Please Help! Sticky Situation with Visitation Rights!

I would strongly advise your brother to continue having her come on the weekends, but ease into it. Think about it, they left when the baby was 9 months old, so she really doesn't know him. Essentially, she's being left with a stranger. Toddlers all go through a phase when they are very clingly, even pulling away from grandparents to be with mom or dad when they feel unsure.

Can they meet somewhere neutral and just spend time together to start with? Maybe a park or at a museum. Let them spend a short, but consistent periods of time together. She needs to see him as someone who will spend time with her and who wants to build a relationship with her.

He has the absolute right to be part of her life (good for him for continuing to push this), but ask him to keep in mind that he is essentially a stranger to her. Go slowly, but make sure to never cancel on her!

Is she just trying to mess with our heads so that she can keep her over there? Yes.

He should keep attempting to exercise his visitation right.

It doesn't really mater what you SIL thinks or says--he has a right to see his child.

You write "Also, if we give in and let her mother control this, when she is three or four, she will be able to SAY what her mom wants her to say and may NEVER come and it be worse." but also she will eventually be able to express her OWN ideas and opinions and you don't want her thinking of her father as a stranger when that happens.

Your brother would be wise to speak with a child psychologist.

L.,
It could be that since the past visits have gone so well, the mother is not happy about that. Therefore she may try anything that will stop your niece from wanting to visit. I know this sounds crazy for a mother to manipulate her child that way. But if what you have described in your post is the way she acts, than there is no telling what she may do.

Tell your brother to continue to get his daughter on his scheduled visits. Even though she may start crying, he should not allow that to hinder him for spending time with her. Once he has her at his house, tell him to talk to her. Ask her what’s wrong and why she didn’t want to visit. Do not ask her any questions as to whether or not her mother said anything to her. Let her tell you (or your brother) if anything was said.

Talk on her level by asking if she is afraid of anything at the house that she visits. Did she want to play with her dolls or whatever toys she likes? If her mom is saying something negative to her, once she is with your family and she starts having fun, she may open up and start talking.

Do not believe what her mother is saying to you. She will not hate visiting you nor will she hate you. It would be different if when she came to visit, something happened while there and she didn’t want to visit any more. Even at the age of 2 she would be able to at least say something as to why she didn’t want to visit. For example: She could say “no don’t wanna go, dog bite me”. That would let you know that she is afraid to come because of a past experience with your pet.

The mother has never said to you any specifics as to why the child cries and doesn’t want to go. If it was something being done on your bother’s end, the mother would be quick to say “no, she is not going because (whatever). The worst thing your brother could do is to stop visiting her and bringing her to visit him. That would give the mother room to put more negatives into the child’s mind as she gets older.

Be Blessed.

In Oklahoma if the court order states certain things the police can be called and the non cooperative parent has no say.

For instance, my daughter and her ex had an agreement that S was to be picked up by one parent at 6 pm on Sunday and stay until the next Sunday until 6pm when he would be picked up by the other parent. They were allowed to go and see the child any time they wanted during the others week can you see the stupidity of that judge????

Every time he came to see S during her week she tried to make it enjoyable and not stressful. When she wanted to see s during his week he would start fights with her to get her arrested for trespassing. I would take out the court orders and tell the police she had the right to be there but since it was not specified in the order as to what they had to do they would make her leave.

If he has a court order stating he has visitation at a certain time until another certain time then the law is on his side. She cannot refuse to let him have the child even if the child is sick and puking.

But in any case he needs to get this agreement amended to give him the whole weekend. It is obviously too stressful for her to be switching back and forth so much. He also needs visitation on holidays for extended periods.

My friend has a brother who is in the military. He is stationed in Oklahoma and was happily married, or so he thought. His wife went home for the Holidays with their infant and never came back. She was only in another state but still it was several states away. He got visitation right away where he got the child over Easter for several days and then he got several weeks in the summer too. It just doesn't have to bee every other weekend.

They might use an intermediate person who is neutral to take the child from her then wait for him and give him the child. They could be called to testify as to the behaviors of the child when she sees him, sees mom, etc...also if the child was dirty, clothed properly, etc...if accusations were made. It could be to his benefit or not.