Potty/daycare Question

I trained my son on a long holiday weekend where I had him for 4 days straight. Worked great. They didn't believe that he came home in diapers week and came back in underwear the next. He hasn't had any accidents at daycare.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with the person before me. I have been a day care provider and have tried to do all I can to help with potty training. She should do all that she can to help him to be successful. She is not potty training him for you, she is doing it with you. As him mom you need to speak up for what you think is right. Do not supply her with pull ups only give her underwear. She will not have a no choice but to use them or to buy pullups herself. Do you have him in underwear all day when you are home with him? If so just tell her that he's in underwear at all times now at home so it should be the same at daycare. There should not be a difference between home and daycare in that way. There will always be some differences between how you do things and how your provider does. Telling you that she won't do something as simple as underwear is an issue you need to discuss with her.

I know this ? has been taken care of already, but I wanted to still put my 2 cents in. I am an in-home daycare provider and I agree with the comment that we are here to HELP you potty train your children. I personally do not allow the children to wear underwear until they are 100% potty trained. I do this because if a child has an accident on my floor, it takes my attention away from the other children when I need to clean it up. Also, it is definitely not sanitary to have urine/feces on a floor where you have other children walking or even crawling. That being said, I do follow whatever procedure the parents follow at home, whether that be putting them on the potty every couple of hours or whatever. As far as thinking that the daycare is a business and that is all it is, I disagree. Yes it is our business, but we also care for and love the children very much. All of my daycare families are a part of my extended family.

I have a home childcare business and what you have seen with your son is very common. Your childcare provider does seem unwilling, and that is very dissapointing. I would try a reward system for your son. If he poops in the potty at daycare then he gets a new hot wheels. That only works if that interests him. I used that as a behavior motivator for one of my daycare boys. I bought several hot wheels and showed them to him and explained for every day that he stayed calm, he could pick out a new hot wheels. He really liked getting new toys everyday. Some days it worked, other days it didn't, but it put some positive thoughts in his head instead of negative. Something else you might try is encouraging your son to go potty at home. Some are just not comfortable about doing that in places other than home. Maybe he doesn't want to do it there because she won't help him wipe, or he doesn't want her too. There's a reason why he goes in his pants at daycare and not at home. It may also be that he's just having too much fun and doesn't want to take the time away. Your daycare provider should be helping you work out a solution. She is there to help teach him and I don't think that she's doing that. Ask her if she could do a sticker chart and reward him for trying to sit on the potty to poop in it. She needs to be setting himself up for success, not failure. I don't like pull-ups and we don't use them in my childcare. One of my boys is 4 1/2 and occasionally he will poop a little in his pants and then finish in the toilet. I just help him change his pants and tell him next time we will try harder, but it's okay-it's not a big deal. She should not get offended and she should be willing to work with your son, and if she doesn't...there are daycare providers that do. Good luck and Stay positive.

We had a similar issue with our home daycare provider too - she was very laid back with it until she wanted to potty train her own daughter who was of a similar age. The attitude suddenly changed. Our son did fine going #1 but she wouldn't let him wear underwear if he had accidents, only pull-ups, took away privileges for accidents, etc...

Because we were first time parents, we didn't know any different, so we just pushed right along with her. All of this belittled him to the point where he started withholding his stool and peeing in his pants. He was constantly stressed out about it and it took a toll on his self-esteem. When we finally listened to our pediatrician, backed off and simply praised for the times he did well, he eventually chose to go in the toilet.

Some kids are just late-bloomers in this area, and forcing them does no good.

Due to a number of factors, we eventually took our kids out of home daycare and found a nanny to come to our house. It has made all the difference in the world!

Best of luck on this one! I can completely understand your frustrations.

I see you gotten several responses, but I wanted to add another idea: Have you ever considered putting your son in underwear AND a diaper/pull-up?? This way, he will feel the wetness and uncomfortable feeling of going in his underwear, but the mess is ultimately contained for you and/or your childcare provider. If he does this at daycare and messes in the underwear, just instruct your provider to put them in a ziplock baggy that you provide and you will deal with them when you take them home. I know it may sound silly, but it really makes sense and is a compromise you might both be able to agree to. Your son won't feel he is going in his diaper, because it will be wet/dirty in his underwear, and your provider will have some piece of mind that he/she won't have to clean up the mess from her carpet/furniture. I'd also second what another commenter said about training him over a long weekend/holiday at home. This really is an effective method, and it might be just what you're looking for to get your son trained. Provide a couple of changes in clothes for accidents and discuss with your provider that maybe you can agree that he might have 2 accidents a day and still get to wear the underwear, but if he has more than that, then she can put him in the pull-ups. Good luck to you and your son!!

Hi

You need to say some thing to the daycare provider . I work in daycare and we try to work with each parent on their terms . When a parent wants their child potty trained we usally want them too . It is so much easier when they go on the potty when they are your sons age .
You need to say some thing to her that you both have to be on the same page about the potty training . Ask her why she does not want to help him and you with the training .
Good luck

My old daycare lady would not help with potty training and I didn't like that at all. She also would stick dirty clothing in a bag. I don't think licensed daycare providers are allowed to do laundry and there is a risk there if they would ruin something of yours and that risk is something some don't want to take on.

My next daycare provider actually potty trained my oldest. I switched daycare providers before we had to deal with potty training. She would also wash clothes which I was impressed with and didn't mind one bit to see she had done it.

She might have a rule in the contract about potty training and in which case you shouldn't bring it up to her because her kid is different from other kids so I wouldn't compare the two. She had to potty train her kid and take on the responsibility. Some providers will help with it and some will not. Some will take it on full force and some will say they have to be in pull-ups until they are fully able to use the potty by themselves. Our second provider put my child in underwear and didn't complain when it came to cleaning up the messes.

In our case our kids were cared for from 7-4pm and so it's the 9 hour mark as well but when you have your children all day Saturday and Sunday I figured it equalled out in a consolidated way of smooshing the hours in on the weekend.

If her contract states she doesn't potty train then you can't bring it up. If it doesn't state anything then I'd approach it lightly and ask if she can take him to the potty 3-4 times a day to assist you in his training. I'd let my kid wear pull-ups there if that's what the daycare lady wants. Maybe she doesn't want her floor dirty or take time in cleaning it up when she could be spending time with the kiddos and maybe she's worried about exposure to fluids to the other kids. I don't know. You can put him in underwear as soon as he gets home. She might have a valid reason for not taking it on and some might have to do with licensing requirements. Again, I don't know for sure.

I've been there and it's upsetting and the best thing I did for myself was to switch providers. Potty training wasn't the reason but I'm glad I found someone who was willing to potty train dispite restrictions they may have had. It really helped me out as a parent. If she won't help you then put lots of extra time in on the weekends and in the evening.

I'm a daycare provider and I can't say all that I want, because I don't have much time before my daycare kids arrive. All providers are different and have different views and capabilities. The one thing that holds true for all of us is that our job is to assist parents in parenting and take good care of their children when they can't be with them. Our job is not to parent for you. The reason your son doesn't receive the same attention in this area is because it was her job to potty train her daughter as it is your job to potty train your son. She probably loves your son very much but there has to be a line and she has set it at potty training. No matter where you take your child for child care they will not be able to love them as fully as their own or as much as you do. We have to protect ourselves from heartbreak because the children are not ours and will not always be in our lives.

I am a daycare provider and would hope a parent would let me know right away when they dislike something! I do potty train the kids in my care, but understand not wanting to clean it up. I think maybe if you just let her know "tactfully" that your son will ONLY be wearing underwear while he finishes getting this potty training down, she may not have a choice. Do not provide her any more pull-ups and let her know that if this is a problem you may have to look for care elsewhere. There are other providers out there that are wiling to help with potty training and with the way the economy is I can't imagine any provider that wouldn't be willing to work with parents on what they want/need. If she doesn't clean the clothes - just sticks them in a bag, there should be no problem with putting on a new pair of underwear vs a pull-up. GOOD LUCK!