Hello Mommas,
My daughter is almost 4 and still pees and poops in a pull up. I potty trained her a year and a half ago - she knows what she is supposed to do, but she will not do it. I have tried a lot of different things with her and have arrived at the place where I tell myself that she has to make the choice. But I am wondering if there is anything else I can do to help her want to use the toilet rather than go in a pull up. She does not exclusively go in her pull up - she will occasionally use the toilet, but I don't see any rhyme or reason to when she makes the choice. Has anyone else been through this? What did you do?
I have tried letting her run around the house in underwear and nothing at all - she just goes on herself and continues on with life. She would say "mommy, I peed" and I would have her clean it up, but she does not mind doing this so it results in no change. No point in taking away toys because she is just as happy playing with something else. She would be happy with no toys at all. We have tried encouragement, praise, candy, rewards, sticker charts, putting her on a schedule, etc. I have talked to her about being a big girl and being like other older kids/adults who use the bathroom. None of this has made any difference. I know that she is aware that her behavior is not socially acceptable because she will always whisper to me when she poops in her pull up when other people are around (non immediate family members).
Her personality is very happy go lucky which is I am sure why it doesn't bother her. She is an extremely sweet girl. I want her to use the potty not only so I can stop dealing with this situation, but also so she can go to preschool which I know that she would love (she is very social).
She has an older brother (6) and a younger sister (20 months). No issues potty training her older brother.
Suggestions/encouragement appreciated!!
Thank you,
Cyndi
I agree that pull ups should no longer be an option if she is actually capable of using the toilet. My son was not toilet trained until 4.5, but there were other issues involved there.
Since you know that she's physically capable of going in the toilet, now it's time to get tough. I used the below method with my second who was nearly four before he was potty trained, and would have stayed in Pull Ups forever. It worked!
Take all of the pull ups and throw them away. Show her that you are doing this.Tell her that she's a big girl now, and that big girls don't wear pull ups. Put her in underwear and designate her to a particular area of the house such as the kitchen. Cover any furniture or carpet with towels and provide very limited entertainment for her: books, and a couple of toys. Provide her with lots of liquids. Set a timer, and take her to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes.
If she has an accident, make no mind of it. Change her clothes, put new underwear on and remind her to use the potty next time. If she wants to play in another part of the house, remind her that she will be able to as soon as she starts going in the potty every time.
This make take a couple of days, so plan to be home and dedicating yourself to this for the majority of the day. Once she sees that she can't just go on with doing what she wants (like she did in the pull up), she will decide to start using the potty.
Good luck!
Our kids were like this until we found the right motivation. My parents offered to take each of the kids for a week once they were potty trained (they don't do diapers). Once the potty trained only trip was on the line, they potty trained in no time.
My SD was also 4 when she was potty trained. She was going back and forth between 4 different houses so there was no consistency to her training. They wouldn't let her in preschool without being potty trained. She knew how to go in the potty, but being a happy-go-lucky kid it didn't bother her when she peed somewhere else.
My husband finally took her to preschool where they stuck her in the little kid room because she wasn't potty trained. She wanted to go into the big kid room with the fun toys and kids her age, but she was told gently that it was for potty trained kids only. She whined and cried, but they were firm. When they went to change her diaper she asked for big girl underwear.
She was potty trained that day.
You just need to find the right motivation. Your happy go lucky girl just doesn't have the right motivation. I suggest doing what the others have suggested below, confine her to one room, be gentle and kind but firm. Keep reminding her cheerfully that she can do XYZ when she decides to go to the potty and not her pants. By being gentle and positive, you won't cause issues and you will make it her decision.
Nobody said potty training was easy. It's a lot of work, and you have to be consistent and stick with your plan. Switching up your tactics every week isn't going to work out.
I suggest that you put her in her underwear and pretty much make EVERY activity contingent on her using the potty.
"Mommy, can we play outside?"
"I'm sorry, honey, we can't go play outside unless you're going pee and poop in the potty instead of your pullup."
"Mommy, can we go to the park?"
"I'm sorry, honey, we can't go to the park unless...."
"Mommy, can I stay the night at Grandma's?"
"I'm sorry, honey..."
At home, keep her only in one room. "Mommy, can I play in brother's room? In the living room? In the back yard?"
"I'm sorry, honey, you can only play in those other places if you always go pee and poop in the potty. I can't have the whole house smelling like icky pee and poop."
You get the point.
You need to make it clear to her that she doesn't have a choice in the matter. She's too old to be going pee and poop in her pullup during the day. She is REQUIRED to pee and poop in the potty from now on or her activities will be very restricted.
Good luck!
I like the advice so far...also you could make her wear panties and blue jeans. That'll feel really gross when she poops and pees in them. :[]
Get rid of the pull-ups. Period. It's inconvenient for her to pee and poop whenever with no care, but I think that if you have her stop what she's doing every time and help you clean up (and of course clean her up) she will get tired fast.
Be careful of your reaction/response to her accidents. Be firm but kind and don't frustration or disappointment. Simply be matter of fact. " Oh, looks like you had a pee accident, we'll have to clean that up." " Looks like you had a poop accident, we will have to leave the park and get you cleaned up." '
I wonder how much her 20 month old sister plays into it for her. 4 is a tricky age. They are able to do a lot of themselves, but don't always want to do them. Kids at this age will often say " I can't" rather than "I want you to help me or do it for me." The perception of a younger sibling getting more attention because of the things they are not yet able to do, causes the 4 year old to regress somewhat so they can get attention too.
Good luck~
Get rid of the pull-ups - they are just modified diapers. Put her in underwear and the next time she pees in them, she not only has to clean up the mess, but she also has to hand wash the undies in the sink and then spend 15 minutes sitting on her bed - no toys, no conversation, no entertainment whatsoever. Best way to get the attention of a happy-go-lucky social butterfly is to clip their wings!
