Potty Training Advice - Ventura,CA

Get some stickers and m&m's and tell her everytime she poo' poos in the pottie she gets to put a sticker or a m&m and when she goes also praise her like she did something wonderful.

This is really normal, T.. The reason there is this delay in learning to poop in toilets is because sometimes the children believe they're just going to pass gas and then, halfway through, they're committed to an actual BM. (Surprise!) If you think about it, this can't happen with urine so that's why they KNOW when they have to urinate but they're not quite sure when it's an actual BM. Add to that the fact that they're usually engaged in something fun or distracted and there are bound to be accidents.

I told my children that they needed to go "toot" (pass gas) in the bathroom. I told them to sit down to toot and they finally figured out to run to the bathroom whenever they had ANY urge. Try instructing her this way. It worked with my daughter AND my son.

BTW, I really don't think it's a power thing...if it were, she'd be urinating outside, in the car, where ever EVERY time she got angry...it's much easier to urinate on command if you're trying to be a pee-nazi, isn't it? Ha ha!

Best wishes,

M.

It's just a "when they're ready" thing.
I have a 4.5 and a 2.75 year old and they did their thing when they were ready.
Just be patient. I would put your daughter back in diapers. She might dislike the feeling and it will help prompt her to think about going on the potty with #2.
Good luck

I can't speak from experience, my son was the opposite for a while but now perfect. But a really good friend of mine her son would not go poo poo in the potty and would do the same, ask for a diaper. She stopped giving in to his request and use tv as an incentive to put his poo poo in the potty. she told him that if he went poo poo in the potty he could watch tv. He held it for 3 days and on the 4 day he went on the potty. Every day she would sit him on the potty for 20 or more minutes several times a day and you could tell he was trying NOT to go. He cried but she knew she just had a stick with it and break the habbit of going in his diaper. She would kneel down and let him hold onto her for comfort. He ended up going on the 4th day and then got to watch tv!! but then he held it again for 2 or 3 more days and did that for about 2 weeks. But now he is perfect and has not had an accident in a while.
Maybe an idea?!
Good Luck

My son was terrified of going poo on the potty. One day I did nothing but play with him--meals and snacks were straight from the cupboard and microwave that day. I also kept him naked. When he needed to go poo--and I could tell he was squatting--I grabbed him and sat him on the potty. As soon as he pooped 1 time in the potty--he was all about it. No going back from there. But it did take all day to get it out of him! Good luck!

Hi T.!

I don't have personal experience yet since my daughter is too young, but this seems to be a very common problem; in fact, you can probably find similar questions on Mamasource if you look- I think I've seen the same question come up several times. Which makes me think it's more of a developmental thing and NOT a power thing. For some reason pooping seems to scare little kids, like they are losing part of themselves, or it's drowning, or something. Perhaps ask your daughter what she is worried about, then empathize with her ("wow, that does seem scary" or "yeah, it can be really hard sometime") then let her come to it at her own pace "Okay sweetie, you poo when you're ready". This could be days or weeks. But that approach will take away the power issue if it is one, because she'll see that it doesn't matter to you either way. I've heard that sometimes kids hold on because it's one area in their lives that they have control of, so if they do sense that it's a power issue, they can hold on on purpose. So perhaps give her control of lots of things in her life, for example, lots of choices.

I don't think you need to punish her by making her clean it up or anything. And we adults all manage to poo in the toilet no matter how long we took to potty train. Oh, one more suggestion- you might give her something to do WHILE on the potty, and ONLY while on the potty; e.g., fun books or toys that are only for the poo pot. Perhaps the distractor will help. (Adults do this too! =) )

Good luck!

When this happens it is not a power struggle, or a matter of time. She simply isn't ready! Wait 6 months and try again. When she is ready, it will be a breeze! She is still quite young for potty training, regardless of what you might hear from others. If you make a big deal of it, it will become a power struggle of your creation. Don't start thinking of her as difficult because her mom is trying to train her too early.

Hi T., most kids have a bowl movement around the same time each day, so you have to monitor her and catch her before she poops in her panites and sit her on the potty, andsit her there until she goes, because if you let her up, withing a few minutes she will poop on her self. Also you have to be firm and let her kn ow that pooping onherself in acceptible and there needs to be discipline, and when she does go she needs to be rewarded. I used M&M's in a clear jar with a ribon on it, and every time they used the potty they got a couple M&M's of they pooped in the potty I gave them like 4, my first child a son, I started potty training him at 20 months, I was very clear to him about pooping and peeing in the potty, I only had to discipline him once during potty traing, by 21 months he was completely potty trained, by 2 he was using the regular toilet, my second child also a son, was potty trained by 19 months, he wanted to wear big boy underwear cause his brother did, so I just told him to wera big boy underwear you have to use the potty, he did, I rewarded him a lot never had to discipline him, my third child was my daughter, she was potty trained at 22 months, never had to discipline her with her potty training. some kids are stubburn, so they need a little discipline. tell her when she starts pooping in the potty you will take her to the store and let her pick out her panites, mydaughter loved that idea. Mother for 24 years. J.

Hi T.,
When my kids were youn I would wrap up cheap little presents in wrapping paper and put them in a basket. If they went potty they could pick one afterwards. Nothing expensive just something that they could unwrap. They both thought this was great and they even tied to go potty more just to open a present. Might work for you. It sure did for me. Good luck!

Hi-
I'm in a similar situation- I also have twin girls- 26 months- One has it down, the other suddenly decided she wasn't going to "poo" on the potty. I've done a few things that seem to be working- We have a "special treat" for poo on the potty. They get ONE M&M if the use the potty- they call it a "potty treat"- If they Poo- I have these little ice cream treats. I think they are called Dibs-- not much bigger then an M&M- but they know the difference. When the twin that wasn't pooing on the potty sees her sister get the ice cream, she became more motivated to try to poo on the potty. I also started having her clean her own pants. When she poos in her pants, we put her in the laundry sink to rinse off her bum and then make HER rinse the panties. She didn't like that very much, it seemed to make an impression. After about a week of her pooing in her pants I just decided not to say anthing about it to her. I quietly put the pull ups on her (when her sister wasn't looking)- She used the potty ALL Day- it was like she knew she had insurance. I have used all of these tactics over the last week or two- She would do it for a day or two and then slip- Things have been good for 4-5 days now. I think it's just a process you have to be patient with. I'm anxious to see what other advice people offer.

Good luck!
L.

Hi T.,

Right now it's probably not a power thing because poo comes much later than pee in the training. However, if you push it or make a big deal out of it it could develop into a power thing. Just relax, leave her in pull-ups and realize that you have plenty of time to completely train her. Remember, she's just beginning.

V.

Hi T.:

Congratulations on the Pottty Training. I know how excited you must be. We just potty trained our son as well. I never knew that I would be so excited about "pee and poop" and how proud I could be of my son.

About your daughter's Poop accident, it is very normal. My son did this a couple of times. They are actually afraid of going on the potty, as it is something new to them and they rather just soil themselves. But you are right, aside from it being new to her, it is a power struggle. A way to help you fix this (at least it helped me) is to make her clean her own mess. Yup, you are going to have to let her clean herself. I know it sounds like it will be messy and mean, but believe me, my son had a couple of pee pee accidents and I made him clean himself (you do however need to be understanding and explain to her-while she is cleaning herself that it is okay to have an accident, but that she will be responsible for cleaning herself up whenever she has one). After they clean themselves, just clean her up some more.

After he cleaned himself once he didn't want to do it again so he learned how to go on the potty. He has not had an accident like that in over a month (he was officially potty trained in May-so its still early on). However, we always remind him. "Who cleans up when you have an accident? Who cleans up the potty when you go in the Potty?" Needless to say he is always happy that we clean up and not him.

One more thing, don't put her back in Diapers or Pull Ups (Graduated Diaper) - Doing so will only make you take a step back and you don't want to do that. At 2 1/2 she is more than ready to be potty trained and yes it will take time, but you can't get ahead by going back to Diapers (my opinion)

Good luck and hope this helps.

Prizes for positive results, No reaction to pooping pants.

Be aware that the "power" issue can be either to have power over you or a psychological thing with her self -- "I don't have to poop." It can also take time for children to realize that that feeling means stop what you're doing an get on the toilet. Its actually better that she poops her pants than tries holding it forever -- been thru the whole anal retentive issue -- not fun.

I would make her clean it ALL up herself- not to shame her or anything, but it makes her responsible for her body and her actions, and if she has to clean out poopy panties she may be more willing to go in the potty. Does she know when she has to go? For a variety of reasons it's a lot harder to potty train them to poop in the potty. Just be patient, and keep trying!

My just 3 year old has been "pee" trained for months, but she is afraid of going "poo-poo" in the potty. She is in pretty princess underwear and won't have accidents in them. She goes up to her room, gets a pull-up, puts it on and goes in a corner to squat. When we look for her, she asks us to leave because she is embarrassed and knows she should be doing it in the potty.

When we see her making the run for her room, we do grab her and let her try on the potty, but she justs says she doesn't have to go, and then sneaks away to get the pull-up.

I asked her doctor about this, and she said give her some space and some time. Pooping can be frightening to children and once she does it one time, it shouldn't be an issue any more. I figured I wouldn't fight it, and I will just keep encouraging her.

My friend spent over a year yelling and screaming at her child to go on the potty and telling her "naughty" and I was so turned off by her (adult) behavior, that I figured I would let her go on her own terms. Heck...she should learn this by college right?