Poop in Undies

Updated on June 16, 2010
K.K. asks from Las Vegas, NV
15 answers

Help!!!! We just potty-trained our three year old son (just turned 3 in May) and he did great with the pee. Got it within a few days. The poop is another issue. It took him a few weeks but he eventually started going poop in the potty. Bad news, it stopped. Now he only poops in his undies. He will not poop on the potty at all. He will pee and seems like he has to go poop but then he demands to get off of the potty. He will not stay on the potty and I will not force him because he starts to scream. The good news is that he is not scared of the potty. He goes pee on any toilet...anywhere, i.e. park, supermarket, etc. Any suggestions?

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So What Happened?

Thank you, thank you it felt so good to see that most of you had the same issue and that I was not alone. Julie L. I think you were reading too much in my words...perhaps instead of the word "demands" I should have said "begs". It really is not a question of discipline, if your child is upset, fearful, crying, begging to get off the toilet, it's about compassion. Of course, I know how to discipline but truly believe, like others that responded, this what not the time for it. BTW, I have a 6 year old daughter that trained poop and peed in 24 hours at 26 months...every child is different. Anyway, good news, after reading many of the great responses I came up with a plan that WORKED. He pooped in the potty....TWICE today!!! When he woke up this morning I said to him that his favorite toy in the whole wide is sad because it wants to play with him but can't until he poops in the potty. So I put that toy on top of the kitchen counter out of reach but still visible. And every time he got back from the bathroom he would say "hi" to his toy and look at it. But he couldn't touch it until he pooped. Well all of a sudden he went to the bathroom to pee and poop came out too and he said now I can play with my toy and they are not going to be sad anymore...I said YES! And a few minutes went by afterwards and he went again. I know it's only one day but it's a step in the right direction. I thank those of you gave me your kind words, support and advice without judging. That is why I love this site.

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is hard because fighting over poop is a battle you'll lose. So I think the best thing to do is a positive reinforcement chart (we used this when my son started having accidents after being potty trained). Give him a stick for every day he goes in the potty. After a certain amount of stickers - you decide the number (they don't have to be every day in a row...) he gets a treat or present. Keep doing this for a month or so and it should help.

Good luck!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

He might feel like the poop is "part if him"?
Explain poop to him and how it's the parts of food that his body does not need and it needs to go in the potty.
Also, the book "Once Upon A Potty" (boy version) seemed to have taken the "mystery" out of where it comes out of for my son because it explains the concept. Of course, my son had to look at his own little "opening" in the mirror! (Sorry if TMI, but it helped in our house!)

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

My daughter went through this. She pooped in the potty for over 2 months and then just decided that she didn't want to stop doing whatever she was doing to go anymore and would just go in her pants. We tried every approach under the sun (reward, punishment, making her clean herself and her clothes up, etc) and all it did was become a control issue for her. The bottom line is that this is one thing you cannot control about your child. I think, in hindsight, the best thing to do would have been to basically ignore it. I got so upset with her because I knew that she knew better and the emotions I had didn't help the situation. I think if I had been more matter of fact and just pointed out that it took longer to clean up than it would have taken to stop and go potty, then we could have avoided a lot of tears and frustration (for both of us....I was at my wits end!). We ended up making the reward sweeter (for her, I took her to the video store and let her pick out a movie and then to the ice cream store) if she used the potty instead of her pants. Her next big reward was going to the Dollar Store and letting her pick a toy. Since "letting her pick" seemed to give her some of the control back, it worked for us and she started using the potty again. Then, we slowly removed the reward system and she hasn't had anymore trouble. It was a very frustrating few months though and I really wish I had approached the whole thing differently. Lesson learned for my second! My son just turned 2 and won't even sit on the potty, but you know what?? I don't care! I just ask every now and then and when he's ready, he's ready. I refuse to make this an issue ever again. I hope this helps. All I can tell you is to be prepared wherever you go with extra clothes and wait it out. He'll get it again soon.

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son did the same thing. I bought a toy that was kind of big, wrapped it, and set it on the fire place. I told him when he poops on the potty for two weeks he could open it. It took about a month before he pooped on the potty, but curiosity finally killed the cat....and he did it. Good Luck!

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J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Yup, my son will be 3 in a month. He was GREAT with peeing. He was trained to go pee on the potty absolutely every single time he went for about 4 months before he started pooping on it. He REFUSED to poop in the potty. It never failed--no matter how many times I would take him and no matter how many times I'd dump the poop from his underwear into it and tell him at the same time that the potty is where his poop is supposed to go, NOT his underwear--it NEVER worked!! He just would not do it. He would hold it all day long and then have a really hard time when he finally did it--in his underwear. If I caught him in the act and rushed him in there he would cry and stop going. I felt so sorry for the little guy I just let him go in his underwear. I then resorted to bribery. A sticker chart worked for peeing--and hey that was basically bribery right? Well stickers didn't cut it for pooping. My son is really really into dinosaurs. So I got the biggest coolest dinosaur that walked and roared. I told him he could have it as soon as he pooped in the potty. That did it. He pooped, got his dinosaur and has been pooping in it since. Now, I did have to get MORE dinosaurs for about 2 weeks...I just got some cheap, smaller ones. They still worked though. He stopped asking about them and he still goes on it for nothing. Maybe bribery would work for you?!

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A.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Our daughter did almost exactly the same - she too had previously gone in the toilet or potty. Her variation was that she asked for a pull-up to go poop.

this was for months! about 3 months. We didn't want to pressure her, so I would comment that if we were having a conversation about her needing a pull-up, she probably was old enough not to be using one. . . but we tried very hard to be matter-of-fact about it all. We'd empty the pull-up into the toilet and she would flush it with ceremony. But then the next time, she'd ask for a pull-up. If I tried to put her on the toilet, she'd cry.

One day, she went poop in the toilet. No leadup, no followup. She has never needed a pull-up since, nor had an accident.

I think it's best to ride it out unless you have an extenuating circumstance that requires faster resolution (like the Mom below with nursery school admission looming).

Patience be yours

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E.R.

answers from Chicago on

I think a lot of little kids (especially boys for some reason) can't get the hang of when to poop! The urge to move your bowels is a different feeling from having to pee and they are doing it before they even realize it!

My son wasn't as consistent with it as yours, but I found hidden poopy underpants a few times- he knew he wasn't supposed to, but couldn't quite control it until it was too late!

The one thing that really helped, silly as it sounds, were regular reminders to poop! If you need to, put him on a little poopy schedule about an hour after he eats, feed him something fibery, and set him on the potty. Remind him that he might need to make a poopy and that he needs to try and do that, as well as urinate.

Give him things to do while on the potty= read to him, a little drawing board, anything to distract him so he sits there long enough to make it happen.

Also, make sure his stools are soft enough- if he is having hard poops, it make hurt some to pass them, and then he will 'hold it' as long as possible- my son once did this and gave himself a stomach cramp! Lots of fiber, fruits and veggies, and if you need it, a gentle, child-safe laxative can all help.

Good luck! He'll get the hang of it :)

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

My daughter (same age) had a regression just like this after being constipated. Then she associated the pain of that with the toilet. So she would hold it in as long as possible and avoid doing it on the toilet. I just really started looking for the signs (she would ask to lie down and "rest" or I would just see her gettig really restless and walking funny...) and began trying to get her on. I wouldn't force. Then I just watched her like hawk and when I thuoght she was letting it go finally, i rushed her on to the toilet. She was surprised to find out it did not hurt to do it on the toilet. I made a huge deal of encouragement and praise and all that.
We are still not out of the woods yet with this but it seems to be going in the right direction. I say if he is predictable at all, try to catch him in the act and get him on the there. Even if it is after the fact, I still had my daughter sit on there and "see if there was anymore coming".

Good luck.

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K.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't really have any advice... Just sympathy... I'm in the same phase, except she occasionally uses the potty for pooping. I think something about bm's is more difficult and we just need to be patient, encouraging, keep a change of clothes on hand and hope for the best!

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K.K.

answers from Chicago on

Funny my daughter just turned three in may (31) also and I have the same exact problem!! I'm thinking she's grow out of it soon...I hope:) best of luck!!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

He'll get it. Don't worry.
He's still learning.
So as with any learning, even for adults, a child will not get it right away. And mistakes happen. Normal.
MOST all kids, with pooping, is this way. Pooping IN a toilet, is often the process that is 'mastered' later and after peeing mastery.

Don't make it a big deal or pressure him, otherwise it will create a big deal and or constipation from them withholding it and not even wanting to poop. Period.

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J.Y.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes

-If you think it's deliberate - try giving him an incentive to break the habbit - like use the toilet 3 times in a row for poop and I will let you have....(some treat that he really likes/wants- then maybe offer incentive for next 2 weeks or something, (plus lots of praise.) I used this for my son who I needed to be using toilet before going to nursery in 2 weeks! It had a miraculous effect!

Good Luck!!!

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M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

give him a diaper (just buy the cheapest ones that you can find) to poop in. encourage him to go into the bathroom to do it.

it's a process - just be paitent. don't turn it into a battle-of-the-wills 'cuz he'll win every time & it will turn toileting into a big deal.

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A.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think most kids have a problem with the poop - i had a similar problem with my daughter. We told her the poop needs to go to its home. She is almost 4 now and at times still says "bye-bye poo poo" when flushing the toilet. It took awhile to get to this point - be patient he will get there.

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J.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

kids get weird with pooping. maybe he doesnt like to flush it so he doesnt want to poop in it. when my daughter who is 3 (march) started to regress with pooping when we potty trained in may i would make her wash her panties out. that worked for her along with me telling her how nasty it was to poop in her panties.

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