G.K.
J.:
I speak from experience and, yup! You are definitely depressed! Your regular doctor or ob/gyn can definitely help. And that's how I discovered I was depressed--by talking to my ob/gyn. But eventually you'll want to start seeing a psychiatrist who simply is just going to be much better suited to understanding your needs and responding to them and helping you find the right meds and/or therapy to help. My ob/gyn started me on antidepressants and that definitely helped, but it wasn't until I started going to my psychiatrist before I was able to find the right LEVEL of meds and truly started to feel better. But, to be quite honest, I didn't realize HOW bad I felt until I finally was on the right level of meds. I thought I honestly was MUCH better already and didn't think my meds needed adjusting past what my ob/gyn had prescribed for me. But once my psychiatrist changed them, I felt a GREAT deal better and couldn't believe I had felt as bad as I had.
Please don't hesitate to call your ob/gyn today and get an appt. When you see him/him, simply tell them what you told us. They'll get you a prescription that should help you start feeling better (but know it can take from a few days to several weeks before the meds "kick in" cuz they have to "build up" in your system). Then you'll feel stronger and better able to move on to the psychiatrist. Of course, you can start out seeing a psychiatrist, but I'm assuming you already have a relationship with your ob/gyn and that will be a bit more comfortable for you to talk to that person first.
And don't feel ashamed! Lots of people do, but depression is a chemical imbalance just like lots of other illnesses. You wouldn't be ashamed to see a doctor about having diabetes and taking insulin for it, would you? Of course not! And depression is the same thing!
Also, you need a FRIEND to confide in, spend time with, etc.! If you don't have neighbors you feel comfortable turning to, then turn to your church for some friends, join some type of club (such as one you were involved in before you were even married, such as when you were in college if you attended a university), or even simply join some type of online chat group in which you have an interest. Heck, with owning a horse, I'm sure there are LOTS of others with that same interest!
I have to head in to work, but I couldn't wait to send you a response because I know how it feels to be depressed and didn't want you to spend another minute waiting to start feeling better! You can and will! Take care and hang in there cuz life just around the corner will be WAY better!
Big hug!
g.