Potty Mouths

I wouldn't get upset about kids calling one another doodoo heads. On Planet Fuzzy, it's a non-issue unless the name is something truly derogatory.

Just the other day one of DD's friends was here. DD commented that her friend says potty words (along the lines you posted). I listened in for a bit and then I finally said, "Ladies, let's move on from the potty talk." And they did. Kids think farts are funny. I don't really worry about that. But over and over and over, or if they're making fun of someone - that's where I say something to them. If the boys he hangs out with say those words, they're looking for a reaction. Teach him to try to ignore Johnny and Johny will no longer have him as an audience. I've also told DD that while they are not "swear words", they are impolite and there are so many other words she can use. Then we brainstormed some other adjectives instead. Jazz pants. Dance pants. Happy feet. Etc.

Umm....
I can't.
This is cracking me up.
poopy pants and doody head are not even naughty words!
Just tell him that if he doesn't want to say those words he doesn't have to. But really? Kids talking like that are not "naughty".
Help your son get over it.

Have to agree those are not naughty words. They're just having fun. I'd try to get your son to lighten up.

You will never be able to stop this, and addressing the kids will only make them do it more when the adults aren't around. You need to talk to your son and teach him to ignore the words and to not repeat them.

He can always tell them he doesn't say those words and doesn't want to hear them, but don't get him thinking that you can control what others do - it's just not possible.

Who died and made your son the naughty police? What right do you or your son have to tell kids they are using naughty words when they are just being silly? You are sitting here asking what is a nice way for my son to boss the other kids around.

Those kids do not have a potty mouths, they are not being naughty, probably a good time to explain to Junior that not all parents have the same restrictions as you do.

So my son was a rigid rule follower at that age. What I asked him was 'does it hurt you when Johnnie says poopie pants?'. Nope? Then it is not your business. Now - if Johnnie was calling DS names (or being mean to other kids) then that was something he should tell the kid to stop doing. But really, other kids' language is their parents' concern. I think that letting this go is an age related/developmental thing and there isn't too much you can do to curb the busy body instincts of rigid rule followers. Except try not to smile too much.

Just wait until 2nd or 3rd grade when he checks out from the library the first "Captain Underpants" book!

I think you're little guy has internalized the lesson of bad words a little too seriously. There's a difference in the "f" word and doodyhead. So how do you help him let go of this? You tell him that he is tattle-telling and he needs to stop tattling. If children talk mean to him, then he can tell. If they hit him or other children, he can tell. But "reporting" how many times a day they say doodyhead is tattling, and he needs to stop doing that.

Your husband shouldn't really be telling the teachers what their job is unless your child is being abused by other kids. It's fine for him to tell the teachers that these words upset your son, but he really shouldn't tell them that it's their job to "police" words that your son doesn't like when they aren't really bad words. Now, he should tell them that if the kids call your son a doodyhead, he expects the kids to be disciplined because that is a different matter.

If it were me, I'd tell your son to walk away when kids start talking like this and find other kids to play with. If he fusses at them for saying the words, they're just going to say them more. And that will just upset him more. Better to go do something else.

This is a good opportunity to discuss how there are always going to be people who are rude, unkind, or annoying in this world....and we can't control them. We can only control ourselves. Going through life trying to control the behaviors of others is just setting him up for frustration and disappointment (and dysfunctional relationships).

Let him know that he can choose to only play with the kind kids who use good manners and language. He should not boss the other kids or tattle...just leave them alone. IF they ask, then he could say, "I don't like to play with kids who call names and use naughty words." Then, if those children want to play with him, they'll speak nicely.

A couple things:
1. I'd make these conversations rather boring. Kids focus on the things we focus on. When he starts to report on the potty talk, I'd give it a passing acknowledgment and then act like it's old news. Sometimes less is more, this isn't a time for long explanations, (because that is attention), just tune out when he starts to go on about who said what. Make it the least interesting thing in your day. Change the subject. He may not stop talking about it but I wouldn't engage in it any more deeply than you must. He needs to learn this is not something to give much attention to.

2. As others have said, forbidding the potty talk only makes the kids become more covert, it won't stop it. The other day a family friend apologized for swearing in front of Kiddo, who replied "It's just a word and you weren't saying it to be mean." We believe that it's not the words so much that are at issue, it's the intention behind them. We don't tattle on being silly (so long as everyone's safe), we do tell a grown up when someone is being mean or threatening.

Yeah, isn't it great what they bring home from camp/preschool?
When our son was going to private school I'd go to pick him up and there was a waiting area in the lobby, class room doors on the hall are open and one of the parents was on a cell phone and - Holy Guacamole Batman! - every other word of her almost shouted conversation was F this, F that and F every other thing.
The principal eventually came over and asked her to take her conversation outside.
So sometimes the kids are only parroting what they hear at home.
Other parents are not necessarily your friends.

When our son came home with some questionable language we told him it doesn't matter how anyone else talks - WE don't talk like that - and we should tell the teacher and ignore it after that.
For awhile he'd ask us if he could say a word so we could tell him if it was a bad word or not - and that was fine.

Also - bad words at your house are not necessarily bad words at other peoples houses.
Some people don't think twice about 'poopy head' but hate the word 'stupid', or 'retarded' or any number of other words.
You're not going to be able to come up with a banned word list everyone is going to agree on.
You have to help guide your son on how to handle bad words without giving the foul mouthed kid the thrill/attention he/she is seeking.

So common at this age. Kids get silly. They all do it at one point. Tell your son to just ignore it and go plsy with someone else. If you make a big deal out of it, he will continue to be upset by it. It's a stage, usually short lived.

I think he's getting this maybe from you making a big deal about "naughty" words. Unless the kids are saying F---, sh---, etc, I would not consider "poopy head" or whatever a big deal. Your son needs to learn that there is many different kinds of people in the world and we do not all act the same or have the same ideals and values and it's not his job to monitor everyone.

I would not say anything to the teachers as they probably don't see this as a big problem like you do.

The more your son tries to get them to stop, the more they are going to do it. It's just what they do at that age. So tell him to not worry about what the other kids are saying, just make sure he doesn't say bad words himself. Good luck.

I think you need to explain that just saying these words is not wrong, but calling names is. If Johnny is just saying "poopie pants", then that is fine. If he is calling your son "poopie pants" then your son needs to tell him to stop and/or report it.

I think rather than having your son work on telling kids not to use that language, I would just praise him for not using those words himself.

Good luck!

Well, I think most little kids go through that phase and they think of it as humor, as opposed to being naughty. I know when my kids went through the "fart!" stage (just giggling like crazy) it was viewed more as silly and they thought they were hilarious.

Thankfully, short lived phase :) And I would just shut it down if it got out of hand. "Enough guys...".

So there could be some disconnect here - these kids using the potty words may think they are hilarious, whereas your son thinks this is bad behavior. The teachers may think it's pretty innocent too ...

The thing is your son is bothered by this - to the point where he is telling you about it and also bringing it up when he wakes at night. So your advice to him I would say is bang on. Just tell him to play with other kids. If they are around him and they use the potty words, he can just say "guys, I don't like that" and if they don't stop, he moves on to play with others.

If you do mention it to the teachers, I would just say that your child is upset so you just wanted them to be aware. If you feel this problem will just keep growing, it probably is worth just touching base with them - you don't want your son to not enjoy summer camp. Even though I don't think this sounds directed at your son in particular, teachers should probably be made aware if one of the kids is uncomfortable.

Good luck :)

aww...lol. I couldn't help but giggle. sweet boy. our rule was always 'no name calling' no matter the name. I'm surprised the counselors allow this, although they may be young volunteers who don't see the harm.

Mine is 8 now and we're still coaching him to "worry about himself". Tattling is frowned upon, I expect him to make wise choices about what he tells the teachers. If no one is getting hurt I try to encourage him to let it slide off his back.

But when it comes down to it, unless your son is repeating the name calling, I would tell him, "That's too bad little Johnny says those things. Are you saying those things? (no) Okay then that's all you can worry about honey. Some people have different rules at their house and you aren't in charge of what they do." SOOO super hard at that age. They don't understand "different parents/different rules". Who can blame them. I don't think you can really fix this but you can just keep repeating to him that he needs to make sure HE is doing the right thing and try not to worry about what others are doing. Eventually it will get easier for him.

ETA - I liked what Christy Lee said about playing with someone else. Just like (at this age) any kid that is misbehaving. Walk away and play with someone else. Great advice.

I think you've got the right approach happening now.

~Just wait till he gets to elementary school...you think those are 'bad words'...my kids go to public school in Suffolk County (up the road from you a bit, or down depending on how you look at it :) & the first week of school all 3 of my kids (K, 2nd, 4th) came home with tales of all the bad language, including my Kindergartner hearing her own teacher use bad (The F word) language on her personal cell phone during class!! I did what you are doing, reminded them that others might do this but we do not. I almost didn't believe them that the teachers were cussing in school too but then I took a trip down there to put lunch $$ on their books and was confronted by my own potty mouth bookkeeper...she cussed right in front of me and students and no one batted an eye!! I couldn't believe it...crazy town!