Postpartum Depression vs "Baby Blues".

ok.. First of all.. I did the same thing with my baby. I too tried to breastfeed.. I wasnt producing enough, and then i would have to supplement at every feeding with formula. I finally decided that this was too much work, and i didnt know how much she was getting so it was better just to go bottle. Post pardum is a serious thing, I had it with my 2nd child.. in regards to that, you need to contact your OBGYN and discuss how you are feeling with him/her. Be honest with your husband, are you depressed, do u feel like harming yourself or your baby, dont be ashamed, be honest. And dont be so hard on yourself, having a baby, dealing with other children, being up in the middle of the night for feedings, up during the day with another child, the chemical changes that are going on in your body are all alot to deal with at once. Good Luck to you, feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to you. I have been there and its a very scary place to be.. dont go through it alone.

I feel for you. Reading this post made me cry because I was where you were. I did breast feed my children and it is not easy. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHETHER YOU ARE BREAST FEEDING OR BOTTLE FEEDING!!! I have 3 friends who just had babies and they asked me a lot about it. They also felt like they would be looked down on if they didn't. I told them coming from someone who has breast fed, it is not easy. Do what you have to so you can enjoy your baby. If you can't relax then that is a problem. My biggest problem was that my daughter cried all of the time. If you feel like that, I think it is time to call your obgyn. She will understand more than anyone, and they are trained to help you with this. You may need meds. I waited almost a year before I talked to anyone about it. I kept saying it is getting better, and then I would realize it wasn't. I had issues with anxiety because I am home alone with my kids for days at a time. I finally talked to my doctor and I got put on some meds. I felt alot better. I understand about your husband. They have no idea how to help you and I really don't think they can. You have to decide to help yourself. The think that made me realize that was I woke up one morning and my husband and I were arguing a bit and I realized that my wedding ring had fallen off during the night. I started bawling and saying that this must be a sign. My two year old son walked over and patted me on the back and said mamma why are you crying? it will be ok. That shocked me back into a more normal state and then I cried because I had let him see that. For a long time he would ask me if I was going to cry again. That is when I decided something needed to be done. You are effecting your kids in some way. They see you sad and they don't understand. Talk to a doctor and they can tell you what your options are. You will be so much more available to your kids and you will be able to enjoy them more. If you need someone to talk to I would love to listen. Listen to your body and the sun will come back into your life.

I tried to nurse my first daughter, and my milk just never came in. Like you, I had horrible guilt about switching to formula, but I knew it was better than starving my child. But, you're right -- people are so judgmental about mothers who don't breastfeed. One time I had a case of formula in my shopping cart, and a total stranger followed me out of the store, chewing me up one side and down the other for "choosing" not to nurse. I wanted to scream back at her, but I chose to ignore her. She was an idiot, and didn't deserve an explanation from me. Here's the thing: It's nobody's business, but yours.

My daughter is now 8 years old, and I assure you that our bond is extremely strong. And don't let anyone make you feel guilty about the health benefits of nursing. In 4 years of school, my daughter has missed a total of 2 days due to illness. She's healthy as a horse.

When my 2nd daughter was born, I chose to go straight to formula. She is also perfectly healthy, and extremely close to me. The bottom line is that nursing doesn't work for everyone, and that's OK.

Here's another thought: Bottle-feeding allows others (like dad and big sis) to participate in the feedings and build their own bond with the baby.

So let yourself off the hook for not breastfeeding. Put those guilty feelings in a little box, and lock it tight. If you're still feeling depressed, PLEASE seek help from a counselor. Post partum is a very real thing, but it's also very treatable.

Good luck to you. Write back, and let us know how you're doing.

Hi H.,

I would definately talk to my Dr.
I went through something similar.
Not being able to breasfeed, my hubby said PPD was bad with our 1st and horrible with our 2nd.
However, I wouldn't ever have called it depression. What I felt was anxiety that I thought would made me insane, I couldn't relax, I couldn't hear my children cry, I couldn't think, focus, sleep, eat.... My mom was here and she would try to feed me yummie dishes and I couldn't even open my mouth.
I was in a daze, my MIL came to pick me up one day to take me to lunch while my mom was here and boy oh boy I freaked, I cried hysterically telling me to take me hm.
She took me to lunch and I sat there like a zombie, my family was in complete shock.

It was really scary and it got worse the longer I waited.

I was put on zoloft, there are many medicines, but I got off of it after 4 months. It was all I needed.

One thing that my husband kept telling me to help me was - I wasn't going crazy, it was the hormones...

Have you thought of relactating? You can bring your milk back in and get him back to the breast. You would want to contact a La Leche League leader (look online or in your phone book).

Hi H.,
I was exactly where you are now just one year ago. My daughter was also born on March 9th of last year and the PPD hit me just 2 days after she was born. With what you've just described, I think you should talk to your Doc about some help. It sounds more like PPD than baby blues to me. Especially since it's gone on this long.
I know how you're feeling. I also have an older daughter who had just turned 3 when our youngest was born. I felt like I had ruined her life. Suddenly I wasn't able to cater to her & lavish attention on her like she had always known. Plus, I was always crying, exhausted & dreading going back to work. My husband was wonderful but like most men, he didn't know what to do or how to help in that situation.
Please don't blame yourself. This is a chemical imbalance that is easily treatable. Not to mention, adjusting from 1 child to 2 is hard! When you add healing, exhaustion, and PPD on top of that, it's unbearable.
Please talk to your DR. about some options. Once I did I started feeling better within a week and by week 3 I was back to normal. Stay strong. I know it's hard but you can pull through. Seek some help to make it easier on yourself so you can enjoy your time with those little ones. Take care & good luck.

H.,

I know you don't know me ... but oh, Sweetie. ... I feel every ounce of the sadness you are going through right now. Your own expectations of being the Mommy you want to be, the wife you want to be, the woman you want to be. Coupled with what your children and husband and work and people around you are expecting of you. It's too much. It really is. It can be a wall of overwhelming pressure.

I strongly suggest you contact your doctor today and let her or him know of your emotional state. This sounds like a clear cut case of post pardum depression. And your doctor can definitely help you get through this.

It does not make you less a mom by not breastfeeding. And I know too about the breasfeeding stigma. There will ALWAYS be other women out there who breastfed their children longer, who spent more quality time with their children, who crocheted their 100% pure all natural hemp booties and grew their own organic baby vegetables from their community garden and pureed by their own two hands. Try to stop comparing. It is what it is. The fact that you are reaching out for help tells me that you are a fabulous Mommy and you already ARE doing the best for your children.

And let your husband know he doesn't have to fix it. Thats what most Daddys feel the need to do. He just has to hold you and smooth your hair and let you cry.

Your little girl is going through what every first child has had to go through. Giving up some of Mommy's attention. I wish I could tell you you'll feel better about it. But it stays with you. I am constantly worrying if I am cheating my daughter out of her full potential because I can't read her that book THIS INSTANT rather than making sure my son gets some stimulation during tummy time. At the same time, I worry my son has been shoved in the corner for too long while my daughter and I dance around the kitchen. It's a tug of war that I feel every day with every ounce of my being. And once again, I have to say 'It is what it is'. Both children are learning to share, to be patient, to be giving. Whether they know it or not, that's what's happening.

I'll stop this post now to give you a breather, but please know you are not alone. You are not a failure. You have enough strength to ask for help and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk some more.

Take good care,
Jen