Potty Training 4.5 y.o. Boy

I used Toilet Training In Less Than A Day, by Nathan H. Azrin and Richard M. Foxx. My son is 5 now but I started when he was 2 years old. It took one week and he was potty trained! It was a long week of washing lots of underware, about 10-15 pairs per day, but it was worth it. Since you stay home, it should be a little easier than if he went to day-care or a babysitter. Good luck, just be persistant, do not go back to diapers or pull-ups once you use underwear.

Hi! I am a Mom of 4 and have been having the same problem with my 4 year old who regressed after I had my last baby. One thing you can try is using cloth training pants versus the disposable kind. It will save you some money. But the added benefit is that he can feel that he is wet when he goes. The problem with disposables is that they don't feel like that when soiled. Be patient, they all learn at their own pace.

D.:

I went through the same thing with my son, at the same age, and he had no developement delays! His response was to eventually the hold bowel movements. The problem with that is they eventually become too hard to pass, requiring enemas and oral medicine... My pediatrician said that many boys resist being potty trained and that the more you pushed the harder they fought it -- 100% true in my case! I walked away from the whole process for several months, and then I came home with a box of pull-ups. I put them in the bathroom and asked him to put on clean ones each time he urinated, giving him the responsibility for changing himself. (lots of baths that first few weeks!! Obviously when he poops, you will have to clean him up) He began to use the potty regularly and then I took him shopping to pick out his own underwear. I put those right by the pull-ups, leaving the decision up to him as to which to put on. Didn't take long at all before he put on underwear and not pull-ups. Had a few accidents initially, but once the process started and he felt like it was HIS decision to be potty trained, it went pretty smoothly. Good luck!

Hi D.,
I too have a son that has developmental delays, although his are from medical issues. We also had a very hard time potty training him. I found a seminar about potty training geared towards delayed children by a behaviorist. We even had her come to our house for some tips. My son ended up being fully trained by 4 1/2, which is not bad considering. The only problem was when he was about 1/2 way trained and the special ed preschool wanted him in pull ups, we had to refuse. Sometimes he had accidents once a day. But it tappered off.
So these are the tips that the behaviorist gave us and worked 100% in about a month:
1) Do not ask him if he has to go - just take him, make it a routine. We did it before something fun. Like let's go potty before we go outside and play.
2) Make the potty a stress free accessable area - we would leave the door open and this is weird but by Alice's advice we would leave treats on the bathroom sink. I guess it makes them want to check it out.
3) Give up your control - he will be trained when he is ready (as long as you have prepared him).
4) When you think they are showing signs of being ready - Go for broke and get into underwear 100% during the day - this is were we had to fight the school. Let him pick out the undewear and explain that there is no more pull ups anywere. In fact, I had to hide them from my husband who wanted to use them for day trips.
5) All changing of accidents should be done in the bathroom - not easy if you have a small bathroom like ours. This is supose to show them that next time this is were they go. She also said to make it a long process so that it takes time away from playing and shows that going in the potty is much faster.
6) Give them independence - we found my son would go all by himself once we let go. Of course I still follow him to make sure he is ok. We bought kid soap, cool hand towels and a step stool so he could have his own place in the bathroom.
7) Lots of positive re-enforcement and no negative just be matter of fact and say we will try next time.

I know how stressfull this can be and I hope the suggestions help,
Jen

I have two grandsons I am raising with developmental delay and the oldest was a bit like your son. He's 5 now and very proud that he is toilet trained but nothing worked till he "got it" mentally and emotionally. One thing that helped was a male person taking him to the bathroom. That role model really helps. One mom with a deveopmentally delayed son threw Cheerios in the toilet and had him aim for them. He loved it. Her brother also took a large part in the potty training process. One thing you should know if you don't already, children with a diagnosis of developmental delay are entitled to free diapers/potty pants/good nights through the Department of Human Services. Our Early Intervention social worker got my two diapers but I am sure there are other ways to get them. I would call DHS and look into it. It has saved me a bundle! Good Luck and hang in there. They do eventually get trained.

I'll start by saying, I'm not an expert. But, at home I'd recommend letting him go bottomless 24/7. If he makes a mess, he needs to clean it up (with your supervision and possibly help, of course). Put potties all over the house. They sell some cheap (like $3-4) at Ikea.

At school, I've heard they potty train by taking them to the potty on a very regular basis. If they go, great, if not, that's o.k. too. I guess the thinking behind that is that it becomes routine. As I'm sure you know by now, with special needs kids, routine is critical.

Don't expect him to learn in a week. Since he's starting quite a bit later than the ideal time, he's already trained his body to let it out in his diaper. He'll have to break that habit and it will take a while. I think having him bottomless will help him learn when his body needs to eliminate. Yes, it will be messy at first, but you need to stick to it (remember, routine), don't turn back, don't use pullups, just move forward, and the accidents will become less and less. Good luck!

I know this sounds cold, but it sort of a version of tough love. He knows enough to lay down and say "Change me" so he's in a little control. So if you can, and this is tough, do not change him then and there but remove him from the scene. This might be especially effective if it is somewhere fun.
It will be hard but I bet it will work.
I also have a feeling that he knows preschool is coming up. Perhaps he equates leaving mom with preschool and therefore if he doesn't go potty he could stay home with mom! Not sure about any of this but you could try.

I feel for both of you. Has any one suggested the Potty Bootcamp? I am pretty sure if you google it for the Chicago area it should come up...If not the Today show had it on a few months ago. Good luck.

There is a book Toilet Training In Less Then A Day its by two doctors,they used this method on profoundly retarded children.
I used it on my kids many years ago it works like a charm.
I hope the book is still available,the authors are Azrin and Fox again Toilet Training In Less Then A Day is the name of the book try it I guarantee it works.

This is what I did that worked. I told the child that he had two weeks to get the potty training down and then I waw not going to change him. He would have to do it himself. After 2 weeks he messed in his pants and I followed through. He could barely take off his own jeans, let alone clean himself. I went in the bathroom and cleaned it up after him. he has never had an accident at my home since then. Some things work for some kids and this might work since he seems so eager for you to change his messes.

D. congratulations on your adoption! Although you've had your son since he was 13 months, I personally think potty training should have been started way before 4, by now hes probably a lil suborn. I dont see anywhere that you are a working mom, therefore there are no excuses why this child is NOT trained! The only thing i suggest is as soon as he wakes up, put him on the pot, after drinks/meals and before he goes to bed at nite. My son made 2 in March, And I started training him in May simply because I've heard its harder to train boys than girls and i'm hoping to have this mastered before his 3rd birthday! Good Luck!

You need daddy to step up and take your son to the potty every time daddy has "to go". They "go" together so the boy understands that this is what MEN do. Nobody wants to be around a stinky boy, not even you! No M & Ms either. A cracker or high 5 from dad with lots of love and hugs and I'm soo proud etc. And don't you be so quick to clean him up after he pooped in his pants. Tell him mommy doesn't want to touch him when he stinks like that. Even children can sense when they're being shunned and they usually don't like it very much. When daddy is not home, you can sit on your potty right next to him and "go" together but daddy really needs to step up.

It sounds like maybe he is having difficulty identifying when he has the sensation that he has to go and also when is "wet."
You could try doing some play and teach him what wet vs. dry feels like (water play/sponges/etc). Then you can transfer that concept into potty training. Additionally, you may try consulting with an occupational therapist who has been trained in sensory integration to provide you strategies for bathroom training. He may have an under responsive sensory system $that doesn't register the cues for bathroom use and also being able to identify if he's wet.

I have a son with developmental delays who is 4. He was potty trained at a little over 3 years old. We used some advice from a pediatric nurse at the clince we go to for therapy. He has sensory issues as well so we thought we were never going to be potty trained because sensory kids can feel the bm moving through their system and get scared or freaked out about it. Anyway, what we were told was have him wear underwear with Pull Ups over them during the day at first just to get the feeling of the underwear, not necessarily the pulling down/up motion to go potty. Next was NOT to ask him if he has to go potty every 20-30 minutes. Instead, put him on the potty approx 20 minutes after he eats a regular meal--snacks are little tougher cuz it's not so much food/liquid pushing through the system--that will be your call. And then on a scheudule of every 1-2 hours on the potty. I was told to keep a potty on every level of our house for easy access in the bathroom only--not in front of TV or play area. I did a gradual move from where he played on each level to the bathroom and it worked great! If you're asking him if he has to go every 20-30 minutes especially with a treat system, they get the hang of getting the treat just for sitting on the potty but not actually doing anything because they are old enough to "hold it" longer. It worked so well, he was daytime potty trained in about a month. Then I did the same steps at night with the underpants and night-time pull-ups after about a month but it could take as long as 3-6 months for night-time. You just have to kind of gauge how long they can acutally hold it and stop giving liquids around an hour before bedtime. I bought 2 sets of waterproof mattress covers and he slept with both covers on the mattress so if he had an accident at night, I could pull one set of fitted sheet/mattress cover off and the new set would be underneath. I basically used these tips to tweak what I was already trying with advice from family/friends/books. Good Luck! I hope it helps! -Judy

the "only" thing I can think of is try letting him run around without undies on and have the potty chair available close to him so maybe he'll get some idea going on his own.Obviously whatever worked for the older child isn't workable in his developmental stage. I realize it may not be workable,but maybe if he and dad went together???We have had more luck in having our little one go in bathroom with dad. Sometimes just the patience of trying different things such as you have may eventually click. And too,depending how far "behind" he may be,maybe you need to wait that much longer for his maturity of the situation to kick in. Good luck........potty training is probably the hardest of raising kids!!!!!!!!!! J.

I know what you mean. I really do. Erik is 5 and has autism and a seizure disorder. He is not potty trained and we have been trying since he was 3 and the school, which was a special needs school took him potty every hour and only one time they think he might of went. I know that a while ago I seen an add for a professional potty trainer, but so far cant find her info again. I am really thinking about this because she has worked with special needs kids and I really wnat him to get trained.
S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

Potty training can be difficult and frustrating. I have two sons 5 and 1. I am starting to introduce the 1 year old to the pot now and he prefers to pretend as though he is urinated and even makes the sound effects. The minute he's off the pot the urine hits the floor. Needless to say he is 1. Anyway I know you said you tried rewards and I am not by any means saying this is the answer but it doesn't hurt to try. Take your son to the store to find some stickers that he REALLY likes, create a chart and make the chart seem as though its the most important chart in the world and the only way for him to make the chart even more important is if he can add his favortie stickers on the chart. Explain to him that eery time he goes to the potty that he will be able to put a sticker on the chart, and after so many stickers you will take hime to his favorite place or activity. It partially worked with my oldest son, he would get really excited and proud about his stickers and his use of the potty became much more frequent and we eventually got to the point where he would go to the pot without needing a sticker. Honestly when my son was completely potty trained was when some how he had made up in his little mind that he was going to use the pot all on his own. At the age of 2 1/2, I had dressed Justin (in winter clothing) and we were getting ready to walk out the door and he messed in his pull up and I had gotten so frustrated and said Justin I just put you on the pot why didn't you just go potty, he looked at me and said mom its not about you....true story, my right hand to God. I was floored and from that day I backed off. Just keep trying he will come around. Good Luck.

i just potty trained my daughter using potty training in less than a day by Nathan H. Azrin and Richard M. Foxx. and it has chapters on develpmental issues on potty training. the book really worked and i really recomend it. good luck

Hi D.,

You may want to check out this website it's filled with wonderful facts and ideas for your family! to the right look under latest topics, then click on Toilet Training Guides...
you will find this may be normal for your young man :)

http://www.adoptmed.org/topics/language-development-in-in...

Hugs & Blessings
~R. ^_^
IL

Imagine That Candles
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There is a woman in West Chicago who can help. bootycamp.com I believe it's close to $400, however think abou what you are spending on diapers. She guarantees a few days and works with special needs kids. It's worth a try

Hi D.,
Try this method take off pull-ups and do not put no underwear on him so in other words leave hime naked from waste down. When I did that method with my daughter it took her two days to pee in the toilet by herself by the fifth day she did poop in the toilet. And now it has been almost a month and she is a pro. It only too k a week to train her she wears no more pull-ups just her panties. Try it this way and let me know how it works!

Hi D.,
I think that you have gotten lots of good advice and a little not so good advice. There are issues involved with some of those adopted kids (and, by the way, huge AT A GIRL and AT A BOY to you and your husband for your adoption) I know that it seems like he is getting too old for this and that it could take forever, but think of this in terms of a lifetime. The time is not so very long, therefore, the urgency is not so great. Never mind pressure from well-intentioned friends and relatives. He will be ready one day and you will have provided all the things he needed, meanwhile. Since his teachers at the preschool deal with special needs, do they have any suggestions? Good luck and God bless you all.