I am currently having problems with my 20 month old son listening. In the last 2 months or so it has become really bad. I ask him not to do something and he laughs and continues to do it. Example: Playing with the blinds or climbing on the chair or table. I have tried time out with him (which we did for about a month straight). I've tried removing him from the situation and trying to distract him and that didn't work. I don't like to raise my voice, but it seems like lately that's all I do and that doesn't even work. I don't know if this is just the age that he is at and going through the terrible 2's early. Sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants he has a complete meltdown and screams at the top of his lungs, hits, bites, and pinches. I understand that it is out of frustration, but it is hard to watch. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle a situation like this effectively?
L.: Consistancy is so important. I know that it is heart breaking to watch the fits but, this is the time to set ground rules especially with a little one on the way.
Good luck-H.
I went thru the same thing, and it got worse once the new baby got here, Alex was only 22 months. I know you said you tried time outs, but I used to put him in a pack-n-play with out toys for time out, that way I could walk away. When he had made me crazy to the end of my temper and all I wanted to do was yell... I forced myself to count to ten, and then sit a read books. I know it sounds like reward for being naughty but, I think when you are having a bad day and you feel like you have been frysterated with him all day, it could be fueling his behavior, so stopping and reading breaks the cycle..
Good luck and I agree that redirection is a great thing to look into
H.
My son is 5 and he was like that too and all of my kids do what we call nose and toes. It is what it sounds like you stand on the wall not in the corner and put your nose and your toes against it and you stand there until you either stop crying or until you think they have been there long enough. The lady that watches my son tried that on one of the other kids that she watches and now they kids dont like it. All you have to do is say do you want to do nose and toes and they say no and then they are good again. It has always seemed to work with my kids and the others at day care so I am not sure maybe you should give it a try. Hope all works out.
Hello, I have 3 kids, my youngest being 15 months and is starting to get into that phase as well. What I do when she is acting like a little pill and laughing, etc is I stick her in her room with everything she uses to go to sleep. We have a playroom, so there are no toys to play with in there 9 times out of 10 she'll fall asleep within about 5 minutes. Sometimes she'll only sleep for 5 or 10 minutes, but even with that when I open the door back up she's a lot better and ready to play again. My boys I started taking things away, like legos, etc. when they did that type of stuff, but they are so close in age they did it together. Also I know some people frown on this but when they threw temper fits I'd swat them on the rear. Not hard, just once to get their attention. then I sat them on the couch or made them lay down for a few minutes. As far as the biting thing both my boys did it. My first though I bit him back (not hard, just enough so he could feel that it wasn't very pleasant) and he never did it again, my other one we tried everything. He even got kicked out of a daycare for biting. He just eventually out grew it.
My son is 23 months and we have some of the same problem minus the hitting and biting. We get quite frustrated too! I think you just have to continue to be consistent; in other words, if you don't want him to play with the blinds he can NEVER play with the blinds because once you let him once, he expects it and will have a fit when you decide to say no. We also try heading our son off by distracting him before he does what he is not supposed to. I think short time outs when he throws his fits are in order as well. Maybe joining a class with him so he can burn off some steam around kids might help too. Good luck! If you stay consistent and firm with him, this stage will certainly pass.
There is an acronym that applies to this age group when trying to deal with acting out. H-A-L-T. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Look at the situation and then run through this acronym to see if you can pinpoint the source of his behavior. When you do, address it. First, make eye contact and address your son by name as gently but as firmly as possible. Then identify what you believe is the source of the acting out; ie. "Tommy, you seem angry that you dropped your toy." Or "Tommy, you seem lonely." It doesn't matter, imo, that he understand the word lonely, just that he pick up your tone as one who is interested but not manipulated. Make sure you have his eyes on yours: if his gaze wanders say "look at mommy" or "look at my eyes, Tommy." Then say, once you have his eyes on yours, "You may not drop your toy off the tray," or whatever is the offending behavior. Then remove the toy, or remove him from the situation and sit him near to you, but not in physical contact for one or two minutes, without interacting with him (you dont want to reward the behavior by giving him undue attention for misbehaving.)
It IS the age, and that is precisely the point. It is NOW that you must begin setting behavior standards that are clear and for which he can accurately predict the consequences of his actions. Consistent, age-appropriate, connected consequences. By connected consequences, I mean something relating directly to the misbehavior-yelling and spanking just mean negative attention and generally don't contribute to his learning to control his own behavior. And that is what this is all about-teaching him self-control.
When he has a melt-down, use the same process-get on his level, make eye-contact, tell him the behavior is unacceptable, and set him down for one to two minutes. He is too young for a seperation style "time-out", he should be near you, but don't interact with him. Once he calms and sits for one minute, go to him, repeat what behavior is unacceptable, tell him to say he is sorry, and once he does, hug him.
Remember too, that you are going through hormonal shifts due to the pregnancy and that your tolerance level will vary-watch for signs of distress or tension in yourself before you discipline your son and take one moment to get a deep breath. If you are in control of yourself, you will be better able to communicate a sense of self-control to your son.
Congratulations and good luck.
D.
I"ve read that children at that age still have a hard time finding the words to express how they feel so they resort to fits, screaming and even biting. If it happends in public remove the child to a car or take them home right away. If they are still doing this in the car, ignore it and when they calm down ask them to "use your words and tell me what is wrong" DO NOT GIVE IN TO WHAT THEY WANT! reward them for good behaiver and when they are fussy remind them of what good boys and girls get. for every negitive there should be 3 positives! also, about 2ish children like to "test you" which is what you situation sounds like. my friends daughter is going through it right now. she however chases her around and her daughter thinks it's a game and there is no consistancy to her discipline. consistancy is the key with children, explain why what they are doing is bad or why they shouldn't be doing that, like you can get hurt. I always give 3 warnings, one to let them know i see what they are doing, 2 is to tell them im' not playing around, and the third isn't really a warning it's when i take action. consistancy! time out can work, but talk with them, have them tell you why they are in time out, theres no point having a child in time out if they don't know what for. also if you are at your friends house and their child is doing these same things, do not let your kid join in, even if its ok at their house. keep the same rules you have at home at others homes too, this will also teach good manners... hope this helps
Do you ever get down on his level( get on your knees) and look him in the eye and talk? Does or is he allowed to help you with stuff? Let him be part of your day not you being part of his. I found with my daughter that when she would throw a fit I huged her and told her how much I loved her. And would also told her that I loved it much more when she listens to mommy. Another thing I did was when in public other children would throw a fit I would make her watch and make note of the other people around us. And I tell her what a bad behavior they are displaying, it makes other people unhappy and uncomfortable. I also limit TV time, it's so bad for them.
I would recommend going to a few workshops for Redirecting children's behavior. Or taking the full course.
It's tough having little ones around this age. the redirecting course is great, you'd learn a lot, and would feel more like you know what you're doing. She's listed under the business listings. There's also individual workshops if you don't want to take the full course. Perhaps a good way to start? She also offers a couple of free classes at family to family.
PM me if you want more info, or you can't find the link.
