Positive Discipline Chart Suggestions

i haven't found a behavior chart helpful; for that i have used 1 warning, and then time out. if he keeps at it, another time out, and another, if necessary. i do the normal supernanny method. there are times that we literally do not have time for all that foolishness (getting ready to leave for preschool/work) and i will warn him ahead of time, we don't have time for another time out after this; if you do not do as i ask you will get a swat next time. and i follow through. this has always worked, but right around turning 4 my son went through something similar - and i totally think it's the age. i kept to my timeouts for discipline, and as far as daily chores (which include feeding the dog, getting dressed in the morning, brushing teetch, etc) i did a chore chart. if he gets everything done he gets to play a bit of a computer game, or with his toys, or watch a few minutes of tv, before we leave in the morning. i never used a chart for behavior. but for chores, it worked great.

as a side note, i remember feeling just as frustrated as you are now, and my fuse got just as short because i just got SO tired of the attitude. the thing is you have to overcome that. after awhile, i just expected his attitude, so it didn't make me mad anymore. it's sad to say, i just got used to it and adjusted. that's when things really began to change. getting upset right back at him just escalates the problem. when you can stay calm and implement your discipline method so that it's not personal, just a logical result of the behavior he chose, that is when he starts learning, and thinking. getting upset yourself just gets him more upset and emotional, and then he's not thinking at all, just reacting.

I can't speak to the chart, because I personally haven't found them very helpful. (Sorry. but it's true for me.)

A lot of problems with using discipline charts and incentive programs, from my experience, is that the chart or incentive 'becomes' the discipline. When our kids are acting out, what's clear to me is that OUR parenting techniques are not meeting everyone's needs and it's time to find some better, more effective tools for the parenting toolbox. A chart might temporarily change the behavior, but it does nothing to discover what's at the root of said behaviors. It's like having a doctor throw a box of band-aids at a kid who feels 'hurt' without doing a thorough examination. Not effective, other than having lots of band-aids.:)

I do think, though, that you might want to take a look at actual Positive Discipline techniques (there's a website online that can give you some information.) I personally like the the book "Taking Charge: Loving Discipline that works at home and at School" by JoAnne Nordling. The "Love and Logic" book is also going to help. After nearly 20 years of working both as a preschool/toddler teacher as well as being a nanny for several families, I've learned that there are no tricks. Sorry. Just like the magician, any trick is merely an illusion. Only observation, real digging in to what's going on beneath the surface-- only real work from us as parents works longterm.

They use one at school for my son, and they've broken it down into 1/2 hour increments and I think 10 different categories. He's 10, so for your son you might want to shorten the increments and have fewer categories to start. Think of a few main behaviors that you want changed and start with them -- keep hands to yourself, use kind words, follow directions, etc. Then when he does these things each 15 mins give him a check in the box. Keep small, achievable goals at first - then give him tougher goals as time goes on. He needs to see that he can succeed. As far as the rewards go - I do more small dollar and under stuff in a box and let him pick or stuff like board game with mom, one-on-one TV time with mom. Don't go down the road with expensive rewards -- trust me, I've made that mistake and it was really hard to break my son of wanting more and more expensive rewards.

Google "behavior charts" and you'll find tons of free ones out there. The hardest part is that it will be up to you to stick to it and keep up with the chart. I know with my son, he knows that if I start to slack off on the behavior chart, he'll start to push the boundaries.

I just started one with my 5 year old daughter, and my 3 year old son wanted to be included. For my daughter, I had about 5 things I wanted her to do - sleep through the night (she would yell for me, and then ask where the dog was sleeping), eat 1/2 dinner (she is a picky eater), pick up toys, and her shoes, and no crying/whining in stores. I told her I wanted to do one. We talked about her responsiblities. She wanted her getting dressed, putting in barettes, and setting the dinner table (which she had never done before) to be added. I agreed. For my son, his responsibilities were putting on his underware after going potty, and picking up his shoes and toys.
Each night, we would do "stars". Since my daughter was jazzed, so was my son. Each night, we would count how many stars they each had - and what that meant. I went for 70% for a week - so for my daughter 49 stars and my son was 14. First level, was pick what kind of gummies you wanted. For twice the stars, we would go to a meal of their choice (McDonalds, Chuck E. Cheese). For 3 times the stars, they could pick out a new toy from Toys R Us.
There were some nights that "a star just didn't matter that much", however, for the most part, they thought it was cool. I did not take away any stars, but I have thought about it, and did threaten it once. I have a friend that has a reward chart for the good things, and a 3 strike chart for the bad things. Three strikes and something gets taken away, but the stars still remain for motivation.
Good Luck!