Please Help Mama Out!!!

You came out of a really abusive relationship - and it was absolutely right that you left him.
According to your last post he spit on you, abused you, does drugs, etc.
So now after only a few months you are allowing your girls to visit with him on weekends?
Um - why?
Because he is their dad?
Ok, look - yeah, an ideal Dad is the best situation (and if he was ideal you wouldn't have had to leave him in the first place) but this guy is SO FAR removed from being an ideal dad it's not even funny.
NO Dad is way better than any abusive dad.
Your youngest is not handling this well - and it's not going to get any better for a long time.
You haven't given her the time she needs to adjust.
You have your lawyer talk to his lawyer and have this visitation stopped - like for several years.
I'd want proof he's been through rehab and is off the dope before the kids get any visitation with him at all and it should be supervised visits for a long time.

In the mean time - seriously - get some counseling because you need to heal up emotionally from your abusive relationship - your kids need it too - and it will take years before your ready to be in any sort of relationship again.
For now and the foreseeable future - it should be just you and your kids against the world.

If he's a doper, would he dope the kids?
Is it possible they are going through some withdrawal when they come home to you?

Hi - I don't understand why he's allowed to see the kids either. I think you really need to realize that he's a bad influence at this point - you can be a parent and love your kids but it be dysfunctional. I get that it would be hard to explain that to your kids - and they know nothing different. A family therapist could really help guide you here. As well as be very helpful in knowing how to help your kids go through this, and support you. They help mothers and kids like this all the time. Good for you for leaving.

Good luck - keep us posted :)

It's too soon for regular visitation with an abuser. No sure it's ever a good idea. Be sure you are working with the right professionals to assess that. I hope you aren't doing that because you're scared of not letting him have his way. Normally I'd recommend discipline for tantrums, but with all the upheaval you should let things settle more. I'm divorced. You answer questions calmly and firmly and steer things into a positive direction each time. Your kids need you to be a strong, confident leader!

Has it ever occurred to you that something is going on with the visits to your ex? Something that is causing your youngest daughter to act like this?

Why did you allow unsupervised visits with an abusive ex-spouse? You could have worked this out with the court through your attorney. Talk to your attorney about this problem. Tell the attorney that you made a mistake by letting them be with him unsupervised.

I can't remember if you have said how old your kids are in your posts, but it sounds to me like they need counseling. You should start out with talking to the school guidance counselor. She can give you some advice.

Hi, I am sorry to hear that your under a lot of stress, But look at the brighter side of things you started your life all over with your two (I could imagine) beautiful girls. I completely understand what you are going through. I have 5 kids but two of them are from my previous marriage. Both of my children always asked why did daddy have to go away why can't he stay with us and a lot of daddy questions..... The best way I found out how to cope and make the kids understand is just tell them the truth, but put it in a form they would understand. For example it sounds like you have a 5 or 6 year old little girl. Take her to her room or to your room and y'all have a 1 on 1 conversation about how things didn't work between you and her daddy, and just tell her and eventually show her the brighter side of things. Show her that around every dark cloud there is a silver lining. She has two parents that love her to pieces but its better to love her to pieces in separate houses. A divorce is never easy on kids believe me I have been there done that and have experienced it in my own life as a child and if it wasn't for my grandmother explaining to me that my parents couldn't get along and live in the same house to raise me properly that I always had two homes to call my own and I had double holidays and birthday every year. Life is going to be hard its just up to you how you want to swallow the hard things. Things will get better over time but take up time with them and send a message how ever you send it to your kids father that it would be a lot easier on the both of y'all if he sits them down and talk things out too. Never leave kids in the dark when it comes to them cause if you do then they will look at the situation that everything is always going to be bad so there fore in order to show you how they feel instead of talking it out they will act on it. I really hope this response helps and I hope you and your girls have a blissful and happy life. Just remember always make the best apple pies with the half rotten apples, just cut off the bad parts. Life will get better over time.