Please Someone Help Me I'm Devastated!! and Don't Know What to Do!!!! :(

Don't blame the military on the indescretions of two people. It is NOT the military's fault that your husband is unfaithful and that he happened to find someone who doesn't respect the sacred bond of marriage.

I was prepared to address other issues, but when I got to where you started blaming the military... I can't speak to the rest.

There are many FINE MEN AND WOMEN that serve to protect this country. A few "bad apples" do not make up the majority. Please don't generalize.

... and Yes. I **PROUDLY** served in the Air Force from '83-'92.

I pray that you grow strong in the Lord. You said you have 5 daughters, take leagal action for him to start paying you support for the children.

P.,

I agree with everyone's response so far. I would try to talk to your husband first but if that doesn't work, call his commanding officer, just so you are able to take care of yourself and your girls. He owes you that much.

I know you are angry but I would not generalize about the "Army letting this happen to your family." Everyone is an adult (or suppose to act like adults) and are able to make thier own decisions. It was your husband and the other woman choice to start a relationship while they were away. Being an Army wife/fiance/girlfriend is hard. I can totally understand from that perspective. I am dealing with my man being deployed right now. But it has to be all about communication between two people and being thier bestfriend. And somewhere the communication stopped between you and your husband. Don't blame yourself for it because as they say he is a "Grown A$$ man."

I don't like to see families break up especially due to spouses being deployed and for stuff like this. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that everything turns out fine.

I agree that your husband's commanding officer needs to know what is going on. This may anger some people, but I have never been in favor of women in the military because of the many distractions that it brings. The military needs to know that this will continue to happen and they need to help their soldiers develop character and discipline.

I'm so sorry for your pain. And I'm sorry your husband did not have the maturity to resist his urges. Once the intensity of your pain subsides a little and you can think clearly, ask yourself if you think your husband will be able to be a man again. Has he shown signs of maturity or has he always acted like a little boy. If he has usually acted like a grown man, and agrees to make your marriage work, then you have a shot. Many have made it through, but it takes hard work, commitment and a lot of support. If you think your husband has mostly been immature his whole life, then it would not be worth all of your hard efforts.

It's easy to blame the Army as your pain is great. But it was your husband and the lady who made the choices they did. There are two kinds of people: the ones who have decided in their mind that they would never, under any circumstances cheat, and those that have never really given it any thought and when the opportunity arises, they make the decision at that time. Maybe the Army will start teaching their soldiers that they have to have the first mindset when it comes to their family. You know they stress that mindset when it comes to their country.

I'll be praying for you. There are a lot of us out here that care about you and would do whatever we could to help you through.

The Guard has family counseling available if you haven't already looked it up. It may be helpful for your girls during this difficult period.

Military Family Life Consultants - MHN 1-888-755-9355

For legal services contact the JAG office:

www.jagcnet.army.mil/legal the number at Camp Mabry is ###-###-####

Definitely agree to contact his commander. It is an article 15 violation.

I'm sorry that your family are experiencing this. My thoughts are with you.

My best friend is dealing with a similar issue right now, and it breaks my heart to watch her husband destroy the beautiful family that they've made together.

Because I haven't been in your position, I can't tell you what I would do. I will tell you that my friend has tried fighting for her marriage. Told her husband she would be willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. He actually told her that it's time for him to be selfish and to be happy right now.

That being said, I have several other friends whose husbands cheated on them, they dealt with it, and their marriages are now even better than before. I really think it all depends on the man.

I would recommend that you sit down and talk to your husband. No kids around - just the two of you. Ask him what went wrong. Ask him how he would feel if it had been you to find someone else instead of him. Get absolutely everything out in the open. Find out if he would agree to couple's counseling. (I think it would be good to have a neutral 3rd party involved.)

I'll be praying that he will talk to you, and that this can all be worked out. Please keep us posted.