So I went to the doctor's this morning. She said the tumor on my adrenal gland hadn't changed and they were worried about it. Even though my adrenal glands are acting wonky (some of my numbers are low...epinephrine is nonexistent) it's nothing to worry about and wouldn't be causing the issues I'm having.
They referred me to a doctor for a sleep study. He's a pulmanologist. I see him on Monday. I also have a referral to a neurologist to be tested for MS/Epstein Barr. We'll see where this all goes.
I called my family to let them know. None of them answered. I posted on Facebook as well. One friend, the only friend who has been with me through this, posted and said she was so glad that it's not the tumor. None of my other friends have texted or said anything. I figure I'll give them another week and if they're still MIA then I'll talk to them and say "Hey, I'm not different then I was a month ago...you just know now how bad I was a month ago. This doesn't change anything, so why are you being a jackass?"
Thank you mamas for your words of encouragement and advice. I appreciate all of the gals who PM'd me, and commented on my last post. *hugs*
Oh, and the question...How is your day going so far?
OMG I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I had a brief bought with cancer, and once people knew, they acted like I had one foot in my grave. HELLO! I'M STILL ME, I'M STILL HERE, *ALIVE*... geez.
Don't take it personally, people don't know what to do sometimes, they'll come back around.
My day is going SLOW!! Took the baby to the pediatric orthopedic doc, hubby came home early not feeling well, now I'm *ahem* working ;)
I'm so glad to hear the problem is not as bad as it could have been, Jennifer. I hope the docs are able to narrow down the source of your difficulty and find a workable solution.
I read your previous post with tenderness, and wondered whether there I had anything to offer. Having pondered the situation, I can really understand your friends "going missing." I have had the same experience myself, and have given it much thought. And, when I have had friends struggling with serious health issues, I sometimes find myself stymied about what to say. I've been around a lot of years, and observed many crises with friends and acquaintances.
When a friend or relative is in crisis, I notice that I'm immediately thrown into uncertainty. If I say too much, I have been accused of "prying" or trying to "offer unsolicited advice," or being "trite" or "unsympathetic." There are so many ways to say the wrong thing, which might have actually been the right thing if said to somebody else. And of course, if I stay silent while I sort through my own reactions and wonder what might be the right thing to say, then I may be considered "uncaring."
And there's also the helplessness and fear that many people feel in the face of catastrophe. We're probably all intensely curious about other people's crises, because it's so easy to imagine ourselves in that position, and realize, at least for a moment, how fragile and temporary all our lives are. (I think this is one reason traffic slows down on the 'other' side of the highway when there's been an accident – people look and wonder.)
We live in a culture of personal freedom and self-reliance, and every possible guarantee of a long, safe life is part of our national fairy-tale. As a result, weakness is almost culturally disallowed, or even seen as our fault. Still, we want to watch it from a distance, because it's nearly overwhelming to face our genuine lack of security and all the questions it raises. (OMG, I couldn't deal with it if that happened to me/my spouse/my child! OMG, would all those expenses be covered by my insurance? OMG, what if this friend needs to lean on me in ways I'm not prepared to offer – time; practical help; emotional support; financial assistance?)
So, in the face of all that uncertainty, people back away. Some quickly get busy with their own families and projects so they don't have to think about or face their own vulnerabilities. It's sad, and it's hard, to be the one so quickly abandoned. But it's also a time to take the measure of one's friendships. People who do sincerely care about and feel connected to you will still be there. They may not know what to say or do, but they will still be there. It's just not realistic to expect less connected, less energetic, or less "ripened" friends to step forward.
I wish you the very best.
Jennifer,
I'm glad you got good news. :)
However, it IS a workday. Maybe your family members are working?
And FB is blocked at most workplaces, and maybe it's not the best way to share medical information?
I'm sure you will get return calls from your family.
All the best!
I replied on your last post and said that unfortunately when people don't know WHAT to say, they say nothing, which is so much worse!
Right now I'm watching all of the Bridezilla's that I've missed and working from home. =)
Hang in there, Jennifer. Glad you are seeing the other specialists.
I had a cervical cancer scare when I was 23 years old & people just kind of...dissipated. Even today, 11 years later, if I ever bring it up in a conversation with current friends who didn't even know me back then it's almost as if they physically take a step back as though it's catching. People are really weird. I assume there's got to be some sort of physiological reasoning behind this behavior, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it could be. You hang in there though no matter how doofy your so-called friends are!
Sometimes people just don't know how to react, or maybe people just don't think it's a big deal. The ones you are close to should come around but I agree with others, the ones that have always been jackasses probably will remain so. As far as friends, maybe people have checked email etc. yet, but when there is a crisis you do really know who your real friends are. Hang in there, since you don't really know whats going on yet, no need to get panicky. I hope you get some support though, it sure sucks to be in that situation with no support. Been there done that!
If someone in your family has always been a jack*** then their lack of response may be a result of who they are. But on the other hand, if people in your family are normally not then I would assume the best, that they are not sure how to respond. People don't change that much.
Did you let them know how you were feeling about all the latest news? It helps me with a response if I know if a person is feeling up or down. I'll be praying that you get the support you need during this unknown time period, whether it be a hug in person or kind words via technology. You deserve it.
I am glad you gave an update as I have been thinking of you. I hope you get answers soon. I know from personal experience how stressful the waiting phase is. I went through the testing for MS and all came back negative. (If you have ?s about the tests, email me). I still had neurological symptoms, very scare, very stressful. I finally was diagnosed , five years later, with ocular migraines. I am just telling you this so that you know that I actually have been where you are and I have come out the other side. Like you I made peace with many possibilities because what I most wanted was to KNOW what was happening.
My day is both wonderful and sad. At a hematology appt. with my husband, we were reassured to find out that the odds of him having a bone marrow disease are very low, but we are still searching for a diagnosis. I did lose a friend (55 year old dad) to liver cancer on Friday and that makes me very sad but at the same time helps me to embrace every day of life and to have such gratitude for the blessings I have.
I hope you have a good day.
I hope you get through the worst of this soon. The waiting is the worst.
Have a good day!
I'm so glad they arent worried about the tumor and that it seems to be something lesser causing your issues. I will keep praying for healing for you, wisdom for the doctors, and for your friends to pull their heads out of their backends.....LOL....I am glad you are getting some answers and I say that you should totally call out the people acting like you fell into a black hole. I'm here for you anytime if you need a talk!
