My son Is almost 4.He goes pee in the toilet but won't poop. My mom went and baught him a convelesant toilet because she believes he's afraid of the hole in the toilet. My husband believes he's just being stuborn. I'm at my wits end with it because I have to deal with two sides of the the fence here. My mom's metaling and my husband's being angery at my son everytime he soils himself. My son walks around saying his tummy hurts because he doesn't want to go on the pot, or the toilet.
I"m still in the middle as of sorts because my husband has noe thrown out the pull ups and I haven't had a clear moment to confront my mom about things. The last time I spoke to her she bacically told me that I must enjoy the fact my child isn't potty trained and that maybe his not going poop was my fault. I'm trying my best to get just a routine going. I have two other young children to deal with and keeping my time managed in the situation has been taking it's toll as well. We have tried rewards many of which haven't been interesting to my son he gets frustrated because he still want the reward without doing the deed. I'm starting to know now why lots of women loose the better half of their minds. just kidding.
I started a reward system for my 3 year old. Everytime she pooped on the toilet she got 5 marbles. When her little jar was filled, she was able to "buy" something with her marbles to reward her great job. That definitely helped! But the less pressure the better. They figure it all out in their own time.
I would check with your pediatrician and take his or her advice. Don't let this become a power struggle with your child, because you could be in for some serious trouble. Dr. Phil had an episode with two boys in their teens still soiling, and you certainly don't want that to happen.
Hi E.,
This sounds very familiar... both in terms of my son, and my husband. The truth of the matter is, your son won't go poop in the potty until he wants to. He's in control, as much as we wish we could really be. Right now, if he's like my son, he just associates going poop on the potty with stress. He wants to avoid it, because it just seems to bring out reactions he doesn't like in everyone... so he probably just sneaks off somewhere to avoid the whole thing. On the other hand, going pee is probably a no-stress deal... so he happily goes to the potty for that.
I know this hard, because I'm stuck in the very same place, but you have to gently ask your husband to back off. Explain to him that your son isn't getting positive feelings about going poop, it's all negative and stressful. Your mom too... even "helpful" involvement is just too much involvement right now.
Now try and help your son to relax about the whole thing. And just show him that going poop in the potty is something that people start to do as they get bigger. And if isn't uncomfortable for you... take him with you when you go. And give yourself a "reward" when you go poop in the potty (a pretzel stick, a froot loop... whatever). If he has an accident, just tell him... "oops, you had an accident... lets go put the poop in the potty where it belongs" and let him see you dump it there. Change him, and go on with your day. Ask you husband not to get upset.
Pick 2 or 3 times a day to see if he'll sit on the potty, just to see if any poop wants to come out. No stress... don't worry if he does anything. If nothing happens, no big deal... thank him for giving it a try. Give him a reward if you want for trying. (again, trying to get rid of the "stressful" feeling of sitting on the potty to go poop) If something does happen, then praise him big. Tell him how great it is that the poop went right where it belongs, and give him a bigger reward (3 pretzel sticks, m&ms... whatever).
And then... just be consistent. Consistent in your approach, and consistent in your emotions. I KNOW it's hard not to be frustrated, but for a little bit forget that he's four and what your expectations are of a four year old. Just focus on helping him to learn a new skill. Your husband wouldn't get angry if it took him a while to learn how to hit a baseball... right? Try and have him look at it that way.
Best of luck to you. Be patient, relax... and let your son lead the way. It will happen. :)
I just went through this with my 4 year old boy. I tried everything because I was getting pressure from my husband. I tried getting him a toy he really wanted and said he would only get it if he did poop in the toilet. 3 months passed and then on his 4th birthday, he went poop in the toilet. We had talked a few days before about being a big boy and when he turned 4 that he should try pooping in the toilet. The day came, I asked if he was ready and sure enough he was. I think it was only a coincidence that it happened on his birthday but I found talking to him and just leaving him alone worked! One thing you can't force them to do is poop. Don't shame, just let go! Tell your husband too.
Hi E.. First off throw out the convalesent toilet, what is your mom thinking? It is nice she is concerned but that is not going to help. You need to let your mom know you appreciate her gesture but would like to handle it on your own. Shame on your husband! Unfortunately your husband's response to your son soiling himself is not helping but hurting the situation. Your son is only 4 and there could be something more behind him not wanting to go poop in the potty. Have you asked him why he won't go poop in the potty? Encourage him to use the potty, but don't get mad if he doesn't, he will in time. Patience works wonders. Ask him throughout the day if he has to poop and put him on the potty throughout the day and tell him if he needs to poop to do it in the potty. My friend has a daughter who is 5 and still will not poop in the potty. The doctor said she would outgrow it and some kids go through this like bed-wetting. Don't let yourself or your husband scold your son for something like this, especially when you can tell it is having a negative effect on him. He knows he is supposed to go in the potty, find out why he won't, work with him. There is a reason there, you just have to figure it out. Good luck and God bless.
Hi E.,
I urge you, please, do not push the potty training and find a way to help your husband understand. When potty training is pushed, kids will hold it in and it can cause cronic constipation. I've been a mom and a nanny for many years and even seen children end up in the hospital needing morphine shots to relieve the pain from constipation. It is very common for children to potty train for pee and take longer for poop. It freaks them out to feel it fall away from their body when they're used to it staying near to them in a diaper. It is also one of the few things that they can control in their lives at this age and don't we all want some sort of control over our own lives. So please believe me when I say that pushing the issue will only make it take longer. Here is what I suggest - obviously your son knows "how" to use the toilet, now you need to just sit back and wait for him to "want" to use the tiolet. Sit down and tell him that it's okay, that you're not going to push him to poop on the potty anymore. He can wear his big kid underwear and if he has to go poop, allow him to come and ask you to put a diaper on him while he goes and then change him back into his underwear after. Once he realizes that he has that choice and isn't always being pressured about going on the toilet, I promise, eventually, maybe weeks, maybe months but eventually, he will go on the potty. One day, when he's feeling it and the choice is his. I think that for the health of your son, both physically and emotionally, it is much more important for you to work on getting the rest of he family to understand how important it is to let him do things and reach milestones at his own pace in his own time then it is for you to get him pooping on the potty. Getting upset when he has accidents is horrible for his self esteem - please, please try to remain calm (or your husband) and say, "Uh oh, it's okay, we'll try again next time." I know it's hard when we have all this pressure from other family members and society. Good luck! *hugs*
Books and no stress helped my grandson. Privacy also, my grandson was probably 4 1/2. Dont make not going poop such a big deal, dad getting angry does not help it only makes your boy anxious and scared, he will when he's ready. Have him sit on toilet or child potty chair(one that maybe he picked out) for maybe 10 minutes 3 times a day, with a book or favorite toy, praise him trying he will do it.
