OK, I need some help/advice on the potty. My son is 3 yrs this past Jan and has only now started to get potty trained. And the only way we could get him to tell us he has to go was to go cold turkey and put him in underwear. He has gotten pretty good and telling me when he has to go pee (only he says it's poopoo, but whatever...). THe acctuall poopoo part, he has done a few times, but mostly we still need some work on that.
My problem is that he has started to use it as blackmail against us. Whenever we want him to do something that he might not want to, like sitting down to eat, or time out. Then he has to go. OK fine, so I take him, and as soon as we come back and sit down, he has to go again. And he will play this game for hours. And if I don't take him, it doesn't matter if I've already taken him 10 times in 20 min., he will pee or poop all over himself. Clean him and the mess up, put him back down, and yes some how he still has more and will go all over himself again. I have also made him sit on the potty for a while, but he throws the biggest fit. He shakes and trows his arms all around, and screams so loud. And as soon as I take him off (only when he calms down), and sit him back at the table to eat, or to pick up his toys he pees all overhimself again.
But if he's having fun doing what he wants, then he will tell me when he has to go, most of the time, and we do really well.
So I'm thinking about just going back to diapers for a few more months as there has been more yelling from me than there ever has been before, and I can't deal with myself like this. I also have 5 month old twin girls so playing these "games" with him right now just isn't an option for me right now.
But I really don't want to go back to diapers for him. I feel like we should be moving forward, not backwards. Plus he is 3 and I'm soooo tired of having him in diapers,
Anyway...
What advice can you ladies give me? Should I go ahead and give up for now? Are there any tips or tricks that has worked for situations like this? Has any one here potty trained as late as four?
Thanks for your advice
he is physically ready.. but may not be emotionally ready..
he is using th potty as a power struggle-- and he is winning.
Until he sees using th potty as something that he wants to do (because he doesnt like the pee running down his leg) you cant win.
My daughtr got generally more cooperative around 2 and potty trained then.. I couldnt have done it before then as she was too negative.
Hi J.,
My son was the same way. He was about 3.5 when he was finally trained, so don't give up!
We had many an accident in the underware, before he finally resigned to the potty.
You are on the right track, just keep moving forward like you stated! We used diapers at night, then pull ups, when he began to establish #2 in the toilet (he never went this at night, it just seemed to help for some reason).
It does seem like it won't ever end, doesn't it? lol
Also, of course, be patient, kind and loving. He will get it soon! Hang in there!
Good Luck,
R.
Hi J. -
My situation is a little different than yours but my oldest son wasn't trained until he was 5 1/2. My middle was 3 and my youngest was 4, maybe a little later. My best suggestion is to keep on being consistnt. DON'T go back to diapers! It will just make things worse because you will be giving him the control and he will be getting his way. Instead, run some water while he is in the bathroom during those times he doesn't want to be there. If he can reach it maybe run his fingers under warm water and that should help him empty his bladder. If he still pees or poops himself either at the table or in time out (if you have hard chairs that the mess won't sink into and that will hold the mess and him) then make him sit in it until your meal is over or his time out is served. He won't like needing to sit in it and will get the message you are in control, not him, and what you say goes. Sometimes it seems like a battle. Calm yourself and remember it won't last forever and you are not alone.
Good luck - S.
Hi J.,
My son also turned 3 in Jan. and we were dealing with some of the same things as you. My son was very stubborn with the potty and would get mad and sometimes have accidents on purpose. What I did was put him back in pull-ups for a month. We tried again and he did great. He is now potty trained. I think that he was just not ready. I don't know your son but maybe if you took a break from it and tried again in awile it would help. I know some moms would disagree with that but I was where you are and I was sick of cleaning up accidents all day long. Good luck.
Chris
If he is peeing and pooping on purpose I would tell him that he needs to clean up the mess. At 3 he should be able to change his own wet pants by himself...the poopy ones I would send him into the bathroom with some wipes and a plastic bag and have him "clean" up the mess and then help him finish. If he decides to make a bigger mess while cleaning himself he needs to clean that up as well. I know that this may seem like a bit much but trust me he will soon learn that there is a very real consequence to pooping in his pants and it will stop.
He's doing the potty right some fo the time, so he can do it. The rest of the time, he is playing you, and the trick is not to play that game with him. If he starts that up again, tell him he has to either clean it up himself, or stay in it. It's his issue so don't get involved. It will be hard for a couple of days, if that long, but then that is it. All of the adults in your household have to be on the same page with this one.
I wouldn't suggest going back to diapers. At three years old, that will just confuse him more. When he pees himself as a form of revenge, he needs to go back on the potty and leave him there for a few minutes, rather he's screaming or not. You don't have to scream back, just ignore him. If he gets off the potty, put him back on without verbalizing anything. Eventually he will se you are in charge, and will give up the fight. This has worked with my 20 month old who I am currently potty training. I don't stay in the bathroom with her, I stopped yelling at her to stay on the potty. I just walk away and eventually she gave up and let me know when she was done. Good luck!
My son is 7 1/2 now. He didn't want anything to do with going to the bathroom until he was 3 1/2. (At the time, my daughter was about 10 months old.) He was 6 weeks shy of his 4th birthday when he decided that going in the toilet was better than his pants. It was difficult to remain happy and smiling, but this is what I did: I had him help me swirl his pants in the toilet when he pooped in them. It seems that all my cleaning up after him made it just as if he were wearing diapers that leaked. He had absolutely no motivation to change what he was doing. So, poop on the potty was way better than swirling poopy pants in the potty.
I think I remember reading that girls are "potty trained" at 2 1/2 to 3 years. Boys are slower and are "potty trained" at 3 to 3 1/2 years. And those are averages. Why do some baby books put potty training in the first year? Who knows. One silver lining is that because he was older when he chose to use the potty, he didn't have any accidents. Now, at 7 1/2 he has had an accident or two lately because he doesn't want to stop what he is doing to go to he bathroom. Then, he cleans himself and the pants and puts the dirty things in the laundry room.
Also, keeping you on potty duty makes sure that he gets some attention from you. Children aren't fussy about whether they get positive or negative attention - just that they get some. When you are doing this with your son, then you can't pay attention to the twins. My husband and I took turns with our son in the bathroom. Also, much to my husband's protest, I turned potty training of our son over to my husband. After all, how could I possibly show him how to stand and pee? My husband wasn't sure he could show our son how to do this. But then, I pointed out that he watched as our son was born. If I can push out a baby while all those people watched then he could pee a little. It relieved some of the pressure from me.
The bottom line is that you and your husband are in the best position to know what is best for your son. It won't be long before your son is willingly going to the potty and the twins are sleeping through the night. Now, there is something to look forward to! Good luck! Hope this helps.
Hello J., This is what I think you should do. For the amount of time he puts you through all the agravation make him sit in his mess. He's testing you because of the twins hes older and feels your not giving him 24 - 7 attention like you did before hand so hes playing you. So theres a couple options one is have daddy take him instead of you. He says no insist on it. Your busy with the other children daddy needs to take you. Or try maybe having dad do dinner or finish it for you while you spend some one on one time before dinner and in that time while playing with him tell him when dinner is done we need to sit and eat not to play potty trips. And finally last solution is. When he flips out on you you let him know that is not called for and if he does this he will have out time. Also if he urinates himself or poops himself to repell. Also let him know he ist to sit in it for out time because he is a big boy and he isn't to be acting like a baby. If he can make it through dinner without having to go potty or soil himself maybe mommy and him can go do something after just by them selves or he can get a reward like a piece of gum or something. Good luck and hope I could help.
Try reading The Potty Book for Boys or Everyone Poops to him. Cute books that are written from the child's point of view. Also, see if there is a "potty" video starring one of his favorite stars. When my kids were little they watched Bear in the Big Blue House Potty Time over and over. It helped reinforce many of the ideas and alleviated some fears about the potty as well. Good luck!
Unfortunately he has to WANT to do it in order for it to work. It shouldn't be bribery, black mail or a source of punishment. Simply give it up for a while. He will ask for it again, because that's the nature of the event. Then, start again with the reverse psychology. Nope, sorry. Can't wear big boy pants until you can go in the potty with out making a mess. Let him wear a diaper constantly, aks if he has to go and once he has for a day or two consistently without messing the diaper, then offer the pants again. Calm, assertive tone of voice, absolutely no emotion. He has to see that he can't push your buttons anymore with his unacceptable behavior of making a mess.
My b/g twins potty trained as different as night and day. And my son was almost 4 - he would rather cheer his sister on with her success than try it himself. My daughter was just a bit over 2 1/2. I learned that the more pressure and conflict that arises from the act of potty training, the longer it takes and the harder it is.
Take a deep breath, realize unto yourself that he WILL be out of diapers eventually and let it go for now. It will happen, I promise!
just make him sit in his own pee/poop whenever he does it until he "cleans" himself up if he is trying to manipulate you. Do not let him do anything until he is clean, (obviously you may need to help with the final finishing touches) But he's for sure old enough not to be doing that and knows what he is doing so I would not feel bad making him clean his own mess and if he doesn't want to and throws a fit then he has to sit in it until he does...no dinner, no toys no whatever until it's done.
I think if you do that it won't take too long for him to change since that will probably be a big deterrent...well it would be for me anyway :-)
We are in the midst of potty training my son. He is in pull-ups...and goes in the toilet on average once a day. Some days, he is completely dry and does all of his business in the toilet...other days, he is too busy playing to take care of it. I bought some really cheap generic pull ups a couple of weeks ago, and that seemed to aid the process. He went while wearing them, had really bad "itchies" for a few days after...and he did not like that! I don't have any real advice, except for the advice I am taking - let him move at his own pace. Don't go back to diapers b/c at least in pull ups he is learning how to pull his pants off on his own...
He also does really well when he is around his potty trained friends and cousins!!! He wants to be the big boy in front of them! I have a 5 month old at home also...so I've decided not to stress out about it. I think it will get easier as warm weather approaches (he can make his messes outside until he learns!).
Hi! I think being consistent with him is vital. Have him be the one to clean himself up (maybe not with poop, but he could at least help with that one in some way.) When he knows that you will not give in, he will likely go on the potty better. Some of it may be to get attention from you due to the babies. I am sure this is hard for you with having the babies to care for as well, but maybe when there's a time that they are both sleeping, or content, you can take him aside, look him in the eye and explain what is going to happen. Then make sure you are consistent!!! Even if it means that the chair (or wherever he was sitting) has pee on it for an hour so that he can be the one to wipe it up. Make sure your husband and you are on the same page so that he doesn't get confused. Also, make sure to give him lots of hugs and kisses- evev a quick kiss as you walk by- to remind him that you are thinking about him even though the babies take so much attention....you can do it, and before you know it, this will be mastered and you'll be on to the next 'challenge!' Just take a deep breath, and take it a day at a time to help you not get overwhelmed....blessings!
He's not ready. Go back to pull-ups/diapers and wait longer.
Humans are born with free-will. He is exercising it by controlling the one thing he has control over - his own body. He will want to go to the bathroom, you don't need to make him do it. I have friends who made their children potty train too early and they still have issues at 8-years-old with accidents. with subsequent children, they waited and have had no issues AT ALL with accidents.
It's a light switch that will click for him eventually. Continue to talk about using the toilet and offer it to him from time to time, but don't force him. Take heart and know that he will NOT go to kindergarten in diapers.
Best of luck!
