Please Someone Help Me, More Ideas.

You've gotten some good responses here. To be honest, it seems to me that you don't actually want to heal. You want to hold on as tight as you can to your past because it's what you think defines you.

And that's a real shame. You CAN go on and BE someone else. Someone who doesn't drive others away. But it's up to you.

You don't have a God given right to be in your children's and grandchildren's lives. You have to earn it. You earn it with good behavior and showing love that isn't demanding and pushy.

You are a woman first. A mother second. A grandmother third. You seem to put yourself last. Your daughter doesn't want that, and you need to respect that.

E.,

By reading your other posts - you need a different psychologist/psychiatrist. They are not helping you. They are enabling you.

You will NOT die if you lose your grandchildren. Stop being melodramatic. IF you honestly feel you would die if you lost your grandchildren, you are DEFINITELY not with the right psychiatrist. You should NOT be dependent on your children or grandchildren for ANYTHING...they are supposed to ADD to your happiness. NO ONE is responsible for your happiness but you...

If your therapist is telling you that then it sounds like they fear your behavior will drive them away and is actually trying to help you. You sound overly dramatic stating that you will die if you lose them. Perhaps you should really examine your behavior. If you really think your therapist is "mean" find a new one. You really haven't given enough details to help you.

without more background it's impossible to offer you any help or ideas.
if you have a mean therapist, get a better one.
if you are horrid to your grandchildren, you will lose them. i guess. who knows? you don't say why she said that.
if you are so emotionally dependent on your grandkids that you would die if you lost them, you are probably drowning them in your neediness.
keep working with a good therapist, and good luck.
khairete
S.

Therapy only works when you want it to. If you are going to hold on to the past so tightly, or try to force things to be the way you want them to be, you WILL drive others away.

Find a therapist that’s blunt enough to help you, but not so blunt they push you away.

And put the work into therapy.

The therapist isn’t there to ‘fix’ you – they are there to help you fix YOURSELF. If you aren’t willing to see that you are part of the equation, you’re throwing money away as well as relationships.

Sometimes, telling the truth is not mean. It can be blunt, and it can hurt, but it can shine the light on the problem. There's a time to be comforting and soothing, and a time to be more forceful.

Perhaps you were told that if you don't make certain changes within yourself, you'll lose the companionship of your grandchildren.

It seems, from your other posts, that you are looking for love everywhere, and from everyone, except within yourself. I don't know if you believe in God, but it seems that you need a source of inner strength. Forgive your abusers, forgive yourself, and develop some strength.

Physical and emotional healing are a lot alike. They both need to be done in stages. After recovering from major surgery, you don't jog down the hospital hallway. They help you sit up, making sure that you're not dizzy. Then you do some basic movements from the safety of the bed or chair. Then you stand, with a walker or nurse's help. Then you take those first steps. Then you progress from there.

But during the recovery, the hospital staff will make sure you're eating healthy food, maybe participating in hospital activities like arts and crafts, or going outside for a little sunshine, or having a visit from friends or the pets who visit with the therapy program.

So you need to take some basic steps. Figure out what gives you strength: religion, your heritage, your beliefs, things that are important to you (your good qualities). Make sure you're eating well, exercising, going for walks, getting involved with the community (volunteer, or visit friends, or just walk in the park and pick up trash), or plant some vegetables or flowers and tend them frequently. Pick up an old hobby or find a new one.

Make yourself healthy. Get some sleep. Get a physical exam and get checked for anemia, blood sugar, weight, etc. See a nutritionist for some vitamins and to evaluate your eating habits.

Did you know that there's a difference between post-traumatic stress, and PTSD? You might not have PTSD. That's a real mental illness. Post-traumatic stress isn't a pervasive disorder, although the two share many characteristics. Perhaps you can reassure yourself that you went through some difficult, and even traumatic, episodes, but you are not mentall ill. You don't seem to be completely mentally healthy, though, either.

But don't expect your happiness and well-being to come from others. Don't rest all your unhappiness on others, either. Your parents certainly contributed stress to your life, but now you're contributing that same stress to others. Cultivate an attitude of thankfulness, count your blessings, create a healthy environment for yourself full of healthy whole foods and exercise and hobbies and sleep, continue to develop strength from whatever source is important to you (not your past, but religion, God, reading and meditation, prayer, yoga, walking and reciting poems, sitting quietly in the park, hiking in the forest, bird-watching, etc). Become a person that your grandchildren, and perhaps even your daughter, want to be around. Don't make that your goal; make health and joy your goal, and you'll find that people enjoy being with that kind of person.

What is your question?
Maybe asking your therapist what she means will be the quickest way to find out.

Additional:
Have you considered taking up basket weaving?
No, I'm not trying to be funny - I've taken a basket weaving course years ago and found it to be very relaxing.
It keeps your hands busy, you're making something useful, you can meet/make new friends - and you can make baskets for family members, friends, neighbors, etc..
I think you need to find new ways to relate - to everyone.
You need a purpose, a hobby, a passion.
"I will die if I lose" your grandchildren - that's just not a healthy place to be.
You're putting way too much emphasis on this relationship - it's not good for you and it's not good for them.
Think out side the box on this - approach the problem sideways.
If basket weaving (after you've tried it) isn't your thing, then learn to knit, or take a stained glass class (and make a lamp or sun catcher), etc.
Keep learning new things and meeting new people.
The way to get people/family interested in YOU is to BE interesting.

heres an idea, get a new and better therapist.

I'm sure there was more to the context - like "you'll lose your granchildren someday" if you (do/don't do) something. So listen. Really listen. And really think about EVERYTHING the therapist said and the context in which it was said. I don't think the therapist is being mean; I think the therapist is giving you her honest, professional opinion.

Keep looking, not all therapist are good at their jobs. Try to fine one that feels like a good fit, and until then work with your doctor if you need medication for depression.

When I was suffering with depression, the first therapist I went to said something to me that had me really upset. It was the truth but I couldn't handle that truth at that time. She wasn't the right therapist for me. I never went back to her but found another therapist that could and did actually help me come out of my deep sorrow.

I agree with others you definitely need a therapist that is a better fit for you.

Right now your grandchildren may be young and they will go off to part day school and eventually all day school and middle school, and high school and eventually college. In the between time it is possible the grandchildren's parents could get better job opportunities away from where you live now and they will take the children with them which is fine. Your life should revolve around the grandchildren. It doesn't make them any less important to you but they need to have a proper perspective in your psyche.

It sounds to me like you have many hard memories and experiences to process. Strive to be healthy and whole in your emotions and in your thinking. Get a new therapist. Learn to live to the fullest in the present. Learn the valuable lessons from the past as you strive to make your future brighter and better.

I hope this helps and doesn't hurt you. I've been broken in my emotions by my past and life has been so much better with being healthy and whole over broken and scarred.

Oftentimes we go to a therapist thinking they are going to back everything we say and prove we are right. Evidently this therapist didn't get it that you are paying for a way to bring peace into your life and keep a connection with your grandchildren (that is all I got from this brief post). You will not die if you do not get to see your grandchildren but you will feel a lot of emotional pain.It only FEELS like you would. It sounds like you are on the right track to going to a therapist but it is not the right one. You need someone who understands the deep emotional pain here and yet prods you to become independent with or without your grandchildren. And unless you are doing something bad (real bad mind you) there is no reason why you would lose the grandchildren.