Potty Training Advice! - Saint Louis,MO

Just my two cents - IME it's quite normal for a LO at this stage of potty training to get easily "distracted" when they're occupied with something and not realize they 'have to go' until they don't have enough time to get to the potty, and this *will* get better over time. If she's done this well after about a month, she's doing *very* well, as well as some kids a year older than her (one of my now-8YO daughters was like this at 3.5YO). So my suggestion is to keep up the "reminders" for now and trust that as she gets older she'll be better able to know when she has to go, early enough to tell you and get to the potty on time.

I think you are expecting too much too soon. It takes them time to learn timing and the ability to know when they need to go. I had to take my daughter for a good 5 months before she was really able to do that job herself (she trained at 18 months). Sure, a 3.5 or 4 year old can do it more easily, but 2 year olds get easily distract, and wait until its too late. You have to assist them until they are ready for that responsibility.

Never show negative emotion. When she has an accident, just say "pee and poop go in the potty." "Sorry you had an accident, next time we will get it in the potty."

It took my daughter 4 months of peeing before she went poop in the potty. Once she did it once, she was done. She also shortly thereafter stopped needing reminders, though I do sometimes have to pull her away from her outside toys.

No pull-ups either. Do a big girl speech, put her in trainers, and clean up the messes. She will be trained in no time. Just hang in there and keep all negative emotion to yourself. Praise like crazy! Works much better than stickers, if you ask me.

I'm sure there are many exceptions, but a good general rule is that children will train pretty much as soon as they are cognitively and physically capable, and emotionally ready to take on the life-changing commitment.

Though there is an early window for many children around a year and a half, they will often lost interest after a few weeks or months, and then it's up to the parents to remember and push the issue (which can result in resistance, frustration, or a sense of failure on both sides). This is far more common, based on my own observations and many, many letters on this site, than kids just training early and staying motivated.

For most girls, training "for keeps" happens at around 2.5 or later. Night training and poop training often happen separately, when physical maturity enabling those stages kicks in, but many children show curiosity and eagerness starting around 2.5 for daytime training. You can certainly begin the mental preparation earlier with books, stories, demonstrating how you use the toilet, playing potty with her toys, etc. When kept fun and attractive, these will enhance the learning process once it actually starts.

When the child is ready, training can happen almost by itself, without charts or rewards, just as learning to walk and talk are natural developments once a child is ready. At that point, the motivators become being a big girl, wearing big girl panties, and being free from messes and diapering. You can start the process earlier, but the child will seldom be truly trained until they are ready. Before that time arrives, it is the parents who are trained to remind the child to follow through.

So whether you start training early or wait until the child shows emotional investment, training will usually be complete about the same age – which varies from one child to the next.

I suggest trying the big girl speech, if you haven't..........And maybe you are not praising her enough when she does hold it.........telling her what a big girl she is getting to be, how proud you are of her..........then if she doesn't do it, say nothing......no praise, and no yucky statements, just be quiet...and clean her up...........

I take it you are in pull ups? If not, go to that, if so, have you let her pick out pretty little panties to wear? She doesn't want to get Dora, or whomever wet does she?

If any of this doesn't work, then she is being stubborn for some reason.........and you might actually ask her why..........you can hold it for this and this, why won't you tell me the other times..........my guess is that she wants attention, and she can get it more when she potties in her pants than when she doesn't...........which is nice that she isn't materially motivated, but if it's attention, you need to make her want the right kind of attention.........thus no talking when she messes up.

You just need to find out what her trigger is, and you will.......hang in there, I know it's frustrating as all get out......but you will both survive and be just fine....
Take care.

I agree with all your previous posts that state you just have to be calm and consistent and it will work itself out over time. It takes ALOT of time to get all the components down. The only additional thought I had was to have your daughter perform the clean up. When she wets her pants, have her take them off herself, rinse them in the sink, put them in the washer, then go to the drawer and put new underwear on. This may seem exciting to her at first b/c she gets to help you, but after several times of being pulled away from her activity, she may get the picture that it is more work to potty in your pants than to just go to the bathroom. Good luck! It will happen, just give it time.

I just don't get "why" so many parents push this issue. The end result is ALWAYS the same, the child will be potty trained when he/she decides to do so.....NOT when the parent wants it to happen.

Self-awareness cannot be taught. A reactionary response can be taught. & that is where so many parent/child dynamics fall.......the parent teaching the child to react to the first/initial wetness. True self-awareness is when the child identifies independently the need to go, the ability to restrain that need until reaching the bathroom. Until this happens, we're just wasting/biding our time!