Please, What Would You Do in This EXACT Situation?

Updated on October 02, 2011
L.L. asks from Austin, MN
52 answers

Okay, so please assume you can't change sleeping arrangements and you have to deal with this situation as is. :)

Okay, so my 17 month old sleeps in a toddler bed. She shares a room with her sister. She has never slept through the night. In fact, she doesn't sleep more than two hours at a time. I still nurse her several times a night.

I want to be done with the nighttime nursing! However, I cannot let her "cry it out" because she just comes to me, and let's also assume that I cannot (or will not) shut the door to her room and let her scream, waking her sister, etc...I have to deal with it some other way...

...but I have no idea how! Please help! I am SOOO desperate for sleep, and SO tired of cosleeping (which is how we end up) and I want my bed with my husband back!

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

I had to take out this sentence about nothing working...I wrote it after the first few suggestions, not after them all!!! :) Plenty of these suggestions will hopefully work.

Okay, so, we had this SAME problem when her bed was IN our room...maybe worse. We recently moved it into her sister's room because long term, that's where it will be, and we were hoping it would help.

I'll reiterate, let's assume I will make NO changes to the sleeping arrangement...I'm looking for ideas on how you would deal with this AS IS. (Thanks, though...:) :)

Oh, and we can't let her cry it out because she is SO extreme (and I do mean it) she would hurt herself. She climbs furniture like some kind of crazy baby (I say that with so much love) and she's far more physically capable than her reasoning and logic allow for. :) This is the baby who has (in a matter of seconds) climbed on top of the piano, up into the bay window (which is four feet off the ground) and out of her crib...at 11 months. She scares me, a little.

**I don't think it's the food...I don't see how I'd get her to eat more. I offer her three full meals and snacks, and she eats what she wants. Some days she'll eat two scrambled eggs for breakfast or a full bowl of cereal, some days she'll only take a bite. Some days she'll eat almost an entire can of tuna plus sides for lunch, some days...well, nothing. I think that's pretty normal for a toddler. I will say that besides nursing she only drinks water, and won't drink milk, which has only been recently introduced because of issues caused by her Celiac disease. She's perfectly healthy now, and we have had her checked (thoroughly) and the doctor has found no reason why she can't sleep, other than habit.

Thank you all so much! It's just good to hear I'm not alone, and I've got a few ideas to try now. I appreciate all the suggestions, and to whoever said I wasn't willing to take any...that's not true. I had never considered giving her a sippy of water or just repeatedly walking her back to bed, both of which I plan to start tonight!

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A.K.

answers from Houston on

You ain't going to take away comforting night time feeds, without a bit of crying.
I had the same problem, kids share a room - 6 years age difference between mine, my oldest is a light sleeper. We went through 1 week of crying and waking, now my daughter sleeps through.
She will come to you, hug her and take her right back to bed. She will cry, she will come to you again, take her back, tell her to stay in bed. If she is anything like my daughter, she will come to you 10 times at least. You have to stay strong.
My daughter is also extreme, she literally can climb sheer walls, at Applebees when she was 18 months old, she climbed along the dado rail half way up the wall to the next table before I could catch her. Baby gate across the door didn't work for us, she just would stand there and wail, or make a big pile of toys and climb out.
It's horrible, but you will get through it

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J.H.

answers from Birmingham on

I would like to preface my next statement by saying that I truly don't mean to hurt your feelings: You are really not that miserable if you are unwilling to change anything to improve her sleep cycle. No one is saying that you have to permanently change everyone's sleeping arrangements. No one is saying that you have to let your child cry until she eventually hurts herself. What we are saying is that you are going to have to endure some crying and temporarily change some sleeping arrangements if you want to see a difference in the way she sleeps. After 17 months, nothing you have tried has worked. The common denominator is your methods. You are going to have to try something else. There are no miracles.
Give her a sippy cup of rice milk and see if you can get her tummy more full. Nurse her to sleep if that is what you want. I would nurse her in her room and NOT your room. She needs to fall asleep where you expect her to sleep. Choose a method and stick to it for no less than a week. If you want her in her room, then take her back there every time she gets up. If she wakes up her sister, then put sister on the couch or your bed. Do not nurse her in the middle of the night if you really want to stop it. Give her a sippy cup of water if you feel it is necessary. It will eventually get better, but you MUST be patient. You can't give in even once if you want things to change. If you can't take telling her no and hearing her cry even a little, then you may have to resign yourself to cosleeping until she grows out of it. I personally used the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber with great success. I also hear that Elizabeth Pantley has a lot of great idea's as well.
Hope you get a good nights rest soon!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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H.P.

answers from Springfield on

I think you really do need to change your thinking. It isn't working. So you need to change the things you say you cannot. I feel 17 months is way too young for a toddler bed. That's part of your problem. She's too young to understand "stay in bed." Get a crib and put a crib tent (mesh) on top to prevent her from climbing out. Most babies should be in cribs until 2 to 2.5 because of the problem you're having. Secondly, I disagree with the anti cry-it-out thinking. Let her cry it out. You can slowly wean yourself out of the picture by limiting the amount of times you come into her room. Don't pick her up. Rub her back, tell her nicely it's time for bed and leave. And then don't go in there again. You don't need to breastfeed her at this age, although you may want to. Just stop doing it. You really need to pick up a good sleep training book because your little one needs to be trained on how to sleep. That will benefit her far more than breastfeeding her in the middle of the night at her age. There are several excellent books on sleep training your baby out there you can find at your local library.. can't recall the titles because I lost so many brain cells from sleep deprivation myself. But with good advice, I was able to break my children's bad sleep habits and reacquaint myself with my husband again.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

Read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It's perfect for your situation.

One thing that worked with one of my kids was to change the night nursing to a bottle of water. It's not nearly as satisfying and not worth getting up for. After a couple of nights of that (and other tips from the book) he was STTN. He was about the same age as yours, with two older siblings in the same room who were school-age so I too couldn't afford to have a big screaming fest every night. Read the book - it really will solve this problem in a gentle way!

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D.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Several times a night? Well, she is nursing for "comfort" at this point. You're a human pacifier and I have been there. So in my experience, couple ways to do it and none are easy. One is CIO and let your husband deal with it...i.e., make sure she is safe. I could never do the CIO but I needed sleep so my husband stayed in there because he's tough as nails. ;-)

Or decrease the sessions one every couple days. The other thing is to cut back on the duration and just say.."Ooops....mommy's out." I personally think nursing is great but when it interferes with our sleep, it's not so great anymore and you need that to be a good mom. The CIO might be the quickest...a couple of days is what it took for me.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Some don't think I am a very nice mom, well except my kids so take that for what it is worth.

I would explain to the older child that mom needs to break this habit so if you want you can sleep on the sofa, kinda like a camp out. Then I would shut the door and let her scream.

I am a rip the bandaid off kinda mom.

Other option is make sure there is nothing she can hurt herself with and lock your own door. I had to do that when I was breaking my younger two of the sneaking into mom's bed knowing she is too tired to put me back.

Just so you know, I have very stubborn kids and even with mine it only takes a week for them to accept they aren't getting their way. One week of camping or locked doors really isn't a lot.

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

If I were desperate for sleep and couldn't change the sleeping arrangement, I would give my child a bottle/sippy cup of water in her bed rather than nurse. I know you don't want to change the arrangement but could you have your older child sleep on the couch/mattress in your room for a few weeks and use the cry-it-out method combined with just putting her back in bed and saying it is time for sleep on the younger one? Then, when she sleeps through the night, move the older child off the couch and back into her room.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

The way to get her to stop night feeding is to stop allowing her too, and help her find new ways to comfort. When she comes to you at night, tell her that your boobs no longer work, you can even put bandaids over the nipples, than get her a drink of water and put her back to bed. Do it over and over everytime she gets up. This may make for a long couple of nights, it may even disrupt the older child's sleep, but it will be well worth it in the long run when in just a few nights everyone is sleeping better.

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H.V.

answers from Cleveland on

Without changing arrangements, hmm
you might just have to let her cry anyway. You could try talking to her about it.
When my son was little, and he would do this..I would go in his room and NOT nurse him. I knew he wasn't hungry it was just a comfort thing.
So I would go in his room, lay him back in his bed and say "It is not time to play, not time to eat, It is bed time" "You need to go back to bed in YOUR bed" Then I would put on his blanky and rub his back a little. or sing a song...
It took a few nights of having to keep going back in there, but eventually it stuck. You just have to KEEP doing the same thing and NOT give in.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

This is definitely a habit for your little one. My friend had almost the exact same problem with her 20 month old. She put bandaids over her nipples, offered him a cup of water, and put her son back in his bed. She did lay with him the first week, because he would get so hysterical. After that, she just put him back in his bed and went back to hers.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

I did not read the other answers. But your going to have to take her back to her room and put her back in bed. You might give her a sippy of milk but then that is another habbit you will eventually have to break. I suggest a sippy of water. Even putting it on her night stand. The majic is training her to stay in her bed. If she realizes no matter what mom is just going to walk me back to bed. then eventually over several nights and several hours of missed sleep she will have to learn to stay in bed. You can do it.

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C.Z.

answers from Omaha on

It doesn't sound to me like you want to figure this situation out...you are looking for sympathy. I understand that, but in order for things to change, you need to change what YOU do. Allowing her to CIO is one method, giving her a sippy cup and taking her back to her bed is another. Stopping the nighttime nursing is another. All of these suggestions you seem to think you can't do so I guess the fact of the matter is this...you are going to have to continue to do what you are doing, and this could go on for YEARS, or change what YOU are doing.

Simply said. Not trying to be grumpy with you, but it seems that there isn't an answer for you.

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Didn't you ask this question a few days ago??? Sorry if it was someone else...

Anyway, sorry to show tough love but if you are not willing to change the circumstances then you will continue to have sleepless nights. She has you manipulated into doing everything she wants when she wants. You are the parent not her. Of course at 17 months it's harder to break the habit then if she were a year old and so on and so forth. There is no reason she should be nursing at 17 months at night. It is soley for comfort which then of course disrupts your sleep. You want your hubby back I am sure he feels the same way about you. If you figure it out let us know...Sorry that I don't have better advice for you. :)

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

You need to replace your breast as her soother with something else. And you need to get out of your current line of thinking that there's no way out of this situation. Your daughter is in control and you're allowing her to be. You're across the board saying that none of the suggestions anyone has already offered will work? NOTHING?

There's no "trick" to this except choosing a method, any method, hell close your eyes and drop your finger on SOMETHING in the list of options, and try it for a MINIMUM of two solid weeks. Your trick is going to be consistency.

If you don't want to nurse her at night, then you have to decide after what time you're unwilling to nurse and under what circumstances you ARE willing to nurse. Once you do that you can't back down. If you give in then you're teaching her that she's in control and all she has to do it wait you out.

Being consistent is going to be key with the weaning at night, and it's going to be key in whatever you replace weaning with. It's going to be key in encouraging her and enforcing keeping her in her bed. THAT is what will help her feel safe. You also will have to be okay with the fact that sometimes your other daughter will wake up during this transition. It's just a fact of life. You can't avoid it. But you do have to be consistent. If after two or three weeks the first method isn't working then you move to the next. Go through and be consistent again. You can't expect something to work in one or two nights. It just doesn't work that way. It's unrealistic.

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P.O.

answers from Tampa on

Why can't you have your husband back? She doesn't have to sleep in the middle - get a bed rail.

Need more affection - watch a movie together once the kids are asleep - you have about 2 hours before the littlest wakes up. Hug, kiss, touch, etc a lot during the day when both of you are home.

Need more sex? I hope you have a comfortable couch, table, rug, chair, etc... because sex can be had anywhere - even loving good sex.

At that age, my daughter would be really antsy in bed and not want to sleep. I would tuck her into my under arm and fold my forearm and hand over her body and snuggle her tightly until she fell asleep. Once asleep she'd barely wake to find the nipple thru-out the night but never really awaken.

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C.R.

answers from Dallas on

Two suggestions. First, offer her a sippy cup with water instead of your breast. This won't be as comforting and after a few nights it may make it where it isn't worth getting up for.

Or, have your DH put her back in bed. She knows you will let her nurse. She will play on that. DH can't nurse her, so let him put her back in bed for a few nights and she may realize night time nursing is no longer allowed.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Your husband needs to get involved. He needs to go in and rock or soothe her back to sleep somehow. Anytime she sees you at night, she will want and expect to nurse. he needs to be the one to do it. You'll probably have to cut the night feedings one at a time. Since she is a little bit older, she should be able to understand if your husband tells her it's bedtime, time to sleep, she'll get milk in the morning, etc.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

Your 17 month old needs MANY more calories during the day. Super duper over feed her for 3 consecutive days, all day long. Believe me, she will eat more than she currently does, or she wouldn't be waking up at night. Once 3 days has passed with MUCH MORE eating (takes time for body to register the change), you will see her sleeping all night long. Even if she still has the "habit" of soothing at night, and comes to you, it won't be as often, and you can be firmer about it, knowing she is full.

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E.B.

answers from Seattle on

I was in this same situation.

We live in a three bedroom house...With six people..Three adults and three kids.

My boys have the biggest room because there is three of them in there.

My youngest Co-slept with us solely until about March of this year.

He weaned himself and eventually started crashing in big boy room.

I still get him in with me every night...but he goes right back to sleep now.

He was also almost three by this point. So it will be a bit harder for you.

If she keeps coming back into your bed you are gonna have to just keep putting her back in her bed once she falls back to sleep.

It will only take a week or two and you may see she sleeps longer and longer inbetween waking....Soon she wont get up at all...It just will suck a bit longer until you get her trained.

Once he got in the swing of sleeping through the night....his waking was merely just to move or stop in sleep cycle.

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H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

"you want to be done with nighttime nursing" - STOP nursing! At 17 months, she is not hungry. Do not offer at all. You will have 3 difficult nights and then things will get better. Keep her with you, don't put her in the older childs room for a while.

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H.G.

answers from Dallas on

Kinda a loaded question imo. You won't let her cry and at 17 months there is no reason why she needs to nurse period through the night let alone every two hours. Its a bad habit that needs to be stopped all together. I suggest letting her nurse before she goes to sleep as a wind down for both of you and after that, that's it! She gets out of bed you take her back and that's it. I know how you feel, its hard to break habits but just be strong mama! All the great suggestions wont work for you so that's my opinion. If your serious about changing, cut it down drastically. Good luck love!

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J.I.

answers from San Antonio on

I didn't read other responses, so sorry if this is a repeat. But when she comes to sleep in your room, why not say "No milk from mommy. Here's your sippy cup though." and let her drink water or coconut milk out of a sippy??

Tough situation here M.. From what I know, she's waking not b/c she's hungry or thirsty or any other reason than her body is USED to waking. What if you drop her nap one day and see if she just zonks out and sleeps thru the night?

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M.T.

answers from Memphis on

Have you tried to change the nursing sessions with cuddle sessions? Are you able to fit on the toddler bed with your daughter? My little guy needs snuggles in order to go to sleep and we found that I was short enough to fit on the bed with him. So we cuddle. If he wakes up in the middle of the night he will call out and one of us goes in to see him. If I go in, I get in his bed, we snuggle for a few minutes until he is calm and then I leave. He does not get out of his bed on his own (we did not teach him that at all) and I do not take him out of his bed in the middle of the night. With your refusal to change any sleeping arrangements this is the only thing I can suggest (as long as you are short).

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L.G.

answers from Eugene on

This is what works. Leave your husband with the children for three days. Go away. When you come back you won't have any milk. Drink sage tea to make sure it is really gone. There won't be any milk and she will have had three days without you. She won't cry it out but will insist and you will say no and there is no more milk. Mommy dried up. Do not let her suck or the milk will come back.

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M.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

My son did not sleep through the night consistently until 19 months. I did not do cry it out either. We did get to a point where he at least would only wake once or twice though. I stopped nursing him at night several months before he weaned. In our situation, he really was not nursing, he would latch on and immediately fall back to sleep. As soon as I placed him down in his bed he would wake again. It became beyond exhausting dozing here and there in a chair most of the night. So finally, I looked at it like he was not nursing for nutrition; he was latching a human pacifier. So I just quit giving in. He would wake and want to latch on. I said, I am sorry; I don't have any now or something to that effect. He was mad at first/cried. I did not ignore him or anything, I picked him up, hugged him, rocked him etc. until he went back to sleep. After a few nights of being consistent with this, he woke up much less often. I went to him, rubbed his back etc when he woke and he went back to sleep. I still nursed him before bed and in the am but dropped the middle of the night sessions and I really do think he would not have finally started sleeping all night if we did not stop that nightly latch and chair-sleep cycle (I was in the chair because my husband could not sleep when I tried bringing him to our bed...and I could not sleep that way very well either bc I always feared my husband finally falling asleep and rolling on him). Not saying all children need to stop night nursing to sleep all night, but it was the case for my child.

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S.O.

answers from Chicago on

Slowly cut down on the time you let her nurse and eventually stop. When she comes to bed with you set a timer and tell her when it goes off you will walk her ack to her room. Have books by her bed that she can look at until she's ready to fall back to sleep. Have a special toy or blanket that she can only have when she's in her own bed. Don't allow it in your bed or anywhere else. Set an alarm by her bed and tell her when the alram goes off she can come to your bed. Just some ideas.
On another note does she snore loudly at night? My daughter was diagnosed with apnea and two of the signs were loud snoring and not sleeping through the night. If so it could be why she's not sleeping through the night also. Good luck not getting a good night sleep can be rough.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

How old is her sister? Can you send her to grandma's house for a weekend and then you can gently lead her back to her bed when she comes to you and not worry if she cries that she is going to wake up her sister? My guess is after 1-3 nights of you being gentle, but firm, and not nursing her, but putting her back to bed, she won't be crying or making enough fuss to wake up her sister when her sister comes back. The first night WILL be awful, but if you DO NOT give in, she will stop. Just keep putting her back to bed, as many times as it takes. I totally agree with Cheryl, what you have now is her waking up in habit, not for need, and it's gone on more than a year too long. I found if I tried to bend for my girls when they were sick or scared and let them in to our bed even ONE night, they would try it again the next night. What I started (and still do now if need be) is go to their room if they wake up crying for whatever reason, comfort, and put them back to bed in their OWN beds. They never get to come sleep in mine. My youngest has nightmares, more often when she was little, but just sometimes even at age 9. They don't come to me, I go to them. Sometimes I lay with them until they feel safe and fall back asleep and they I go back to my own bed. This creates less waking in the long run because subconsciously, they know they're not going to end up anyplace but their own bed.

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." She is from Minnesota and the author of several excellent books on parenting. She is a former ECFE teacher and administrator. I took a class from her when she was researching the book on sleep and my kids were having sleep issues. Her advice really helped us. My gut reaction is that somehow you are going to have to wean her from those night feedings, but I'm not sure how to do that without some "cry it out." My youngest didn't sleep through the night until after he was weaned. (14-18 months). I can relate to the intensity and the climbing. My youngest got out of his crib at 18 months and I couldn't do "cry it out" because he cried so hard he would vomit. When I took away the night feedings I tried to replace it with something--in his case a song book in which we listened to the exact same songs every night in lieu of the feeding. Good luck.

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S.F.

answers from Utica on

My daughter is a very easy going child and has just taken everything in stride as change happens so this might not work for you but.... the way I weaned my daughter was to start giving her a bottle with breastmilk in it half the time and nursing the others then over a week or so I would start to do more and more bottles instead of nursing. This was all her daytime or bedtime feedings. I still nursed in the middle of the night but she seemed to only wake once (maybe twice on a rough night). Then when I started to switch her from breastmilk to whole milk I would start to mix half breastmilk half whole milk and if she really wanted to eat in the middle of the night it wasnt by nursing anymore but with a bottle. She wasnt a huge fan of the idea at first and she would fuss some nights but for the most part she was used to the bottle anyway and was soon expecting a bottle instead of nursing. Once 14 months rolled around I thought okay enough is enough - I need some sleep and darn wouldnt it be nice to sleep the night thru? I started to cut back on the amount of milk she was getting in her middle of the night bottles. (It was pure whole milk at this point - much more filling) and within 2 weeks of cutting back she wasnt even waking for a bottle anymore because she adapted to not needing one. She has always had a soother for naps and nighttime so maybe that helps to soothe her back to sleep but as for the feedings they are gone at night
Good Luck

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L.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

In this situation - I would do this: when she comes in to nurse, take her to the kitchen and give her a small glass of water and a cracker (or some other small snack) then take her back to her bed, sit on the floor next to her bed until she falls back asleep - slowly move further from her bed (like as she gets comfortable with you sitting next to her bed for a few nights, move about a foot away until she's comfortable with that for a few nights and so on)... If you don't give her exactly what she wants, but still meet her needs, you may slowly reclaim your nights.

Good Luck!

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...

answers from Phoenix on

You'll have to train her to stay in bed and ultimately stay asleep. Talk to her at night before you put her to bed and tell her that she needs to stay in bed and not cry. Then when she gets up, I'd nurse her once and put her to bed and tell her to stay in bed and not cry. If she gets up again, give her water or just put her back to bed but don't talk to her. Don't say anything. If she keeps getting up, put her back to bed each time without saying a word but don't give her water or milk or anything. Just stay consistent. It may be a nightmare for a night or two if she's stubborn or it might work immediately. But if you stay consistent, she'll be sleeping through the night before you know it. =) I feel for you and I wish you the best!! Good luck!!

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L.C.

answers from Raleigh on

Well we were in an almost exact situation when our middle child was 15 m.He is too a climber(at 4 yo he can scale a doorway frame all the ceiling ....says he is a spiderman:)) and even though i did not nurse him he wanted sippy cups all night long.We are all for cosleeping(still do) as long as they SLEEP:)Now it did involve crying, but we got a crib tent(or pack n play with a tent), and moved our older son out for a week. Yep a week is all it took(he could not get out and could not hurt himself).We did go in to reassure, but it took less and less each day. He actually stayed in his crib/tent till he was 3, he learned to love his cozy bed with all of his stuffed animals:) It worked for us,yay for sleep:)

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M.F.

answers from Youngstown on

She is going to have to cry a little. You can maybe try cutting back her feedings. Make her gofour hours and just cuddle her in her bed. I know it's a tight squeeze but it's possible. ( have slept with both my older two boys in a toddler bed shaped like a train many many times). After a couple nights extend the time in between feedings and just cuddle. If she freaks out take her out of the room to the living room until she calms down. Dont' sleep on the couch with her though..that will start another "addiction" you will need to break. What is another couple weeks without sleep? That is exactly what I would do. What else can you do really though? She can't wake her sister up or keep your husband up if you go in your room with her. My son was obsessed with nursing at night but after about a week we stopped. It was tough he was 11 months and slept in his own room(older two share) but still cried. She doesn't need the milk from you it's comforting but you know that. She should be sleeping all night. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope you get rest soon..

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N.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

Does she take a binky? My 2nd nursed until 18 months not by my choice either. He hated the binky, but while weaning tho' he attached to it and it so calmed down the screaming. Just wondering too, do you nurse her to sleep or does she fall asleep on her own? I had to nurse mine to sleep, when I was done nursing I offered a bottle/sippy and rocked until he fell asleep. He screamed at first, so you could do this in your room then carry her to her room. Even continue with the night wakings too. Once he could get by without nursing to sleep he was able to sooth himself back to sleep no problem with night wakings. Now he can't even stand to be rocked has to be put to bed fully awake and put himself to sleep. Should also let you know for my two 16-18 months = high separation anxiety, might just be too much for her at this age too.

I know you don't want to change the sleeping arrangements, but it seems at this point it might be easier to move your older daughter to your room or wherever and you stick it out in their 'shared' room until your youngest is comfortable in there. To get over the nursing part it would actually easier if your husband took over!! I'm thinking a get away for Mommy might be the only quick solution that works. Good luck

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K.J.

answers from Chicago on

Ouch, I don't envy the position you find yourself in. Can you bring your older daughter into your bed while you do CIO with the toddler?

ETA: If you can't change positions of anyone, how about instead of nursing her start giving her a sippy cup of water? It may help make nighttime waking less enticing.

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S.C.

answers from Des Moines on

I'd go to a La Leche League meeting (ESPECIALLY if there's a toddler group in your area) and brainstorm in person with like minded moms....

you can find the group nearest you at http://www.llli.org/webus.html

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L.M.

answers from Houston on

I didn't read any answers but try the book No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers :) GL

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M.P.

answers from Peoria on

I didn't read all your answers, but if you can be patient, you can try to slowly wean... going in there each time she cries and slowly minimize what you do to console her. i.e:
- first week, try and give her water and cuddle or water and rub her back to get her back to sleep
- second week, try and get rid of the water and just rub her back
- third week, just come in and give her verbal reassurance
Hopefully by then she will be ok. She will likely cry somewhat but with you being there, you know that she is ok. A lot of verbal reassurance will help. She is also old enough to understand words like, Mom cannot give you milk right now but I am right here to keep you company....
Good luck! I hope something works for you.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

This is what I did when I weaned my toddlers at night (and ended up weaning them during the day as well).

Plan on being really tired for at least a week. Get your husband to help. Take a long weekend to start the process, so you can both nap during the day.

When your daughter wakes to nurse, get up with her, sit in a chair (outside her bedroom) and rock her until she goes back to sleep. Or, put her in a sling and walk with her (or have your husband do it). She will cry, plead and beg to nurse. Be strong, tell her the same thing "no more night time nursing" or something like that. She will eventually go back to sleep. Then, put her in her own bed, and go back to yours. Repeat.

I also recommend the No Cry Toddler Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

Good luck! I've done it three times, and it did eventually work for me. HOWEVER, I was also working on daytime weaning each time as well. My kids were about that same age when we did it.

jessica

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A.M.

answers from Detroit on

What about letting her sister sleep in your room so she can have quiet while the 17 month old cries. If you need to, you could sleep on a mattress in the 17 month old's room so you can shut the door to both rooms but still hear the 17 month old. At least this way she'll be sleeping in her own room in her own bed. You could also sleep in the hall on a mattress right outside the room.

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M.C.

answers from Dallas on

This is the best advice I've seen about night weaning. It's not necessarily tear-free, but it doesn't leave a child to cry without comfort, and it's not geared to ending your nursing relationship entirely.

Hope his suggestions help!

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

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M.J.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have 3 kids, 4, 2, and 11 months. Because of our work situations we were moving alot and it was easier to rent a 2 bedroom apartment so they were made to sleep either with us or together. I had the same issue, more than once. I just gave up. There was no way in heck I could work it out no matter how hard I tried. Now we have settled in a house. Each child has there own room and I nurse the 11 month old. Well, I still dont sleep with my husband, cause by the 2 session the 2 older ones have crawled in with dad and there is no room for me. So me and son sleep in my daughters room. Yeah craziness. I will follow this question closely for more information for myself :)

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Assuming you are talking about the 17month old needing to stop the night nursing (not 100% about that) ... I would do what my doctor said - give a bottle with water to stop the habit. It's not about the food at this point, it's about the habit and the extra attention. Once we found my son his night time lovie and he had a bottle with water (actually sippy) it was much easier overall.

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D.K.

answers from Seattle on

I am just like you in that, i cannot shut the kid's door and let him cry it out. I just can't.

Having said that, i could stop the night time nursing at about 1 year of age with the help from my mother in law. She was visiting us around that time and my son would sometimes fall asleep on their bed. I let him do that for about a month, after which he didn't remember anything about the nursing LOL. I could not have done that without her help!

Please see if you can have your daughter sleep with her grandparents for a week or so. Night time nursing at this age is more for comforting rather than any nutritional value IMO. You can safely stop doing it if she's eating everything else alright.

All the best :)

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S.H.

answers from Spokane on

Can you bring the toddler bed in your room and nurse then put her back to bed (as a first step), then continue to make small changes until she is back in her room with her sister?
EDIT: after your SWH my advice is no good! Sorry, I got nothin'!! Good luck...sorry you're going through this. Lack of sleep is no fun for anyone.

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E.S.

answers from Dayton on

My only thought would be to try sleeping in her room for a week.
You've got to get her to stop the night nursing first...IDK, it's hard. I've been trying to do the same w/ my son who is the same age.

Are you on FB? If so, you can 'like' Elizabeth Pantley there and ASK HER directly: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Elizabeth-Pantley/18872868...

HTH! GL!!!

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J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

tickle her head or back and let her cry it out while hugging you and tell her its gone, tough for a timeor two but it goes away quick, thts what i had to do with my daughter

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S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

just feel good about the fact that you got your 17mnth to sleep in a toddler bed. My son refused to give up his crib till he was 2.

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D.G.

answers from Houston on

check out the book No Cry Sleep solution, lots of tips on how to establish a better sleep routine. Without cry-it-out.

Good luck!

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B.R.

answers from Allentown on

I never breastfed. I would call your doctor and see what he/she has to say.. Good luck.

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J.S.

answers from Bismarck on

I almost was in your situation. I felt like a nighttime pacifier. While it is nice to nurse past a year I was ready about 17 or 18 months to be done. I scheduled night time feedings slightly before normal waking to wean him off (see E. Pantley's sleep solutions). Then once we were down to only one feeding it was time for put him down w/o nursing and awake and modified cry it out. Yes I didn't want him to wake his sister so she got to camp on the floor in my room. This took about 3 nights. She knew it was temporary camping and I kept reminding myself of the freedom I would get and how it would be good for him in the long run. It didn't mean he went straight to sleeping through the night, but it vastly improved his sleeping. i had to resist nursing him at night...which sometimes meant putting on a sweatshirt when I went in to comfort him so he wouldn't try as much and it would be less tempting for me to just lift my shirt...ultimately a husband doing the middle night checks would be easier but my husband was deployed at the time.
Now at 2.5 he goes to sleep w/o us laying with him and can soothe himself most of the time. Even middle of the night if he wakes I often only go in for a minute and then if he isn't asleep I leave and he falls asleep otherwise he wants to play with me.

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