Potty Issues with My 4 1/2 Year Old

I'm going thru the same thing with my 3 year old, and the only advice I have is what the doctor told me--don't push the issue. My other three kids were all trained by this age, so I know it's frustrating, but I just remember that he can't wear diapers forever, eventually he will learn. Good luck, hang in there!

My second child had similar issues. It just about drove us crazy until a light went off in my head. Little people have so little in their little lives that they have control over. They can control what they eat and they can control elimination. What finally worked for us was for us to ignore it. We just quit talking about/focusing on her potty control/accidents/issues. I asked her if she wanted a pull up or panties. It was sometimes hard to ignore the poopy panties but we did. After a few short weeks the accidents completely stopped. When she had the occasional real accident afterward we just didnt mention it, got her cleaned up, and they were just that 'accidents'.

It was tough for us to begin with but it took the steam out of the situation and gave control back to my daughter and then she didnt want to fight over it...

Hope this helps...
L.

I am glad that I am not the only one with a child that old and doesn't want to. At his last visit to his new peditrician, he said don't even mention the word "potty" or anything that has to do with it, and within the year he will be trained. For every time you do bring it up, "Let's go sit on the potty chair" or something to that effect, it will delay it that much longer. He said about another month added to the time he's ready. It's so hard not to ask him, I so bad want him out of diapers and pullups.

I've had the same issues with my kids.. 1 potty trained just before his 4th b-day, the other a couple months ago, at 3 1/2 yrs. (except at night.. still working on that). we've been working on it for a very long time too.

what finally worked with the 3 1/2 yr old was to have him go around with nothing but a shirt on (only at home, and when no one except me and the kids were here), so that when he had to go, he realized there was nothing to catch it, and he ran to the bathroom. It worked like magic.

We also set up a chart where he got a reward for every 10 times he was successful. maybe you could find something she would really want (that you're sure you can give at any given time). We bumped it up to 15 then 20 after awhile. He got bigger rewards the longer we used that - when he was at 20 we took him to Outer Limits.

At some point we did need to discipline him. I do agree that positive reinforcement is good, they believe about themselves what we tell them. If we tell them they're a failure (even if we don't mean to or realize we are), they will fail. If we tell them they CAN do it, and praise them, it encourages them. However, after weeks of having him go naked and he was doing really well, I put underwear back on and he slipped back into more accidents. I noticed clear signs of downright laziness and stubbornness. He was disciplined for that.

It takes a lot of consistency. pick one thing and stick to it, for weeks and weeks. Don't let yourself get so frustrated that you get angry. Ask for help from a friend or someone if you start to get at that point. I had to call a friend one day and have her watch the kids while I de-stressed.

And remember they WILL get there eventually. We all did, somehow.
hope that helps.

Since you've asked doctors about this potty issue, can we assume that they have checked her thoroughly and there is no physical bladder (or even kidney) issues? If so, continue positive reinforcement. Cut off all liquids 2 hours before bedtime, if needed give yourself some peace of mind during the nighttime by buying "padded panties" -- you know like the overnight shorts, try a little "positive/negative" reinforcement by making a calendar just for her. . . hang it in her room and say, "if we can go these 3 days (show her) with no mishap then maybe we can go to the movies or for ice cream". . gradually increase the time to one week. Remind her not to wait until the last minute, tell her that sometimes if she's dreaming she's using the bathroom. . she really is; tell her it is important to solve the problem so that she'll feel better when she goes to school and finally; get a second opinion re: bladder. . . some kids seem to have very weak bladder control that is not easily detected and not their fault. Good Luck. D

Hello!
I had quite the struggle with my daughter when she was 3.
I tried using a sticker chart in the bathroom and when she got 5 stickers we celebrated with her favorite treat "ice cream"! That worked only for a short while until her smart little mind caught on. She also was very independent. It wasn't until we were on a visit to her older cousin's home that changed her mind. She seen that the older girl wore pretty underwear and she did not. My niece also made a comment that "only babies wore diapers". I believe that my daughter "not" wanting to be a baby is what changed her mind. Maybe your daughter needs to visit an older child to show her how its done? Good luck!!

Oh, how I feel your frustration! We went through it with my son. He was fine with peeing. With him it was ALL about control and being afraid to grow up. The light seemed to go on for him when I told him that he was the one in control of holding it in and also the one in control of going on the potty. It also helped when I told him that, while, yes it can be scary to learn new things, it is okay to grow up. If you can make her clean up her "accidents", it can also help(good luck with that).
Hang in there...you are not alone.

I am a Grandmother & Daycare Provider and have potty trained many little ones using this method. Make a sticker chart by printing a "Happy Face" or other positive image on a regular sheet of paper and tape (using double sided tape) to the bathroom wall across from the toilet. Place it at a her eye level where she can see it while sitting on the potty. Get some stickers with various smiling faces - you can usually find these at a dollar store. When she goes potty let her pick out one sticker and put it on the chart. Tell her how proud of her you are for using the potty. Be sure to only use these "special stickers" for this purpose and only give her a sticker if she actually goes potty. If she sits on the potty but doesn't go tell her "that's ok - when she goes next time she will get a sticker". If she gets upset or cries because you didn't give her the sticker just ignore the bad behavior and walk away. She will soon understand "no potty = no sticker". Once she understands this you can set a goal. Tell her when she gets a certian number of stickers she will get something special. At age 4 1/2 her goal should not be to easy to obtain or you will defeat you purpose and the "special something" should be realistic . I would probably tell her when she gets 50 stickers you will take her to the dollar store and she can pick out something like a brand new coloring book and crayons. Be sure to help her count the stickers frequently and be prepared to have a chart in your bathroom for a few months. I would also highly encourage you to use a childs potty seat on a regular toilet as opposed to a potty chair. Remember - don't give her a sticker unless she earns it. Stay positive and most important have fun with this and Good Luck !!!!

With my daughter we used M&Ms. She loves them and every time she would go on the toilet she would get one M&M. Also, if you watch them enough they have little signs (each child is different) that says they need to go. If you figure that out then you can really encourage them to go and really talk up the reward that they will get.

4 1/2 is pretty old for potty training. It's just about time for school. Encourage them that if they want to go to school they have to go on the potty all the time like a big kid.

Good Luck...

have you tried sticker charts and rewards? A friend did so many stickers of potty (I think it was for the week...) and she got a car (that was what she wanted) then a different for poops. After a certain number she could pick a bigger 'thing', weather it was from the store or what was purchased for her, meal out, etc, I dont remember.

Find something that works for you....??
Good Luck!

All I can tell you is what worked for me. I got this advice from my aunt, this is how she potty trained her 2 daughters. Keep in mind, I have no idea how to make my kid poop in the potty, so I have no advice on that LOL.

I also got this advice from my daughters doctor. Take a week when you will be home for the most part and get ready to have to clean your house a lot, he/she will have accidents. Let your child run around the house in naked. Or at least no bottoms, for the week. By the end of a week my daughter and cousins were using the potty. The doctor also told me I could just put underwear on her for the week and that she would learn that she didn't like being wet and would learn by the end of the week that way too.

Good Luck!

this is not the best advice because it's against what EVERYONE said to do (be patient, don't force, they'll do it when they are ready, etc) Well, I'M READY!!! uggghh, potty training is the WORST part of parenting so far, absolutley horrible.

anyway here's what we went through. my daughter just turned 3 and we've been trying since she was 2. I put her in panties and reminded her every so often to go potty, we sat and sat and she never went. She cried, screamed, we read books, sang songs, painted her nails everything I could think of while sitting on the potty. She watched mommy go, I got stickers every time I went. I would do this for 4 day increments and if there was no progress I stopped because it stressed me out so much! I did this 3 times over about 8 months and she never went on the potty once!

Finally afetr she three I decided that was it and I was forcing her to go. i knew she had to go at least once so I could then praise her and reward her for going, but I could never get her to go! just accident after accident. So I got the potty out and sat her in front of the TV and wrapped her up in a blanket to prevent her bare bottom from getting cold. over 2 hours later she had gone and It was a huge event in our house! so much praise and love from that and of course, stickers :)The next day, when I knew she had to go again I sat her there again and it took 3 hours. From then on it only took a few minutes. Then I moved the potty back into the bathroom and then later had her go on the big potty. She hasn't had an accident since (2 months ago.

I had a page up on the wall in the bathroom with my picture and her picture and I got a sticker when i went potty and i clapped for me and when she went she got it. I think her seeing me get rewarded helped.

I hate when people say, "they'll do it when they are ready, just give it time." Because a couple generations ago kids were potty trained at liek 18 months and now we have 5 year olds that aren't. You may totally disagree with me, but out of my frustration I had to "force" her.

Sorry if this doesn't help you. good luck, I know it sucks so bad!
M.

I don't unfortunately have an answer, but just to let you know I was in the same boat not too long ago. I have an almost 5 year old boy and he did not become fully potty trained until 4-1/2 years old. It is so frustrating!! I honestly believe they will do it when they want to do it. As long as you have taught them the basics, they will eventually catch on. They do not want to be controlled at that age and if they have you controlling when they go to the toilet they will regress (sp?). Be patient and it will happen! Good luck and I hope it will be soon!

I think the best advice at this point would be to just not have any other option. Don't have diapers or pull ups available. She just has to do it. She will get sick of have wet underware and just go. It will be messy and a pain in the butt for you but it will work. Good Luck.

What worked for me with my son was to just put him in underwear and take him to the bathroom as often as I could (every hour for the first day or so on the weekend) Then when he started back to daycare monday I packed a huge bag of extra clothes and let his teacher know what we were doing, I took home a lot of wet stuff for that first week but after that accidents were less and less frequent. Just dont give the option of diapers and she will eventually get it, it does require a lot of washing and patience but its worth it!

There's a book called "Potty Training in a Day" (or something similar) that my mom swears by. She used it with me and all my siblings and says it worked. I tried the methods in it with my 3-year old one week after he turned three, and it worked for me! I plan on using the same methods with all my kids. You have to be patient and positive and consistent as the parent, even if your kid is crying or bored of practicing, but if you stick with it, it works!

We tried all the advice of pediatricians, friends, family, etc. but to no avail when my son had turned 4. What finally worked for my son was a "prize basket". I went to the dollar store and bought a bunch of cheap toys (he didn't care of the cost, just that it was something new!) I wrapped each of them up and put them in a big basket that we left in the bathroom. High enough so he couldn't reach it, but low enough so he could always see it. The first few days, I let him pick a present out of the basket every time he went. Then for a few days, we started a sticker chart and after he got 5 stickers, he got to pick a prize. We eventually changed it to a prize after going poopy on the potty. This lasted about 1 1/2 weeks and the prize basket went away. We ended with a sticker chart and if he stayed dry all day for 5 days, he got to pick something special he wanted to do. That lasted for 2 weeks and after that, he was completely trained. Haven't had a problem with him since! Good luck to you!

I agree with the suggestion to make sure there is nothing wrong medically with her. Also, what is the nature of the "problems"? My daughter had accidents for a few years after being potty trained. She had them whenever she was nervous about something..starting a new school, a new class, etc. She has outgrown it as she became more confident. To minimize accidents though I made sure she always went to the bathroom before we left in the car...and we wouldn't leave until she went. Also, I made sure (and still do) to point out where the bathrooms are at school, friends house, relatives, etc so she knows where it is and doesn't have to ask all the time. Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be.

We had troubles with my little girl, when she was 4 too. We found the book "Everybody Poops" and showed her the pictures of the baby with a diaper on, and a child on the toilet, and asked her which one she was. she said she was the big girl, and she could go on the toilet like a big girl. We haven't had a problem since, however everyother day I have to remind her to go get a book and sit on the toilet.

I finally just put my daughter in underwear and let her see how it felt to be wet. She was 2. SHe didn't like it much, and she finally started using the potty. Also, we got a special seat that was attached to the toilet that was her size--they have them in the One STep Ahead catalog. She seemed to like being able to be a "big birl" and use the big potty rather than one of those little trainer ones. Good luck! It will be nice to save all that money on diapers!

I have a feeling she's testing you! LOL My question to you is this: do you put her in any sort of "diaper" at all, at any anytime? (such as a Pull-up at night?) If so, it's time to do away with that back up. If she wets in her panties, oh well!
Other than that, you may want to remind her that she has to be potty trained to go to kindergarten like the big kids!

my son is 4 1/2, and i would say he is pretty good about going potty, but we did struggle a lot. i dont know how much TV you let her watch, but with my son, it was just too much of a distraction, and he would have an accident. so we cut back on TV time, and gave "treats" for going potty. Slowly but surely he got better and better. good luck to you.

have your doctors checked to make sure all of her "plumbing" is in order? We had that done with my daughter to make sure that it was not a medical issue.

Also is she at home wtih your or in child care?

S.

Hello, Have you tried ignoring it? Put a pull up on her tell her when she is wet, change herself, put some where she can reach them. If she goes in the potty, tell her that is good but don't make a big deal but spend some time with her after. But stop focusing on the potty issue. Yes it is a control issue and an attention getter, positive and negative. GIVE her the control, wait a few weeks, see what happens. If she gets a rash from being wet, tell her why and don't make a big deal of it.
Does it sound cruel? life has consequences. Good luck. It has worked with many I have trained. (childcare provider) K.

I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one struggling with this. My daughter is 4 1/2 as well and still not completely potty trained. It is sooo frustrating, isn't it? I am sorry I don't have much advice for you. I just thought I'd let you know that you're not the only one. In my case, I think it's a power/independence issue, even though I think I've left the ball in her court for some time now.

All I can tell you, which has decreased her "accidents" is rewarding her when she goes--trying to get as excited as possible (not easy when all you can think is "Now why can't you do this all the time?) and then we give her a cold shower when she does go in her pants. Not too long, but we get her hair wet--and try not remain business-like, not angry or happy when you do it.

Good luck...it's such a trial.

with my son i put him on every time i went. When he went I gave him a sticker to put on his potty chart. After two months of going like every hour (trying). I put him in big boy undies and rubber pants. He had a couple of days worth of accidents and didn't like it, he started telling me. When it come to poopies, it was you poopies in the big potty we can go to chuck e cheese. They have a potty training chart you can pull up on line. It is now a regular thing for him. I know it worked for me hope it can help you.