Gotta change the way YOU think... :-) I don't count a kid as being potty trainED until they have both down pat and have no accidents for a month. Until then, they are still TRAINING...
Most boys don't get the whole picture until they are closer to 4...
I know about the stress! Hubby wanted me to "train" our very stubborn almost 3 yr old before his little brother was born... After a week I told him to forget that idea and I wasn't gonna stress myself out over it. We would just have 2 kids in diapers for a while... He will be 6 this summer and hasn't had an accident in years. :-) They do get it...
Now that we are expecting again in spring I am not even trying to get out almost 3 yr old to train. He has no interest past just sitting on the seat and getting up. I'm not gonna stress over it.
I would just relax, and one day soon you will realize that you havn't had to clean him up for a while... That he's getting more consistant on the potty and there was nothing YOU did that made him that way. lol There is a light at the end of the tunnel...
As you said... There really is no way short of torture to "force" it... So accept that its gonna happen and go with it.