Postpartum or Just Genuine Difficulty Adjusting?

I'm sorry. When I am feeling like this I realize that I'm just doing too much. Let some stuff go. Even things you think are important. Let the kids miss their activities for a bit or don't sign them up. You just had a baby...give yourself a break for a while. Get others to pick up your kid(s) for you when needed. Have your husband cook meals half the time. If it were me I would not homeschool...but I'm sure you have good reasons for doing it. Imagine though...if all kids were in school and it was just you and the baby during the day. ah! Anyway, my advice is to skip doing stuff or delegate many of the things you do to others...and don't feel guilty about it!

Oh wow I fell your pain. Three is just nuts. I don't know exactly why, but I found three waaaaaayyyyyy harder than two!! I am a homeschooler too and nursing a baby and homeschooling little ones is like the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. Very few people understand bc they either don't have three or their other kids were older when no. three came etc. I had a brand new kindergartener, a 2 yr old and a nursing baby. Totally insane, but we survived. You will too :). It's just exhausting. I do qthink you should ask your hubby to take ownership of his own eating plan. He needs to come up with a grocery list of what he needs and plan his own meals if he is going to eat really different, I think. I would ask my hubby to do that if it were me. Also if there is any emotional stress you are putting on yourself about what you should be able to accomplish, what you should weigh etc, let all that go. Just do the best you can, raising a young family is so consuming, my baby will be two in November and already things have eased up. The little one will grow, start feeding themselves, start running all over with the older siblings in just a year or so. Things will get easier. I think being a tired frazzled mom is so normal with a new baby in the house. You still have all your previous responsibilities plus the complete and total care of a tiny person. It is exhausting. If you want to shake the baby or slap the other kids around, that is a problem. If you are just burnt out, tired and feeling overwhelmed, that us normal and will get better soon. Hang in there!!

2kidmama is SO right on with everything she said! You mention homeschooling more than once in this post. Is there any way you can put this on hold for a while and send them off to school. Just to get you back from "over the edge". Home schooling is a TON of pressure.

I would also suggest that your husband prepare his own meals for a while until you guys get in a good groove with his diet.

I'm with Sue T. The beauty of homeschooling is that you can have sick days if you need them and you don't have to worry about it!

I do think you just need some time to adjust. It took me a little while, but I can get them all to the car and to whenever we need to be without too much hassle. Id have to check my old posts on here, but I had a low point early on, but after getting some sleep, I listed out all the "issues" I was having and came up with plans to tackle them all. I also deleted a few things from our schedule/

I also had to start a new morning system with the kids, it works well. I also added extra get out the door time on to it.

It sounds to me like you are tired and need to acknowledge that. get yourself a few good nights sleep, and then spend some quality time cuddling your kids. Don't homeschool one day a week, instead, stay in your PJs and read books, or paint, or do whatever you all want to do.

If your oldest is only in K, you really shouldn't even be worrying about school. Just read to her and play.

Oh yes, if you don't already meditate please get an ap and give it a try. it really helps with the stress!

Edited to add:
In those moments when you feel like you have nothing more to give, remind yourself that you wanted this, remember why, and accept and feel the love. Also remember, it's momentary, it goes by super fast, soon baby will be crawling, laughing, and it will all get calm. I don't know how you do baby sleep stuff, but I did the baby whisperer with my last two kids, and it saved me. I got sleep, I could put baby down for bed in 10 minutes, etc. hang in there. It's momentary!

I'm really sorry to hear this, and I understand how you feel. I only have two, my second is five months old, but I haven't slept a full night in three years and I haven't slept a full two hours in five months. I also wonder if I am getting depressed or just sleep deprived. And i also get a little cleaning help and six hours of childcare help a week. So i dont judge at all. How old is your baby? How much sleep are you getting? You might need to ease up on the homeschooling. I don't homeschool but I take my elder son to all kinds of therapies for SPD. It's draining. You need sleep and you need YOU time. How old is the homeschooled child or children? What's your reason for homeschooling? If its philosophical or religious, you might be able to find a private school that meets your needs, or you can "after school." That means that after school you supplement in the areas you most care about. I plan to do that someday. And think about how that will free up your day! Plan something just for you to do each week to look forward to. And here's an idea for Mr. Plant Based Diet. Roast vegetables. I am really obsessed with roasting things, because it goes in the oven and frees your hands, and the timing is sort of flexible. I hope you feel better.

Start small, tell your husband to make his own food & cook for the family.

Your guilt is based on a bunch of "shoulds" you have running through your head. Try "puking on paper" all of those shoulds. Give yourself just a few minutes to sit down and pour out your thoughts on the phrase "I should/shouldn't..." The problem with shoulds is that they have nothing to do with reality. Once you get clear about your shoulds you can then question them deeply.

For example, "I shouldn't feel so overwhelmed" Really? How could you not feel overwhelmed? What are all the things that are happening right now that are contributing to your overwhelm? Whether you should or shouldn't do you feel overwhelmed? What if you just sat down for 5 minutes and felt totally and completely overwhelmed - just let the energy come up from the depths of your body and pass through?

Then, instead of resisting what you feel by buying into the shoulds, you allow yourself to be where you are and then come up with solutions. For instance, "I need a few minutes a day to just be me and I shouldn't want this because it is selfish." Just throw out the second half of the sentence and be with the reality that you need a few minutes a day to just be you. Right or wrong, good or bad-- you need some time. So, then sit in curiosity and brainstorm all of your choices.

Too often we get so caught in the judgments of should and shouldn't that we are never able to move to the place of creating solutions and making choices. Life is messy and shoulding on yourself never makes it better, in fact, only adds to the messiness. Instead, see what is and make choices without the judgment.

I have found that just allowing myself to be where I am, no matter what my vicious voice has to say about it, I feel much better. I just allow myself to feel whatever I am feeling, to stop beating myself up for it, and then to be kind and gentle with myself and realize I need to get some support and resource whatever isn't working at the time. Instead of trying to be perfect, I realize I am a human being and I gently look for solutions rather than dwelling on all the things I should be.

awwwww, baby.
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one of the supposed bennies to homeschooling is that you can be unfocused for a while, at least if you're a loosey-goosey semi-unschooler like we were. it does sound as if you are more focused, but can you let it drift a little? or if your hybrid system means that you have to 'keep up', maybe it's time to re-think your philosophy and go a little more renegade?
obviously you don't need any more big changes right now, you're in the throes of too many already. but it's okay to make things easier for yourself while you're in this transition period. no homeschooling kindergartner is going to get behind. she's really not.
for the next month, homeschooling could consist of bill nye videos, you reading to the older kids while you nurse the baby, and independent art projects. maybe a few visits to your homeschool co-op.
give yourself a break, mama!
ETA homeschooling is one of many valid choices, not 'koolaid' or something picked by 'perfect' mothers. grrrrrrr.
khairete
S.

Sorry you are having a hard time. When my daughter (which made 6 kids in our house) was born, I wasn't homeschooling but I ran an in home daycare and provided preschool services. So parents were bringing their kids to me to take care of and also learn. I only took 3 weeks off for fear I would lose my clients. My son was going to preschool 3 days a week at a school and I had to drag sometimes 5 and 6 kids inside to check him in and out. I was dying! So I reached out to the teacher and asked if she knew any parents that might be willing to take my son and pick him up for me. I ended up finding a great friend in the process. Maybe you could talk to your kindergarten teacher and ask her the same thing? I hired a cleaning service for awhile till I could adjust. And our older kids road their bikes to and from school to eliminate me doing it. And finally I talked to my Dr and decided to take an antidepressant for awhile. I breastfed my daughter but we weighed the risks and decided I needed to function and that was most important. Please talk to your Dr if you really do feel like you are drowning! He can help! And I think it is great your husband helps with cooking, bedtime etc. He needs to continue to. Maybe you could talk to him about preparing his plant based meals for a bit. Good luck!

Why are you home schooling? Is it because the public school is truly awful or have you been "drinking the kool aid?" You know, being brainwashed into thinking all good (and perfect) mothers home school?
When my third was born I had one in K and one in preschool (3 mornings a week) so I remember all the driving and busy-ness of that time. But I also remember those three PRECIOUS mornings a week, when it was just me and the baby, from 9 to 12:30.
Take care of yourself.
If it's not working don't be afraid to shift and make changes.
Traditional mothers never put the kind of pressures on themselves moms do today. Sure they breastfed and co slept but remember that was mostly out of necessity. Moms have ALWAYS had work to do (gardening/canning, baking, sewing) and kids were sent off to school or work in the family business at a very young age, or were looked after by older siblings or grandparents.
I don';t know if it's PP depression or not, but I would be depressed too if I was as tied down to the kids and home as you are right now.
Step back and look at the bigger picture. Remember, if mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy!
p.s. if hubby's on a special diet he can make his own dinner, that's no big deal!

Probably not a good time for your husband to start a new fancy diet. Just bad timing. Would you consider full time school? I think with the baby, this just isn't working for you anymore. I know you are trying to do EVERYTHING. But you can't. It takes a village. You need more help. I wish you well. You sound like an overachiever.

They say 3 kids is the most stressful number of kids to have. It's after you have the 3rd that you realize you can't be the perfect parent and do everything "they" say is important to raising kids.

I know you have reasons for homeschooling, but is it really important at Kindergarten? Would it help you out if she was in kindergarten all week. I know here most kindergartens are all day. That will free up some time for you and you can try homeschooling again when the baby is older and doesn't require as much hands on attention.

Does you baby take a bottle at all? Maybe just one bottle a day will also give you a break if someone else can feed the baby.

If my husband came to me when my twins were newborns and said he was going on a plant based diet, he would have to do it himself. I couldn't add anything to my already busy day.

As for postpartum, if you really feel that you are suffering depression or fear for your kids, see a doctor. But I wanted to let you know that it's okay not to love every minute of parenting. It's okay to want to take a break every once and awhile and it sounds like you have a husband that will let you take a break. It's okay if you baby cries every once and awhile if you need to step away. I always found eating a fun size snicker in a closet worked for me. I got a minute of calm while eating something delicious. My kids survived the minute of crying.

It's okay if you don't do everything perfect or how you thought you would do it. Find a way that works for you and your family. I'm not doing anything the way I thought I would, but I have three happy healthy kids.

I know what its like to have too much going on and high needs babies! I had 2 18 months apart. You need a break! I am thinking it takes so long to feed the baby because you are breast feeding right? What do you think about bottles? I used these and it sure did help! although I didn't have a choice, but it did help a lot! Also, does you husband work at home where he can go get the kiddo from K? or take a break? If it's that hard to sign her out, which I totally get, then can't the bus bring her? or could another mom do drop off?

I also have to ask why you are homeschooling 3 days a week? its too much if you have a choice. You are certainly overwhelmed and doing too much, but, are you depressed? I don't know. But, your doctor will, so you should talk to her/him about it. I hope you find a balance soon so that you don't go any crazier than you already are! Even with help it is a lot to handle, and I personally couldn't do it all.