F-bomb on School Playground

No she shouldn't tattle. Telling is for safety and bullying. She should just not use the word herself.

Yes Sally, I hate when older kids do that around younger ones. But they can't live in a bubble, so they will hear it.
No she should not tell on them. My one daughter is a bit of a narc herself and wanted to tell on a kid on the bus for eating candy because eating on the bus is against the rules. I told her in no uncertain terms not to tell on the girl and explained to her the difference between important telling (hitting, inappropriate touching, threats) and tattling (bad language, candy eating, silly stuff).
Also I don't know what upset Julie S so much, I don't think you're coming off in a bad way.

it's a battle you won't win.. I personally would not and do not put energy into it... a couple of kids in my son's class and the older class have been known to swear... but I just don't think it's a fight I want to take on...now, if my son was being called names, then yes.. I'd want something done. otherwise, I would just deal with it.. although, that's just me...

No she shouldn't tell. Tattling should only happen if someone is being threatened or hurt, or if there is some other immediate danger. Swearing is annoying and not ideal at this age but it happens, especially during sports at recess. She's going to have to deal with much worse in middle school, she needs to get a thicker skin and understand that not everyone is like her.

I'd just tell her ignore them. Sure, it's rude and inappropriate, but what's to gain from tattling-the kids will get in trouble. Should they? Yes, but let the teachers hear them. There's a difference between telling an adult when someone is doing something wrong- causing bodily or emotional harm, being unsafe, etc- and rattling to get someone in trouble. This is tattling.

Chill out Julie S....you obviously have your own issues...your comments are nothing but inflammatory and totally unhelpful - I guess you're having an extra bad day!
Sally, I'm glad your dd stood up for herself and values, but yes, have her stay away from these kids....don't tell on them

That would be tattling. She's going to be faced with a lot more than foul language in middle school so it's really best to just let her know that yes, it's vulgar and immature but no, it's not her place to tell.

And I think donating some playground equipment (another basketball or two) is a great idea.

When my son makes a social faux pas of expecting other people to conform to how he wants things, I take the time to explain why that doesn't really work. Let the teachers catch these kids, I am sure your daughter has heard some of these words before and remember-- they only have the power a person chooses to give them. While I don't like to hear the F word come out of my son's mouth, I'd prefer to teach him why it's not appropriate than just react to a 'bad word'. If your daughter doesn't like that sort of language, she can choose not to use it. (In this case: it's not a safety issue and so she can only control herself and her response.)

Geez Julie S. Is it really necessary to be so critical of Sally? Anyway, as others have said, I'd tell your daughter not to tell on them but as someone else said, buy some extra basketballs for the playground. I've donated stuff like that just so kids have more to do at recess.

I agree that she shouldn't tattle - that's just asking for trouble, and there's nothing to be gained by it.

Why does she need to steer clear of them? I agree that that language is not appropriate, not something I want my kids to do, not attractive at all, but let's face it, that's part of being in middle school and junior high and high school. Many of the kids use the language because it's against the rules or because it gets a rise out of people. It's just part of being that age.

Really, if that's the worst thing those kids do, count your lucky stars. Kids that age should be rebelling to an extent. It's part of becoming an independent person. It starts at this age, and it starts in very immature ways. But it really is part of the growing up process.

I would let it go, and I would not discourage her from playing with them. If that's what she chooses, fine. But let it be her decision.

Although I don't find it at all acceptable for my kids to use language like that, and I still cringe when I hear my little brothers use it freely, I don't think it is worth putting her in a position to be bullied. It's nice that she has no desire to hear those words, but I doubt it will cause her any harm, whereas the possibility of being bullied does.

It is nice that your daughter likes clean vocab--encourage her to seek out like-minded kids in other venues, and to just try to ignore the f-bombs as much as possible. I grew up on the basketball courts at our local rec center. The older kids cussed all the time. I didn't drop my first f-bomb until I got married ;-)

I might just anonymously donate some new basketballs to the school ....

I agree that there is no need to tattle. It is just a word, and as your dd has learned, the kids are saying it for a reaction; the more she reacts, the more they use the word.

I agree with Gidget that there is no need to discourage her from playing basketball with this group if that is what she wants. It really is just a word; one that you may find coarse and offensive, but just a word nonetheless. Don't give it more power than it deserves.

This is a good chance to teach her to pick her battles.

Cussing isn't really a tattling offense... It's annoying and rude, but doesn't put anyone in danger... So if she tells, it just makes her a tattletale.

If she really doesn't want to be around the language, she can find something else to do or other kids to play with. It sucks for her to not be able to play ball, but that's life. It's not always fair. If you are allowed, maybe send her a ball to play with on her own, or write a note to the teacher recommending a check-out system for the limited balls they have, so they can be distributed more fairly. (If the only way she has a chance to play with one is with these kids, either there is just one ball, or the same kids always get it...)

Or, she can just ignore the cussing and continue to play ball with them. Again, that's life. She can't control what they are doing, just her reaction to it. She can choose to ignore the language, and hold herself to the higher standard and not cuss herself.

So, she can walk away or ignore it. Her choice. That's what I would do.

The real world sucks, but at least her taste of it is a fairly minor issue.

5th grade? "Tattling"is the kiss of social death. So be prepared.
Just sayin'.

Since it was bad language and not a verbal threat or anything violent I would tell her I was proud of her for not using that sort of language and to avoid those kids (or ignore their language at least) in the future. Telling for this sort of thing might just lead to more problems than she's prepared for, and she's old enough to know that she'll have to deal with people saying things she doesn't like/agree with for the rest of her life.

I would tell her to ignore it. Go play elsewhere.

The fact is, we can't control anything another person does. And your daughter is getting to the age where her "helpful advice" to these other kids is going to backfire and get her picked on. She needs to learn the difference between situations where she should say something and situations where she should just be quiet or walk away.

I would tell my daughter how immature those kids are. It is only a word however vulgar it may be. Tattling will not make them stop. I agree, tell your daughter to stay away from them.

My kids know what words are okay and not okay to say, doesn't mean they don't say things they shouldn't at times. It also doesn't mean they are in charge of other kids and what they say or do. If the teachers hear it, great. If not, tell your daughter to stay away. I would NOT tattle though, that will only cause her even more problems.

Tattling is also a form of bullying.

ew, nastyass kids.
but since they already upped the ante to show your daughter that she's not their boss, i can't see anything good coming of upping it further on your end.
it's important for kids to take dangerous and truly hurtful actions to the adults in authority. this doesn't rise to that level. a moue of disgust, and walking away to hang with a better crowd, would be a much better response.
khairete
S.

Should I allow people to use offensive language around me like I am nothing and certainly not a little girl that should be treated with dignity and respect?

No-this is how little monsters learn to be gentlemen and girls learn that they are cherished and valuable. About 50 some years ago, a man used the f word in front of my Mother and my Dad dropped him with a single punch-there's just some stuff you don't do around women.

I would send her to school with her own basketball.

Well I would tell my kids to stay away from them. There are 2 boys that are in my son classroom this yr. Both are rude and bratty. I heard from a friend that lives near the one child. His family is loud and obnoxious. The boys are in grade school. They scream and use the f word constantly.

I'd steer clear of the foul language issue and deal with the access to shared equipment if I were you and her. The playground attendant can see that the kids are hogging the balls, but she or he likely can't hear the cursing.

Sally don't worry about some of the people that post here, they can be real jerks. I forget How catty some women can be but that is low to talk about someone's kid. Everyone posting comments should be adults and grown, talking about someone's kid is very disrespectful. The people that make such inflammatory comments realize they're hiding behind a computer and feel they can say what they want, completely ridiculous!! Anyway, I think your daughter being able to recognize that those kids are out of control takes courage not to be influence by peer pressure. Choosing your battles is very wise though.

I have this issue with my girls. They're very sensitive about cussing. If I slip up and cuss they're all over me. :-)

Our standard is that if it's a friend, they let their friend know that they don't like hearing cuss words and they ask politely not to use cuss words in their presence. What's funny is that my girls feel that they can have discussions about cuss words with their friends... they just don't feel like they can hear cuss words used casually or jokingly during conversations. They get very upset when cussing is used during an argument.

If it's not a friend, then they're to move away from the person and get out of earshot. If it's during class and it's disruptive but the teacher doesn't hear it, then I let them "follow their heart" about whether to tell or not. I know my girls will shush the offender first, and if that doesn't work they'll get caught shushing and then explain that so-and-so was talking too loudly for them to concentrate. If it doesn't stop they might wait until the other children aren't around to say something about the cussing.

I'd remind her that we don't use that word or words like it because it sounds rather vial and tends to show ignorance. Can they not come up with better and more descriptive words. This is a habit they think is cool and the thing to do and makes them quite ordinary. I'd also be sure to tell her about her attributes and values you're proud of to reassure her of thinking the "right" thing. Also I'd be sure to give every opportunity for a better group of friends for her to be with. If you can get her involved in something outside of this that she really enjoys and with other kids. Don't have her tell, it'll cause problems that are worse. Just stay away from them.

The problem is it's like saying one thing and doing another which doesn't wash especially when kids start getting older and notice the injustice of this. So you'll have to explain why and tell her that you're glad she told you but we have to pick our battles not let others pick for us. Another side is, it's just a word and we shouldn't let it control who we are. She is obviously looking for a meter on which to rely and gage, a center. Let her know you are that center but still letting her discover as well.

Hope this makes sense to ya.

Tell her to ignore it.

Hi, S.:

You think it's okay to allow children to be uncivilized?
No parents are around to assist coaches now a days?
What do you mean tattle?
We, American citizens, need to come together and stand up for what's right. Bullying is a gateway to violation and violence as adults.
You need to go to the school principal and share this with him and find a solution to this aggressive behavior.

If they don't know how to handle the situation. There is a "Whole School Change Program" offered by the International Institute for Restorative Practices in Bethlehem, PA. Dr. Joseph Roy in the Bethlehem Area School District has implemented the Restorative Approach in all of the schools in Bethlehem.

I suggest you have the courage to do something.
Our government from the top down is bullying people and this is how it started, "Citizens failed to act."
Good Luck.
D.