Potty Training 2 and a Half Year Old Son That Will Not Go #2 on Potty

He's not a big boy, he's 2 and a half, and really still a baby himself. All 3 of my now potty-trained kids went when they were ready and not before regardless of how I did or did not push them, a little after age 3. I also see that you have another baby due in just a little while -- he may be having some big feelings about that too. I'd say go back with diapers or pullups for now and when he realizes you aren't 'making' him be a big boy, he'll go on his own again. I *do* understand the push to have him out of diapers before you're diapering another little one, my 2nd and 3rd babies were 3.5 yrs apart. But potty training is one place where parents truly have no control (it's gonna happen when it happens and not before) and the 'show him who's boss' style of parenting really tends to backfire.

Offer a sticker or a treat when he uses the restroom. We put up a sticker board in the bathroom and everytime my girls used the bathroom they got a new sticker. When they got ten stickers they got a treat. It worked but don't force them. My girls where both 3 when they went to the bathroom all the time.

T.,
My girlfriend's son had this same problem and he was not potty trained until he was 5. He also had some other compressive problems too. She end up taking him to a sociologist how recommended too different books. One was called everyone poops by Taro Gomi and the other one was wheres the poop. (it was a flap book and it talked about how everyone who eats and drinks poops and you had to find the different animals poop. After reading the books for several weeks on there second appointment the docotor told him that he wanted him to poop in the potty by his next appointment and that was it he went poop. Maybe these book will help. M.

My now 13-year-old son did the same thing! At first, I did try to make him go to the potty. He ended up holding it in for a whole week! He was constipated and it hurt him to go. It was AWFUL and I was freaking out!

I took him to the pediatrician, and she gave me the best advice. "Just give him a diaper, and don't worry about it." I remember responding, "but what will his motivation be to EVER go #2 on the potty?" And she replied again, "Just give him a diaper, and don't worry about it."

And she was right!

I'm sure after that, I must have gently asked each time if he'd like to try on the potty, but he used the diaper for a while. He is now 13 and does use the potty, so at some point he stopped! :) Good luck! And don't worry!

What exactly is the problem with letting them get to this at their own speed? I mean, a problem that doesn't have distended bowels, bowel leakage, anal-retentiveness and constipation in the future... unlike having a war about pooing does.

Diapers are (still) for keeping the furniture clean. They're to stop having to clean 3 pair of shoes every day. They are for 'until they learn to use the toilet'...

No one learns anything in one shot (or if they appear to, it's because they didn't expose their initial learning to people they don't trust). People of all ages explore new things and gain mastery of them in predictable, circular ways.

Initial attempts (at anything) will be more successful than anyone would expect, then there is a period of backing off, failing, finding a bunch of different mistakes to make, or just dropping it for a while and letting the learning settle into the brain more effectively, a period of time DURING which, repeated insistence that they 'do what they know how to' actively interferes with their ability to learn, and even to do it as poorly as they had been previously. If this period of fallow is not respected, the learning can be permanently distorted, and if it turns out the 'parroting understanding' is much more important in the child's world than actual learning, the child's development will stop right there.

(This is why so many adults can make noises that sound like compassion, but those words and sounds barely scratch the surface of actually understanding someone else's feeling, much less empathizing with them genuinely, because they were forced or coerced into pretending they could be compassionate when they were 4yo and still 8 or 10 years away from the brain development that makes it genuinely possible. They learned the hard way that they were going to have to pretend to be compassionate long before they had the capacity, and once the capacity came by, they'd have no way to explore it or re-learn it, because they were still required to play along with 'already knowing how.')

Either he is 'allowed' to learn the way his brain is wired to learn, or he is 'required' to pretend to learn the way Western culture thinks people learn (in a straight line, on or off, by choice and at the whim of the person 'in charge').

There is a reason 'potty training' is cited in psychotherapy just so frequently... early distortions of learning create big distortions in life, and potty training in particular (being all about the secret body parts and unspoken body products and functions) gets tangled up in power, control, sexuality and deviance.

Work hard to keep control and power struggles out of potty training. It's not your body, and you will never have control over his sphincter muscles.

Have you tried making a game out of the "experience"? I played a game with my daughter..."let's see what the poo looks like") and made it into a learning experience. Sticker sheets also worked well with my daughter. I made a sheet with a column for each day. (If you are computer savy, you can insert his picture on the sheet, so he knows it's for him.) Each time she went #2, she got a sticker. Then, it came to "wiping her own bootie"...we did a sheet for that too. We bought stickers at the dollar store. My daughter couldn't wait to pick out her own sticker and place it on the sheet (which was posted above the toilet). You can even give them incentive to "win a prize" if they poo each day of the week. Prizes can include anything from a small gift from the dollar store to baking cupcakes with mommy (or doing something special). Maybe he does want some privacy in the bathroom...but tell him that you need to "see what the poo looks like." Good luck!

T.,

My son toilet trained easy and did most of it by himself. (After my daughter I needed a easy one) He was afraid to go #2 on the potty and would go in his big boy underwear. One day when I knew he was starting to go I just asked him to sit on the potty, just sit, and I would read his favorite book to him. It took a litte convincing but he complied. Of course, once I got him concentrating on the book his body relaxed and he was able to go #2 on the potty. This worked really well for us and he continued to ask for a book to be read to him for a few weeks when it was "time".

He will have accidents but continue to encourage him to keep up the good work. Good luck!

Remember, he can regress once the new baby arrives. Congratulations!

My son did the same thing at about the same age. Just so he wouldn't get into a habit of holding his #2, we allowed him to put on a diaper or pull-up if he had to go and then he would disappear in a corner go #2 then return to be changed. This only lasted about 2 months. Before we would put the diaper on, we would offer to try and go on the potty. Finally one day, he was ready-YEAH! Good luck!

T., both our sons did this way back in the 1980's. Until about age 3, they would go get a diaper, come to me with a happy smirk on their face, and I would know they needed to poop in the diaper. A nurse told me once that it was all about not wanting to lose part of themselves, but I don't know about that. I can't remember how we actually got them to go on the toilet, perhaps I asked them each time if they would like to go in the potty. Maybe the "everybody poops" book would help. Sorry I can't remember, my boys are now 24 and 26, and pretty normal!!

Hi T.,
I am new to this Mamasource and this is my first time posting anything. I did not have this potty training issue with my daughter who is 3 1/2 but I have heard from two moms, both with sons, who had similar problems as did my cousin with her daughter. The two boys both had constipation problems brought on in part from trying to hold it. So, I suggest that for the time being, you let him go in his diaper when he has to go number 2. (Keep him going on the potty for # 1 if you can.) If he begins to associate the pain and discomfort of constipation with going, he may take even long to go on the toilet as happened with my neighbor's son. As my cousin put it, sooner or later the child will be uncomfortable with a dirty diaper and go back to the potty.
Rachael

This is my first time posting. Please bare with me. I am currently going through this with my son who just turned 3 yrs old on 4/15/08. We have always had a problem with him pooping. We were using fiber pills for a while. He would go days with out pooping. That seemed to work for awhile. But I think as he got older and was eating more potein he was not pooping again. We now have him on Miralax which does seem to help him poop. He does the samething, he will go into his room and shut the door to poop then come out like nothing. But boy could you smell him so he wasn't hiding anything : )
My mom watches my boys 3 days out of the week, so she has been helping me with this potty thing, that doesn't seem to be working either. and I have had more than one person tell me to just let it be. I'm just hoping with him going regularly that it won't be so much work for him to go and he will just start going on the potty himself. I will keep my fingers crossed for both of us.

Hi T.,

I would not worry and I would hold off on the potty training for a month or so, (until son show intrest). If I discovered anything during this time in our lives...children call all the shots when it comes to making pee pee and pooh on the toilet. Alot of times children feel they are losing a part of themselves when they go "#2" on the potty. This will pass and when he is truly ready it will be very easy. However, I have heard a number of horror stories about children who are forced into performing.

Good luck and God Bless you in this new venture:)

M.

T.,

My sister's son (who is now 15) was pretty shy about using the toilet to go #2 also, so they would place a towel over his lap for privacy.
I also have two sons (10 and 12 years old). I've understood from other mothers that when boys try to go #2 it acutally feels to them like their insides are going to come out of their body (because of pushing). Maybe if you reassure him that this is a natural occurance it will help. Both of my son's expereinced stomach cramping before using the toilet for #2. We used 100% apple juice daily to help keep them regular.

Good luck - I know their all different and we have to try multiple things before we find what works for our special children =)

H.

My four year old was the same way. I used a timer to tell him when it was time to sit on the potty. I would set it for more often if I could tell he was holding his poopy. We had to use that timer for several weeks, but it helped to avoid going back to the diapers. Good luck!

"Big boys know how to pee AND poop in the potty". He is still pretty young. Every kid is different and develops at individual and personal pace. Be happy he knows how to pee in the potty! That's a step in the right direction. Urine is harder to get out of things, so really you can't complain.
If you have him in big boy pants, you shouldn't go backwards. You risk reversing the entire process. Just be patient. Make it a big deal when he pees there and maybe add how great it will be when he does poopies there too!!
Maybe when the baby comes you can show him the difference between what a baby does in its nappy and what big boys should do (poop in the potty).

Hi T. -

I had problems getting my first two potty trained. When my second was ready to potty train they trained together and we made a game out of it. I would suggest loading him up on apple juice to make his bm softer and not painful which can happen if he holds it too long. Give him a pull up - not a diaper - and let him poop in it then take it to the toilet and drop the poop out of the pull up into the toilet with your son watching letting him know "this is where poop is supposed to be". Make a game out of watching it flush. Eventually he'll decide it is time to use the potty. It may take some extra time with another on the way (change can be hard on kids) but it will eventually happen. My oldest was 5 when he was trained and my middle was 3 1/2. My youngest didn't train until he was 4 1/2 either. It's all in their individual level of maturity. Don't worry and don't stress over it. He'll pick up on your stress about it and be even more resistent to it. Keep your cool and try incentives, too.

Good luck - S.

I think thats pretty common. In all the kids I have heard about that do that, they make the decision one day they are ready to use the potty for #2 too. Congratulations on getting your son potty trained so early and be patient with him on the BM issue, it will work itself out.

My son was the same way. I finally just told him to tell me when he needed a pull-up and would let him poop in it. You can't force a kid to poop on the toliet and I didn't want to make him sick. My ped told me to stop trying with the pooping on the potty for about 6 weeks (we had a new baby at the time) and within 4 weeks he was pooping in the potty on his own. It will happen.

This was the scenario with one of my kids. She was great about using the potty to pee, but would ask for a diaper for #2. We tried a little to persuade her otherwise, but it didn't work. So we put the diaper on her, she went in the corner and then we changed her diaper. BUT one day, spontaneously, she and her older sister decided to stay over night at my aunts house - a spur of the moment decision - while she was over there she had to poop but my aunt had no diapers and I hadn't left any since we had not planned to be there; SO, Katy being who she is decided herself, it was time and used the toilet from that time forward.

Don't stress. It's not worth him getting a complex over pooping in the pot!

I wouldn't revert back to diapers. He knows what to do. Let him know that he's a big boy now, and big boys go in the potty, not diapers. Do you give him privacy when he's in the bathroom? My sons refused to have a bm in front of me. I would have to walk away. Just let him sit on the potty for a while until he becomes comfortable with the feeling of having a bm on the potty. Is he getting enough fiber? Do you think it hurts? Maybe give him extra fruit/fiber so he HAS to go and it comes out easier. Good Luck.

I have a suggestion you might look into to help avoid your son regressing when the new baby comes. This was a BIG problem for my almost 2 year old when my 2nd was born. Anywho- have you ever heard of or considered Elimination Communication? You can learn more about this at http://www.bornpottytrained.com/ I noticed that when my 2nd daughter showed signs of wanting to potty train, that's when my 2nd started to improve. Perhaps if he saw that the baby uses the potty too, he won't feel like he needs to be like the baby by going in his pants. I am definately going to try this with any more kids that I have. Good luck!

We had a similiar situation. We remedied it very quickly. We stopped giving him the diaper. We put him in regular old white training undies and the rubber pants. Our son was(is) a huge scooby doo fan. We told him that when he starts to go poo on the big pot he can have some Scooby doo underwear. The next time we where at the store we showed him the "cool" scooby underwear and reminded him that when he started going poo on the big pot by himself he would get some... a couple days later...He was running thru the house(chasing the dog), Stopped dead in his tracks & said "oh shoot I gotta poo". As soon as he was done we took him to the store and bought those undies. He had a couple nighttime accidents but it was great compared to everyday!!!

A little about me: I am a Mother of Two boys/Men (adopted through foster care) & Grandmother to 4 month old Abigail.

Okay..i work at a daycare so i will give you what i know and if any of it works, more power to ya!

Some children feel like when they have a bm on the potty, that they are losing part of themselves, so the potty becomes scary again. Talk to him about how food becomes poop and it all has to go some where. Show him HOW COOL it is to flush it!! We can even say "bye bye" to the poop! Another option is to have hand stamps in the bathroom to use as a reward...if he goes #2, then he gets a stamp on his hand. If he goes a certain amount of days with no accidents, he might get rewarded with a matchbox car. Sit with him as well as he is on the potty. You can even read the book "everybody Poops"

I have found, and i potty train 16 children every day, that those who are given diapers are generally set back. I know that it eases your mind knowing that he is at least going, but maybe if he MUST use a diaper, tell him he has to use it in by the potty. Make sure you are setting clear boundaries that the bathroom is for going potty and it is perfectly normal to go potty.

Good luck.

T.
some kids are like that what i found it mostly boy that go thr not wanting to poop on the potty i would tell him when he ready to poop to ask ffor a diaper put it on him at let him poop tell him to let you know when he ready to get it off when he is readt to poop on the potty he will i would not make him it could mess him up in life down the road