Playmate Age Difference

Maybe it is awkward for you. But certainly not "a predicament".

I'll be honest here. When my kids were smaller/younger, I wasn't really that comfortable telling (other) little kids "no" about things, when there was no hard and fast reason outside of my control. I really did feel quite obligated to let them do what they wanted if I COULD. As I have gotten older and grown more into the "parent" role, I have come to realize that all that stress and "guilt" was my own fault.
As a child, when I went to play at a friend's down the street, if the mom greeted me at the door with "we have company right now, they can't play with you today" I would have been disappointed, but just gone and found something else to do. I wouldn't have thought the mom was "mean" or anything.
Really, I think today's parents, a lot of us anyway, get so caught up in trying to please kids, rather than letting it be o.k. to say "no". You don't even have to have a "reason"... Maybe you just don't "feel like" hosting today. That should be ok for you to say "not today", and have ZERO guilt over it.

So really.... sorry she was upset, but it shouldn't be a big deal. And if it IS, then maybe it is because we adults have let them believe that they are entitled to things that they really aren't entitled to.

Nice of you to offer the otter pop, too, but again, totally not necessary.

"I'm sorry, honey, they are playing with someone else right now. Do you want a popsicle?"

It's sad when their feelings are hurt, but it's life. Give them the popsicle (that will help), and send them home.

It's nice that you care about their feelings. Not all moms are that nice.

My cousin made a sign for her door (maybe pictures instead of words since there is a younger sibling). It was a cute rhyming sentence basically saying "X can't play right now, but please come back at a later time." You could even have a smiley or sad face. Hang this sign on your door. Smiley means they can knock and your kids can play. Sad face means you guys are busy, gone, they have other friends over, etc.

Unlike S.H., I definitely don't think a "playdate" has to be scheduled or children accompanied to knock on my door to see if GD can play.

It is unfortunate that the 7 yo got her feelings hurt. I imagine she was just so hoping to have someone other than her younger sister to play with.

You did do the right thing saying they couldn't play, but I would have just left it at they can't play. I would not have made a point to tell a 7 year old that the kids can't/won't play with them because they are already playing with other friends. Seems to me that that's hurtful and unnecessary.

I don't ever feel the need to explain or justify my decisions to the neighborhood children so I wouldn't have offered any excuses/explanations. Just a simple sorry they can't play today would have been sufficient.

You did good.

Every kid (well, most) have to learn to deal with disappointment, including disappointment that friends can't play all the time / jealousy when other friends are over. Most parents try not to send kids over to ask if they know there's a playdate going on... So I'll just hope for you that their parents are normal parents who just didn't know and will be having the standard talk with them that most of us have half a dozen times before it becomes automatic for our kids to say 'Whoops! Didn't know you had guests! Another time!' when the same thing happens without the adult even needing to open their mouths.

Now... Some kids DON'T learn to deal with disappointment, because their parents freak out or get in a huff that their kids are being 'excluded'. Fortunately, narcissistic parents who don't believe other families have a right to their own lives (and either freak or bulldoze "there's no reason why so and so shouldn't be able to blah bla blah despite your plans") are really RARE.

Yeah, I don't think it's much of a predicament. She was sad that her friend couldn't play, she cried. Doesn't change the situation. "Aw, I'm so sorry you're upset, maybe next time, ok?" Done deal.

I don't think it's a predicament if you don't make it one. A simple, "I'm sorry, they can't play right now, maybe later (or tomorrow)," is sufficient.

And smile as you close the door : )

Nice job with the OtterPops, very cool!

I say you shouldn't expend any more energy on worrying about this. Kids are resilient and the 7y/o will get over it. These are life lessons that ALL kids need to learn: We don't always get everything we want, right when we want it, right?

You are very sweet to worry but I think that if I was these lil' girls mom, I wouldn't have been bothered and neither should you. We all have our own lives and are allowed to live them as we wish.

Your girls already had friends over. No biggie. Maybe next time, right?

Sometimes you knock on the door and friends can play.
And other times you knock on the door and the answer is "Sorry. We've got company right now. The girls should be able to play tomorrow.".
That's just the way it is with playmates.
When your girls go around seeing if their friends can play, the same thing can happen.
You did fine.
Don't worry about it.

I agree, it is a predicament. I would feel terrible for the 7 year old. She must have felt totally excluded. I would call the mom and say that if the girls want to come over and play, do not send them over. Please call first and see if it would be a good time. The way it is right now, it puts you guys in a difficult position and these things will inevitably happen.

You did well.

The other "problem" is that those kids' Mom.... sends them over to your house, unescorted? And the kids just ask themselves over? The Mom is never there, herself, at your door.
Personally, I would never do that. Nor my kids.
And everyone has their own lives and schedules and times where we just do not want, "guests." Nor want to "babysit" the neighbor's kids.

So you need to consistently, or get in the "habit" of telling those kids... "sorry we are busy now..." or "We have things to do, this is not a good time..." etc. or "where is your Mommy?" or "Sorry, no play date today... we are having private time..." or "You need to tell your Mommy to call me first..."

We had neighbor kids, that were popping over to our home whenever MY kids were outside playing. At first, it was fine, my kids didn't mind. BUT then... it became repetitious and unwanted, when the neighbor kids would pop over, "suddenly." As though, they were just watching our house and would come over as soon as my kids were outside. I find it a bit much. Then, my kids started to "complain" about it because they felt like they had no privacy... and they didn't always want to have to... play with those neighbor kids just when they were playing in our own yard/driveway. So I just started telling the kids they cannot just pop over. Their Mommy need to call me first. I said it as nice as I could. I explained to the Mom, that we are "busy" and have our own schedules etc. But if at any time, we do have time, "we will let you know..."
Once, my kids were playing in the driveway before we had to go somewhere. And the neighbor kids popped over. It was really not a good time and it was irritating. And my kids, felt "invaded." Again. So I had to tell the kids, whom I walked back to their home, and then told the Mom in a "hurried" tone.... "we're busy and about to leave.... can't play now. Sorry. Have to rush off..." and then we left.
They got the hint.

I personally do not like drop-ins.

Perhaps handing the girls a note with your phone number on it. Tell them to have their mom call first. "We can't play today, but how about Tuesday for sure"! And send them away. That could alleviate some at-the-door let downs in the future. Whether or not the mom gets the note and follows through is the real question!