Please Settle This Arguement Between Mommy and Daddy.....

Seems to me if he stopped bathing with her this would solve the problem. All his attention would be on her and not on drying and dressing him self. And sorry to say but bathing together much longer is going to start getting the creepy factor in my book.

I think that he should start letting the water out. because as parents we know that we can be sitting there looking at the child, blink and somethng has gone wrong. and it seems that the younger they are the quicker it happens. i agree witht he other parents he should let the water out while she's in there and you both should start teaching her about tub safety. good luck.

I agree with you about letting the water drain. But I also want to add that taking a bath doesn't get you clean, especially with 2 people in the tub, you have to rinse too & little girls need their privates cleaned properly. So getting out of the bathtub with out rinsing is like sitting in dirty water.

It doesn't really matter whether we think he should or should not drain the tub first...

This is only the first of many, many situations where mama has to hold her tongue so that daddy can parent on his own. Because the flip side of this post is the one that says, "Why won't my husband help me with our child?!" You unfortunately have to walk a fine line--too much nagging and interference on your part will alienate him from parenting... Not saying anything will make you want to run into the coat closet and scream... You can tell him "honey, it worries me..." but you need to avoid telling him what to do. (Doesn't it just suck that fathers don't read our minds and we can't upload instructions into their brains while their sleeping!! Damn, someone needs to invent that device!)

Ultimately... you have to let him do things differently than you would do it.

I, respectfully, think you're overreacting. As long as your husband never lets the child leave his sight -- if he is right there drying off -- I don't think what he's doing is wrong. Now, if he was leaving the room... I would agree with you 100%.

This is a tough one :) Of course, I agree with you - why not simply let the water out and be done with it. If for no other reason than to make you happy. I offer my opinion with one caveat - sometimes dads get to do it their way. It isn't our way, in fact it is usually the opposite of our way. I'll tell you, the stuff the boys tell me they do at their dad's house takes my breath away. Then I remember - he loves them as much as I do and they come home every time just fine (well, mostly . . .).

I guess I would ask him if he would simply do it your way just to make you feel better and promise that you will give in on the next thing. If he stands his ground, let him do it his way. He will be a better dad for it. Oh, if she does fall while there is water in the tub, don't say I told you so - well, you can say it in your head :) He will already be beating himself up like crazy and kids fall no matter HOW close we watch them and how careful we are.

Good luck!

I would have him drain the water. My son drowned 2 years ago and it was completely silent, and he was 3.5 years old. Very good in water, also. Your husband could have his back turned for less than a minute and she could be under the water not able to splash and get his attention. A big enough gulp of water is all it takes. I promise you, your husband wouldn't even hear her. Not something to mess around with.

I say that Dad's do things differently and that doesn't make it "wrong". Be greatful that your husband takes care of bathtime, and you get some peace and quiet to nurse the baby.

I'm going to avoid the "are you over-reacting" question, as it's always best not to get in the middle of this type of marital discussion -- no one ever really wins, right? :) As for the draining of the tub, I guess I don't understand why your hubby would refuse to let the tub drain. It seems like an easy thing to do and a "no-brainer." Even if it would do nothing else but put your mind at ease -- that would be a nice, considerate thing, wouldn't it? (The kind of thing we do for the people we love.) But I'm wondering if there is some issue he sees with it. Does it matter to him a reason you haven't mentioned? If not, I vote to drain the tub.

That's so cute that they take a bath together at night - good daddy! If it were my 2 year old daughter, I would think nothing of letting her stay in the tub that full. She takes baths that are up past her bellybutton all the time (one of us is in the bathroom with her, of course). However, my daughter has been walking for over a year and doesn't have any balance issues. Given your daughter's little qualities, I think I'd have to agree with you. Yes, your hubby could grab her in plenty of time before she drowned and she probably wouldn't get seriously hurt - but why let her get scared half to death of the bath or bang her teeth on the side of the tub? Again, given your daughter's balance issues, I'm with you. Regardless of whether you're being silly or not, if one parent feels strongly about something, I think it's up to the other parent to honor those feelings and humor them - especially since it doesn't matter much to them either way.

I read through a bunch of the responses, and you got a lot = ) I just had to put my two cents in, if he is in the same room while he is dressing I can't see how it could hurt for her to sit in the tub for a few minutes, but would easily alleviate your fears if he drained some of the water out. I did like the big fluffy towel idea! To all of the women who thought it was odd that your husband bathes with your daughter, I am sorry that they have such trust issues. My dad bathed with me and he was Never inappropriate with me! My parents were very laid back about their bodies and I saw them many times throughout my youth unclothed. People should not be ashamed of nakedness! You read about ALL of the body image problems now and I have to wonder if all of this stress on modesty isn't part of the issue with shame of our bodies.
Good luck on solving your disagreement = )

ummm.. Sorry this doesn't answer your question, but all I could think about when reading your question is , Why in the world is your husband taking a bath with your 2 yr old daughter at all?? Can he bathe her without getting in the tub himself? Sorry if that's just me, but at 2 yrs old (my daughter is also 2 yrs old) children are very aware of being "naked" and the whole thing sounds a little alarming to me...

K,

You have lots of responses here :) I say - let them take a bath together, and when they are done, he takes her out at the same time as him. He can wrap her in a big towel, set her on the floor for "cozy time" and then dry her when he's done. That way she doesn't risk falling or getting a face full.

I see no reason that they can't take a bath together - that's just silly IMO. My kids still see me naked... I remember seeing my parents naked... it didn't scar me in any way. In our society people are too freaked out about nudity and it doesn't get us anywhere.

I vote for you - but have him take her out rather than draining the tub.

J.

I personally don't think either of you have the "best" plan. I think he should take her out of the tub when he gets out. He steps out, wraps towel around his waist, grabs her and wraps a towel around her and sets her on the floor (not tub). Then go about whatever else needs to be done.

1)if you drain the water, she can get cold sitting there.
2) if you leave her in, OR drain the water while she's sitting there, she could still slip and bang her head or her teeth... doesn't matter whether there is water or not.

I think the drowning thing is a bit much as far as your worrying. Yes, it only takes 2 inches.. but that is if they are alone with it. Not with an attentive adult right there to scoop them up quick. I would be FAR more concerned with a banged head. Porcelain is HARD.

Be very careful how you handle this with Dad, however, as several posters have already mentioned.... if you helicopter over her and Dad then Dad may step back and not help as much as you'd like. Men do things differently.. That is a very hard thing to accept. Easy in theory, not so much in practice. Hang in there. Dad sounds like he is willing and able to do a lot to help with your daughter. Give him some space.
If you have any "complaints" about how he does bathtime, then I would make it about getting her out of the tub completely when he gets out. Not about the water sitting in the tub.
just my 2cents.

You're overreacting.

Now, I am assuming he's dressing in the bathroom, right? He's not in the next room watching through the door? And he can see the tub clearly (no shower curtain in the way) and is watching? Also, your daughter doesn't have any difficulty sitting up on her own, right? At that age, she shouldn't, but I don't know your situation. You did say she has some balance issues.

I've had both my daughters get their faces accidentally in the water and gulp some in. One gulp of water isn't going to drown them. They'll cough and sputter a bit and be fine a minute later. As long as he's still in the same room, he'll be able to pull her up almost immediately. I wouldn't worry about that. In fact, the experience will probably be good for her. She'll learn not to get her face in the water.

As for the water depth, my girls share a bath and my youngest is two. The water's always at her belly button or just a bit higher. She's fine.

She's old enough to learn not to try to get out of the tub by herself. It might help to toss a few tub toys in for her to play with while she's waiting for Daddy to get ready. I usually let my girls stay in the tub playing with the toys until the water drains out. Then they have to get out.

You can't protect your daughter from every single danger and providing her some supervised opportunities to encounter some of those dangers is not a bad idea. It'll help her learn what to do, help her not be too frightened, and give her some self-confidence.

You should probably start getting her used to plants again too. It's silly to have a little girl afraid of trees. Hold her and show her how nice plants can be. Help her "pet" the plant to learn that it's not going to hurt her. Same with the flowers.

She's getting older, also. I think she'll soon be getting to the age where bathing with daddy might start to be inappropriate. Not quite yet, but soon. Maybe he should start bathing her from outside the tub. That would also avoid the issue of having her wait in the tub while he dresses, which is making you nervous.

I have always been of the mindset that when it comes to the health and safety of my children, the parent with the greater concern "wins" the argument. Since I feel the same as you do about this situation, I would want my husband to respect my wishes. Likewise, I respect my husband's wishes when he says he doesn't want the kids hoisting themselves up on the end of the bannister because he is afraid they might get hurt. I've seen how well they are doing in gymnastics class so I don't share the same concerns...and they aren't doing anything tricky. They simply like to put their hands on the end of the bannister where it is flat, hoist themselves up so their feet aren't on the ground, lock their elbows so they stay in place, then let themselves down again. I like that they are interested in practicing at home so we eventually made a deal that I would only let them do that if I am "spotting" them. So I stand by them with my arms outstretched to help them if they need it.

Something else that comes to mind are news reports in the last few years about "dry drowning". I had never heard of that before and don't remember all the details, but basically a person can inhale some water, seem fine, then drown hours later when it seems they would be out of danger. I don't mean to unnecessarily scare you, but you should read about it so you know what to look for.

My friend's child was the same age and she died in the bathtub. The dad was right there too, going to the bathroom on the toilet right next to the tub. She was playing and bumped her head on the spout and passed out and fell back. He mistook the sound for her splashing in the water. Once he got her up, about a minute late, it was too late. She died the next day I think in the hospital.

For one thing, if he wants to do this, leave the water maybe an inch and have it draining once he gets out so that the water level is going down to empty.

Kids can drown in 2 inches of water, kids who are late developmentally, can drown in one inch. Maybe they fall asleep or hit their head and fall face first. An inch of water is all it takes.

It's just not worth the risk. Especially since your daughter already has balance issues and is traumatized easily.

It seems you are micromanaging your husband's parenting. This shouldn't even be a discussion really. Guys do things differently, thank god! Kids benefit from being exposed to different personalities & parenting styles. What you're really saying to your husband is "I don't trust you , or the way you do things" I mean do you really think there is a danger of her drowning with him standing right there? It seems like a control issue really. I can see you being concerned she will fall and then be scared of the bath but you cannot protect her from life's challenges. It just isn't worth the negative message you're sending your husband for the tiny chance she might slip and hurt herself. If you follow that logic you may have a lot of things you will be criticizing him for over the years, Dad's just go about life differently. We seem to be so worried about everything these days that we over focus on things that really don't matter. What's more important is that he's spending time helping to take care of and bond with his daughter. Please don't listen to the people that say it's time to stop bathing together. It's very sweet and I find it sad that people think there is something wrong with it. Just another example of Mom's overthinking and worrying about something that is perfectly normal!

That's a really tough call. I can see both sides of the coin. On one hand you don't want something to happen but you still want Dad to help with her. I think that since he's the one giving the bath, you have to let him do it his way. He never leaves her alone and is watching her the entire time. Personally, I think she'll be fine. Yes, she may fall, but he would be right there to catch her. She can fall in two inches of water too. The best thing is for him to teach her not to stand in the tub. I would seriously invest in some non-slip grips for your tub too. Slippery tubs can be dangerous for Mommies and Daddies, as well as babies.
I know you didn't ask about the fear of trees and flowers, but try to expose her to those things over and over again. You don't want her to carry fears like that around the rest of her life.

.

Freshly emptied tubs are extremely slippery and may not be a good idea either, as long as he is there to watch her she should be fine.

i think that he should take her out of the bathtub first, wrap her up real snug and seated, then he can get out last. i don't know how practical that is but it does seem unsafe to me having her "wait" kids are impatient and she's bound to slip at some point

Updated

i think that he should take her out of the bathtub first, wrap her up real snug and seated, then he can get out last. i don't know how practical that is but it does seem unsafe to me having her "wait" kids are impatient and she's bound to slip at some point

How about you install some anti-slip grips in the tub ( you can get suction cup ones from Wal-Mart that you can easily take out when your daughter isn't in the tub) as part of a compromise? Then maybe you will feel less worried and your husband can still do his bath-time thing with your daughter.
As moms we tend to worry about our kids more, and shield them from doing certain things, sometimes needlessly. That is what we do, but we need to understand that dads have a different approach to things and that there are perfectly reasonable ways of doing things that are not "mom's way".
I understand why you are concerned, but it sounds like your husband really does have things under control with the bath situation, so my advice is to let him do it his way.

Why in the world would your husband not simply do what you asked of him? If it makes you feel better to have him drain the water or just get her out when he does, why is he being so hard-headed? It isn't about being right or wrong, but about respecting each other's feelings and concerns. However, if I had to choose a side, I'm with you. Better to be safe than sorry!

wow.....so much time and effort on such an easy solution.....have him drain the water when he gets out and is getting dressed!

XX

If you feel uncomfortable with the situation, then that's good enough reason for me. You know your daughter better than anyone else, even her own father, since you spend most of your time with her and, frankly, mothers are more maternal, more nurturing, more intuitive. You bring up a very good point about her balance and coordination issues. You can never be too safe in my book.

Also, I have learned that whenever I allowed someone to talk me out of what I knew in my heart was best for my child, I usually find out the hard way that I should have never allowed myself to question what I believed to be right. So, if you feel strongly about this, then I urge you to stick to your guns. There's a reason why "mother's intuition" truly does exist. It's to let us know what's up for all those little things when we don't have an instruction manual to guide us.

I hope that you are able to work this matter out with your husband. in a way that feels comfortable to you, very soon.

You can never be too careful around water. Even if he saves her if she chokes on a gulp of water, then you are going to have her fearing baths for awhile and you'll have to deal with it till she gets over it. Get a non-slip bath mat in the tub. Everybody out of the tub at the same time, have towels ready for everyone (I use to wrap my son up in a big beach towel). Another alternative is they could have a shower. If Dad can't come on board with an ounce of prevention, have him feed your son with some bottled breast milk while you wash up with daughter. There's nothing wrong with following your Mommy instincts. Daddy should respect that.

You can't leave a little kid alone in a bathtub with no supervision. It is just not safe. The bath together felt wrong to me too intuitively.

my baby baths with me he goes out first for 2 reasons a wet tub is slick and he could drown quick. i would rather him slip on a wet floor than drown. I did both of my kids this way

I would start draining the water first. My 16 month old is about the same stage of pulling up to standing but not having good balance yet. I have to watch her really closely in the tub. However, a $5 rubber mat with suction cups for in the tub is a good and easy solution. I have to watch closely when I have her in the tub with her very active 4 year old brother. I take her out first because my 4 year old is fine in the tub (except for getting the rest of the bathroom wet, LOL).

If you hadn't said the part about the balance issue, I would have said the water level is fine. My son likes the water higher, and as far as I have been able to tell, water level being high or low makes no difference in the slip danger. If she is going to slip, she is going to slip. She is probably more likely to stay sitting if there is water. But with a balance issue, it would make me personally more comfortable if the water wasnt so high so that her head doesn't go under. Pretty easy to reach down and pull the plug and get it started while dad dries off.

I think it is a man brain vs woman brain thing, and changing a man's routines on things like showers is next to impossible. My sister and her husband had the mother of all newlywed fights over drying off IN the shower versus drying off OUT of the shower. Silly!

BUT, last, I have to say I agree with Momof4. That was my first thought when I was reading this- "when does she get rinsed?" I have pretty dry skin and if I don't rinse after a bath, I itch like crazy, and have to take a shower. I HAVE to rinse dirty soapy bathwater off. Even if hubby doesn't feel it necessary to rinse himself, I would still insist on rinsing a toddler. Her skin is still sensitive and rinsing only takes a minute.

It seems to me that you don't trust your husband's style of parenting. Take a deep breath, and let him be a parent too. If he is standing right there, it seems pretty unlikely that she will drown. It sounds like he enjoys this time with her; let them have this time together and let your daughter trust her daddy. It's okay that he does things differently than you would, as long as he's being attentive.

If the bottom of the tub is slippery, then that may be a concern - so why not get a rubber mat for the bottom of the tub (the kind with suction cups on the bottom)? Then there is very little risk for her to slip.

You are BOTH your babies parents, right? So, even though he does it differently than you would like, it doesn't make it wrong. I still struggle when my husband does things differently than I do.
It is not creepy to be bathing with your kid, don't let anyone tell you that it is. I still shower with my son, just yesterday in fact, and he is 4 1/2.
Yes, a child can drown in a very small amount of water, if there is no one there to pick the child up and they are just laying, face down in the water. If your husband is right next to her I am SURE he would scoop her right out of the water and help her, right? He's not just gonna sit there and "hope" that she can get out.
I think your husband is GREAT for bathing the child and giving you time to nurse the other one. I think you need to remember that he loves your children and wants what's best for them, just like you do...this is not something to "fight" about.
L.

First, the water in the tub is not going to cause her to slip. I don't understand why, if you're so worried about her slipping in the tub, you haven't put non-slip trips or have a bath mat in the tub. So, I don't think the draining of the water is really the issue. the issue is, you have not made your bathtub safe. I side with daddy. If he's right there, she won't get hurt. If he drains the water first, she is getting cold sitting around wet while daddy dresses. Perhaps you can work it where you start nursing the baby a little before they get in so you are available to take the little one out of the tub when daddy gets out. So, I agree with daddy - leave the water in so she's not freezing and put some non-slip strips or a bath mat in the tub so she doesn't slip if she does try to stand up.

Some people clearly did not read through enough to notice that you said YOUR DAUGHTER IS IN PHYSICAL THERAPY for BALANCE ISSUES.

Too much trouble? It is causing his wife ongoing stress and causing him marital arguments...that sounds like more trouble than just draining the water or lifting her out first...don't you think.

You have some stubborn family members, haha.
I wanted to comment that keeping your daughter away from all greenery and flowers may seem like a simple solution to her anxiety, but you aren't doing her any favors. Let's face it, the world is filled with those things, and the sooner she lets go of her fear the better. When she is around them a few times and nothing happens, she should start to let go of it. The longer she is isolated from them, the more "set" her fears will become. I would consult a child psychologist if need be, but start exposing her to plants again ASAP!

Hi there,

Have you considered getting her out of the bath first. wrap a towel around her and then Dad can get dressed. If she won't keep the towel on because she wants to move around too much you can look into getting one of those bath robes (for kids) that way Dad and daughter can get out Dad can pop on a towel and put the robe on his daughter and let her out of the bathroom until he is finished dressing then complete dressing her. That way there is no safety issues in regards to the bath being full of water and being empty and her losing her balance because both are not great even when Dad is keeping a watchful eye over her.

I don't think either of you is right or wrong really. I understand your reasons though. What we do with our 2 year old is when we get out (leaving her in to play for a minute while we dress)...pull the plug as we're getting out and let the water drain while we dry off. Then, just about the time we're dry, she is sitting in an empty tub and willing to get out. Our trouble is that if the tub has water in it, she doesn't want to get out, lol.

Your husband should be pulling that plug as soon as he even thinks of getting out of the tub. At least when he gets out, its lets say down a couple of inches, but at least when he gets out its getting fairly empty. He may be standing right beside the tub, but if he's rubbing himself with the towel before he had the towel off she could be standing up and down she goes. As well if you don't want a anti slip on the bottom of your tub a towel set on the bottom works great as well. Sure it gets soaked but at least you won't slip. If she is the type that doesn't forget and she falls, "good luck with bathing". As they say a child can drown in 2" of water, that is so very true. If she is left in, then most of the water should be out but as a safety precaution I would have her out as soon as your husband got out. This isn't just for the sake of sticking up or taking sides by the way, nobody should leave their child in a tub full of water. You hear so much that happens these days with children, you can't take chances. You always need eyes in the back of your head as well as the front. I wish you well and all the best. If other moms' are reading this it applies to all! Be safe rather than sorry!!

I can relate to this on two levels. One is that I have a child with special needs who has spent a lot of time in therapy to meet milestones that come easily to other children and two is that my husband and I don't always see eye to eye on things. I would look at the situation again. My husband tends to fill the bathtub a lot higher than I would like with my kids, but he is right there. He also makes it warmer than I do but the kids are just fine. Our compromise is that whoever is doin the job gets to pick how to do it, for the most part. However we can discuss it, away from the children. An issue we had was cutting our 2 year olds food, she has a lot of trouble eating and we've worked really hard to get her to eat what she does. I was frustrated that he didn't cut her food small enough, he didn't see the big deal. We sat down one night and I explained to him that every time she has a bad choking or gagging episode it sets her back and I'm the one who is home all day dealing with the tears at meal time and the increase in therapy appointments and the tearful vomitting when she realizes it's time to eat. So I told him cutting her food smaller was doing ME a favor just as much as her. Maybe tell you husband that with the water in the tub for your daughter it may be harmless but it makes you crazy and you'll be more relaxed to me a more lving wife and mother if you aren' being made crazy about a fear of her falling in a tub full of water. Ask him to do it for YOU not her. Lastly if you have to, let go, if your daughter falls in the tub empty or full, she'll probably develop a fear of it.

I agree with Kara T. on this one... maybe I am old fashioned but I don't think your husband should be taking baths with your daughter at the age, at all! I am not sure this will answer YOUR question but I must say it....the question you should ask is WHY IS MY HUSBAND TAKING BATHS WITH MY DAUGHTER AND WHY AM I ALLOWING IT? Don't get me wrong, I took baths with my son too, I always had my husband waiting and sitting on the toilet to help get my son out when he was bathed, but at that age the children start to notice differences, and when my son did, I STOPPED bathing with him! I have worked with children for more than 20 years now and they are smart and CURIOUS! They are maturing at earlier ages every year, and they know more than parents want to admit. I am not saying your husband is bad but YOU allowing this to continue will ONLY ask for the worst! Adult Men and Women for that matter should NOT be put in with a naked child, unles they are an infant, period! I am sorry, but I have seen what it does to children a few too many times having to work with them everyday!

I think that while there is probably very little actual danger in her sitting in the tub, if it makes you feel more relaxed your husband should just let the darn tub start to drain! As another mom said, "It's a no brainer!" Is he purposely refusing to drain the tub because you want him to? Sounds like he is being stubborn just to be stubborn--something my own husband tends to do "to prove a point" or something. :) Anyway, unless he takes a super long time to dry himself off, it will take some time for the tub to drain and she'll still be sitting in the water by the time he gets her...just less. Come to think of it--do you think it just a simple case of female brain vs. male brain?

Mother thinks: "Well, I am going to pull the plug then quickly hop out and dry off. The water will be getting lower so baby will be safer and by the time I get her out, the tub will be drained."

Father thinks:
1) Towel off
2) Get baby
3) Drain Tub

Hi K,

I think you are over reacting a little. It sounds like she is never left alone in the tub of water so I don't know why it would be an issue. I do not take a bath with my son (1 yr) so in essence he is in the tub alone while I am standing there. I don't see why that would be different than what your hubby is doing. As far as drining the tub usually what I do with my son is start draining the water while he is in the tub. This let's him know that it is time to get out of the tub. This might be one of those battles not worth fighting since it sounds like she is safe. Best of luck

I think that your husband should pull the drain as he is getting out. Your daughter will stay warm and but be safer as the water goes down. Also my son really liked being in the bath as it drained, it was fun for him and he would play differently in the changing levels of water. Come on Dad give it a try and know that you will make Mommy feel much better!

Haha, I bet when he asked you to have us settle this he didn't realize he was going to be persecuted for the fact that he was even having a bath with her.

On that issue, I think it's fine. Kids love to take baths with their parents! I think I was still taking baths with my mom till I was 4 or 5. It's just normal. Plus it kinda gives them some bonding time.

On the issue you actually wanted to have discussed, I agree with the user that suggested having him take her out when he gets out and wrapping her in a big fluffy towel. I loved when my mom did that! Plus, I think it's a little safer than keeping her in the tub. Sure, he's right there but it only takes a couple of seconds for something bad to happen.

I see your concern but as someone mentioned dads do thinks differently. My husband showers with my boy (he's almost 2).
I don't see a problem as long as he is right there.

Hello Mom, I don't know that my thoughts will help but I wanted to add my 2 cents worth. As the mother of 5 and now the grandmother of several little ones I think we have done it many ways. Becasue my husband became an amputee we took out the bathtubs for showers he could get into so we do baths in the country sink and put stoppers in the bottom of the shower stall so it gets about 3 inches of water, the granddaughters call it mermaid time. My point? the eyes are always on the child and they are never in deep water. I have to also say that having a son with disabilities I was pondering all the ways that your child may not have the skills that a child with out the restraints yours does will have to fight to be safe. Consider that Dad may be useing this time and water as a way to show his child can be alright and he can be there to make sure of it. Parents often have many things they have no control over and want to be in control of what they can. So make it complete family time and you can intrude on their bath time and tell a story or sing a song while Dad dresses and then takes care of her.
I hope that your fear is not going to extend to her. We have one that makes me crazy becasue she is scared of everything-- she is sure that the leprucan in a St. Patricks story is after her, every window must be checked often and on it goes. We have to keep her as part of the real world and not let it over take her life.
My heart had to listen to the mother who lost her sweet littleone in a bathtub. I know I will talk about her experiance with my own adult children. share this with your husband so he can think about it. I know that D. and I had different ways of parenting our 5 children and alot of compromise had to take place at time. This is just the start of the many paths of parenthood you will travel. I compare it to a fast theme park ride with lots of twists and turns and sometimes lots of screaming along the way. But at the end the fun and joy of the ride are there. Hang in there mom the family will get through this and many more things in life.

why don't you pull a chair into the bathroom and nurse your little one while your husband is getting dressed? Then you can both stop stressing out. You guys don't even have to discuss it anymore and can move on. I don't know you so I don't know if you are the micromanaging type. Your daughter seems to need a little more attention right now concerning safety so just work together with your husband. Good luck!

,

DONT LET HIM TAKE HER BATH WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if ur so worried then y are u letting him?? do this, after finishin nursing ur new born, u urself get up and take her bath!!!!! dont take it as a harsh reply, its just that some men are not so responsible, sometimes when im in the shower i have to hurry up cuz im so worried that my hubby isnt taking good care of my daughter. YES SOMETIMES US MOTHERS TEND TO OVERREACT TO LITTLE PROBLEMS THAT MAY BE ABOUT OUR KIDS!!! just a question how old is ur newborn???

I don't think it's too much to ask for your husband to pull the plug as he's getting out!!! That way, she can play a little as the water drains while he's getting dressed. I think that would be best for the safety of your daughter regardless of her balance issues, but even more so because of them!!

First suggestion: Stop the bathing together. (I miss our family baths too, so I know it's hard. I stopped once my son was 2yo.)

2nd, I dont see what's so hard about draining the tub when he's ready to get out instead of waiting. But ask your husband why he thinks it's not a problem, you didnt tell us his side or reasoning. Listen to him and consider what he has to say. (Water does cushion a fall rather than into an empty & hard tub. And if draining water causes her to stand up and whine, then leaving water in seems like the best thing to do. How far would it be "sufficiently drained" since they still can drown in 2inches of water?)

Bottom line, stop the bathing together. That solves that problem! :-)

I have to admit, I think that you're overthinking it. Dads do things differently. I tend to not worry too much & let my kids be kids. He is, after all, standing right next to the tub. I'm sure he does make an extra effort not to turn his back on her. Relax & cuddle your son and let daddy & daughter have their moment. And, get non-slip ducks for the bottom.

And, for all who think it's "creepy" that dad is bathing with his daughter--Get a life. Jeez, so what. It's one thing if you guys have a hang up about nudity; don't push it off on other people. The human body is nothing to be ashamed of. I have tapered off a little, but my kids have seen me naked several times. First, if it's a normal practice at home, they will have a better image. Second, it can also open the doors to open & honest communications. Keep doing what you're doing K L. & please don't let anyone try to tell you it's wrong.

I believe that it depends on how attentive he is. My husband has always had fast reactions and I would not have a problem with him over seaing a bath for one of our children/grandchildren while he gets ready. BUT, he should NOT be getting naked in front of your daughter at this age!

I agree 100% with Kari F. Couldn't have said it better myself! Time to relax a little here. That, and teach her not to stand up in the tub whether there is water in it or not. Also, my hubby bathed and showered with my girls until they were about four years old. Perfectly normal.
Good luck in your continuing adventure!

I see both sides: i mean he is right there so if she does slip under i am fairly sure he will grab her fast, but you are right to think it will then maybe create fear in her w/ water. and yes she totally can drown in a few inches of water so you are rigth to worry, but w/ him right there he should grab her fast enough. since she does have some balance issues and holds grudges as you said i think you are correct to worry and also bc she wants out and he has to tell her to hold on i think he should let her out....for her own good. you could put it that way that she wants out maybe that will make a difference. It is not like he needs to be fully dressed, he can grab a towel for him and then one for her and they can dry off and get dressed at the same time. she might find it fun to copy daddy as he dries and dresses, it will teach her too. i did not read all the post, just one, and yeah she is two but I dont see anythign wrong w/ her bathing w/ dad. I think that will help her w/ body issues and being comfortable w/ herself and others in the future. dont worry. good luck xo

Seriously, I can't imagine why he wouldn't get her out FIRST, let alone pull the plug when he gets out. Weird!

It is perfectly reasonable for you to ask your husband to drain the tub before leaving her. Better safe than sorry! I know how traumatizing it can be to breathe in/gulp/gasp water as a little kid, so reducing that possibility (and the risk of drowning!!) is necessary. Also, get some anti slip stuff for the bottom of the tub- probably the kind that sticks permanently rather than something that needs to be put in before the bath. Just think how horrible your husband would feel if something happened to his little girl while he was pulling his shirt on over his head or tangled up in his pants (it happens sometimes, right?). If he's worried about her getting cold you can always have an extra towel nearby to put over her shoulders.

Don't you love when the husbands are so stubborn! I would tell him that it would really make you feel better if he just took the time to drain it. Explain that it is very hard to relax and nurse your newborn while this is going on.

On a side note, i think 2 is still ok to tub with daddy. They are still so little at that age. When she starts asking about it, or glancing...then i would stop.

Well this is quite a debate. If it worries you, you would think your husband would listen to your concerns. Yes, he is right there but why not put a worried mom's mind at ease. Your trying to nurse your newborn and shouldn't be preoccupied with your daughter sitting in too much water. Maybe you guys can compromise. One night he pulls the plug when he gets out and does it his way the next night. He might find that she enjoys watching the water go down the drain or watch her bathtoys spin around near the drain. That's half the fun for my little ones. Good luck, you are both being great parents!

I agree that since dad is being the caregiver he should decide what to do and how to do it. BUT, lol and there is always that but, I do agree with you about not taking the chance that she could slip and hurt herself and then be so freaked out she won't ever want another bath. I've seen it happen.

Why haven't you put those anti-slide decals on the bottom of the tub? Seems like a really easy way to help prevent her from slipping, no?

Now, another point that a couple of the other moms brought up. Unless you take a shower first, taking a bath is bathing in dirty water. And, sorry dad, but especially since dad is in the tub with her. Unless of course he is taking a shower first. But she really needs to be bathed and rinsed after playing in the tub. To me, this is more of an issue than the original one.

Well, let us know what you both decide to do!

It sounds like you have been given a lot of advice. I know that I am a control freak when it comes to my kids :) I have learned over the last 15 years that I have to step back and let my husband do things his way when he is with our kids. If I have a problem I tell him my side and move on.
As for her becoming afraid of the water, like trees and flowers, I suggest making it not so scary if something happened, hopefully nothing will but I always like to be prepared. Dad WILL be there to grab her if she slide under and then he should say something to play down the scariness, like wow that was fun did you see the bottom or something to make her laugh. We have done that and it really helps are children, esp my little one that gets very apprehensive of everything. What I would have done when they fell in a bush is to pick her up, make sure she is ok, while saying "oh my , I hope the bush is OK. Can you help me check to see if the bush is OK?" After the initial shock my kids would be laughing and saying mommy the bush doesn't get owies. We even did something similar to this when a dog bite my daughter ( It was very minor, really only a scratch but she did need 3 stiches.). As I was checking to make sure that she was ok, bandaging her and cleaning it. I keep talking to the dog and about the dog. She never even cried. She was so busy listening to the funny diaglogue about the dog she forgot about her. She was 3 when that happened and everyone was shocked that she was never afraid of dogs. The next day she was back to talking to all the neighborhood dogs. The main thing to remember is to not let her see how afraid you are. They grow so fast and learn all the scary things that are in the world but I have always tried to protect them for as long as possible. Sorry this is so long and I think its great that she has two such loving devoted parents.

You know your baby better than anyone and if you are uncomfortable with something go with your gut. If you are in distress about the issue, look your husband in the eye and make sure you have his attention and say, "I know this may not seem like a big deal to you, but it stresses me out beyond belief. You would be easing my mind if you drained the water if you are going to step away from the tub because it only takes a second for something to happen that could affect us for the rest of our lives. My worries are probably completely unfounded but please do this thing for me if not for your daughter so that I can relax while I'm nursing and not have thoughts of disaster running through my mind when I'm supposed to be exuding calm for this infant."

If he chooses not to do as you ask, completely dismissing your concerns, drop the lid on the toilet seat and nurse in the bathroom until he gets it.

/Edit: also, my daughter has never slipped in the tub and I hope she never does but I also share your concern and made it a point that the water had to be drained if the child is left unattended for even a second. If that simple rule couldn't be followed then I'd take the job of bathing our daughter and he could go play a game or watch TV and not trouble himself. It was that important to me. I was lucky that my husband also shared my fears and was happy to oblige.

Tell him to grow up and stop acting silly. A child's life ain't a game and neither partially or fully is safe. He needs to take her with him when his done.

Pulling the plug with your daughter in the tub may scare her too. At that age they may think they will go down the drain with the water. However, especially with her balance issues and no grippers in the tub I would set her out of the tub on the bath mat and wrap a towel around her shoulders then drain the tub and get out.