How to Respond to This?? Deployed Question

You are not wrong at all for being mad.

My mom just did a similar project with her college class (she's a professor) and my parents came out of pocket over $500 for shipping...they also had hundreds of dollars in donations...they are waiting for some earmarked money to come in to cover the shipping.

It is WRONG for people to take advantage like that. I would not ever ship to a personal address again. It goes to APO or it doesn't go at all.

I think that next time I would do it the right way and tell them you cannot mail things to individuals at any other address than their military one. Not telling what this could have ended up being to the family that got it.

Nope, not wrong. I will say this though: once you send the boxes, you don't have a way of knowing for sure what's done with the contents, or if the box that you put time, effort & money into preparing is really met with as much happiness as you would hope. I would say the mother who gave you the info in the first place is a snot & should be apologizing to you profusely, but you have to know that you did the right thing by preparing the box in the first place & then making the best of it & sending the rest of it to Kuwait.

No, you don't get mad; you write a story about it. Use your post right here as an outline. This has been wonderful to read! It's almost a comedy of errors. Chalk it up to experience and write! Merry Christmas!

Actually... having been active duty myself... I've gone on leave w/ 24 hours notice sooooooooo many times!!!

I've even just thrown things in a bag, jumped on a series of planes, grabbed an airport shuttle and shown up on my mum's doorstep right before my birthday (all my presents, I later found shipped to my barracks).

I usually had enough warning (layovers, etc.) to at least phone my parents I was coming... but that one time, it was run or miss the flights... and it was a better than even chance I was going to miss one of my connections and end up stuck somewhere in an airport. Only pure luck saw me in tanktop and shorts standing in the pouring rain waving down the airport shuttle.

Deployed or stateside... if you have the chance to jump, you take it. Many times leaves are arranged far in advance and then you get called and have to cancel them. Other times, you've got two weeks of use it or lose it, and nothing going on, and you push that paperwork and run for the hills.

To me... you asked a mom if her son would like a package, she said yes but he was stateside. You could have bowed out there, but in kindness didn't.

I wouldn't blame mom for screwed up mail, nor for her son taking leave when he could get it... but I've been on the other end of it!

That's gross.
Mark her off your contact list, you don't want to hang with a chick like that. It's too late, and you can't do anything about it, so my advice would be to chalk this up to a $40 tuition in a refresher course from the school of life. I don't mean that to sound flippant. I'd be huffy about that for a day, for sure. But don't let it ruin your holidays or your mood, or the good feeling you get from doing something sweet for OTHER legit recipients. What I would take away from this lesson? In the future, ask "your son's in the army right? where's he stationed right now?" and then if she says he's abroad, then you can offer to send him a package. Keep up the good work, and merry Christmas!

As a mom with a son in Army National Guard, this pisses me off! Those kids need desperately a touch from home. Doesn't matter whose home but America and for this mother to do this I find disgusting.

Thank you to you and your family for your support. You have no idea what it does for our soldiers and their families! Thank you!!!

My son is home and will start school in Kentucky in January.

I completely understand your anger! I am the wife of a retired Marine, a sister to a retired Marine, and a mother to a former Marine. I am very well versed in mailing packages. It's not cheap and means the world to those who are overseas. It's not easy for service members away from home, but it's worse for those out of the country and in a combat zone. I would not worry about those who are in the states. They are safe and with fellow servicemembers going through the same thing and can go to restaurants and bars and enjoy themselves even if they're far from home.

My son was in boot camp during Christmas. He was unable to get anything so I just asked everyone to send him a Christmas card with their well wishes since it was his first time away from home.

My husband has spent his fair share of holidays, birthdays and vacations gone overseas or on ship. He's missed the birth of our first two sons but was here for the birth of our triplets but sent overseas to Iraq when they turned 4 months old. They appreciate care packages from people, especially strangers. During the Gulf War you could send packages to "Any Soldier" and he got dog food sent to him and his guys from radical college students, among others. So during Iraq the public redeemed themselves to him by sending him wonderful things which he passed on to his young Marines.

One thing you can do to help offset the cost of packages is to use the flat rate boxes. It especially helps if you're sending heavier things like energy drinks which my husband wanted. It saved me a lot of money. And you only have to worry about the cost of the packages to get to New York. After that, the military takes over so using a faster shipping method only helps it get to NY and when the military takes over it can take a long time for when they bulk things together and get things shipped to the right areas, depending how often trucks deliver to their area. So don't pay extra for faster shipping for overseas. Not worth the money.

In the end, stick to those overseas on ship or in combat zones and such. They'll appreciate it more. Those in the US have a chance of getting home last minute or someone visiting them. I sounds harsh but they are much better off being stateside than being overseas.

Thanks for your support!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

A school of hard knocks. For future use only the APO or FPO addresses. There is a place on line that you can find a person to send a package to any time of the year. They also have a deadline after which time you cannot send as that member will be returnign state side.

It is hard to have your cheer and joy bounced around but remember the thought of good was there. Try again and make it right in your heart.

Have a merry holiday season.

The other S.
Retired Military Wife

PS Thank you for thinking of our military members away from home. Also if you itemize your taxes you can deduct the amount under the charitable section.

You did exactly what I would have done by giving him his cards and sending the box to someone else. Except, I wouldn't have apologized so much. And yes, I would have been a bitter, annoyed, aggravated... Technically, the box would have arrived around Christmas had it not gotten shipped back. She was an idiot for asking you to ship it somewhere else instead of on base for the discount and everything. But really, those care packages should go to deployed soldiers (usually in a war zone) who won't be home for the holidays at all.. not just a few days later to a stateside soldier.

It makes me sad, my little bro is deployed in a bad area right now and I would have loved to be able to send him a care package, but like you we have no funds... and no address to send it too.

I don't have family in the military, but your story makes me angry. How thoughtless. It's a shame that all your efforts and $ were wasted on him when they could have done so much more for others. :(
I don't even get why this woman asked you to do it to start with... why wasn't she sending him a care package herself? She's his mom! ugh.

Thank you for doing what you do anyway. You handled it better than I probably would have, too.

First of all, my husband is retired Army so let me say, from a military wife, thank you for thinking of our men and women who work hard to protect all of us and too frequently go unnoticed for their sacrifice.

With that said, I wouldn't be too mad. Like Riley J mentioned, not all leave is planned and even if his leave was he may not have told his mom but left it as a surprise for her. Also, our military members that are state side need love and appreciation too. A lot of them don't get to come home for the holidays (someone has to stay behind to literally hold the fort down) and a box from a caring family is special for them too. The American Legion from our hometown always sent my husband a box for Christmas, whether he was deployed or state side. It always made out day when that box showed up each year.

It could have been an honest mistake with the address or even a mistake with the post office during delivery. And just to make it clear for everyone, state side military don't have APO addresses to ship to. APO is for those oversees; deployed or stationed in another country.

Sorry for your lose of money and time. Please don't let this detour you from sending packages to soldiers in the future.

You have a right to be peeved and angry with yourself. I wouldnt be mad at the officer you were sending it too. People state side need love too. The dont do less a job than those overseas. It was the moms error in address and her inability to mention that he would be home for that week. She might not have realized what time frame you were sending it in. It could be a simple mistake, and it could be that she is irresponsible, but doesnt make her a BAD person for wanting a package. You asked her and she gave you a bad address. Sometimes those addresses are tricky. I know I have a brother in the Army that was deployed 4 times to different places, and the HARDEST to get anything to him was when he was at Fort McCoy STATE SIDE... when he was in Kosovo, Norway, Japan, Iraq, Afghanistan, and NOW Kuwait. I never had an issue with getting him boxes. Mark it up to lesson learned, and tick her off the roster of people to help.

Next time contact the military chaplain or protocol office at your closest base and they can ship it for FREE! Don't be mad-you did a good deed, just know that it is the thought that counts

I don't think your wrong at all for being mad. That is just wrong for someone to do.I would be super mad about that to, especially when that money and time could have be useful and helpful spent doing good for someone else. But it was really nice of you to still bring some of the things over to him anyway.

Absolutely not! I can't imagine what she was thinking given that he was state-side and he was coming home a week after xmas! I guess she doesn't understand what it means to "really" be deployed!