Potty Training - Meridian, ID

I don't have any advide on getting him to poop other than giving him lots of opportunities for success. My daughter was the same way and we fed her grapes, apple juice, raisins, applesauce, peaches, pears, etc. so that she would need to go. There were some accidents at first, but once she was successful a few times it was smooth sailing. Also, I would ask my babysitter not to force him or threaten him with the garage monster. That's just mean and not helpful to anyone.

Don't force him. If he is crying and bad behavor, he is not ready. Make it a fun time, not a bad thing. When he is ready he will do it. J. H

I had the same problem with both of my daughters (now 7 and 3 1/2). My pediatrician gave me the best advice, and worked wonders (with patience). She said that they are afraid to go poop in the toilet because it is a big and scary thing to do. And they are afraid to go in their diaper or pull up because they are worried they will get in trouble. So, they end up holding it in. So, what worked was letting them keep their diaper on, but have them sit on their potty. Then they have the comfort zone of pooping in their diaper, but understand that you do it while sitting on the toilet. After about 3-5 weeks of that, they lost the fear of the toilet, and were able to go with out the diaper. Works like a dream!

My guess is that this is an absolute control issue for your son. Of all the things in his little life that are changing (especially the divorce) this is the 1 thing he can control. BACK OFF! Please do not threaten him with monsters in the garage! How sad and scary for him... Use pull ups and flushable wipes, "dump" the poop out of the pull ups into the potty and let him flush it- do not make a big deal out of the accidents and it will come. My 3 year year old regressed 3 times with his pooping, always around change and stress. I know this would make things easier for YOU, but for him it is traumatic right now - be patient and know you are not alone.

I know this is an extremely trying issue! My 6 1/2 year old is still trying to do what is expected of her! We have been at this so long that I have tried everything. The emotional pendulum of paying a lot of attention to her and then laying off because you are both really uncomfortable is also hard. We finally went to a children's hospital and got practical advice.
I thought being intuitive and lovingly attentive to my daughter would guide me to the solution. We needed to involve her more in being responsible for herself. NO negative pressure or reminding(that is the absolute hardest part for me).
Your son may be too young for this complete approach. However, before you can get to this you may need to do damage control to negate the effects of the techniques used so far. When he has regained trust then he will be ready to move forward, AT HIS OWN PACE.
Cleaning up poop is gross and none of us like it, but after all we are the adults, here to guide our little ones to independence. Even if your journey is years long, like mine, in the end, the relationship between you and your child is important to keep in mind. Do you want to be having poop as a pivotal point of your relationship(and the willpower struggle) or focus on the wonder of a child growing?
And go find supportive people to talk to!!!!
wishing you the best.- A. F

I would not let my sitter threaten him like that, it makes it more traumatic. My grandson was very afraid to have a bowel movement in the toilet. It took some time, but it is worth it.

I can completely understand the frustrations of potty training! I do not handle it well. When you become angry about it or anyone else it does NOT help at all. With your divorce I suggest your best bet would be to back off from potty training. Your not emotionally read to handle it yourself. It's hard being a mom and going through a divorce has got to make it rough on him.

When a mess is made have him help clean it up and watch it go down the toilet. He needs to have responsibility in his mess. Love him as he's loosing a lot of security right now. Love yourself too and know that your trying to do your best. We are all far from perfect.

My Grandson was the same way. He would poop his pants and then just take them off and get in the shower...like nothing happened. My daughter was in the same situation as you, with no husband to support her and working full time. She would get very angry with him, yelling and screaming. Just remind her that big boys use the potty to poop in, and show him that it ruins his underwear. Your sitter is mentally abusing your son and a trained day care professional would never resort to such tactics. She needs to ask him every hour if he needs to go potty, but never force him kicking and screaming. She is making him not want to sit on the potty. You need to make it a pleasant experience. Have a special pile of potty books you share with him while he sits on th potty. My Grandson is now 4 and a half, and he hasn't had an accident since Christmas. Remember that this is something boys do and he will mature past this.

First off, Tell your babysitter in NO uncertain terms to STOP threatening him with the garage. He will NEVER want to go get in the car, and there could be more behaviorial repurcussions later. My twins boys took longer than usual, because they both have Cerebral Palsy. My advice is to just have patience. Have him sit on the potty when he poops in his diaper, maybe have him sit on the potty when you are using the toilet. It will show him that there is nothing to be afraid of. Also, if you are in the middle of your divorce, your son is probably having a hard time not having Daddy around, and may be pretty emotional. Maybe take a break with the potty training until your emotional life settles down more. Good Luck! ~N~

I understand your concerns...first thing I would personally do is confront the babysitter about the threats she is giving your son! I owuldn't tolerate anyone threatening him to do what they think he should do. I have three girls but my sisters who have boys both say they do potty-train later and it is very normal for them to have apprehensions about pooping on the potty - they feel like it is a part of them and it seems scary to see it in the potty. :( My sister's oldest boy is almost 4 and he has finally started pooping on the potty..she is also going through a divorce as well and has felt the guilt (don't all of us single moms go through this!!) but she remained patient and encouraged him to use the potty often. She reminded him that he couldn't move up to the next class at his preschool but he would know when he was ready...I think he liked feeling more like it was up to him. He finally decided he didn't want diapers because they're "for babies." Love, patience, and encouragement :)

R., if the babysitter really wants him trained you both might try this.

If you have been using Pullups, stop using them and don't ever use them again.Ppurchase the underware he likes best be it Superman, Spider Man, etc and get at least 12 pair.

Then use only the underware except nap and nite even when you go to the store, friends house etc and you tell him that if he gets them wet or poopy, he has to wash them in the toilet and then the sink.

Remind him ONE TIME that if he wets or poops his underware, he has to wash them in the sink. Don't say anything else. I think they hate being asked all the time if they need to go potty.

If he comes and tells you that he is wet or poopy, take him to the bathroom and have him take them off. Make him try to clean himself if poopy with the wipes. He won't like it. Then finish cleaning him up. Now he has to rinse out the underware, first in the toilet and when the poop is off and all is left is the stain, he then needs to put it in the sink and you put in some soap and he has to scrub them as clean as he can. Then you put them in the wash as usual.

If he has a fit and won't do any of it, then you clean him up and put him back into diapers.NO PULLUPS!!

If he cooperates but doesn't like doing it, put on a clean pr of underware.

Repeat as above.

He should get the point. But like I said there should never be the forcing him to sit on the potty - that never works.

This too will pass. M. B. ###-###-####

I am right there with you. My son didn't train till after 4, we are still working on being completely pee trained and nowhere close on pooping. i would love to hear the responses you get. Good luck.

The babysitter in my opinion needs to quit talking about monsters. He will never want to go in the garage!!

R.,
I had an unconventional approach to potty training. My sones are 12, 14 now...after trying the traditonal approaches to potty training the oldest and when he said to me I don't care about the skittles...I just said okay, wear the diaper...he was probably 2 1/2 had a baby brother sitll the diapers...we watched a silly video called Potty Time so many times that I can still sing the silly song...but I left the ball in Jeff's court, finally one day , in the spring before he was starting preschool, he said...I am going to put my poop and pee in the potty, he had two poopy accidents, and that was it...from then own he was "potty trained!" With my other son, Sam, one day when he was about 2 he said, I'm putting my poop and pee in the potty,too" and he did from that day on...so my advise is tell them all about it, talk about the it is a positive manner, never criticize them for wearing diapers..and be patient... and lastly, youi didn't ask for this advice but it seems to me that the babysitter is more interested in her needs that your sons, If it were me, I'd be looking for a new babysitter.
C. S.

Wow. Um, I would find a new sitter. She may think that scaring the poop (literally) out of your child is the way to go but that is only going to cause more problems. I would even venture to say that SHE is borderline verbally/mentally abusing him to make her life easier. I seriously would DISCONTINUE IMMEDIATELY her methods. That may be finding a new sitter which would be hard but your son has to be more important than her.
My son is 3 3/4 and we are FINALLY getting potty success. I would highly recommend having him in big boy pants during the day. Let him know- LOVINGLY- that you expect him to put his pees/poops or #1/#2's in the potty. If he messes in his pants then you take away a toy/tv/reward of some kind. That has worked for my son. There will be set backs. There always are- you are dealing with someone that has his own personality.
I wish you great luck and success. I hope you think about what kind of message your babysitter is sending to your son. He is NOT BAD for not being potty trained, he is learning. You don't expect a 6 month old to walk just because it would be easier for you. He may just not be ready- you may need to be the one to adjust your expectations.

I had alot of trouble with my son when it came to pooping in the toilet. He was very scared. I would just sit with him and tell him it was ok, and that everyone uses the toilet to pee and poop. Finally one day he couldn't hold it anymore and went. He then realized that nothing was going to happen. I don't quite know what they are afraid of but it took alot of time and calmly talking to him. There is no quick way that I found anyway. Good luck to you. And don't let anyone scare him it will only make things worse. I wouldn't let his babysitter say things like that. L.

I would get a new sitter. If she is honest in telling you all of this, it makes me nervous what other things go on with out her telling you. She doesn't seem nurturing or kind. I would definately find him a new sitter. YIKES!

First - Find a new babysitter!!!!
Second - It may take longer if there is stress and pressure for him to use the potty. So, try to relax. Take the pressure off. Praise him lots for using the potty to pee. Give it some more time - it will happen - really! After you feel the presure is off and he is more relaxed or you see changes - maybe offer an insentive. If that doesn't work at first, back off again.
I have generally left potty training up to my kids.

I totally get that in your situation you need a babysitter, from reading your post I cannot tell if you are "with" your babysitter in this treatment or not. I have done everything in my power to make monsters not be scary for my 2 year old. We have a book called "Mess Monsters," have watched Cookie Monster, and even the Monsters Inc. short. he has no fear of monsters and that is the way it should be. How dare your babysitter decide that it is OK to scare your child! I want to get my son potty trained also and I realize there is a large difference between 2 and 3 1/2, but I firmly beleive that they will go when they are ready and the only way to "encourage" them to go should be via rewards, not scare tactics.

I do think that your concerns are grounded and that yes you will make things worse in the long run. Do you have a good potty book or anything? I have one called "My Big Boy Potty" and it is one of hie favorites. I encourage him to be like Michael the little boy in the book and I have been talking to him about big boy underpants. he is not ready yet, but I feel as if I am laying a positive first layer on potty training. Another thing I do is when I set him on the potty we get a stack of books and read stories while he is sitting there. So instead of only focusing on what he is supposed to do on the potty we take it easy and if he goes there is a ton of hugs and praise.

I hope that you and your babysitter can get on the same page, and if you can't I would greatly encourage you to find a new babysitter. I know it is easier said then done, but it can be very tramaitc for little ones. I remember a babysitter spanking me in my parents back yard, I must have been somewhere around your ssons age. I don't remember anything else about the sitter or even much about the neighborhood, but I rember the wooden spoon on my rear! Don't let someone else do that to your child please!

A lot of other posters have said find a new babysitter. Seriously! She must not have kids of her own, because no one without mental issues would be that cruel to a child at such a vulnerable stage. I think what she's doing is DEFINITELY making it worse. There have been a lot of great suggestions on here about what to try to make it better. I've used some of them myself. I also know another 3 1/2 year old boy who is having the same issue as your son. It sounds like he's just not ready to finish potty training. Just because your babysitter doesn't want to deal with his poopy diapers doesn't mean he SHOULD be pooping on the toilet. And her actions could be part of the reason he still ISN'T using the toilet. Just be patient with him. Use praise, not punishment. Punishment will only exacerbate the problem. Good luck.

Fire your babysitter!
It's his last way of showing control, which he could probably use right now with your situation. He'll come around on his own, mine did.
C.

First get rid of the babysitter, what she's doing isn't right. The rest will fall into place when he's ready but having the "poop" scared out of you isn't good for anyone.

i don't think associating monsters and poop is very good for your little boy. At 3 1/2 monsters are scary! And forcing him to sit on the toilet til he goes just makes this even more negative experience. Maybe someone else has suggestions for making some positive associations with the toilet. But i'd seriously talk to your babysitter. That just doesn't sound right.

You are going through a hard time in your life. He is a little smarter than you are probably giving hin credit for. They are very quick to pick up on things such as change and especially divorce. I just went through one not to long ago myself. So I think he will poop train in good time, boys do do it a lot later than girls. And he probably is having a hard time also with all the change going on in your lives. But as far as forcing him to go or threatening him I have tried that also it doesn't work. I would try tough love instead, such as making it seem gross or disgusting if he poops his pants. Best of luck to you, believe me it is an adventure!!!!!

Hi R.,

Does your son have problems with constipation? I have a stepson who has had problems with constipation since he was 2 years old. His mother could never get him trained to poop in the toilet. He was diagonosed with encopresis where the feces becomes a hardened ball in the colon. When they become constipated it hurts for them to poop. They then become scared to go at all, and then the stool gets all balled up. My stepson started going through this when his mom and dad were going through their divorce.He is now 10 years old and he has pooped in his pants since the time he was little. I found him a psychologist one year ago and he has had to have counseling because it started with the constipation problem and then turned into a psychological problem. I am happy to say he is now going in the toilet about 99% of the time. It sounds as though this could possibly be the same situation with your son. Is your son adopted? Does he have a good diet? My advice would be to make sure he has lots of fiber and sits regularly on the toilet. Maybe making him sit every hour and a half or so. Your best bet may be finding a good psychologist where you could take him for counseling. I know that sounds weird at that age, but when I got divorced I took my sons to counseling at that age and it did help them. If you have any other questions let me know. By the way, your babysitter threatening him with the monsters and such is probably not such a good thing. I know how frustrated she probably gets, as I used to with my stepson!

Threatening and scaring the poor little thing will do nothing but make potty training take twice as long and give him an unnecessary fear of the garage. He is a little boy and these things just take time. Unfortunately you can not force your son to poop on the potty before he is ready to do so. At this age he will fight you on purpose because he is trying to gain some control over his life and there are not that many things he is in charge of. I would back off completely for a couple months then try again with a much lighter touch. Let him know he is in charge of his poop and where it goes and offer him incentives like a little toy or special yummy treat. Sticker charts can also be good as they offer a goal for so many stickers earned. Remember, he is only little once, and as inconvenient as it may be for you (and your sitter) you can not make a little boy poop on the potty if he is not ready to do it. It will only cause you trouble down the road. I know how tough it can be. I have a 5 yr old, 3 yr old and 8 mos old and my 1st had major poop issues(she wasn't trained until she was 4). I found patience and not worrying so much about what other people thought were the best remedy. I promise, he won't be wearing diapers when he is 16! Good luck!

A.

R.,
Boys do train later, but it really depends on what kind of reinforcements that you are giving him. If he is still in diapers or pull-ups it gives him an out to poop in his pants and that it's ok to do so. Make sure that he is wearing underwear, and let him pick it out! It gives him some resposibility in the whole thing. It is smart for the babysitter to be putting him on the toilet every couple of hours or so, (though I don't necessarily agree with the garage thing) and positive reinforcements are absolutely necessary. Sticker charts to show him what a big boy he is to go poop and pee in the potty work really well. What can he earn? At 3 1/2, he should be understanding all of this. Lots of parents use "being boys" as an excuse to not put the hard work in and the consistency of actually putting the child on the toilet to train him. And normally at 3 1/2, not being potty trained completely becomes a power trip for the child, and more frustrating for the parent.

Something else to look at is how your divorce is affecting your son. Often the child holds onto something that only they can control (their bladder, etc) to make sense of a situation that they can't control or even verbalize how they are really feeling about the situation.

The biggest thing is to be consistent!
Good luck!

Mother of 3, + one on the way!

We had a hard time training my daughter to poop in the potty. She actually stopped pooping all together and I realized we had been telling her pooping in her diaper was yucky so she thought pooping was yucky period. Sometimes it seems we expect the little ones to understand more than they are capable of. Try explaining to your little boy the benefits to HIM of pooping in the potty...staying clean, no diaper rash, independence, etc. And be careful of the negative statements, they can be confusing.
I've also heard using the potty can be scary for little ones. They go from a nice secure daiper holding the poo in to an exposed bottom over a big tank of water. A little potty might ease that fear.
Good luck and be patient. He will get it eventually.

I think you are doing too much & that monster thing might be the exact reason why he won't poop in the toilet. Maybe the monstors are in the toilet too for all he knows. I had the same problem with my girl. We would give her a diaper every time she needed to go poop. We tried everything & eventually, with the help of a FULL SIZE candybar each time she pooped in the toilet, she is now a pooping pro. Don't push him because essentially what you are doing is pushing him away from doing it on your own. Scold your babysitter for threatening him with that story. That's terrible.

If I were you I would tell her you are trying something new and have her leave him alone about it completely for a few days. (No comments, threats, or trips to the potty) After a few days begin some positive talk about going potty and what kind of rewards kids get who go poop in the potty. Have the rewards visible (something he really likes) and then let him think about that for a few days without any pressure. It has to be his decision so give it time and encourage your sitter to do the same. Don't make it a huge deal, just a regular, matter of fact thing. Keep it positive, remember the harder you push on someone the harder they push back. If you turn potty training into a control battle, your kid will win.

This is kinda harsh, but I had a friend that sent her son outside and told him to change his own diaper..."he was big enough now." Maybe if you make him responsible for the clean up, he'll realize how gross it is. Just a thought. Also, there is a movie called Potty Power that addresses it a bit. Very cheesy, but the kids love it.

Hi R.,
everything you've heard about boys being harder to potty train is true, but it is also true that you will have to get diligent (not ugly & beastly) but persistant & consistant (I know that's hard! But you can do it!).
When does he typically elliminate? Try the potty around that time every day (write it down if that will help you focus on it too), & offer him a special reward IF he is successful. Do not berate him or make him feel bad when he is not successful - trust that he is truly trying to understand & it's all kind of scary for all kids, especially the longer they have went without succeeding.
Please, do not let your sitter scare him with monsters in the garage (not even threats) I made that mistake with one of my 3 sons & he really got into some serious issues over his BMs that required a doctor's care (he thought his own poop was a monster & was holding his own BMs). If your sitter cannot be patient & work with you on this, it's time to find another sitter. Also, do not put diapers on him ever again once he has the urinating down, unless he has difficulty getting through the night without wetting his bed (I had my sons in diapers at night for awhile longer until they were waking up dry - of course, that involves no drinking an hour before bed time too). One of my sons took months before he finally got tired of soiling his underwear, but it was because it finally became a little bit embarassing for him (peer pressure works even with small children), but your pressure should be FIRM but LOVING & with success, ALWAYS REWARDING! No worries, your son will be there in no time! Hang in!
J.

Hello R.!

Well I have a nephew that we are still tring to potty train so I can understand. However, I do not think that telling him the poop monsters will get him is helping the situation. My friends daughter would not go poo in the toilet. She bought her some fun books to read while going poop and would give a treat after she went. The treat would be something that was only given when she went poop, so it was special to her to get that treat. You may want to try that. Some children have problems going poop in the toilet. It may just take him a little longer to learn. (I know that is the last thing you want to hear) We have bought some good books from boarders that are specifically for potty time. You may want to look into that. I hope I have gave you some ideas that will help! Hang in there!
J. S

Hi, I am a mom of a boy that turned 2 in November and a girl that will be 4 in March. My boy is already potty trained and I had my girl trained by 22 months. These were the two things that worked for me, and it wasn't rewards, threats, stickers or anything. Number one take your child to the bathroom with you, a lot. Seeing other people will help. I am a stay home mom so my kids were in the potty with me all the time. Two, this is gross, but it got the boy trained. After he poops in his diaper instead of throwing the diaper away, first take it to the potty and dump the poop in there. Then flush it away and get excited and say "bye bye poop." Just start telling him that is where the poop goes, and that is where mommy goes too. It worked for the boy. But don't scare him, that will just take longer.

R., I normally don't reply to these but yours really stands out at me. STOP. I have stood where you stand. I am the mother of four, I have been single, working from home... I love my children. You will really cause later issues if you continue or allow your babysitter to continue the monster stuff. That is TERRIBLE imagery for a child. Out of 4 children, the oldest boy trained before 3, second son didn't train until he was 4, my daughter beat them both and was trained by 18 months, my baby, now 20 months is showing readiness and so we are just getting started. This time passes! There are many things that you will forget from this age group, stand back and enjoy the boy you love so much. If you look at his life as a whole, a few years in diapers isn't all that much. Stop struggling, he'll go when he is ready.

You are a wonderful mother! Prayer and meditation work wonders too. Take the time you need for yourself so that you can meet him with happy open arms and not stress about the pottying.

Many blessings

M.
www.alittlegardenflower.com

Dear R.,

The first thing I would do is find a new babysitter.

I won't pretend to know anything about raising boys, as I have two girls. However, I cannot believe that threatening a three year old; ANY three year old, with a dark garage full of monsters, in order to get them to do ANYTHING, is a good idea. That's horrible, and has the potential to cause damage that you will spend a lot of time in the future, undoing.
There is a reason why he's afraid of pooping in the potty. Try talking to him, to find out why. I've heard of kids connecting poop as being a part of themselves, and flushing a part of himself away could be very scary for him.
But please, put a stop to the negative things that are being attached to potty training. That's not going to help anything.

I would defintely talk to the babysitter and let her know that is not how you want this situation taken care of. By doing what she is doing, it is traumatizing to your child. When I was potty training my son it was difficult for him to poop in the toliet too. I was a little frustrated but asked around and had a few things I tried. I made a table of boxes on a sheet of paper and everytime he went in the toliet he got to put a sticker on the sheet. Then when it was filled up we went and got him something from the dollar store. I thought this to be really weird but someone told me to do a dance after he pooped in the toliet. So we made up a little dance we did after he went. This really made him get excited. You could also put little trinkets or toys in a box and every time he goes poop in the toliet he can pick something out. I hope something turns out for you and these suggestions might help you out. Good luck and I would threaten him to go to the bathroom.

Hello R.,
That very significant phrase, "I am going through a divorce" says more than you realize. Yes, boys do generally toilet train later than girls, even without a significant emotional upheaval in their lives. I wouldn't put any pressure on him right now to toilet train. He is feeling insecure with the changes in his life and this just adds to his stress. Give him lots of affection and attention, casually mention that when he is bigger he will be potty trained and you have confidence in his ability to learn to do it. Other than that, let it go for the next few months. Good luck.

Okay....my first bit of advice....get rid of your babysitter!!! OR if you can't...lay down the law that she needs to be significantly better and more patient with your kid. Any person in charge of children that would mess with a little kid's mind like that should never be allowed around them. When it comes to having your son poop in the potty there are a couple of suggestions:

1) Try relaxing the effort a little bit. My older sister had a painful poop when she was potty training and so had a bad association with pooping in the potty. My mom never pressured her and let her ask for a diaper when she needed to poop. Then, when she was at a sleepover she didn't want to seem like a baby, so she pooped in the potty without a problem and the issue was solved.

2) Try making a it little more enjoyable and less stressful. Rather than dragging him kicking and screaming to the big potty, try getting a smaller potty (I got the royal potty and it worked great...plays music and applauds and both of my kids loved it) and set the potty in the living room or playroom or wherever he spends most of his time...or even take it into different rooms when he's playing in them. It's easier for kids to train when they don't feel like they have to completely stop what they're doing, and pooping takes a lot more time than peeing, so many kids are daunted by the timeframe. It will mean that you will have to clean the little potty out, but that only lasts until it becomes habit, and the best thing you can do when potty training is to minimize trauma.....sounds dramatic, I know, but to kids, potty training is a BIG deal.

Good luck!

Hello,
My son went through a similar thing. He was 'wee' trained at age 3, but refused to poo in the toilet, so that he would want to put on a diaper just to poo in. I was a little concerned at the time, and my main guess was that it was a 'control' issue (his sister had just been born). It worked really well for us to just go with it for a while, after a few months he just decided he wanted to poo in the toilet (he saw all his peers doing that with no fuss).

These things are always difficult when your child is doing something a little 'strange', but often I think it helps if you can just know that it is probably a phase and there is probably something he gains from doing it his own way for now. It seems that perhaps the drama around going to the bathroom if he doesn't want to might exacerbate his fear/insecurity or whatever his reason is for not wanting to poo in the toilet?

It is a hard time you are going through, I am also recently divorced single mom, and me and my children went through all kinds of interesting stages while we dealt with the changes. Make sure you get some time for you and know that you are doing a great job! good luck with the poopin'!

R. - this is the first time I have responded to anyone's message on MamaSource. When I read your message about potty training I first thought that yes, boys do potty train later than girls, so give it a break. I know several children who had a hard time learning to poop in the toilet - some of the children taking past age 4 to do it, and that is totally normal. But, it is only going to be harder if he is SCARED into it by a babysitter who tells him lies about monsters. The last thing you need is for a babysitter to be scaring your child. I'd seriously consider if this choice of sitter is the best for him. YES, you are correct - scaring him, I believe, makes it worse. Best of luck.

i'm having the same problem with my son he is 4 1/2. He went in the toilet a couple weeks ago I was so excited! He hasn't latley though. I had a counsler tell me its so they can keep close with you. I thought what? I have notiiced some children that are closer with there mothers and feel more secure are easier potty trained. I'am also divored and taking care of him on my own I work alot. when I have more time with he does better. One thing I did try a couple weeks with him was something he wanted really bad a toy from the store or whatever I wouldn't let him have it until he poop in the toilet. He wanted it really bad so he did, but now were back where we started again hang in there!

It is very hard to take on the job of "poo-poo" potty training when you are going through a stressful time. First, I would either tell your babysitter to stop the threats or get another one who can handle caring for a child who is not yet fully potty trained. The little guy is not doing this on purpose.....it takes time and going "poo-poo" on the toilet is actually frightening for a lot of children. He needs to be rewarded not threatened. I almost cried when I read your story...one should not potty train on the demand of a babysitter. Give yourself some time to get your stress factor settled down and his also. Don't think for a moment that the divorce (been there, done that also) is not affecting this little guy to perform accurately. "Time" right now is the answer--and a change in caregivers to someone who will care for your child unconditionally...I can guarantee she is making things worse. Best Wishes, D. S.

R.,

First and foremost relax. He will use the potty when he is ready. You are going through a huge change and it's not just you, it is your little boy also. Have faith in the heavens above that you and your child will be safe.

In regards to the babysitter simply tell her that this will all come together when it is time and to please be patient. I would also mention that you don't appreciate the threats. Explain to her that she needs to be more understanding. He might be regressing because of the divorce?

Most importantly be patient and persistent. Have faith that everything will come together as it should. Remember to take time for yourself as a mom, and as woman. Best of luck to you, and your son. Stefanie

I have never been successful at potty training and am always relieved when I read that it is completely normal if children are as old as 3-5 before they are truley potty trained. My children have all been around 3 1/2. Unfortunately I don't have much advice on what TO do, however I will boldly say that the techniques that your babysitter is using are definately not helping (but probably hurting)the situation. It is quite common for children to take an additional 6 months from the time they are "pee" trained until they are "poop" trained. Forcing a child to use the potty while crying and screaming makes it a horrible experience and it is no wonder your child does not have interest. The whole ordeal seems like a punishment to me (and I can only imagine what it seems like is happening to him). Threatening the child is as much if not more damaging to the child and what you are trying to accomplish. FORCING a child to do something that they are not ready to do only causes set backs. It sounds like there is a lot going on in his life already with your impending divorce, that ALONE can cause delays and setbacks in potty training. If there is any method I might suggest, it would be to make potty (or in this case poopy training) fun and rewarding. A self esteem booster. I hope you will discuss the current techniques with the babysitter. I wish you the best of luck.

Doesn't sound like a good way to get him to go to the potty. I would be leary. I know things are easier when they do start going, but threatening and fighting isn't always the best way to get it done.

Both of my boys would poo in their pants until they were about 4 or 4 1/2 and then suddenly it clicked and they stopped. It has sounded like that is a pretty normal thing for boys. Stickers charts with rewards help. For instance, each time he sits on the potty he gets a sticker that adds up to a treat at the end of the day. Or, you can make it part of the routine, "We can't have lunch until you have sat on the potty." I've even heard of moms putting specials books and toys in the bathroom to get the kids to stay put long enough to go. After a while, we would start putting them on time out if they did go in their pants. That was only because we noticed that they were pooping in their pants when they didn't want to stop what they were doing. You can also watch. By that age my boys were going only once a day, so if I watched them in the mornings I could usually tell when they were starting to push and rush them to the potty.

I would worry that by trying to force and scare him into going on the potty may have the reverse consequences and tie negative feelings in with going to the bathroom. Or, he may just decide to hold it when he is at the babysitters, which can lead to problems too.

The poop training is the hardest. I tried putting my daughter on the potty every so many hours, against her will, and it didn't do me any good. The best thing to do is to catch him making the poop face, and then run him to the potty. Even if only half of the deal makes it in the toilet, each time he is caught, he will learn something from it. The first time I caught my daughter and got her on the potty in time for everything to land in the toilet was the last time she tried to hide in the corner and go in her underwear.

First of all, realize that any change in his environment will affect how quickly he picks up on potty training. Is he being affected by your ongoing divorce? Until he certain that his life will settle down, he may continue to go in his pants.

I agree wholeheartedly with the previous posters when they suggest you either get rid of your sitter, or you lay down the law with her.

With my three-year old, potty training was a stage by stage process. At one point, her training potty slipped off the toilet rim and she fell in. This scared her a lot and it took nearly three months before she was willing to try again.

At one point, I had to back off entirely for several months and let her go in her diapers. I watched her very closely during that period of time and learned to recognize her cues. She had a tendency to go hide every time she had pooped. I encouraged her to "hide" in the bathroom to poop. Once she started doing that, even sporadically, I praised her A LOT.

From there, I would point out that she had pooh-ed in her diaper and that pooh should go in the potty. I would then empty the pooh into her training potty so she could see. This went on for several months.

I finally felt comfortable enough with her progress with peeing in the potty that I switched her to regular underpants. The sensation of pooh on her bare bottom with nothing to pad or absorb it was a major turn off to her. She learned very quickly to pooh in the potty. There were accidents and I did a lot of laundry some days, but she learned that she didn't like the feeling of pooh on her bum.

I really had to stand back though and let her make the steps and the decision that this was what she wanted. Trying to force it, even a little, led to major frustrations and setbacks. Good luck!

I'm dealing with the same problem with my dd so don't have much help there, except to try the positive reinforcement/reward approach. That is ALWAYS more effective in the long run than scare tactics. I bought my daughter a special princess dress costume (inexpensive at Target) and we keep it hanging in the bathroom where she can see it everytime she sits on the potty. She knows that she gets to have her pretty dress when she finally poops on the potty. While she hasn't yet done it, she has actually tried on several occassions with no stress or pressure from me. I know she'll get it soon enough. Also, our docs have homeopathic training as well as traditional -- they blend a special Bach floral remedy for her that helps ease emotional stress related to potty training. It has helped a lot, too. My final and most important suggestion is: GET A NEW BABYSITTER! Anyone who would talk to my child that way about a situation that is already clearly stressful and upsetting for him does not have the heart for children that a person keeping children should have. Scare tactics do nothing but plant the threat in his mind and he'll simply associate the scary thing with pooping... yet another reason not to do it. Good luck!

I had the same problem with my son, nothing worked. I even tried cutting a hole in his diaper to trick him. Nope, didn't work. Finally, I had 2 other children and I bought a big tub of treats. I went to the first child and said oh....good boy for going poo-poo in the potty, you get a treat. Then to the second one and said oh....good girl....you get a treat. Then I turned to the son. Said oh, I am sooo sad. You didn't go poo-poo in the potty, I can't give you a treat. It took all of 1 hr and he was potty trained. Good Luck!

Dear R.,
Please have a firm word with your sitter. What she is doing is harmful and counterproductive, to say the least. It seems that she is more concerned about her convenience than the good of your little boy. He's probably scared to death of poop-eating monsters getting him. Kids develop skills at no set age. Once the sitter stops using negative ways, try finding something that your boy likes to look at or play with while sitting on the potty WITH NO PRESSURE to succeed. Be patient. A reward for "pooping in the potty", a favorite treat, works well. Always opt for the positive.
I raised 3 boys and 3 girls and have 8 grandchildren. If my sitter did what yours is doing, I'd get a new sitter. What else negative is she doing you don't know about?
Good luck,
Nana

R., It's been a while since my husband and I potty trained our son, 15 years to be exact. My son was always interested in looking at magazines/books that his daddy was reading while he was in the bath room. So this gave us the idea since we were having trouble training him to do the big job in the toilet, like you are with your son, we told him that he could look at daddy's car magazines only when he was going to the bathroom like a big boy should. This was all it took...the first few times he was so excited that he had to show us that he'd done the big job like daddy said he should. We didn't have any problems after that. Maybe this is something that will help you.

Good Luck.
S. C.