My daughter recently potty trained - less than 2 weeks ago. The problem is that she will hold in her pee rather than use the restroom. When I ask her if she needs to go pee, she'll say no even though she clearly has to and she'll just hold it in. Our typical conversation goes like this:
Daughter holding her privates/shifting in her seat.
Me: Do you need to go pee?
Her: No.
Me: Is that a lie or the truth?
Her: LIE!!!
So then I explain to her why she should use the restroom -- why keeping pee in her body is bad, etc. Then I take her to the restroom and she'll pee. How do I encourage her to tell me she needs to go rather than holding it? How do I get her to tell me before I ask? I don't know if this is relevant, but she turned 3 last month and she didn't do this when she first started using the restroom -- she would tell me right away if she had to go.
Duh! The answer is so simple. Don't know why I bothered asking her.
But how about when it's not so obvious? Just take her anyway? Do I need to do the thing where I take her every 15-20 minutes? Or wait until the potty dance - but by this point, she was probably holding it for a awhile...
ADDED:
Good to know mine's not the only one with an aversion to public restrooms. But what do you do when you have to go out for long stretches? Bring back the diapers? Discourage her from drinking? Avoid going out for long stretches?
She's getting a lot of attention and conversation for not peeing. You are reinforcing not peeing by giving it so much attention. Stop talking about it and just take her to sit on the potty.
Okay, first off-- It's very common for kids who are newly potty trained to avoid public toilets. They are big and loud and not at all like home. It just happens.
With my son, I would find a quiet(er) bathroom and then just take him in. They I'd just tell him "hey, we need to go potty before we can (do the next thing-- tried to time it so the next thing might be throwing pennies in a fountain or getting a little treat or something else *fun*)" and then I'd wait for him to do his thing. The other thing I always did was let him exit the stall before flushing the toilet because it was so loud.
Please don't interrogate your daughter if that's a truth or a lie. Not nice. Just sayin'..... and stop asking her if she needs to go. That's a trap for everyone, as you have already pointed out. Instead, YOU take charge and say "okay, here's the bathroom, time for a potty stop" and go from there. Eliminates a conversation where she 'lies' to you and it's just business as usual.
There were a couple times my son fussed and then I just held firm-- we aren't going until you use the toilet. Remember, they won't always need to go, so don't force her to 'make' something come out. Oh, and if you put a post-it or drape some toilet paper on the sensor 'eye' of the automatic flush toilets, that will keep the toilet from scaring your girl. As a nanny, lots of kids I knew *hated* public toilets. It's common. Now you know, go forward being more in charge of the situation. Remember, when we ask them "do you need to go" it's an opportunity for them to say "no". (and lots of kids this age like to do that!)
well, she's not really there yet then, is she?
and since your benchmark for potty training is so recent, is it really that puzzling that she's still figuring it all out? i mean, it's not just a bam and done thing.
she's only 3. i'd certainly stop setting her up to 'lie' since you already know she's uncomfortable with the situation. if you're out and about and you know it's been a couple of hours, don't put it on her. just make it a point to go the restroom and have her pee. bonus- you get to pee too!
as for the public restroom aspect, that's just a part of life. if you keep taking her to them when you're out, she'll get it. don't coddle the 'aversion to public restrooms.' that's an adult thing. all 3 year olds are more comfortable in their bathrooms at home.
khairete
S.
Why even ask if she needs to go if she's clearly doing her "Gotta pee" dance?
Just take her.
Eventually she'll go on her own but it takes time.
By 4 our son was gong more on his own without being reminded but sometimes they get busy playing and forget until it's too late.
Occasional accidents can happen all the way up through 1st grade.
We got to a point where it was a game finding and trying every rest room in a five mile area around our house.
Malls, stores, super markets - you name it - we knew them all.
We got into a habit of trying before leaving for anywhere, trying when we arrived some place, trying before leaving some place, etc.
For long car trips we used Pullups.
Sometimes they stayed dry and sometimes they didn't.
To answer your SWH - I would just take her, if it's been 30 minutes or an hour. She is still "training" if she is hesitant to go on her own. Hang in there. She just needs more practice.
My son absolutely hated public toilets, and it was a challenge for awhile. He still avoids the automatic dryers like the plague (and he's almost 9)
Just be patient with her and remember she's not "done" potty training yet.
***ETA -
There was a good year that we didn't really do any long road trips, and trips to the store had to be around a potty schedule. it's somewhat inconvenient but not a huge deal. Just have to be mindful of the last time they went, and remember to send them before you leave. It won't take long before a 30 minute car ride is no big deal.
Eventually they have to learn to go "anywhere". I was pretty firm with him because by the time we ventured out and it became necessary, I knew he was capable of holding it for a little while. So the question then becomes, are you going to use the public restroom, or hold it? Going in your pants is NOT an option. And it's hard, only they can know the answer to that, and many times they honestly don't know. But at the same time they're still scared to use it. So it requires more patience and "training". Accidents may still happen so an extra set of clothes is a good idea.
The first time in a port-a-potty (EWWW) is the worst. But sometimes you just have to. Its all a learning process.
I would just take her at least once an hour while she is still learning. There will still be accidents now and then but they will become fewer over time.
For traveling and when your out:
I would keep toilet covers in your bag (there are disposable ones) when you are out and will need a public potty. I used to have a fold up plastic toddler seat that I kept with us when ever we would be out of the house for long periods of time (we traveled a lot back then).
She is new to this whole peeing in the potty thing so you really need to guide her along. If she clearly has to go then you announce 'ok time to go potty' and head off to the restroom. You don't need to ask her if she has to go. Just take her there and get it done.
don't ask, just tell - "hey, time to go potty" if she argues then you just plain ole say, well you need to sit and try
My youngest trained about 2 weeks before vacation (can't remember for the life of me why I didn't time that one better :-). I was very much afraid he would regress, but he did great. This was partly because every time we went any either my husband or I would let the boys know we needed to use the restroom and then we would all use the restroom - or we would say, "Time to use the restroom!" It can be easier if everyone else is doing it, too.
Taking her every 15-20 minutes is way too often. How often do you need to use the restroom? Every hour or so might be too often, but I think I would start there.
If you are going out for a long stretch, bring a change of clothes for her. Absolutely do not bring diapers!!! That is only going to prolong her potty independence. Do not discourage her from drinking either. If anything, almost all of us need to drink more.
I wouldn't change anything about your routine. If you're going out, go out. Bring along a change of clothes just in case (don't tell her), and just be prepare. But this is how they learn. She might need some time to get comfortable in public restrooms, but if she doesn't do that right away she'll soon learn what the alternatives are.
Some kids train easily and some don't. Even though it's a huge pain in the butt, hang in there. She's already learned so much, and she will get things. Hang in there!!! It's a rite of passage for all parents!
Just plan on making shorter trips or finding a public bathroom without the automatic flushers. Pull ups or diapers will only confuse her and she'll find she can go in them and not give up time to go potty.
Oh, and don't watch Flushed Away any time soon....they won't use the toilet for weeks! They'll be afraid they'll flush away and go on an adventure in the sewers.
And yes, she's new at this so don't just expect her to figure it all out in a day. She is still learning her body signals that indicate when she needs to do something.
