that) and take a weekend to do NOTHING but sit on the potty every 30 minutes. She's not recognizing that she needs to use the potty, give her anything she wants to eat and drink and keep making trips to the potty. Any time she has an accident, do 5 practice runs to the potty. If you have a little potty seat instead of the kind that sits on the toilet, put it out in a room where she can play that has hard floors which are easy to clean up. Once she has getting to the potty down, then work on getting to the bathroom.
